by Riley Ashby
I had to tell him. I knew that. He was going to find out if I brought it up in court, which seemed like a very good possibility.
I sighed, pausing the movie. I had a feeling I was never going to see the end.
“There’s something I’ve been keeping from you.”
I lifted my head as he turned to look at me, suddenly concerned. “What is it?”
I swallowed, trying to buy myself time. “I don’t want you to find out in court.”
The lines on his forehead deepened. I don’t want to tell you this. It was bad enough that I had caved and told Castel. But he needed to know because it sure as hell was going to come up. I was sure of it. I would have to reveal this in order to make sure that the jury completely understood how sick the idea of my consent was.
“Vail, you’re worrying me.”
I gripped his hands tightly as I told him about what the doctor found the day I came home. I thought he would get angry and renew his pledge to kill the man who had done this to me, but when I looked up, I saw tears in his eyes, and a well of sadness that knew no bottom.
“Are things ever going to end for you, Vail?”
I didn’t have to force the smile on my face. It came naturally. “They are, Ellery. I promise.” I believed that more than I believed in anything else. Castel had come for me. He had pulled me back from the edge of despair more times than I could count. He had stuck around when I pushed him away time and again. We would be together for the rest of our lives now with no one to come between us. Things were already shaping up.
“It’s taking too long.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “You’ve done so much for me, opening up your home and giving me so many resources to get better.”
“It’s your home, too. You know that. I’d never ask you to leave.”
“I do. But I’m still appreciative. It means a lot to me.”
He pulled me against him, and I put my head on his chest. He had a heartbeat, too. I was surrounded by men with souls after spending so long in hell, and it felt like one long hug.
“Thank you for bringing me home,” I whispered.
I restarted the movie, and we sat in silence for a long time. The movie played to the end, but by the time the closing credits rolled across the screen, I couldn’t have told you a single thing that happened.
Landing back in New York was the worst nightmare I couldn’t shake off. I wanted to turn us right around and hightail it back to the West Coast the moment the wheels touched down on the tarmac. But Vail, God bless her, stood straight as she walked down the steps of the plane and into the muggy late-summer sunshine. I was the only one who noticed the way her knuckles tightened around the straps of her purse and the way she jumped when our driver touched her arm as he guided her into the car. I frowned at him as I followed on her heels.
Ellery and Tori were with us, of course, and Sophie had insisted on coming as well. I knew Ellery wanted to leave her back home, but she refused to be swayed.
“This affects me too,” she told him as she rubbed her ever-growing belly. “I need to be there for my own sake.”
Vail had come clean to everyone about the reason for our return visit at breakfast the day before. I could tell by the way she clutched my hand that she was still nervous about what people would think. She wasn’t yet convinced that taking that other person’s life was justifiable for what had been done to her. But when Tori and Sophie responded much the way I had—with pride and understanding—she relaxed her hand and let her fingers thread between mine. I didn’t let go of her for the entire meal. They didn’t ask for any details about the incident, and she didn’t offer any as she had with me. It was probably a little sick, but that made me feel special. This was her darkest secret, and I was the only one so far who knew the details.
She would have to tell even more to the police and possibly even a jury. They would force her to relive that experience in more depth than I could ever hope to push her with my layperson’s knowledge of psychology and trauma. She knew I would be there every step of the way, on the other side of the one-way glass, with her through every painful syllable.
We checked into the hotel immediately after landing, and I set about putting up our extra security measures in our room. Two extra locks on the doors to start with. When I stated I would be staying in the same room as Vail, there had been no argument or strange looks. I wasn’t letting her out of my sight, and everyone knew that by now. There were no more questions.
She took a long shower the moment the door was closed behind us. I sat on the bed, then laid down and kicked off my shoes. As she approached thirty minutes with the water running, I finally knocked on the door.
“Come in,” she called over the running water.
The bathroom was opulent even by LA’s standards. Gray tile covered the floor, reflected back in the floor-to-ceiling mirror along one wall. The door to the shower was translucent, dripping with fog from the shower.
“Are you all right?”
She shook her head, faced turned toward the spray. “Come here.”
I paused before unbuttoning my shirt, dropping it on the floor that was slippery with condensation. I flinched at the sound my belt made clinking against the tile. Vail didn’t move.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, finally turning toward me, wiping away a part of the glass to see me better. “Come. Here.”
I stepped into the shower gingerly, but she leaned back against my naked chest without hesitation. I felt myself lengthening, pushing against the rounded globes of her ass despite my attempt to stay calm. She pulled my arms around her waist, guiding one hand between her thighs.
I drew my nose along the shell of her ear, resisting the urge to bite her. “Vail…”
She turned her head to kiss my neck as my fingers found her clit, pushing aside the warm folds that were slick not just from the shower but also her own desire.
“I was worried that … after … I wouldn’t ever want this. But I do, Cas. I need the release. I need you.”
My teeth were on her shoulder. I didn’t remember lowering my head. I bit gently, unsure how she would react. She moaned.
“Please,” she begged.
