“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”
I reached out and cupped his knee. “You didn’t. I went through the stages of grief a long time ago. Now? I’m okay.”
And I was. The change had been so gradual, it was imperceptible.
“What was he like? Brian, I mean.”
Alarm bells clanged in my head. While on a date, one shouldn’t talk about a loved one who died. I didn’t remember much about dating, but I was pretty sure that was a rule.
“What movie do you want to watch?”
Well, damn. That was subtle.
“You don’t have to tell me. I only met him the once, but I liked him. He had a purity about him. Being around him made me and Livvy feel… I don’t know if calm is the right word, but there was a sense of serenity there.”
A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “And you’ve just described Brian in a nutshell.”
It was something our friends commented on often. Brian was the one you went to when you were having problems. When Tanya and Anne were getting to the point that I thought they’d break up, Brian sat down with both of them and hashed out whatever the problem was. A year later, the two of them got married, and Brian stood up with them. When Pete’s dog died, Brian baked snickerdoodles, and the two of them brought out pictures of Magnus and stuffed their faces with cookies and ice cream. A month after that, Pete asked Brian to help him find a new dog.
Before I met Aiden, these memories would have me curled up in a ball on the couch, crying. Now? I remembered the good times with warmth, and the bad times were simply there as a counterpoint. They evoked little sadness and no regrets.
“You’re smiling.”
“Just remembering. Thank you for that.”
His eyes widened. “Me?”
“Brian would have loved you. When I met him, he was sweet and often demure.” I squeezed Aiden’s knee. “You’re sweet, but I think you’ve got a bit of the devil in you. I’m willing to bet that the time he spent sitting with you and Olivia meant a lot to him. He never warmed to people easily, so take it as a compliment that he felt he could be comfortable around you.”
Aiden sat up a bit straighter. “Will you tell me about him?”
It wasn’t a good idea, and I knew it, but he’d asked, and how much worse would it be if I said no?
“I met him when we were roommates in college. He was quiet but quick to smile. It didn’t take me but a few days to realize I was hopelessly in love with him. When he told me he loved me too? That was the best day up to that point. After a few months of dating, I asked him to marry me. He said no, because he thought it would ruin my life and the dreams I had for it. It took me another couple of weeks to convince him to take a chance on me. Brian didn’t always have the easiest life. He—”
I stopped, wanting to bite off my tongue. That was one secret that I never shared with anyone, not even Mom or Dad. One thing Brian made me swear I could never tell. As I sat with Aiden, I needed to tell someone, and he was the perfect person, because I knew he’d understand.
“He what?”
There was a silence, and then I drew in a breath. “His name was Jun Chen. His whole life was planned for him. He was supposed to come to school and meet an Asian girl, fall in love, and start a family with her. He didn’t want that life, because he knew it wasn’t him. His parents kicked him out and told him that he’d dishonored their family and that he no longer had one of his own. He came to school, heartbroken and lost, until we met.” A sigh of relief slipped out of me. “I’ve never told another living person that story. Brian made me swear not to.”
“Then why tell me?”
I turned to him and peered into his eyes. “Because anyone else in my life would have tried to comfort him. You’d understand. Even I never could.”
His eyes shone in the dim lighting. “I wish I could have gotten to know him better.”
“So do I.” I reached out and ran the pad of my thumb over his cheek. “You two as friends would have been the death of me. Trouble everywhere you look.”
He grinned, but that slipped away. “Do you…. Do you miss him?”
“I do. It’s hard not to miss someone who was there for half your life. And for a while, I went a little nuts, but Brian? He was always the man with the plan. He knew I’d wallow in misery, so before he died, he went to my family and told them to give me time to grieve, but told them to then drag me out and back into the world. I honestly thought there was no reason for it. I figured I could be alone with my memories for the rest of my life. Then I met someone who showed me that wanting to live again wasn’t a bad thing, and it wasn’t dishonoring his memory either. It was listening to the wishes he had for me and realizing I needed to open my eyes and my heart again. That’s what brought me to you.”
