‘You mean you didn’t find out from the artisan who has been following me around?’
He frowned. ‘No artisan has been following you around, Mistress. You have my word.’
‘I am in awe of your influence, if you can speak for all your people in that way!’ I said. ‘How do you know my pursuer isn’t an artisan?’
He sighed. ‘Well, to be honest, I don’t, but if it is, I cannot imagine who it might be.’
‘Not Gimel Metatronim?’
He shook his head. ‘No, sorry.’
‘Why apologise?’
He hesitated.
‘You know, don’t you!’ I said. ‘Are you familiar with the Metatronims?’
He looked faintly embarrassed. ‘Well, of course I know them.’
‘They have haunted me since childhood,’ I said. It was a raw moment.
Avirzah’e looked me straight in the eye. ‘I know,’ he said, softly. I felt he was trying to tell me I was not alone in that. Suddenly, things became clear to me. Avirzah’e Tartaruchi knew the Metatronims were interested in me. I had a feeling they were interested in him too; now, he was trying to warn me off. I wondered what they had done to him. He looked positively haunted.
‘I appreciate your gesture,’ I said. ‘I know what you are trying to do.’
‘You do?’
I nodded. ‘Yes. Avirzah’e, if I may be so informal, how much do you know of the history of your race?’
‘I am familiar with most of it.’
‘Does the term Host of Helat mean anything to you?’
He looked wary. ‘No. Should it?’
‘I have discovered something,’ I said. ‘Can I trust you?’
‘Rayojini, we are strangers!’ I felt he was trying to back away from me. What was he afraid of?
‘Well, I shall tell you something anyway. It might explain why the people you insist aren’t interested in me are interested in me. I believe the artisans in Sacramante are descended from an ancient race, which once populated the Strangeling. There is evidence they once had... I don’t know... powers. Now, I believe someone is trying to rekindle those powers. I know it sounds outrageous, but I am sure certain of your people are involved.’
‘This is indeed bizarre!’
I laughed. ‘I do not believe this is a revelation to you. Why else would you come here and tell me to leave the city?
He leaned forward. ‘I have not conducted myself well, mainly I suspect, because I underestimated you. Rayojini, please listen to me very carefully. You were led to Sacramante for a purpose, yes, but events have gone awry and it is now very hazardous for you here. You can be sure, if you trust my word, that if you abandon your investigations, no harm will come to any of your people. Individuals most equipped to understand it are dealing with the situation. You will only complicate matters if you insist on getting involved.’
‘Stop!’ I said, raising my hands. ‘Avirzah’e, I want to see Gimel Metatronim.’
He lowered his eyes. ‘That is impossible. You can’t.’
‘Why?’
‘She... cares for you very deeply, Rayojini, don’t ever doubt that. She has made a mistake, that is all. She cannot see you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because of the way you are!’ he exclaimed. ‘She cannot trust herself!’
I flinched back as if he’d physically struck me. ‘I don’t understand,’ I said. ‘I have to understand. Please! All these years, I’ve thought I’ve been suffering from delusions. I’ve tried so hard to deny what my instincts have been telling me. Now, at last, I realise my fantasies are real. Can’t you see how important this is to me as a soulscaper? Please, tell me what’s happening!’ I could hear the ragged anguish in my own voice. This was probably one of the most important moments in my life. It had been real all along. I had proof now. It had been real!
The interview had plainly become painful for both of us. Avirzah’e stood up. ‘Look, Gimel has instructions to silence you. As I said, she cares for you deeply, but there are others involved who don’t share her concern. For the good of the many, the few may be sacrificed. This message comes from her, Rayojini, from Gimel’s heart. Please listen to it. Leave Sacramante! Go home!’
‘If I do that, I shall have to report everything I’ve learned to my guild,’ I said, as a threat.
He raised his hands expressively, clutched air. ‘Then do so, but just leave!’
And when representatives from Taparak arrived to take up the trail, they would find every path leading to nowhere. The evidence would be gone, the mess tidied away. I was sure of that. If I let go of the thread now, I would lose the Metatronims forever, and the mystery of which they were a part would remain unsolved for eternity.
