by Rita Hestand
"You like it?"
"What's not to like about it."
He leaned against a tree and watched her face, "Now tell me, what are you trying to change?"
"You heard me this morning?"
"Yeah, I heard."
She hung her head. "I thought a lot about what you said last night. You're right I was selfish in asking you to marry. In wanting a way out of my predicament. I didn’t think about anyone but myself. I guess I got in a habit of wanting my way all the time. I never realized how others felt. I never looked at it from their side."
"Knowing what you do wrong is half the battle of knowing how to change it."
"I don't mean to seem so selfish. It isn't easy facing it. Mary was married and gone, and my folks did tend to spoil me, about everything… except maybe you."
"Me? What are you talking about?"
She bowed her head and turned away. "The one thing they were adamant about was that you were too old for me. That's how most of the town thought, too. Try as I might, they wouldn't bend on the subject. They said one day I'd look around and you'd be gone. And they were right."
"We had a lot of people telling us that, didn't we?" He asked staring into her face.
"I guess they were right because I did turn around one day, and you were gone." She reflected something in her expression marring the false smile.
He cleared his throat. "As far as the almost weddings goes, any woman would feel the way you did, I'm sure. It's just that there's not always an easy way to get out of things. Sometimes you just have to be adult enough to face it. It wasn't your fault that they walked out. You did nothing wrong. A man courts a woman and then asks for her hand she's bound to think them serious. "
"Girls don't think like that, Joe. Marriage is like a man finding gold, for most girls. But they left me at the church, alone. Now, something is wrong with me. Either I don't appeal to them that much, or they don't really like how scatterbrained I can be."
"It's not your looks, that's for sure. But you are a bit impulsive."
"You're right again. Truth is, I said yes too quickly, each time. But there was a reason." She scoffed walking off now, watching the ducks play.
What reason?" he asked coming up behind her.
"All that is water under the bridge. When you left, without explanation. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me then. I mean, one day you were there, we were having fun and enjoying each other's company, then suddenly you weren't. After thinking about it a long time, and after facing three failures to marry, I was sure there was something wrong with me. I'm not like most girls, never have been."
"What makes you say that?" He asked waiting for her answer.
She made a strange face and walked about, then stopped and turned to look at him.
"You know my sister Mary."
"Yeah, I know her."
"She was perfect."
"Well, I don't know if I'd go that far."
"She did everything right. She found the man of her dreams and married and had a child and is going to have another. So, I thought the first time anyone paid me a lot of mind that he was the one and said yes. Not because I loved him so, but because I loved the idea of marriage and following in my sister's footsteps. Doing things right for a change. Kind of crazy isn't it? She did things right. She didn't need someone to help her out of situations. But my folks always agreed, she did things right. I wanted to be like her. It became an obsession with me. I thought if I followed in her footsteps nothing could go wrong."
She turned away and went to lean against a beautiful weeping willow.
"Well, it's not exactly crazy, but she was just lucky, you weren't."
"What do you mean?"
"She found her true love right off."
"True love, is there really such a thing?"
"You used not to be so skeptical. You've changed in some ways. But, getting back to your true love, let's hope so. But Anna, you can't be your sister."
"I know that now," she bowed her head. "I've learned that. I've been getting in messes since I was six years old. Remember when I tried to beat Billy Rogers up for calling me a tomboy."
He chuckled, "I almost got a black eye trying to get you out of that fight. You fought right along with me too."
"That was the second scrap with a boy. Oh, I'd seen you around, but I never thought you'd see me, I was six and you were eleven. Our age difference was kind of crazy back then. I hero worshipped you after that fight." She chuckled.
"You got prettier every year." He mused.
"Me? You never said I was pretty." She corrected him.
He shook his head, "I was five years older, if I had said that someone would have whipped me good."
She ignored that statement. "I guess they would have."
"Then when I was fourteen, I didn't see you much anymore. I missed you terribly. Momma tried to explain that you had grown up and that I was still a kid. She told me I should see that. She told me I couldn't go tagging after you any longer, that you had a life to lead and that someday I'd grow up and have a life too. That's why I never came to see you anymore. I'd finally resigned myself that everyone was right, you were too old for me. It seemed simple after I finally believed it. Not that it didn't hurt, though."
"She said that?" He frowned.
"It was the truth. I was just so dumb I didn't realize it. You'd grown up, and I hadn't. So, I kind of learned to keep a distance from you. I'd see you in town, and want to come talk to you, but then I realized, Momma was right. You had your own life to lead. If I'd have talked to you, people would talk about it. So, I did my best to leave you alone. But we'd had so many good times. I missed the heck out of you. I never got that close to my girlfriends. They all thought I was a bit weird. That's when at eighteen I thought I'd throw myself into being a girl, like Mary. I heard all my life, and it was true, Mary did things right. I thought if I copied her, I'd do things right for a change. And I wouldn't need a hero. "
"That's logical, but not always true. I guess in a way, I did go off on my own a bit. People around there kept saying the same things to me, and I should start courting girls my age. So, I looked around, courted a few."