His eyes fluttered when he peered through those thick lashes. “Take me home.”
Chapter Ten
AIDEN WAS asleep by the time we got back to my house, and I didn’t have the desire to wake him, so I pulled the van into the garage and went over to the passenger side.
“Oh, we’re here?” He sat up and yawned. “Sorry. I’m so tired for some reason.”
“It’s been a long day.” I slipped an arm under his legs, then slid the other behind his back. “Put your arm around me.” He did, and I lifted him up and out of the vehicle, then closed the door with my foot.
“What about the chair?”
“We’ll get it later. Hold on.”
He put his other arm around my neck and leaned against me. I was surprised by how well he fit in my arms, his body molded against mine. For a split second, I wondered what he’d say if I didn’t put him down but continued holding him. I knew I had to get him in, though, so reluctantly I took him up to the front door and keyed us in.
Aiden gaped when we stepped into the house. His gaze drifted through the room, resting at times on the natural stone fireplace, the thick chocolate-brown carpet, the leather sofa and love seat, plus the one thing that brought the whole living room together: a cascading wall of water, built into a dark wood panel in the center.
“That’s…. Wow. It puts my stained glass to shame.”
I set him down on the couch, then loomed over him. “Don’t do that. Your work is amazing. If it wasn’t, do you think I would have ordered one for my house? That was something we found in a shop somewhere. It was manufactured—one of thousands. What you do is unique. When it’s done, it’ll have a place of honor here. In fact, later on if you want, I’ll show you where it’s going to go.”
“I’d like that.” He twisted in his seat, taking in the open-air space. “Is that a loft?”
“It is.”
On the other side of the room was a dark cherrywood piano. It hadn’t been played in years. When Aiden saw it, his eyes lit up.
“Do you play?”
In answer, I went over and took a seat. I played a few scales, limbering up rusty fingers, and made a mental note to have the instrument tuned.
I smiled at Aiden, who sat enraptured. “Any requests?”
He snickered. “Chopsticks?”
“Smartass.” I let my mind drift to some of the pieces I knew by heart. “Try this one.”
It was a cliché selection, but I played the opening to “Piano Man” by Billy Joel. It had been one of the first songs I’d learned to play and was a personal favorite. When I got to the vocals, I was surprised when Aiden’s normally soft voice sang out, rich and clear. I looked over to where he sat there, swaying side to side, the words filled with emotion. Now it was my turn to be enraptured. He was a man of hidden talents. Unwilling to break the spell, I continued playing and he kept singing. When the last notes trailed away, he opened his eyes wide.
“You’ve got a beautiful voice.”
His cheeks pinked. “Don’t tell Livvy.”
That confused me. “Why wouldn’t you want her to know?”
He ducked his head. “Dad frowned on it. She told me to keep singing, and I refus
ed, because I didn’t want any more problems at home. It would disappoint her to know that I still do it on occasion, because I won’t sing for her.”
“I think you should reconsider. If she enjoyed it half as much as me, I know how sad I’d be not to hear you sing again.”
And it was true. His voice evoked emotions I hadn’t explored in a long while.
I got up from the piano and went to where he sat. As soon as I took a seat next to him, he curled up to my side. I slipped an arm around his shoulders, and he put his head on my chest.
“What do you want to watch?”
He snuggled in more. “Nothing. Can we just sit here?”
“Alexa, play my light classical mix.” In a moment, music filled the room. “Is this okay?”
He purred! He fucking honest-to-God purred. “It’s nice.”
“Alexa, dim living room lights by 70 percent.”
In a moment the room was bathed in a soft glow. Aiden sighed, apparently content. I gave him a squeeze and kissed the top of his hair. It was smooth, silky, and smelled of vanilla. My gaze drifted to where Brian’s urn sat, and surprisingly I didn’t feel a twinge of remorse for having Aiden here in my arms. Instead, I felt a sense of completeness.
