Unkown Forces

by Samantha Hicks

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want some coffee or tea? I also have a choice of juices.”

  “Orange juice would be great.”

  “Take a seat.” Riley did as requested as Angela pulled a glass from a cabinet and filled it with the orange liquid. “You said you talked to Jennifer?” she asked as she passed it to Riley.

  “Yes. The long and short of it is, I told her I was in love with her, and she shot me down.” She couldn’t stop the smile that graced her lips, remembering Jennifer kissing her in the kitchen.

  “Then why do you look so happy?”

  Riley explained the conversation they’d had and her certainty that Jennifer was in love with her. “I can see it in her eyes, and although she thinks that someday I’m going to get tired of waiting for her, I know I won’t.”

  “How can you be so sure?” Angela asked, her face marred with scepticism.

  “I’ve loved her since I was fourteen, and no matter how hard I tried to move on before, I never could. Every time I see her I fall more in love with her. I can’t see that changing. She’s who I want.”

  “What will you do?”

  “What I’ve always done. Keep seeing her, helping out if she needs me to, but mostly be her friend. She’ll come around eventually.”

  “And what if she doesn’t?”

  “She will. She just needs to accept she loves me too.”

  Angela reached across the table and rested her hand on Riley’s forearm. “Sweetheart, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

  “I won’t, it’s fine.” Not wanting her mother to talk her out of waiting for Jennifer, she changed the subject. “I have some other news for you. I sold Dad’s house the other day.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t want the money, so I put half of it into a trust fund for Emily for when she’s older.”

  Angela’s smile was genuine. “What a lovely gesture.”

  “I also gave Jennifer ten thousand to help with her living expenses, as she won’t be able to work while looking after Emily.”

  “That’s a lot of money.”

  “She needs it more than I do. Kelsey meant the world to me. She was like the sister I never had. I don’t need the money, and her family does.”

  “You are a very kind-hearted woman.”

  “I have another banker’s draft in the truck for you. The house was part yours and it’s only fair you should get something from it.”

  Angela shook her head. “Riley, your dad bought me out years ago. That money belongs to you.”

  Riley had learned that from all the paperwork she had found in a cupboard at his house, but she still didn’t feel right taking it. “If you don’t want it, maybe you can use it for Justin? Or just leave it in the bank. I don’t care, I just don’t want it.”

  “Why?” her mother asked with such sympathy that Riley had to concentrate on not balling her hands into fists. That was a hard question to answer. One she wasn’t sure she could, but the hatred she had for the man who had raised her boiled in her gut. “He took so much from me growing up. I guess I don’t want any reminders of what he did to us all.”

  “You feel guilty, don’t you?”

  Did she? Maybe.

  “Honey, what happened with your father was not your fault. You don’t need to try and assuage a guilt that shouldn’t exist.”

  “I just want to make things better.”

  “Everything will be fine. I’ll take the cheque and leave it in the bank. It’ll be there if you need it. Don’t argue with me. Richard and I are fine for money and Justin’s future is secure. That’s your money and I refuse to take it from you.”

  How could she make her understand that she didn’t want it? Looking at her mother’s hard stare, she knew arguing the point would be useless. “You’re not going to back down, are you?”

  “Would you?”

  “No.” Now she knew where her stubborn streak came from. She took a deep breath to help relax her. “I have a couple of boxes of things from the house I thought you might want, photographs of me growing up, that sort of thing.” Tears formed in her eyes as Angela stood and hugged her awkwardly over the table.

  “Thank you.”

  Before Riley could say you’re welcome, the back door flew open as Justin barreled through it, Richard not far behind him.

  “Sorry, Mama, I couldn’t wait any longer.”

  “That’s fine, Justin. Come meet your sister.”

  Riley stood from the chair and knelt in front of the little boy, her mirror image. “Hiya, Justin. I’m Riley.”

