by M. S. Parker
I pulled the phone away.
“Excuse me? I can’t hear you over the sound of my exploding eardrums.”
“You dumbass. You’re gone for a few months, and you’ve forgotten everything!” Hawk was snarling now. “You got any idea the kind of shit you’re going to bring down on me?”
“You got any idea of the kind of shit she should have had brought down on her?” I demanded. “What did she end up getting? Parole?”
I waited.
Hawk said nothing.
“Hawk…”
“There was no trial, Reaper. Her mother has agreed to turn over information from time to time, and Kylie had her passport taken away for a few years – no more illicit trips to meet any new terrorist boyfriends.”
“No…” I sucked in a breath, my head spinning. “This…”
I almost threw the phone. “I got plowed and picked a fight, and the Navy kicked me out, stripping me of the job I loved and was damn good at. Those two sold out their country…and nothing is going to happen to them?”
Dead silence rang on the other end of the line.
“You son of a bitch,” I said, my voice low. “That piranha tries to sell me down the river and have the media burn me alive because her extremist buddies ended up dead when we everything to save her worthless ass. We lost two good men, and you have the nerve to call me out on the carpet because I told the media to go look in a few corners where the dirt could be exposed by anybody with eyes?”
“You have a responsibility–”
“The Navy had a responsibility to me, and they kicked me to the curb because it was just more expedient,” I said, cutting him off. I was furious, still so furious. “Yeah, I went over the line, but you all could have gone to bat for me. It was my first time ever being in trouble, and it’s not like I’d had the best few days.”
Best few months.
“Reaper, you were already showing signs of burnout. We couldn’t take the chance that you’d lose it on a mission.”
“Oh, fuck you.” Maybe he was right. Maybe. I didn’t know. But the Navy I’d served, the country I’d served, the life and code I tried to live by my entire life – all of it, it abandoned me when I needed it the most. And most of my friends had disappeared along with that life. “Don’t you try to pin this shit on me. If you think I’m going to sit through some smear campaign that little psycho prima donna staged, you’re all out of your mind.”
“Who cares if she goes running her mouth?” Hawk snapped.
“Because it’s not just me who gets affected now!” I wanted to hit something, but Hawk’s words had hit a nerve. Maybe I had been walking too close to a line. “In case you aren’t aware of what’s going on in my life, I’m being handed the reins to a company that employs thousands and spends billions. You think she can smear my name and it won’t affect Clarion?”
“I – fuck. Fuck you, Reaper. What the hell?” He sputtered for a few more seconds and then snarled again, “Fuck you. Shit. I gotta go and see what in the hell I can do about this shitstorm. Do me a favor and try not to make it any worse, okay?”
“Making your life hell is what I live for, don’t you know that?”
He hesitated, then added, “You know you’re missed, man. A lot.”
“Yeah. Same goes.” I disconnected and turned around to see how O was faring. Her conversation was going quite a bit smoother than mine.
“I’m afraid you can’t speak to Mr. Dedman at the moment. Yes…yes, Senator Wallace, I understand you’re unhappy about this, but perhaps you should be speaking to your daughter. As I understand it, she’s the one who has been secretly giving money to members of ISIS.” She cocked a brow and gave me a smile. “No, I’m afraid I’m not out gathering wool or blowing shit up your skirt, sir. I’ve actually got hard data in front of me.” Another long pause. “What? Of course I have no immediate plan to go public with it. I’m certain your daughter regrets her lapse in judgment. Talking to the reporter as she did was…well, you and I both know how this can affect your chances of getting reelected. Not to mention the endorsements she gets – she has a modeling contract, doesn’t she?”
Man, I adored that woman. I worshiped her.
I hadn’t realized I’d taken a step toward her until she lifted a hand, shaking her head and given me a teasing, yet somehow firm smile.
“No,” she mouthed.
Fine. But the second she ended that call…
“Well, Senator, I’m not implying anything. I’m simply pointing out how unwise it was for her to have given that interview. To my understanding, Chief Dedman and his team likely risked their lives when they went into that country, and it seems to me that she…misunderstood the situation. Given her sympathies for the extremists – I’m sorry, her grandmother’s family, perhaps she is simply overly emotional and…ah, yes. Of course. I believe that would be wise. Oh…by the way, as a man in your position can probably appreciate, we do receive unpleasant, sometimes even threatening calls here. I should have already informed you, but you were transferred to my secured line and all phone calls on this line are recorded. The conversation will remain private, I assure you.”
A cat’s smile curled her lips. “Absolutely. I understand.”
She hung up a moment later and smoothed her hair back. “You can expect a phone call from Kylie Wallace within a few days. He thinks she’s overwrought by the death of a man she developed an unhealthy attraction to when she visited her grandmother every summer. She also recently lost her grandmother, and she’s not coping well, but he thinks that once she takes a few days to think, she’ll understand.”
“Uh-huh.” I closed the distance and did what I’d been pondering the past few minutes as I listened to her coolly and calmly take the legs out from under one Senator Wallace.
Hooking my hand over the back of her neck, I hauled her up against me and sealed my mouth over hers.
