by Shan R. K
Zero clears his throat and I face him. “Are you? Italian.”
“No, I just know a few words is all.”
Zero let's go of me, and I scoot over mindful Knight is behind me, careful not to touch him.
“Why are you lying?” Zero accuses in a soft voice as his feet go to the carpeted floor.
“How do you know I'm lying, where's the proof.” I say but avoid his gaze. I could lie to his face, it's easy, but I don't wanna answer this question. I don't wanna lie either but I'm backed in a corner.
My guard rises and my defenses grow with every second. I can't reveal things about myself without revealing the very things that could get me found.
“Le Donne italiane non imploro.” Italian woman don't beg. I pretend I don't understand, I pretend I'm clueless of what Knight is promising in his words. And it's not that he will look after me.
“Keep Fal busy for me, I’ll be down in a minute.” With those parting words from the Enforcer, Knight leaves and Zero and I are alone.
“Look at me Beauty.” I want to disobey him, I want to push him away but I can't, and I find myself lifting my chin up to face the Enforcer’s blank, unreadable features.
“I don't mind you keeping stuff to yourself, but there's some stuff you gotta tell me, I'm not saying tell everyone. I'm saying you gotta tell me. Know matter what we feel, how strong it is, we won't work if you keep lying, that shit doesn't work with me Beauty, I can't trust easily, I won't.” He doesn't realize that he is touching the scar under his eye when he says those words, but I see it.
Something dark steals his sweetness, steals the man that held me hostage outside, something dark takes away the man that just kissed me like I was his. And for a moment I am taken back to a memory of someone, but I can't get a face.
My survivor instincts kick in at the hard set of his jaw and the unreadable penetrating gaze of his eyes. I should question his sudden change of mind, or his ultimatum but I don't. I'm used to this, used to bad luck of the worst kind. I have experienced it many times before. My monster stole my soul and replaced it with chains, but he also made me stronger. He shredded my pride and taught me to expect the worse.
“Don't believe in hope Beggar, you’ll always be disappointed.” His words ring true again,
I wanted a few moments to pretend and I got it. Now I have to let it go. So it isn't hard when I smile at the biker. Staring him dead in the eyes, I tell him, “We all lie, but It's the reason we do it which counts. I’ll give you one truth, just one, but you can't ask me my name.”
“Will I ever be able to trust you.” His question just rolls off his tongue and out of his mouth without thinking.
I get up from the bed, my hair falling around my shoulders, down to my waist, “That's a question only you and time will know the answer to Zero.” I move toward the door and pause, my back to the Enforcer, “Thank you for that kiss but I cannot be your woman Zero, because the same monster I run from is the only one who’ll ever own me.”
“I’ll kill him.” He replies with so much hatred and promise that another woman would've believed him but hope is a fools courage.
I spin around, my smile weak, “My fate was sealed years ago Zero, killing him won't save me.”
I walk out the door of my room and down the steps knowing that I did the right thing. It's for his own safety, for my last shred of humanity. I can't be saved and I can't let myself get hurt either, I won't. Zero's moods and issues run deep. I didn't get on Storm’s bike to find a man, I got on his bike to run from one. Stupid girl.
I make my way to the bar, passing the noisy bikers in the tv room, “Yo Beggar, pass me a beer will you sweet thang.” Texas says as I pass him.
“You want one too Bull?” I ask the big biker sitting quietly on the corner sofa nursing a glass of Amber liquid. He’s the shortest one from all the men but has the biggest muscles. His hair is tied back today making his half Mexican blood stand out.
When he leaves his hair open which is most of the time the guy is opposing. He is the one I've spoken too least and when we do it’s clipped and terse. He hates me for some reason but I still find myself checking up on him. It's a no brainer that he has dark demons lurking in his head, like me.
He grunts his reply as I turn the corner to the bar.
Chadley is drying the glasses and placing them on one of the four empty trays sitting on top of the counter. She sees me and gives me nod in greeting as I grab the beers out of the silver double door fridge.
“Do you know when Storm and Aron are coming back?” I've come to know the girl, she's quiet mostly but always seems to know stuff.
