Beggar

by Shan R. K

  “That's gonna be hard.” Texas explains, “Wisp ain't feeling very welcoming to Miss Beggar.”

  “Too fuckin’ bad, I might be sick but I'm still the fucking President, she better get fuckin’ welcoming fast or she’ll be pulling doubles this weekend.”

  We talk about other club business and the murders.

  Jade’s departure to Houston is a concern for the brothers ‘cause her sister is still missing.

  We discuss a few new contracts.

  All the while I'm asking myself why the fuck ain't I claiming Falon. I said I would, but something is holding me back. And I know what it is. A pair of black dead eyes.

  Chapter 9

  Killer

  I LISTEN TO MY BROTHERS speaking, I listen to Venus. But I can't focus.

  My mind and my body is absent. It's still stuck in the early hours of the morning replaying the previous hours alone with Beggar. Watching her while she slept.

  She resembled a porcelain doll with small cracks, begging to be put together, begging to be saved.

  It's no secret that I have lived in luxury. I've lived with riches my entire life. I've never wanted, never needed. Until I left home. Until I decided that I just didn't fit with my brothers and sisters back home in Liston Hills.

  I was always different. A fast thinker, sure, but not business minded like my siblings.

  I didn't see myself living in a high rise building, wearing a five thousand dollar suit. I don't see myself as Kevin Stone either, son of billionaire Hector Stone. And maybe my dad didn't see it too, because he didn't stop me when I decided to join the Navy. He didn't say a thing when I decided to become a Satan Sniper.

  My mother wasn't thrilled, but she's my mother, she wished me well and just wanted me to be happy. But truth is, I'm not happy. I've never really felt anything.

  When I joined the Elite special ops, I didn't get the training the other guys went through to suppress their emotion. I didn't need it. I was born this way. The army said every few years if they got lucky they would find someone like me. I know Texas is one of those someones. And like him, I smile, when I need to smile. I joke when I should, but everything is planned out, everything is a big game. Only I'm the main player, the one who already knows all the moves. Bending, twisting, turning, and eliminating when the time deems.

  When I saw Beggar she was covered with a hoody. Her actions screamed fear. But like every new piece I managed to see the cracks.

  She let her guard down in teasing peeks, giving me insight of the girl she is, was.

  Not the broken fragile one, these people make her out to be, a girl haunted by a memory. But the one who killed those men in the alley, the fearless female who would do anything to survive, anything to see that no girl meets her faith.

  I saw the girl who survived her entire life on the streets, I saw Beggar. I understand why she chose the name. Why she chose the hoody.

  But there is so much more to her. Beggar is a contradiction. She can't stand the touch of a male. Yet she chanced secret stares to Zero when he wasn't paying attention. It didn't go as unnoticed as she hoped to. Nor the ones she chanced to me.

  I replay the scene that caused my turmoil.

  “Thanks.” Her rusty, broken voice cuts the silence.

  I stand by the door of her room and watch her pale skin. No flush or embarrassment reddens her pale cheeks. Her black beaded eyes that I will, for years to come, always compare to my sister’s porcelain dolls, widen when I go to close the door.

  “Stop, stay until I fall asleep.” She rasps.

  My response is to refuse, but those unnatural eyes hold me at a standstill. There is something in those obsidian hues that say more than she’ll ever reveal.

  But a sharp nod from me has her turning to face the bed. The zip of her hoody coming off sounds the air. I walk the few steps to her dresser next to the door, and turn the chair to face the bed.

  My eyes never leave her as she removes her denims, her naked ass staring at me.

  There is no hesitance, no innocence left in her to care for her lack of clothes.

  The girl is thin as a beggar should be. She pulls down the covers still stark naked then un twists her long hair until it flows down her back.

  I can see the promise of her. But I don't linger on her body any longer. I grab a t-shirt from the dresser and throw it at her.

  It's Venus’s and she slips it on before hopping under the covers.