She hummed against my lips for a brief second then opened with a sigh.
“I’m so crazy about you, I almost can’t stand it.” I whispered the words when I finally let her up for air and she startled me with a laugh, throwing her arms around my neck.
“That’s nice. I’d hate to be the only one feeling this way.” She tipped her head and smiled up at me.
Sliding my hand up her back, I pressed my brow to hers.
The warmth of the moment faded too fast.
“How close was I?”
I didn’t have to ask what she meant.
“I can’t talk about it, O.” Whether I was pissed off at the Navy or not, the missions I’d been on were top-secret. Even rescuing that selfish piece of work – although we hadn’t really been rescuing her. Her daddy had sent us in to bring her back after she’d finally decided she wanted to be with her boyfriend or whatever the real story was, but she hadn’t needed a rescue.
That was just the story he’d concocted to get one kickass team to go in and get his daughter.
However, as part of that kickass team and a former Navy SEAL, I was obligated to stay quiet.
I didn’t feel bad about suggesting people do some looking into Kylie’s background. It wasn’t hard to find. I’d done some of my own over the past few months, although I’d avoided trying to find out whether or not she’d had to face any sort of consequences over the shit she’d stirred up. A part of me had already known the truth of it, I think.
“You don’t have to.” O leaned in and pressed her lips to my chin.
As she eased back, her amazing eyes caught and held mine. She pressed a hand to my cheek. “Whatever it was, something happened that hurt you. I see it in your eyes. And for that, I want to punch her.”
“Tough girl.” My chest felt tight.
She smiled widely. “Can I punch her?”
“You’d break her.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Is she one of those petite, delicate little things? I’ve always hated petite, delicate little flowers.” With a soft sigh, she added, “Probably because petite and delicate have always elu
ded me.”
“Save me from petite and delicate. And don’t ever be sorry for not being that.” Sliding my hands down her back, I gripped her hips, felt the firm muscle there. “You’re strong…sexy.” I nuzzled her neck, scraped the arch with my teeth as her head fell to the side. “Like a goddess. An empress. If you’d lived back during the time of kings and empires, you’d have commanded armies.”
A shaky laugh escaped. “Wow. Talk like that will get you…”
A knock interrupted her before she could finish.
“Whatever it will get me,” I whispered against her ear. “Remember it for later.”
Chapter Five
Olivia
Remember it for later.
That hot promise was still ringing in my ears.
Two days had passed.
We hadn’t had much time for later.
That knock had been a harbinger and everything that could go wrong had.
The news that I had been dreading for weeks, months…years…had finally come, and I was sitting by the side of the bed as a hospice nurse hooked up yet another bag to the IV line while Queen Elise struggled for every breath.
They’d offered to ventilate.
But neither she nor James wanted her life prolonged artificially. Elise had told me more than once that she was going to spend enough time trapped inside the prison of her body. When the time comes, you set me free, O. Set me free and don’t cry for me any longer than you have to. I’ll be ready.
I knew she was.
When you love somebody with a chronic disease that will eventually kill them, you can either develop a certain outlook when it comes to death…or you can go crazy. There is a third option – deny the person you love the right to choose, but that’s not really love, the way I see it. I knew she was ready. I’d seen it in her eyes the last time she’d drifted off to sleep.
That was a little over an hour ago.
It wouldn’t be much longer.
“How is she?”
I glanced over at Reaper and lifted a shoulder. “She’s dying, Adam. The same as she was earlier.”
He didn’t take offense at my flat statement, although I wish I could have yanked the words back the moment I said them. Being cold didn’t help anything.
“Where’s James?”
He’d come up behind me, moving so quietly, I hadn’t realized he was there until I felt his body heat. Now, I let myself relax against him a bit and welcomed the strength of his arms as he wrapped them around my upper body.
“He went to get us some lunch.”
“I could have done that. I told you I was on my way.” He kissed my temple.
“I think he needed a moment away,” I said softly. “Either that or he was giving me a moment with her. I don’t know.”
I lifted Elise’s hand to my lips and kissed it. Her skin was papery thin now, even more delicate than it had been a few days ago. And she didn’t so much as blink, didn’t respond. It was like she was already gone and her body was just playing catch up.
Oddly enough, that thought comforted me.
I didn’t want to think about the Queen, regal and proud, trapped in the prison any longer.
A soft noise at the door had us both looking over. James was there, along with one of the house attendants, wheeling in a cart. “It’s comfort food time.” The older man nodded at both of us. “I was in the mood for grilled cheese and tomato soup. I hope that’s okay with you.”
“I love grilled cheese and tomato soup.” To my horror, I felt my eyes getting misty, and I had to blink a few times before I was certain nobody would see any tears when they looked at me. “The Queen would always make this for me when I had a bad day. Right up until…”
My voice faded, and I swallowed hard.
“Up until she couldn’t. Then she’d have one of the ladies in the kitchen do it. And they loved you almost as much as we did,” James finished.
He nodded at Reaper. “I heard you were on your way. There’s plenty for all.”