“They got back a few minutes ago. Killer left a phone for you, said to tell you he’s on speed dial one.” She points to the black device on the counter next to where she’s standing.
I take the phone and slip it in my pocket. My eyes widen as I catch the thin strap blue tank she's wearing. My mouth falls open at the denim shorts that show her ass cheeks for all eyes to see and hands to touch. She notices my ogling but doesn't comment or say anything as she continues with her task.
I look behind me and see the stacks of alcohol packed neatly on to the red wood shelves mounted on the rock styled wall and grab the beer opener hanging from the hook.
Wisp joins us and I'm surprised she is dressed in a long jeans and vest instead of the next to nothing I'm use of seeing her wearing.
“Someone wants to get spanked tonight.” Wisp says in a sing song voice, as she walks past us and smacks Chadley playfully on the ass.
She doesn't greet me but I don't care. The girl can't stand me, plain as day.
When Venus or one of the men are around she tends to say a few words to me for their sake. But now, with Chadley as the only eyes besides the two of us, there is no false Wisp. What she hopes to do has the opposite effect on me because I prefer the bitchy, but real Wisp any day over the false one.
I take the beer to the two men watching sports and It isn't long that I join in with Chadley getting the bar ready for The mother chapter.
Chapter 18
Beggar
"I'M SORRY, OKAY."
I grab a glass and start drying it up, mindful of the big biker standing just a few feet away. It's now closing on eight and we’ve just finished with dinner which was from a fast food restaurant called Meaty pizza and doughnuts. Zero sat next to Falon far away from me pretending I don't exist while he laughed with Falon and Venus over some crap, which was fine by me.
Killer is still a no show but Aron has kept me busy. I spent dinner playing i-spy with him and Storm. I lost most of the time. The kid is cool but doesn't like to lose, he also doesn't like to bath which was fine by me. I wanted to ask Killer but decided he was probably busy.
Aron is with Venus and Texas in Killers room, setting up his PS4 as he calls his PlayStation. He wants me to play with them but I know I’ll suck at it so I asked Storm who has agreed to join us. The past few hours have been Zero free thus far, but he's here now.
"Don't sweat it." I shrug like its nothing and ignore him standing there as I continue to work on tidying up the bar and putting the snacks out.
It’ll be a few hours until the Houston Chapter arrive and I meet the mother chapter of the outlaw bikers. Apparently I am in for a night I won't forget as Venus explained to me. The Satan Snipers are 1percenters. They make their own rules and one of them is that The Satan Snipers love open sex. I'm not surprised, I have been to parties before. I have an idea of how bad things could get, but I didn't voice any of this to the beautiful woman.
Aron is going to be sleeping by then, hopefully. I'm not sure I like all these guys around the kid, sleeping or not so I need to keep my eyes open tonight.
"Beauty look at me please."
I spin around and stare at his sullen face, "What do you want Zero?” I sigh, “My name is Beggar, it's not beauty, it's Beggar, okay, I said it was good. We good, we said what we had to say, don't worry about it. How many times are you gonna keep apologizing?"
/>
His face crumbles, and I feel that tug as my resolve slides a fraction, "Until I stop feeling like shit. "
I nod once like I understand then turn back to my job. I don't want him to be here, why can't he leave me alone. Zero is creeping in my thoughts, slowly stealing my mind a second at a time. I've done good these last few hours, I haven't thought about him, haven't thought about his promises and kisses, I haven't thought about his ultimatums. This day with Zero has been a world wind of numerous emotions that are confusing and dangerous.
"Can't we just go for a walk. And talk."
I turn back to him, glad that my hair is tied up and huff, “No we can't. I'm working. This job is important to me, Zero. I am a beggar and I’m homeless. I can't go for walks. This is my life you messing with. The Satan Snipers gave me a job. Gave me a chance. People like me don't get chances very often if ever. Please don't ruin it for me, just go away, please."