"Did you ever fall in love?"
"No, did you?"
"No, I tried but if you want the truth, when they jilted me, I was kind of glad. The truth is by the time I got to the church; I'd realized I didn't love them enough to marry them. Except for the gossips in town. People never did take me too seriously. And because I wasn't close to any of my friends, like you and I had been, they didn't care much when I was jilted either. But they did talk and laugh. I know you are right. They were all my friends and I didn't fool anyone by marrying you. They'll think I'm really crazy now, and probably think you are too. I may have messed things up for you even more by doing this. And I've put you in a very bad position. I'm sorry."
He stared into her face for a long moment.
"Tell me something, why'd you ask me? I mean you could have asked a lot of others. Why me?" he asked her sincerely now.
She hung her head. "The truth?"
"The truth." He stared.
"You were there."
"I thought so." He chuckled.
"But wait. That was my first reaction. You were there. But I realized we'd always been close, I thought you were the least likely to…" she stopped and couldn’t say it.
"Not run away." He finished for her.
She nodded. "You know me so well, even after all these years."
He nodded. "You were honest, and I have to admit, you have always been honest with me. You put on this mask sometimes for your friends, and I never understood why. But with me you are honest. It's part of why I tried to be there for you."
"It is?" she looked puzzled.
"It is, and it's why I could be so blunt with you last night. If I ever lied to you, you'd know it. And the same goes for me. I'd know it. If I do something wrong, you'd tell me, if you do something stupid, I tell you. It's kind of refreshing to
not fear each other, isn't it?"
"Except last night—"
"Last night?" he looked perplexed. "What about it?"
"I-I wasn't sure you'd go to sleep when you came to bed. I'd never in my life slept with a man. It's indecent."
He smiled but didn't laugh.
"And another truth, I'd never got this far into my thinking of marriage. I mean, yeah, I live on a farm and know the basics. I know true love; my folks have that. But I never saw myself being loved, really loved by any man. "
He let a slight grin cover his face. "I'd never force myself on a woman. Any woman."
"It wasn't that… exactly."
"What then?"
She blushed and moved away from him again.
"You know how impetuous I am. I might have let you, then today I would feel ashamed, and you'd feel guilty. Because we haven't decided how we really feel about being married."
"Your wrong, I know how I feel."
"You do? How?"
"That's for you to figure out." He told her and moved away.
"You didn't ask me to marry. I asked you. So, I think I know how you feel. It wasn't your idea, it was mine. And I was wrong to ask you, wrong to ruin your life. You're such a good person, always have been. I was wrong. And I apologize for it. I just wish I could solve the problem as easily as I can apologize."
He looked out over the land, "Do you like this place?"
"Oh yeah, it's beautiful. Who wouldn't? Like finding a paradise. Thanks for showing it to me. I'm sorry it was me you showed it too, though."
"Why?" he frowned.
"The girl you show this place to, should be the girl you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. This is where you should propose to her. It would be a lovely romantic scene."
He smiled sadly. "Let's grab a bite here and get to the auction, then."
Something in the way he said that had her staring. Had she said something wrong? She apologized and thought he'd feel better, but the look on his face was almost sad. She didn't understand him, and she probably never would. How could they have been on such a good track as kids and now, they seemed to have lost their way about them?
Chapter Six
The horse auction was at the fair grounds and the compound was filled with people. It was rather dusty too and several times she coughed.
He took his bandana from his pocket and gave it to her. "Wrap it around your nose and mouth."
She did and nodded.
They went to the corral and watched as many beautiful horses were paraded about. One caught her eye and she gasp. "Isn't he beautiful?" she shook her head. "Look at his stocking feet, and how proudly he struts about. He's a beauty."
"You like that one?"
"Who wouldn't?"
When the bidding began, he bid, and Anna Lee looked at him strangely. "You're going to buy him?"
"Yeah, I think I will. It's a gift. For someone special."
"Oh, he'll be a good one." She sighed.
"You think?" He grinned.
"Look at him, how graceful he is. He must have a fantastic bloodline. Can you afford such a thing?" she blurted without thinking.
"I can afford it." Joe told her.
She couldn't believe the money he was spending. She wanted to tell him he'd go broke and have nothing when he returned home, but she kept quiet.
He had the highest bid and she shrieked and put her hands over her mouth when they accepted his as the last bid.
"I can't believe it. What are you going to do with it here?"
"Oh, I'll stable it." Joe told her.
She followed him out of the arena with the horse and her hand glided down the horse's side. "She must be a special woman to invest this much money into a horse for her."
"Who said it was a woman?"
"Well," she craned her head and smiled. "I can't imagine a man buying another man a horse, unless it was your father or something. And he died a long time ago." She walked with him as they went toward the stables. "You know Joe, I feel terrible about putting you in this position."