  It's minutes later her breathing changes. The dim ceiling lights show me her form. The long breaths she takes means she's sleeping. I should leave now. But my legs refuse me.

  It's a few hours later, I'm on the carpeted floor, pillow under my head. My ears are always aware, awake more so when I'm sober. Sleep doesn't come easy, it never does.

  The sound of choking gets me up on my feet.

  What I see before me makes even an emotionless sadist like me flinch in horror.

  She's choking on something in her mouth and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what she's dreaming about. Her hands are clawing her neck, her legs splayed open.

  But what got me, what really fucking gets me even now, is that her stomach’s visible, showing the burn marks over her torso.

  My steps are silent as not to wake her just yet. I need to get closer. I'm stopped short when Beggar gets up, her eyes wide and alert, her skin misted in a light sheen of sweat.

  She sees me then seems to remember where she is.

  There are no tears in her depths, no regrets, or emotion besides the labored breathing and red lacerations she made around her neck and chest.

  “You have permission to touch me, only you.” I can tell by her dead stare and words, that this is something important, she doesn't just give people rights to touch her.

  I give her a sharp nod in response. For the first time I'm speechless. Tongue tied.

  And maybe just maybe not as emotionless as I thought.

  Chapter 10

  Beggar

  I HAVE A ROOM. AN ACTUAL room with a shower inside and my own toilet. Killer explained to me that I’d have to clean it up myself, but it was mine to decorate as I want.

  No one has ever done anything for me, and this entire experience since I got here so far is so unreal I wait for the show to end, for the players to stop acting and reveal their true selves.

  I wasn’t really sure how to feel about it last night when Killer opened the room. A bed big enough for two filled the center and a white dresser with a mirror attached to it took the left side next to the bedroom door.

  The one side of ‘my room’ has a window with two white wardrobes on either side. There's a bathroom behind a white door directly opposite the blue linen covered bed that's all mine.

  Small dim lights glowed from the white ceiling. It was too much that I just stood staring. I never stayed in anything half as clean. Half as nice.

  When he made to leave, I stopped him then asked him to stay while I fell off to sleep. With the devil in the room I thought he’ll keep the dreams away.

  Killer is dangerous and a killer, maybe. But he isn't the true evil.

  He intimidated me.

  Messed with my mind.

  But last night I watched how he cared for Chadley when she cut her hand slicing a pineapple.

  When I woke up from a nightmare, he wasn't touching me, wasn't comforting me. He knew I didn't like to be touched and I didn't have to tell him.

  Killer respected my wishes and for that I granted him permission to touch me. Apart of me knows he won't do it unless it is necessary.

  This morning I was woken up by a guy with blonde shoulder length hair and light blue eyes. Killer was gone. My door ajar.

  My legs were off the bed in seconds. I paused to take in this man. He was smaller built than the others. Dressed in a grey track pants and loose white tee. I saw him with us in Washington, wearing a bandana over his head. He was one of the two guys who were at the club.

  “I'm Spade, nice to see you well rested.”

 
“Yeah.”

  He shoved a pack of clothes in my chest and a pair of tennis shoes next. He was careful not to touch me or get too close.

  “You're on kitchen duty. Move your ass, you got ten minutes to be downstairs or I'm coming back up.” He was gone.

  It was half that time before I was downstairs. A new day, a new start.

  I'm mopping the floor to Ingrid- raise hell. The flap door to the kitchen shoves my weightless thoughts out. I spin around, mop in hand and squint my eyes to the group of females shuffling in the kitchen.

  Venus is the one in front. Falon to her right wearing a white shorts and matching tank top. Damn she's tiny.

  “How ya doing Beggar.” Venus asks in an over cheerily voice.

  I can admit that I'm a bit startled. These women haven't been overly welcoming to my arrival.

  “Okay. Wassup?” I reply, my defense unbidden.

  FALON STEPS FORWARD, the red headed girl is sexy as well as confident, “I wanted to thank you for saving me. And thought we might go out, shopping and dancing, my treat. What do you say Beggar?”