His eyes widen and I'm not sure what's that look on his face. Maybe regret maybe something else. I'm not sure. And I shouldn't care. So why the hell do I want to know. But I can't that's the problem. He isn't mine. Zero is Falon’s man. He is gonna marry her. He should marry her. This feeling for me, it’ll fade, it has too.
He walks closer to me and I won't lie, my knees feel like buckling in. Zero doesn't hold me, or touch me but for the kiss he places on my head. His lips linger on my hair and I close my eyes. Why. Why me.
"I'll pick you up after work."
He spins around and leaves before I can say no. I watch his leather covered form round the corner thinking what just happened.
My phone rings in my pocket at that very second. I put the glass down and take it out of my jeans already knowing who it is.
“Hello.” I snicker at how awful I must sound.
“Hold on a sec.” Killer ruffles something while I wait for him. My back turned to the open space and my eyes trained on the various bottles of alcohol.
“What you up to? got tired of waiting for you to call.”
“I didn’t know you wanted me to call, I've been waiting for you to call me.” I smile but he can't see it.
“Thank my impatience I didn't keep waiting, where's my nephew at.” Killer asks in a low voice like he doesn't want anyone to hear him. Ha.
“Setting up his PS4 in your room with Texas and Venus, I'm still on my shift.”
“Got some stuff I'm busy with, not sure if I’ll be back tonight, you think you can sleep with Aron for me. I feel like shit leaving the kid, David is going to shit bricks if he finds out I left his kid at the clubhouse unattended.”
“I was going to anyway but then I heard you don't want to sleep with me anymore.”
“What? Who told you that shit? Wait, Zero right.”
“Right.” I answer, my voice small but still damaged just like my soul. I've gotten close to Killer, we have a connection that's beyond simple friendship. We understand each other. And unlike Zero who wants to save me, Killer accepts me. He doesn't ask questions and I don't lie.
He’s quiet for a minute and I would put the phone down if it wasn't for his breathing.
“Beggar, I've known the guy for years, and I've never seen Zero lose his shit over any woman. Falon is, what you call it,...”
“Perfect.” I answer.
“Fuck no, I was going for simple. Zero wants to settle down, she knows the life and won't expect more than he is willing to give her, it's simple. But you, I see the way he watches you, and I see the way you look at him when you think no one notices. The fact that he's willing to break up with a sure thing for a girl who won't even tell him her name is deep stuff Beggar. I think you should stop listening to what is right and what should be and start listening to what you want, and it isn't me you want sleeping next to you.”
“Zero put you up to this didn't he?.”
He chuckles, “Give my brother a chance, if you still feel you want me in your bed by the end of the week, I’ll gladly come. Now I got shit to do, look after Aron and make sure he baths, kid loves staying dirty.”
“Yeah, got it, see you when you get back, alive.” I emphasize the last part.
“Yes ma'am.” He laughs as I cut the call.
I return to my work, only this time nothing can keep my mind off Zero. What a foolish man. I don't hold back the smile that tugs on my lips as I finish setting up the counter with snacks.
It's an hour later and finally I'm done for now. Texas said the others will arrive about midnight so I'm free for the next few hours.
I get to the steps as Aron is walking down, “Beggar, come on, you said you’ll play.” He whines, his head tilted to the side again. The boy just can't help being cute.
“I'm comin’ kid.” I walk faster, two steps at a time. We turn the corner down the hall toward Killer’s room. I get there and stop by the door as Aron runs in, throwing himself on the huge bed. The light blue duvet is messed and I know he's been jumping on the bed. Another thing Killer told me he can't do.
Texas and Storm are sitting on a square box that resembles a couch in the front of the bed immersed in the game. They don't take their eyes off the big flat screen tv that's rooted on the light grey wall.
I make my way next to Aron, watching him stuff his face with popcorn, making even more mess and I sit on the end. It's clear why the kid loves it here and I feel a tinge in my heart for my baby girl. She’ll be about his age by now. He offers me the bowl of popcorn but I shake my head.