"What position?"
"Marriage. I mean, I never even considered you might have a steady girl somewhere. As much as you travel you must. And now I've messed things up for you, but it isn't one you can't get out of. And I certainly won't be bragging about what we did."
"What we did?" He questioned.
"Getting married."
"Don't worry about it."
"How can I not, it's my fault. You really were right, Joe. I never once considered your feelings. I've been very thoughtless. I used to have a lot of sense, but somewhere along the way, I lost them. I guess when I discovered boys."
"Well," he frowned, "What was I, a girl?"
She whirled around on her boot heels. "I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean to hurt you— I never say or do the right thing, do I?"
And then she ran out of the stables back to the hotel and didn't stop until she got to the room where she cried. Joe didn't follow her.
She was glad, she told herself. She needed a good cry. Ever since last night when he made her face the truth, she felt so bad about what she'd done. Seeing it from someone else's eyes, she realized all the stupid things she'd done in her life and wondered why?
She went to bed and went to sleep and never heard him come in that night.
***
He slipped into bed and for the longest he didn’t turn away but stared up at the ceiling. He lay there wondering how they had gotten into this mess. He didn't have to accept her proposal. He could have just let her runaway. She'd done so many outlandish things in her life, why had he even offered to help her?
But then he knew the answer to that too.
One way or another, this whole big mess was going to work out. He just wasn't sure how!
The next morning, he was a bit distant with her, but he did have her coffee waiting for her when she woke up.
She saw it sitting on the chest of drawers.
"It's for you." He he said softly.
"Thanks, you didn’t have to. I could have gone and got it." She picked up the cup and sipped it, like a fine wine, closing her eyes as she did.
He stared at how beautiful she looked in that gown. How her hair shined, how her eyes were so full of life. And the funny thing was, Anna Lee had no idea how beautiful she was, or how charming.
"Well, women usually take a while to get dressed and all, so I figured since I wanted one too, I'd get yours too."
"I guess you'd know more about that, than I would."
"What?" he raised a brow.
"How long it takes a woman to get dressed."
"Oh, now look, Anna Lee—"
"Thanks, I appreciate it." She sat up on the edge of the bed, sipping it. "They make good coffee here." She said absently.
"Yeah, good beer too!" he added, keeping the conversation light.
"Is it true they have a brewery in the basement?"
"Yes, it's very cool down there, most of the food they prepare is kept down there until it's ready to be cooked. And the wines they carry, too. Mr. Menger used to give regular tours of the basement when he was alive."
"It's funny," she almost laughed.
"What?"
"You have always been sort of my teacher. You always knew so much about everything, and that hasn't changed. I was always so curious about things. I guess the five years does make a difference in people."
"About some things, I suppose. But you taught me a few things along the way too."
"Me? What could I have taught you?"
"Patience for one thing. And that there will never be another like you in a million years."
She ignored the compliment. "I didn't want to bring it up, but yesterday you spent a lot of money. Where did you get it, if you don't mind me asking?"
He threw back his head and chuckled. "You think I did rob a bank or something?"
"Or something!" she waited for his answer.
"You haven't been out to the ranch in a long time, hav
e you?" He asked.
"I guess not, no. Why?"
"I've started breeding horses, I make quite a lot now."
She looked at him, startled. "Breeding horses?"
"Yeah, I met a man, here in fact, a cattleman or at least he had been. He went into breeding horses and said there was big money in it. So, I listened and learned and after meeting with him several times here, he got me started."
"I didn't know," she said almost breathlessly. "No one ever said anything about you doing it, so I had no idea. How long has this been going on?'
"About five years now."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I don't know, you never asked, I didn't think you'd be interested in it. After I left you, the next time I saw you was at a party, Jennifer Redford's birthday party. You were surrounded by admirers. I barely had the chance to say hello to you."
"I know. I saw you, but I was determined not to bother you any longer. Rumors were always flying around that town. I didn't want to hurt your reputation. Everyone spoke so well of you, after you left."
She hung her head. "My God," she got up and paced the room nervously now. "There is so much I don't know about you now. You're like a stranger. Why do you keep everything so quiet? Any other man would brag about his success."
"I guess I was afraid the girls in town might find out and want to latch on to me for my money." He chuckled.
"You kept quiet about making all that money. You kept quiet about the girl you bought the horse for. I'm surprised you told anyone about me being your wife!"
When he didn't say anything, she looked at him seriously.
"Why did you?"
"Because it's the truth, isn't it?" he stared at her now.
"We can remedy that any time you want." She told him, boldly.
"Is that what you want?" he asked a frown lining his handsome face now.
"It doesn't matter what I want. You wanted me to grow up and face facts. Well, I'm facing them. You married me out of pity, out of friendship. And it ruined your life. But facing facts I can rectify it. God, now they'll think I married you for your money! I don't know which is worse. The truth or the lie!"
"Is that all it boils down to, what others think of you back home?" He asked.