  Justin’s gaze roamed over her face as he squinted, assessing her. After a few moments he gave a satisfied nod and flung himself at her, wrapping his arms around her neck. She hugged him close.

  “Mama talks about you all the time. She’s missed you.”

  For such a little kid, he knew just how to throw an emotional punch. “I’ve missed her too,” she replied as she cried. “It’s great to finally meet you.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Jennifer stood in the doorway to Kelsey’s room, holding Emily close to her chest. She hadn’t been in here once in the six weeks since Kelsey’s death and the thought of going in terrified her. Izzy was the only person who had been inside, and that was only to sleep in the bed.

  Everything looked the same as it had when Kelsey was last here. Her glasses rested on the bedside table, her dirty clothes still in a pile by the door, and her perfume still lingered in the air.

  She looked down at Emily’s sleeping face and whispered, “What do you think, do you think you would like this as your new room? Hmm?” She took a deep breath and stepped inside. Her heart pounded heavily against her ribs as she sat on the edge of the bed. “This was your mummy’s room. She was rather a slob. I hope I can get you to tidy up better than I ever could her.”

  Jennifer looked to the bedside table and her gaze fell onto the picture frame that stood there. She smiled. The photo was of Kelsey and Riley in their prom outfits.

  Riley. What was she going to do about her? When Riley had come over and given her the trust fund and a cheque for ten thousand pounds, Jennifer was enraged. For a moment, she thought Riley was trying to buy her way into her life. However, she quickly realized that Riley was looking out for her and Emily. Jennifer had wanted to turn her down, not wanting her helplessness to show, but one look into her compassionate eyes had Jennifer accepting the gifts.

  The sad heaviness of being in Kelsey’s room engulfed her, wrapping around her heart and squeezing painfully. She needed to get out of here. Jennifer stood and headed to the box room at the other end of the short hallway. She pushed open the door and looked at all the boxes piled high with her parents’ belongings. After they had died, Jennifer hadn’t changed things in the house. Gradually, though, she had boxed most of her parents’ things and stored them in what was once her old room, as she took over the main bedroom.

  She spoke to Emily again. “Or there’s this room if you would prefer. I guess it’s probably time I sorted through all this and got rid of most of it. No point holding on to things for no reason.”

  She and Kelsey had avoided looking through any of the boxes for the past fifteen years. They just boxed it all up and shut the door. The thought of going through it all now still brought an ache to her chest, but it would have to be done. There was absolutely no point just letting it fester in there until she herself died. Jennifer didn’t want to leave all this stuff for someone else to clear out one day, and that’s all it was, stuff. She’d keep the photos and her mother’s jewellery, but she didn’t need to hang on to anything else. She pulled the door closed and went to her own room. She settled Emily into her cot, then grabbed her phone off the bed. She checked the time to make sure it wasn’t too late to call, and searched for Riley’s number. Her pulse quickened as she waited for her to answer.

  “Hello, Jenny.”

  Her voice was husky, and Jennifer wondered if she had been asleep. It was nine at night, but that d
idn’t mean Riley hadn’t gone to bed early. A stab of jealously wormed its way under her skin as the image of Riley in bed with another woman flashed in her mind. She desperately wanted to ask if she was alone, but knew it was none of her business. She had no claim on Riley and that was her own fault.

  “Hi, sorry it’s late.”

  “Not a problem. I was just chilling in front of the TV. Are you okay? Everything all right with Emily?”

  “Yes, we’re fine. I was wondering if your offer to help with a nursery was still on the table.”

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you.” She sat on the bed and swung her legs up so she could lie down. “I was thinking about Kelsey’s room for it, but I think it’s too soon. I was hoping maybe you could help me clear out the box room and we can fix it for her.”

  “Aren’t your folks’ things in there still?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Riley was always so thoughtful. Always thinking of others. Why am I determined to push her away? She’s always here when I need her. Jennifer smiled, thinking how Riley was always here when she didn’t need her too. “Yes, I’m sure. It’s time.”