“You gotta bath kid.” He has a fistful of popcorn in his little hand that's half way to his open mouth. His hair is hanging lifelessly to the front of his face and he just freezes. Then everything happens so fast. Aron throws the popcorn in my face, jumps off the bed, past Storm and Texas, knocking their drinks down and out the door.
“Aron, not cool.” Texas shouts.
I chase after him at the same time big burly hands catch his little body's retreat and lift him up.
“Uncle Logan put me down.” His legs kick out and his body moving like crazy. My steps falter and I just stand there watching Zero. He’s laughing as he tickles a crazy Aron, “Are you going to run.”
“No, No,No.” Aron laughs, screaming in giggles. He is shaking like crazy. If you looking at them you’ll think the kid might fall but with Zero holding him I know he’s safe.
Zero stops his onslaught and ruffles Aron’s hair finally noticing me. The hunger in his eyes undoes me and for the first time in years I want to be touched by a man.
“I thought you left with Falon.” I walk closer to him, mindful of the little boy in his arms laughing.
“Nope, sent Den with her in a cage. Heading to Houston tomorrow for a few days.”
“Oh.” My voice drops. I didn't think he was leaving.
“Come on let's bath this little man.”
“I'm not little, I'm big.” Aron says.
“Big hey.” Zero says as he starts lifting a squealing Aron in the air. I stop in front of them, the minty scent from his body does something to me.
He puts Aron down and turns toward his bedroom with Aron in front. The kid runs into Zero's bedroom and I speed up my steps expecting Zero to go in but he surprises me and turns to face me instead. His gaze is brimmed with lust and promise, his body stopping me mid-step. I gulp and hard.
“Tell me your name.” And just like that I'm dropping my eyes to his chest.
“It's Beggar.”
Zero doesn't like my change in mood and cups my cheek in his big hand, using his thumb to lift my chin up. The other hand is on the wall above my head. His hair is falling to the one side still slightly wet.
A small smile lines his lips, the same lips I've kissed today, the same lips I wish to kiss now.
Chapter 19
Zero
I CAGE HER, GETTING lost in those eyes. The lights in the corridor are dimly lit, giving her a fairy glow.
“Tell me what you feeling.” I demand.
“You keep taunting me, controlling me but I'm not yours, why do I feel you m
ine.” Her eyes are so lost. So fucking lost. She doesn't have a clue.
I rest my chin to her forehead, “You are mine Beggar, your body has been telling you it from day one, your mind just hasn't caught up yet.”
“Uncle Logan and Beggar sitting in the tree k.i.s.s.i.n.g .” Aron sings, his head popping in and out breaking our moment. Beggar’s hand to my chest gives me slight push. I take a hesitant, a very hesitant and slow step back from her. And I can't help the laugh that bubbles up in me when she practically runs into my room. Even the boy thinks it's funny.
I want to go in there with them but the raging hard on I got isn't going to go away if I do. So I trek to the opposite end. Storm and Texas are cleaning up Killers room. It's in a fucking state.
“He is going to fuck y'all up when he gets back.” I chuckle as I walk in.
“Good thing I'm the VP, this ones on you Tex.” Storm chortles as he picks up the empty cans riddled on the floor.
“Ya think he gonna give a fuck ‘bout that, blame the kid.” Texas drawls from the opposite side of the bed.
Storm throws the beer cans in the empty bin, “Remind me again why the fuck we scared of him? He’s a kid.”
“A kid that can kill you with fucking toilet paper.” I say, it's obvious.
We all quieten and stare at the room. Texas has the duvet in his hands, Storm is holding the popcorn bowl and me I'm just standing there with my arms crossed and we all think the same fucking thing.
“We need the women.” We all say together.
Texas and Storm go down in search of the girls while I head back to check on Beggar. I hear the two off them in the bathroom. The shower is running and the door is a jar. Beggar’s ass faces the door as she scrubs the kid who is singing some whacky song.
I lean against the frame of my bathroom door enjoying the show. It all looks good. She's enjoying herself. I notice how she likes taking care of people. She's always helping, keeping busy. What she doesn't know is that she's shit at washing dishes. Knight and Spade have been redoing the dishes at night when she's asleep.