  I stare at her, I'm a bit stunned. Well speechless, yeah, that's it.

  She wants to take me shopping and dancing. I glance at the other girls. Chadley, with her bug blue eyes, small pesky nose and round face stares at me in encouragement. Weird. Her purple hair is wicked though.

  Venus got a small smirk on her lips, no doubt she's in charge. I can see it by her stance and the way Wisp stands behind her, shooting me daggers but quickly diverts her gaze when Venus turns around to face her.

  The entire scene makes me wanna laugh. I'm in one of these girls old clothes. Mop in hand, hoody on.

  They are all dressed, with make up and shit, all girly, lots of hips and tits on display. The kitchen that was smelling thick of disinfectant minutes ago is now mixed with various smells of feminine perfumes. They sure as shit make an effort.

  “Yeah, okay, when's this happening.” My vibe is relaxed, but inside I'm laughing.

  It's clear to me that if the girls weren't forced by Venus they wouldn't have asked me shit. Falon already thanked me yesterday. She doesn't seem like the type to dwell on much and has enough to worry about with a sick father, than me.

  And Wisp thinks I stole her man, but we both know that shit ain't true. And Chadley, well she just doesn't seem like she really considered me actually a part of the house. I don't blame her, I like the invisibility. The other girl Jade is gone, she left the minute we got back.

  Venus however did share a few words but she wasn't sending me invitations to become pals and shit in the future. Which means, the orders came from higher up. Maybe I should be hurt by this, but fuck, they offering me a night out and shopping. They know I'm broke so I won't be paying for shit.

  When you on the streets you learn when to fight your battles and learn when to deal your hand, but mostly you learn when to take the little moments you get to live and triple it into months of the best memories you’ll ever have.

  “Saturday after your shift, so around five-ish. And before I forget, your training finishes at three today.” Venus shares, “Consider it your one and only boon.”

  I stare at Venus, not sure I'm hearing correct, “Training.”

  She smiles, “Yes, training. You officially a prospect. And as a prospect, we and you have to undergo the training program. As well as a part time job which starts Saturday.”

  My gaze darts to Wisp who's face looks stoic.

  “Do I get paid?”

  “Yeah, you get an allowance as all the prospects. And a monthly salary for working. But you only start earning pay next month.”

  When my face cracks in a smile, I feel my cheeks stretching taut.

  “We’ll see you later Beggar. Oh and Chadley will loan you something to wear.” Falon says, while the others file out.

  I nod, and she opens her mouth to say something else but catches herself and walks out.

  All too soon, I'm mopping the light grey kitchen tiles, that Killer insists are white. My thoughts are on how much I'm going to get paid and what the hell does Venus mean by training so it's why, when I open the back door and lift the bucket up, I practically jump out of my skin when a deep throat clears behind me.

  The bucket of dirty water falls on the step and the grass as I spin around and find myself staring at the one man I don't want to see, Zero. “Are you just going to stand there or help me out.”

  It's then I notice he’s holding grocery bags in both hands and a pack of beer under his arm. His face cracks at what I think is a partial smile. He seems so relaxed today apart from the leather pants and black t-shirt of course. It's almost like he was... My mind screams to shut the thought down and my eyes widen as I stumble back. Invisible fingers start chocking me.

  The mop drops from my hand as I lift my arms to fend off my attacker.

  “Don't you dare.” Zero screams but this time I don't listen to his command as I lose my footing, falling on the wet tiled floor. I pull the invisible fingers constricting my air supply, my nails clawing my already bruised neck, my eyes bulging. It's too bad that it feels so real, that I can't tell present from past.

  My scream as I feel hands bind my own on top of my head is the last memory I have before I fade.

  “Wake up Beauty.” Zero's imposing voice says to me.

  “No.” I reply in a wince, the rawness of my throat informing me that I had an ‘episode’. It's what a stripper called it when I flipped in front of her.

  “Come on, you gotta drink some water, you’ve been out like a light for two hours.” He actually sounds like he cares, concerned, ha.