‘Avirzah’e, I have to speak to her,’ I said, in a low, persistent voice. ‘I won’t leave Sacramante until I’ve seen her.’
He sighed heavily and there was a moment’s strained silence. ‘Very well, I’ll see what I can do, but there can be no promises,’ he said.
‘When? Tomorrow?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. Maybe. Will you be here tomorrow?’
I thought quickly. The word ‘library’ flashed through my mind. ‘In the afternoon, yes. I have to visit a friend in the morning. It’s unavoidable.’
‘Wait here, then. I will try to send word to you.’
I stood up. ‘Thank you, Avirzah’e. I appreciate what you’re doing.’
‘Mistress Rayojini, do not, for one minute, imagine you know what I’m doing. If you knew half of what you think you do, you’d be out of here on the first ship.’
‘You can’t believe that!’ I said.
He took one of my hands in his own and brushed it with his lips. ‘No,’ he said, ‘I don’t.’
‘Avirzah’e, is Beth Metatronim still in Sacramante too?’
He smiled uneasily. ‘Are you going to demand I bring him to you as well?’
I shrugged. ‘I am just curious.’
‘Yes, he is in Sacramante. In my house, as it happens.’ I thought I read the underlying message correctly.
‘I see. You are indeed familiar with the Metatronims, then.’
‘Very. Thus, their concerns are mine. I wouldn’t do this lightly - speak so plainly to one such as yourself.’
‘And what is “one such as myself”?’ I asked.
‘Untouched,’ he replied. ‘And a wise, handsome woman. I must go now. Do nothing rash, Rayojini. Wait for my word.’
‘I will.’
He bowed courteously and left the room.
For a few moments, I slumped back on the bed, my mind whirling. I felt full of a wild anticipation, which was half dread. Untouched am I? No. Avirzah’e was wrong. I remembered the scrying-rite of my childhood. They had touched me then. They had been with me since. Why? What was I to them? Why had they led me to Sacramante? For what purpose? And what had happened for them to change their minds? They would not dismiss me without an explanation; I would not let them. They had become part of me, part of my life. At times I had hated them and yet, should I lose their presence forever - which I suspected might be the case now that their connection with me had been revealed - I felt that my existence would be impoverished. Life without Gimel, especially, was unthinkable to me now.
Section Four
Gimel
‘Much pleasure we have lost, while we abstained from this delightful fruit, nor known till now true relish, tasting…’
Paradise Lost, Book IX
The journey back from the Strangeling had been one of tense silences. I was furious with Sammael, and had been deeply humiliated by the Harkasite who had accosted me with nothing but a common threat. Suddenly, it seemed as if my contribution to eloim well-being was no longer needed. Sammael had swept in, literally out of nowhere, after having ignored his people for centuries, and had taken over responsibility for their future. It was as if my voice was no longer heard. But what else had I expected when I coaxed Sammael out of his tower? Everything that had happened since had
been a predestined inevitability. If I had not brought Sammael back to the eloim, someone else would have done; his re-emergence was simply part of the pattern. I had no business feeling upset by the way he wanted to handle the situation. In comparison to him, I was expendable. One thing I could not swallow comfortably, however, was the fact he wanted me to get rid of Rayojini. My reaction to this suggestion made me realise I was more interested in the soulscaper as a person than as an answer to our problems. We were like sisters, in a way. I remembered how she had fought against my presence in the past, and how, in secret moments she had opened her heart to me, telling me she knew I wasn’t real, but that, in many ways, I was more real to her than anything. How I had longed to reveal myself to her at those times. Perhaps I should have done. Perhaps she should have been aware from the very first moment just how involved we were. Would she have fought against me still? I had tried to perceive her several times on the way home from the Strangeling, but all my attempts at projection had been met by a shadowy murk. I suspected my concentration was at fault; I was too nervy. At least I could be thankful Amelakiveh was with her. He knew how important Rayojini was to me, and would therefore do everything in his power to protect her. If only he would be a little more diligent about communicating regularly with me.