I slid a finger inside, sinking into the warm heat I was craving so much. She was so soft, a blooming flower, nearly killed by thirst but brought back to life with the love and care she deserved. My palm ground against her clit, causing her to writhe against me.
“I’m here for you,” I whispered. “I’ll always be here. I’m never leaving again.”
She spun in my arms, pushed me back against the far wall, and dropped to her knees before I could think. She grabbed my cock in her hand, looking up at me with parted lips.
I held my breath. I couldn’t say anything. I would have done whatever she wanted to feel her mouth on me, but asking her was out of the question. She had to give it to me freely, or it wouldn’t mean anything.
Her mouth opened as her tongue extended, licking a drop of water off the head. I shuddered. A moan escaped my lips. It was all the encouragement she needed.
She took my whole length in one go, pressing her lips against my base in the most exquisite pleasure. The soft scratch of her tongue against my sensitive flesh brought stars to my eyes.
I broke my own promise. “God, Vail. Please don’t stop. That feels amazing.”
Her lips curved away in a smile before she closed around me again. As she bobbed her head, she ran her hands up my shaking thighs.
There was so much in this act. It was such an expression of trust, and I had been craving that from her but was unwilling to ask for it even though I dreamed about it on a nightly basis. Waking up sweaty and shaking after imagining her lips on me had been the sweetest torture, but now it was happening. It was real.
I couldn’t come yet. Even as she pressed her tongue into the slit and cupped my balls with one hand while the other squeezed my ass, I held myself back. I wanted to give her something. Even so, squeezing out the wo
rds took an act of God.
“Stand,” I commanded, and she pulled her mouth away with one last languid stroke. She faced the wall like I knew she would, protecting her front but sticking her ass out for a perfect view. I stood behind her, my hands on top of hers against the wall.
“Can I fuck you?” I begged, not caring how desperate I sounded.
“I’ll kill you if you don’t,” she replied.
I slid inside her with one smooth motion, the way prepared for me. As good as she had felt wrapped around my finger, as good as having her mouth on me had been, having her surround my cock would always be the most exquisite sensation. Her inner walls squeezed, pulling me deeper inside. Her fingers curled beneath mine as her back arched, pushing her ass harder into me.
I began to thrust in small motions, wanting to hold on to my orgasm, but she moved against me just as strong and quicker.
“Harder,” she said and stole one hand free to touch herself. She began to vibrate around me as she rubbed faster, quickening my pulse and hers in unison.
“Say it again,” she whispered. I knew what she wanted.
“I’ll never leave you.” I kissed her neck as she said it. The chain with our charms still hung between her breasts.
She came forever, holding me tight inside her as I finally allowed my own release. I burned inside her as I released, unaware of the cry that flew from our mouths in unison or the way I pulled her tight against me with one hand. Afterward, we stood panting. My chest melted to her back, our hands meeting across her stomach as fingers twined together. I didn’t pull out.
“Tell me I can do this.” Her voice was quiet. The water was still hot, molten lava on our burning skin.
“You can do anything.”
She shook lightly, and I reached to wipe away the tears I knew were there. They weren’t tears of despair because this was no breakdown. She knew what she had to do, and she knew that she could do it. But it was still far more than she should be forced to endure. Far more than any woman should have to withstand.
I pulled away, leaving the warmth and safety of her body as I reached for the tiny bottle of hotel shampoo. She stood still as I lathered my hands in her hair, taking care not to press too hard or pull too roughly on the tangled strands. Conditioner followed, and I combed out the tangles with gentle fingers. She took the body wash from me, lathering herself while I played with her smooth locks of hair. When she finally turned off the water, we were both pruned and overheated, but she looked calm.
“I’ll order us food,” I said as she stared at herself in the mirror, looking for stray eyebrow hairs that needed to be plucked. She flashed me a small smile in the mirror.
“Picnic?”
“On the hotel floor?”
She shrugged. “Why not?”
I grinned. “It’s a date.”
The conversation came easy for a while as we ate. Somehow, there were still good things in the world to discuss beyond the hell awaiting us tomorrow. Watching TV, we competed with each other on Jeopardy!. We fell asleep there on the floor, tangled in the sheets and blankets piled haphazardly on the floor. She wrapped herself around me, one leg hooked over mine, chest pressed against my side as she rested her head over my heart.
“Listen for me tomorrow,” I whispered as we both drifted away. “My heart only beats for you.”
She nodded. When she spoke, her voice was thick. “I can hear it anywhere.”
I had never been in a police station before in my life. Ellery and Castel had both pulled a lot of strings to keep me out of this place when I was first rescued. I certainly never expected that if I ever did enter one, it would be because I was being booked for murder.
We went through a perfunctory arrest, during which Castel threatened to break a beat officer’s jaw if he put handcuffs on me. I was fingerprinted and photographed like in the movies. The gray room with a two-way mirror on one wall was as cold as I expected it to be as I was questioned extensively about the night I had taken a man’s life.