  “Okay. So, it’s just my truck and manual labour you’re after?”

  She was undoubtedly joking, but Jennifer detected the underlying tension in her voice. The thought of Riley thinking Jennifer was just using her for her own means terrified her. She closed her eyes and whispered, “I want a lot more than that from you and you know it.”

  “Yes, I know,” she said with a hint of regret. They were both silent for a moment, then Riley continued. “I know it’ll be hard for you dealing with all their things. I’m glad you want me with you.”

  Jennifer was dismayed to feel tears falling from her eyes and tricking into her ears, then onto the pillow behind her head. “I always want you with me.”

  “Please don’t cry, Jenny. You know I’d do anything for you. It kills me I can’t be there with you now, holding you.”

  “I know.” And she did know. Riley was in love with her. Why Jennifer couldn’t just grab a hold of her and never let go, she didn’t know. She dreaded the depth of her own feelings for Riley, and the fear of Riley leaving one day nearly crushed her. Jennifer always had to be in control. Ever since her parents died, she had to plan and strategise everything in her life to make sure she and Kelsey stayed together.

  She hadn’t planned for Riley.

  The unknown forces of the world had a way of shaking up her life and she didn’t like it. She wanted to believe everything would be okay, but she couldn’t risk her heart to Riley. That was too much.

  “I don’t know what I would do without you.” She hadn’t realised she said the words until Riley’s voice cut through the line.

  “You will never have to find out.”

  “Emily’s waking up. I have to go.” That was a lie. Emily was still fast asleep, but Jennifer needed to end the conversation before she said something she would no doubt regret. “If you’re not busy on the weekend, I was thinking we could make a start on clearing some things out of the room.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll see you then.”

  They hung up and Jennifer curled onto her side as she sobbed quietly, trying not to wake Emily. She had lost her parents, she had lost Kelsey, and now it felt as though she was losing Riley too.

  It’s not a loss when you throw it away.

  She didn’t know how long she lay there weeping before she heard a key in the back door. She knew who it was. Riley was the only other person who had a key, in case of an emergency.

  She sat up and held her breath, waiting.

  Footsteps lightly made their way up the stairs, and before she knew it, Riley filled her doorway, wearing a thin T-shit and joggers cut off at the knees.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  “What are you doing here, Riley?” Jennifer asked.

  That was a good question, and Riley wasn’t sure she had the answer for it. All she knew was that listening to Jennifer sound so desolate on the phone broke her heart. All she wanted to do was reach through the phone and take her in her arms. After they had hung up, she didn’t even remember grabbing her keys for the truck and running out the door. She hadn’t even changed out of her slob-around-the-house clothes. She just wanted to get here as fast as she could. And judging by the tear streaks still visible on Jennifer’s cheeks, it was the right decision.

  “Honestly? You sounded upset and I couldn’t bear it.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Riley shook her head. Jennifer might like to think she had control of everything, but she didn’t. She could feel Jennifer’s emotions rolling off her from the other side of the room. Riley had had enough of her trying to push her away. She strode across to the bed and cupped Jennifer’s cheeks. “You don’t need to hide from me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “No, you don’t.” Taking a chance which could possibly ruin everything, she lowered her head and touched her lips to Jennifer’s and was pleased when she didn’t pull away. Jennifer’s hands came to her waist, tugging her closer. Riley kissed her harder and suddenly she was falling. Jennifer was pulling her on top of her, and Riley settled between her spread legs, careful not to press her full weight on top of her.

  “I love you, Jenny,” she whispered into her mouth.

  “Oh God, I love you too. I’ve tried not to, but I can’t help it.”

  “You don’t have to fight it. We can get through this together.” Riley ran her fingers down Jennifer’s arm and grasped her hand, which she placed on her own chest. “Feel my heart beating for you. Please don’t send me away again.”

  Jennifer’s gaze was fierce as she whispered, “No, never again.”