  “My names Beggar.” I clear my throat, my eyes still not open.

  He laughs softly, “No it's not, and as long as you refuse to tell me your name I’m gonna call you Beauty, it's suiting don’tcha think.” He drawls in a thick Texan accent. I open one eye and instantly regret it. He’s practically leaning over me and the big smile on his face is too much for me.

  “No, I don’t think. Could you sit there.” I point to the bottom of my bed. He frowns and has a fucking nerve to look offended, as if.

  “Why? Is my handsome face too much for you?”

  I open both my eyes at the question, “Handsome.” I snort and grimace when my throat pains. “Scary, is more like it.”

  He laughs as he leans closer.

  My eyes grow wider, “What are you doing?” I hiss, “I don't like to be touched, don't you know.”

  “I carried you upstairs and I can assure you that you liked it, don't you know.”

  I scramble into a sitting position, knees to my chest, hair falling over my face, hands on my toes. Head to my knees but it doesn't touch, it mustn't.

  “You have no reason to be scared of me Beauty, you know I would never hurt you. Someone else hurt you, not me. You wanna talk about it? Tell me who hurt you.” His tone drops, cajoling, like a professional predator leering it's prey into servitude.

  I watch his face from the gaps of my hair. He rakes his fingers through his hair, before the same fingers goes to play with the three inch scar under his eye.

  “Do I?” I dry whisper as my head tilts to get a better glimpse at him through the small gap in my hair.

  “Yes! Deep down you know. Drink your water Beauty, lunch is in twenty.”

  “I'm not ready to share.” I say.

  He stares really hard at me, like he can see me but it's not possible ‘cause I'm covered right?.

  “You already have Beauty, and soon I’ll know all your secrets.” Zero gets up and walks to the door. I barely turn my head to watch him, seeing if he’ll turn. He doesn't, I'm not sure what I feel when he closes the door. I just know it is dangerous, very dangerous.

  THE PUDDING NEXT TO my bed in line with the water just reinforces what I already know, dread, him being right.

  Chapter 11

  Beggar

  I'M STANDING IN THE barn. It's a wooden shed that’s as big as a house with high hooks hanging from the ceil
ing, well what's left of the ceiling. And lots of dry grass stacked up in high piles. Which is for the horses, call me dumb but I didn't know horses ate grass.

  On the corner is a long table pushed against the wooden wall with various tools lined up on the top.

  After lunch, Storm told me to walk to the barn and wait for one of them to meet me here and give me a run down of the program and training I’ll be doing.

  The door to the barn is open and my feet are itching to just go outside. But Killer told me during lunch that the first rule about being a prospect of The Satan Snipers is- listen to your instructors. And I have, for twenty minutes.

  That’s how long I'm waiting under the hot Southern sky. The barn got half the roof missing, the part that doesn't have grass under it, the only place I can stand. The boisterous laughter from outside has me going to see who it is, I've always been a nosey body. Living with a bunch of bikers isn't going to change that.

  The man walking toward me has my insides boiling. My feet want to move, and get as faraway from this man as I can, but knowing that I still can't look away. He didn't say a word to anyone about my episode earlier. In fact he acted as if he didn't even speak to me, and as much as I want to hate the biker he is making it hard to.

  Zero's walking toward me with his phone in one hand. He’s darker, scarier than he was this morning. His body is encompassed in a thick dull leather pants.

  The bulk I see between his legs is hard to miss, poor Falon. I divert my eyes to the two silver chains hanging off the one side of his pants while telling myself he has a girlfriend and I'm not attracted to men. I avoid them, that is what's best.

  The same black tee he wore this morning stretches around his arms and chest, loose around his waist. He must wear a xxl in his tees. His body I know from feeling it is completely ripped. No fat is creeping it's way on him anytime soon.

  My eyes wander up his chiseled body and I cringe when I look at him, his staring right back at me, and that laugh I heard a few seconds ago is completely gone, so is the phone from his hand.