The police didn’t care about anything I had to say regarding how I came to be in the situation that made me decide to kill a man. They didn’t seem to think it was important that I had passed out in one place and then woken up in another, surrounded by strangers with hands running all over my body even as I started to struggle and cry. I tried to describe the subterfuge I had to engage in to even get the knife; the treatment I endured at the hands of my “guards” that convinced me I needed to protect myself. They were focused only on two facts: I had killed someone, and I had laughed about it afterward.
Castel’s friend had kept up his end of the bargain. I was outfitted with Lee Applegate, the best lawyer in the country, better even than the one Ellery had hired. All leading questions intended to force me to incriminate myself for murder instead of self-defense were shut down before I even had the chance to consider my answer. At the end of the day, they sent me home, washed out from crying, to wait for the results of the grand jury.
That was another thing Archer had helped with. I wouldn’t have to wait weeks or months for the grand jury case—it was being pushed through thanks to some very valuable favors being called in to people high above his pay grade.
If the jury decided enough evidence existed to indict me, we would go to a full trial. If not, I could go home.
I wouldn’t even get a chance to testify.
I paced the hotel room later, thinking this through. The burden of proof was so much lower for a grand jury; only a few people had to be convinced of the possibility of my guilt for them to bring the indictment. Defendants were generally advised against testifying before grand juries because of the high risk of accidentally incriminating yourself without your lawyer able to help protect you. And instead of convincing one person on the jury to believe your story, you had to convince over half of them.
At the same time, I didn’t know how I would be able to go through the stress of a full trial. If the grand jury decided enough evidence existed for an indictment, it could be months before I got in front of a judge even with Castel and Archer’s connections. I would possibly even spend some time in jail while I waited for bail to be set and then processed.
It would be months before I was back in California. Both Castel and Ellery swore they would never let me near Chase again, but I would be trapped in the same state as him while we waited for the case to play itself out. It would mean living in a hotel or rented condo far away from Bella and the household staff who knew how to make grilled cheese the way I liked it. Sophie and Ellery would surely stay, meaning my brother would have to run his company from across the country, and my sister-in-law would have to deal with undue stress during her pregnancy. And Tori hated New York more than any of us for reasons I could only imagine. She would be unhappy the entire time, whether indoors or out.
No one wanted to be here longer than necessary, least of all me. And I could think of one way to speed up the process.
I asked Castel to call the lawyer to the hotel room.
“I want to testify,” I said. They started protesting before I even finished speaking.
“There’s very little to be gained.” Lee sounded like he was trying to explain rocket science to a toddler. “We won’t be able to question you ourselves; it’ll just be the DA. And anything you say in that setting can be used against you in a full trial if they decide to indict. You could end up damning yourself with the smallest inconsistency.”
I had only met Lee in person once, but we had been talking via phone and video chat in the days before I came to New York. I was familiar with his mannerisms. Despite his gruff exterior, I believed he was on my side. I trusted him to do what was necessary to help me get the justice I was looking for, but he was wrong in this instance. I knew what I had to do.
“I understand it’s a gamble, but I can’t risk a full trial if there is a chance I can clear my name now. I know they will indict me based on the prosecutor’s evidence because it’s easy enough to make it look like I was a murdering
madwoman. If I can get in front of them, I know I can make enough of them understand the truth that I won’t have to go to trial.”
Lee sighed and looked at Castel. “Are you okay with this?”
“Absolutely not.” He had been shaking his head the entire time. “She won’t have any support in there. She could get tripped into an incriminating answer without anyone there to catch it.” My heart sank. I had hoped he would understand why I needed to do this.
He sighed and caught my eye. “But it’s up to her. Neither of us can make this decision. If she thinks she can do it”—he reached out, and I placed my palm in his—“then we have to give her the chance.”
Lee put away his case notes and shook his head solemnly. “My colleagues will give me hell for this, but it’s your decision. I’ll get it arranged. We’ll try to have it done before the end of the week.”
“Thank you,” I whispered to them both as Lee let himself out of the room. Castel let me go long enough to re-engage all the locks, then returned to wrap me in a hug.
“I think this is a bad move,” he whispered, “but I’m proud of you all the same for taking charge of your life.”
I squeezed my arms around his middle. “I know I can do this.”
He took my face in his hands and kissed me sweetly, but I could taste the hint of lust in his tongue. “Then I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
My knees shook as I walked up the steps to the witness box. A bailiff offered me his hand, smiling compassionately as I took my seat. I tried to return the gesture, but it came out as a grimace.
It had been three days since I made the decision to testify at the grand jury hearing. Ellery was furious when he found out, but it was mostly at Castel for allowing me to make such a reckless decision. But Castel stood by me with fierce determination.
“Vail’s intuition has gotten her this far in life,” he said. “She’ll make the right decision here too. I trust her and so should you.”
I couldn’t see much from where I sat in the courtroom. The jury box held twenty-three people chosen for this occasion, different from those who would decide my fate if we went to a full trial. The prosecutor and his assistant sat at their table, but apart from them and Lee, no one else was in the room.