  Riley couldn’t hold back any longer. She kissed Jennifer with as much heat and passion as she could. Jennifer had finally said yes, and Riley vowed to show her for the rest of her life how much she loved her.

  Jennifer’s hand snaked under her T-shirt and cupped her breast. Riley was pleased she hadn’t bothered to put on a bra. Riley trailed her lips down her neck to the hollow at the base of her throat, where she sucked gently, making Jennifer moan. She’d been about to trail her hand up Jennifer’s thigh when Emily stirred from her nap, letting out a high-pitched cry. Riley laughed, and Jennifer blew out a breath, the cool air touching her face and cooling her flushed skin.

  “I guess we need to get used to being interrupted,” Riley said.

  “I’m sorry. She’s due a feed.”

  Riley rolled off her, allowing Jennifer to stand and collect Emily from where she lay. “It’s okay. We have plenty of time to do ‘stuff’.”

  “Stuff?” Jennifer said with a grin. “Since when did you become a prude?”

  “I’m not a prude. I just didn’t want to say S-E-X in front of her.” She had spelled out the word, and Jennifer burst into laughter.

  “Thirty seconds ago, we were going to be having sex with her in the room. Saying the word will not corrupt her.”

  “I wasn’t thinking a minute ago. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable doing it with her here.” Heat flushed across Riley’s skin.

  “She’s a baby, she wouldn’t know.”

  “But I would.”

  Jennifer stepped closer to her and kissed her quickly on the lips. “You are too sweet.” She ran her free hand down Riley’s side and cupped her intimately, and Riley couldn’t help but gasp. “I guess we will have to get that nursery finished sooner rather than later, then, won’t we?” Without waiting for a response, Jennifer turned on her heel and left the room with Emily.

  Riley flopped back onto the bed and let out a low moan. Jennifer’s laugh wafted through the door. She was turned-on and wet, and she, too, couldn’t wait to get the nursery finished. A thought crossed her mind. It was a big house. Plenty of room to find somewhere to do “stuff”. She got off the bed and went in search of Jennifer. Once Emily was settled, they could get back to what they were doing.

  She found Jenni
fer just settling onto the sofa, cradling Emily in her arms. Riley motioned to the bottle Jennifer was about to place into Emily’s mouth. “Can I do that?”

  “Yes, of course. Come here.”

  Riley settled next to her, and Jennifer passed Emily and the bottle over. After getting comfortable, Riley began to feed her. She could feel Jennifer’s gaze on her. “What?”

  “Nothing. Just admiring how sexy you look.”

  “I hardly think what I’m wearing can be classified as sexy.” She grimaced as Emily chose that moment to push some milk out of her mouth and dribble on Riley’s shirt. “And now I have spit-up on me.”

  Jennifer laughed, and the sound was delicious. It had been too long since Riley had heard her laugh, and it warmed her heart. It would take time to heal from the loss they both shared, but she hoped eventually the pain would lessen. Riley would do whatever she could to help them both.

  Emily finished the bottle, and Jennifer took her from her arms. “I’ll go up and change her and settle her down. I won’t be long.”

  Jennifer headed upstairs and Riley set about making the lounge a little more comfortable for them both. She took the cushions off the sofa and spread them out on the floor, then covered them with the throw which was draped over the armchair. She rummaged through a kitchen drawer, looking for candles and a lighter, then placed them around the lounge. She turned off the light and waited for Jennifer to come back down. Her palms sweated as she hoped what she had done would be well received. She didn’t want to presume anything, but judging how pliant Jennifer had been in her arms a short while ago, she hoped it would be okay.

  She didn’t have to wait long before she heard Jennifer’s footsteps coming down the stairs. Riley looked up from her spot in the middle of the cushions and tried her best to calm her racing heart.

  “What’s all this?” Jennifer asked as she reached the last step. Her gaze swept around the intimate setting before she locked eyes with Riley.