Just like most of our life, I’d gone out and done as Brian had wanted, and he was right. I was happy again.
I was falling in love.
I JOLTED awake when a strange, squeaky voice echoed in the quiet room.
Your sister is calling. Your sister is calling. Are you going to pick up? It’s your sister!
It took me a few moments to figure out it was Aiden’s phone. He stirred, and I regretted the interruption, but when he slipped his phone out of his pocket and handed it to me, I grinned. I swiped the screen and answered Olivia’s call.
“Hello, Olivia. Cute ringtone.”
“Where’s Aiden?”
“He fell asleep. Did you want to talk to him?”
He groaned. “What time is it?”
A quick glance to the screen. “It’s almost three.”
“Okay. Hang up on her.”
Her voice was strident when she shouted that he better get on the damned phone. When she screamed Aiden Charles Dawson, I knew he was in trouble. I snickered and held the phone out to him.
“Don’t wanna.” There was more than a hint of whine in his voice, but he reached up and grabbed the cell. “I’m sleeping. What do you want? … Yes, I’m fully aware it’s almost three, thank you. I’ve been able to tell time since the first grade. Let me ask again. What do you want, Livvy?”
He sighed and sat up. I missed his warmth immediately.
“I’m not a kid, Livvy. Tom and I went to the museum, had a great time. Afterward, I asked him if we could come back to his place.” A few moments of silence. “That’s not any of your business.” His tone was cold. “If I decide that’s what I want, then it’s what I’m going to do. Good night, Livvy.”
He jammed a finger on the End Call button, put the phone into his pocket, leaned against the pillows, and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths before he shook his head.
“She treats me like a child. It’s irritating as hell.”
“She loves you. She wants to keep you safe.”
Aiden turned his pleading gaze to me. “I know, but at some point, she has to let go.”
“She thought we were having sex, didn’t she?”
He shrugged. “She asked.” A sigh. “I shouldn’t be upset with her. My parents probably wouldn’t even notice I was missing for a week.”
I reached out and pulled him close again. He settled against me, but gone were the easy movements.
“This might make you angry, and if it does, I’m sorry. How old was Olivia when you went to her?”
“Nineteen.” He swallowed. “Oh, crap. I didn’t even think about that.”
“It’s hard to do when you see her every day. You were, what, fourteen when you started living with her?”
He nodded.
I threaded my fingers through his hair. “She might not be your birth mother, but from the sound of it, she did raise you. I don’t think she’s wrong to be worried. I’m forty-five, and my mom still freaks if I’m not there for Sunday dinner. It’s part of the job description. Let her worry, because it’s better than the alternative. My brother, Robert? He works with too many people who can only wish they had someone who cared enough to wonder where they’re at.”
Aiden blew out a breath. “I know, really. I just want to stretch my wings a little. Show her I can take care of myself.” He pursed his lips. “No, I want to show me I can.”
And I got it. Twenty-four, living with his sister, needing a wheelchair or walker to get around. I understood how frustrating it was to have to depend on others for things.
“We should get you home.”
He jerked upright. “What? I’m not going home.”
“Oh? This is news to me.”
He scowled. “It’s late—you shouldn’t be driving.”
That made me chuckle. “Okay, I’ll put you in bed.”
“And where are you sleeping?”
I patted the sofa. “It’s surprisingly comfortable.”
He reached out and grabbed my shirt, hauling me forward. “Look, I get that you don’t want to have sex yet, and I can respect it, even if I don’t agree. That doesn’t mean we can’t sleep in the same bed. I want to know what it’s like, having a warm body next to me, feeling safe. So, yeah, no. If I’m sleeping in the bed, you’re going to be right there with me.”
His expression, part determination and part desperation, had me grinning. “Okay, come on.” I picked him up and started for the bedroom.
He pointed up. “You don’t sleep up in the loft?”