“I can’t say I’m much for soup, but I love a good grilled cheese.”
“Then you’re in for a treat.”
We sat there, almost like a family, using the cart as a table while we dined on homemade comfort food, accompanied by the music of a beeping IV machine.
It was almost dusk when the nurse told us it wouldn’t be much longer.
At 7:02 pm, the Queen left this world for the next one, and Reaper left James and me alone for a while as we mourned.
* * *
“Do you love my son?”
Out of all of the questions James could have asked me, that was the one I last wanted to hear. And yet it wasn’t one that should have surprised me.
We sat there, alone with Elise. Or at least the body that had once been her. He sat on one side of the bed while I sat on the other. We each held a hand. We’d been talking about small things, little memories that made us smile – and sometimes cry. We were both struggling to say goodbye.
The nurse had told us to take all the time that we needed, although that wasn’t the truth.
I could take from now until the next leap year, and it wouldn’t be enough.
We’d been in there ten minutes, and there were still a thousand things I wanted to say, that I wished I would have said while she was still here. Now it was too late.
And James wanted to know how I felt about Reaper?
Part of me wanted to jump up and run away. I could make excuses. Tell him that this wasn’t the time. James would let me.
If I asked him, he would even let it go and never discuss it again. He was a gentleman that way. But I felt I owed him more than that.
Still holding onto Elise’s cool, thin hand, I struggled for a response. “Adam is a very good man,” I finally said, feeling a little lame. I didn’t want to go into detail about all the things I felt when I was with him. I definitely didn’t want to do it here, and not now, when my heart felt like a gaping hole in my chest. I’d managed to go most of my life without hurting like this.
Looking at James, I could see the pain behind that quiet wall of strength, and I wondered if it might be the thing to break him.
“He’s…um. Well, he’s a good man,” I said again.
James laughed. “I know he’s a good man. Just because I’m not always in his life doesn’t mean I’m not aware of what’s going on with him.”
“What more do you want, James?” I offered him a weak smile. I knew what kind of man Adam Dedman was – I’d known even before I’d gone and met him at the prison. I’d known more about him than most people probably did, thanks to James.
And everything I’d known…I liked.
The things I knew about him now I loved. James wasn’t wrong, but then again, he rarely was.
“Are you avoiding my question, or are you just trying to avoid thinking about it?” James asked softly.
I blushed. “Both?” I shrugged and looked away from him to Elise’s thin, pale face. She’d lost so much weight over the past few months and everything that had made her who she was, it was all gone now. The pain tearing through me just might swallow me whole. I swallowed down a sob, but just barely.
“You know, it’s okay if you’re in love with him. And it’s okay if you’re not.”
James’s words, voiced so gently, had that sob edging ever closer. Covering my face with my hands, I braced my elbows on the bed. Wasn’t it pathetic that just then, all I wanted was for the Queen to be alive so I could talk to her?
“I don’t know what I should feel right now, James.”
“There is no should on this, O. You just figure out how you feel. There isn’t a right or wrong answer here…it’s not a test.”
I jerked my head up. “Isn’t it? For fuck’s sake! He’s getting ready to take over a company he knows hardly anything about. He’s a soldier, not a businessman. I’m practically your daughter, and I’ll be his right hand for the first few years. You’re dying. Your wife just died. Everything is a mess. Everything. What
would the press say if they got wind of this?”
James lifted Elise’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, gazing at her exactly the way he had the last time I’d seen them together. “Since when have you ever let complications stop you?” He didn’t even look at me as he spoke. “If something is right, it’s right. You don’t let roadblocks stop you when it comes to being happy.”
“What…like you did?” I asked waspishly.
Now he turned his head and met my eyes. “I didn’t let roadblocks stop me. I let life happen. And then I lived with my actions. I don’t regret any of them.”
Feeling small and shallow now, I turned away. I knew he didn’t. He’d loved Reaper’s mother. Each time he’d mentioned her, I’d seen that love glow in his eyes. But he’d also loved Elise. It was a different love, but the two of them had loved each other in their own way. He’d never once regretted staying with her.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I said softly.
“You’re upset and confused. I’d rather you take it out on me than anybody else.”
“Stop being so understanding.” I came back to the side of the bed and stared down at the woman who’d been like my mother. She was gone. Completely gone. “We have to let her go.”
“I know. And you have to figure out your answer. Unfortunately, life isn’t going to wait around for you on this. It’s a simple enough question…and the answer is simple too. Unless you’re looking for excuses. Either you love him or you don’t.”
Swearing, I shoved my hands through my hair. “Not everything is black and white, James! I’m not–”
That was when I realized we were no longer alone. Slowly, dread filling me, I turned my head and looked at the door. The lights had been lowered quite some time ago. They must’ve been dimmed in the hall as well. Otherwise the light there would have alerted me that he had somehow opened the door without making a single sound. A handy skill for somebody in his former field to possess.
Adam Dedman stood there, not moving a muscle as he looked straight at me. He said nothing for the longest time and then looked over at James and said softly, “They’re here for her, sir. Are you ready or do you need more time?”