Metatron had tried to take me to the family stronghold with him, but I was firm against his entreaties. ‘I have to go to my brother,’ I said. ‘Take Sammael home with you. Give me a rest.’
‘Don’t attempt any unwise alliances,’ Metatron had replied, stiffly. I would not respond to that.
Avirzah’e lived in an apartment in a distant wing of the Tartaruchi court, which had its own yard and private entrance. I was absurdly calm as I alighted from my carriage, even though I had no real idea how I would be received, or what I might discover. I suppose a weight had fallen from my shoulders when I’d rid myself of the oppressive company of both Sammael and my father. I was going to tell Beth everything. We would have to decide what to do about Rayojini.
The door to Avirzah’e’s home was reached by a long flight of iron steps, which led to a balcony. I had been riding in one of Metatron’s carriages and, unsure whether this foray into Tartaruchi territory would be short or protracted, instructed the driver to return home without waiting for me, even though the length of my visit would depend largely on how Beth reacted to my arrival.
Avirzah’e himself responded to my tug on the bell-rope. He looked distinctly ungroomed when he opened the door, which surprised me, but then I had never called on him unexpected at home before.
‘Gimel,’ he said, in a carefully neutral tone.
‘Did Beth receive my message?’ I asked. ‘He is still here, isn’t he?’
‘He is still here.’
‘Well, I would like to see him.’ I stalked past Avirzah’e into his apartment. It comprised one huge room, with a sleeping gallery at one end and a small observatory at the other, both reached by flights of uncarpeted steps. There was very little furniture but many rugs and cushions on the floor. The walls were of bare grey stone; their starkness relieved only by a couple of hanging Deltan tapestries. Books and piles of manuscripts lay everywhere. It was clearly not a place designed for receiving guests. I did not think Avirzah’e even had a servant.
‘Where is he?’ I asked.
‘In the observatory,’ Avirzah’e replied. ‘You look tired, Gimel. May I fetch you a drink?’
‘A fortified aperitif would be most welcome.’
He grinned. ‘I have nothing fortified, but could squeeze you a drop if you’re desperate.’
I gazed at him candidly. ‘Straight wine will suffice, Avirzah’e. Don’t put yourself out. My sustenance habits haven’t changed.’ I pulled off my gloves and threw them onto a cushion.
Avirzah’e smiled in an irritatingly knowing manner, and indicated for me to go to Beth. I picked my way through the room and went up into the observatory. Beth was perched on a high stool beside the great curved windows, making sketches of the trees outside. He was so absorbed in his task, he did not notice me for a moment, during which time I took the opportunity to observe him carefully. He appeared healthy and content (hadn’t he missed me at all?) and was, to me, the most beautiful creature alive. A fierce stab of jealousy travelled painfully through my body.
‘Beth?’
He glanced round, brushing his hair out of his eyes. ‘Gimel! You’re back!’ The surprised welcome in his eyes seemed genuine enough.
‘Yes.’ I held out my arms and he jumped down off his stool to embrace me. He smelled delicious, but it was not his usual scent. ‘I have much to tell you,’ I said.
He brushed my cheek with his fingers. ‘Sandalphon has been here,’ he said, and shook his head. ‘What have you been doing, beloved? I should not have left you for a moment.’
Avirzah’e had padded in silently behind us. ‘A touching reunion,’ he said, handing me a glass.
Beth stepped away from me and the power flowed back to Avirzah’e. I could sense that, like myself, Beth and Avirzah’e were committed to caution at this point. No doubt my message had puzzled them. It had been rather melodramatic.
‘Give me your coat, Gimel,’ Avirzah’e said. ‘Let’s go and sit down, shall we?’
‘I am a mess,’ I said. ‘I have been travelling.’
‘Haven’t you!’