“Nah, the stairs make it too inconvenient. Mostly it’s a guest room now.”
“Oh.”
I took a few steps.
“I know it’s asking a lot, but could we sleep up there?”
“Sure.” I wouldn’t argue. If Aiden wanted something, I’d do my best to give it to him. I was as careful as I could, negotiating the stairs without smacking his head on the banister. When we got there, I put him down on the bed. He slipped his shirt up and off, and sat there staring at me. His skin was pale, flecked with a light dusting of soft, downy hair. A smattering of freckles on his chest had me wanting to lick a stripe from one to the other, playing connect the dots with them. When he reached down and started unbuttoning his pants, I had to stop him.
“Aiden, I’m only human. You’re tempting me, and I can’t have that. You said you wanted to sleep, so please keep them on.”
He frowned. “Really?”
“For now, yes.” The urge to see him naked rode me hard. “One day, if you want, we can revisit this, but for now, do it for me.”
An aggrieved sigh. “Fine.” He grinned at me. “Take off your clothes.”
I shook my head. He was so damn cheeky. “Shirt only.”
“Spoilsport.”
He stared as I pulled the shirt up. “Oh my God.”
Before I had it over my head, he had his hands on my skin, stroking me. I groaned and leaned into the touch. It had been so long since I’d felt this way, and he was making it very hard—and I meant that literally—to pull away.
“Aiden.” My voice was husky.
“Oh, shut up. I just want to feel you.”
Like an idiot, I stood there and let him touch me. My skin pebbled at his gentleness. When he stroked a finger over my nipple, I sucked in a breath.
“What are you doing?”
He snickered. “Cataloging your reactions for later, so I know what to do when you finally decide to put out.”
Oh fuck. Who knew Aiden had that much of a brat streak in him?
I reached out and grabbed his hands. “You’re a little bastard, you know that?”
“I’ve heard.” He grinned. “Ready for bed?”
The thought of running into the bathroom quick and taking matters in my own hand ha
d me pausing, but when Aiden tugged me down, I went with it. We situated ourselves on the bed, and I drew the blankets up.
“Alexa, turn off lights.”
The room was plunged into darkness. Aiden wiggled around for a few moments.
“Are you okay?”
Then I felt it. His body pressing against mine. His bare back nestled into my chest. He grabbed my hand and wrapped it around his waist.
“I am now.”
“Aiden—”
“Shut up and sleep.” He snuggled in a little more. “Good night, Tom.”
And the little shit fell asleep! Meanwhile, I lay there, holding him to me, reveling in his warmth, worrying every time he made a strange sound. I was thrilled to have him in my bed and terrified that it might be too much for him come morning. When he rolled over and buried his face in my chest hair, I was a goner. I stroked the back of his head, letting the strands of hair slip through my fingers. What would it be like to wake up with him every morning? How would I feel about falling asleep beside him every night?
When I tried to move, he murmured something, sighed, then sagged against me once more.
For an hour we lay there, me holding him and him seemingly happy to be where he was, but then something changed. It wasn’t a subtle thing either. His body stiffened and he whimpered.
“No, no, no. Not now.”
I got up on my elbow and looked down at him. “What’s wrong?” When an answer wasn’t forthcoming, I called out, “Alexa, turn on the lights.”
They came up, and I could see Aiden clenching his hands on the blankets, his face having gone white.
“Aiden? What’s wrong?”
“I have to… I need….” Tears welled in his eyes. “I have to use the bathroom,” he whispered, his voice weak and plaintive.
“Okay.” I threw back the covers and got out of bed, strode around to his side, and lifted him up. We went into the bathroom, and I helped him pull down his pants and underwear, then got him situated on the toilet.
He turned away from me, his lower lip quivering.
“What’s the matter?”
“Can you give me a few minutes? Please?”
God, he was breaking my heart with his broken voice and quivering body. “Aiden?”
Stained Hearts Page 10