I gave him my coat with a hard glance and swept back into the main room. I knew that it would be easy to slip into an extended game of manners with Avirzah’e, but there was no good reason to waste any more time. If I ordered Beth to come home with me, where I could talk to him in private, it would make my brother sulky and distant. I could not deal with one of his moods now and knew that, whatever my personal feelings, Avirzah’e would have to hear my news as well. I would be frank with them both, and trust that the Tartaruch would curb his impertinence and realise the importance of what I had to say. Beth and Avirzah’e lay down on the rugs, while I chose a position of advantage and arranged myself on a higher pile of black and red cushions. Then, sipping the wine Avirzah’e had brought me, I told them, without pausing, all that had occurred since we had parted company at the Castile. Well, I told them nearly all. Even though it was one of the most important issues, I found I was reluctant to mention my conjunction with Sammael. I was actually embarrassed about it, sure that once I had told them, Avirzah’e would humiliate me in some way. I had had to eat my words, even my principles. I shrank from admitting I might have been wrong about conjunction. Still, there was so much astounding information to impart, I doubted whether Beth or Avirzah’e noticed when I hesitated in my narrative. Passing swiftly to the subject of Rayojini, I intimated how concerned I was about Sammael’s pronouncement.
‘Amelakiveh must have brought her to the city by now,’ I said. ‘Has he contacted you, Beth?’
My brother frowned. ‘No. I haven’t had contact with him for weeks. I assumed you had, though.’
‘He is sometimes difficult to locate,’ I said. ‘There may be interference, of course.’ I sighed. ‘I am going to have to face Rayojini now. It’s very strange: I want to, but I am nervous about it. I suppose I have enjoyed our rather peculiar attachment over the years. Seeing each other in the flesh will end it all, won’t it? Inevitable, of course.’
Avirzah’e scowled at me. ‘Gimel, you have met this soulscaper before, haven’t you?’
I was still resentful of him having to be involved in this discussion and answered sharply. ‘Well, yes, in a way. I saw her once. We saw each other. It was a long time ago.’
‘Precisely,’ Avirzah’e said. ‘And if you meet her again now, it is hardly going to help matters, is it?’
‘Whyever not?’ I demanded sharply. I didn’t think it was any of his business.
‘Think, Gimel. You met her when she was hardly more than a child. Now, she is a woman. She has aged. You have not. Isn’t she going to wonder why? It will only make her want to know more about you, surely?’
‘Oh,’ I said, crestfa
llen. ‘I see what you mean.’ Avirzah’e’s words could not be disputed. Concealing our virtual immortality was one of the most crucial aspects of our camouflage. Because I felt so intimate with Rayojini, it simply hadn’t occurred to me that she, like any other human, would wonder why I hadn’t changed. I wanted it not to matter.
‘You have to agree with Sammael, to a degree,’ Avirzah’e said. ‘We must get Rayojini out of Sacramante.’
‘We?’ I said.
He shrugged. ‘Well, as you’ve told me this much, I supposed you were including me in your plans, at last. In a way, we are relatives now, Gimel.’
I glanced at Beth, who returned my gaze steadily. He did not contest that, damn him; he did not appear even faintly ashamed. ‘So, how do you propose we persuade Rayojini to leave?’ I said.
‘I will go and find her,’ Avirzah’e replied smoothly. ‘I will speak to her.’
‘Why should you do that?’ I asked. ‘Surely, we should simply give Amelakiveh further instructions.’
‘That would seem to be difficult, since you haven’t heard from him in some time.’
I narrowed my eyes at Avirzah’e. ‘You are curious about her, aren’t you? That’s the real reason you want to talk to her yourself.’
He nodded. ‘Of course I’m curious. You are very fond of this Rayojini creature. Therefore, she must be an extremely intriguing individual.’ He spiced his flattery with an ingratiating smile. Uneasily, I felt myself responding warmly to him. His attempts to influence me favourably were endearing, if not rather pitiful.
‘So, we have established your reason,’ I said, ‘and I have to admit it is unlikely Rayojini will remember you from the time she was last in Sacramante. After all, you meant nothing to her then.’
‘And I mean nothing to her now,’ he agreed. ‘It seems to me that, for her own safety, we should persuade her to return to Taparak for a while. Hopefully, our situation will soon be resolved one way or another. After that, perhaps it will be feasible to contact Rayojini again. That is what you want, isn’t it?’
Burying the Shadow Page 44