by Lucy Monroe
“Miss Selwyn? Are you all right?”
Her gaze traveled up the perfectly tailored breeches to Drake’s well fitting coat. It finally made it to his face. He was frowning.
“I will not be able to join you for dinner this evening.” She never wanted to eat again.
Drake pushed the door to her cabin completely open. She would have protested, but couldn’t summon the energy for the effort. He took hold of her arms as if he thought she might fall. His skin was so much warmer than hers. It would no doubt shock him beyond measure if she pressed her body against his to soak up some of his warmth.
“Why didn’t you tell the steward you were sick? Where are the things I sent earlier?”
“Melly ate them. She’s feeling much better. Thank you.”
There. She’d done her polite duty. Now if he would just let her lie back in her bed to die in peace.
“You aren’t going to die.”
Mortified, Thea realized she’d spoken aloud. “How do you know? You’ve probably never had a day of seasickness in your life.” She sounded pitiful and she didn’t care.
He smiled. “I’ve seen enough of it to know it isn’t lethal.”
She frowned at his apparent good humor. “So you say.”
“So I know.” He moved a hand around her shoulder.
She would have taken him to task for taking such liberties, but suddenly his other hand slipped behind her knees and then she was suspended in air. He walked over to her bunk and laid her on it. “Stay put. I’ll be right back.”
Yet it seemed like hours before she heard Drake’s voice again. “Help her into her nightrail. Her corset is undoubtedly just making it worse.”
Thea spoke over the mumbled words of the woman Drake had brought with him. “I don’t wear a corset. They aren’t healthy. Several forward thinking physicians have already denounced them in America. It is just a matter of time before English women realize their peril.”
“Bloody hell. I should have guessed you’d be too damn independent to even dress like other women.”
“Don’t swear at me. It makes my head pound.”
He swore again and then grimaced. “I’m sorry.” He pressed a wet cloth to her forehead. “This will help your head.”
The other woman said, “Changing into her nightrail will undoubtedly make her more comfortable, corsets or not. Her petticoats can’t be comfortable in this heat.”
Heat? What was the woman blathering about? It was cold as anything in her cabin. Maybe if she were wearing the petticoats the other woman thought she was, Thea would be warmer. She wasn’t about to have a stranger undress her and discover the concessions she made to the Caribbean heat. Aunt Ruth would have apoplexy if she knew.
“No.”
Drake soothed her with a hand on her hair. “Shh. It’s quite all right. Mrs. Coombs is a companion to one of the passengers on board. She will help you change.”
“I don’t want a stranger to undress me.
He sighed his expression both concerned and chagrined. “This is no time to be argumentative, Miss Selwyn. You are in no condition to dress yourself.”
She felt tears in her eyes and blinked at them. It must be the seasickness. She never cried. “Please.”
He brushed at the wetness on her cheek. “Very well. Mrs. Coombs and I will leave you alone for a few minutes while you change into less confining clothes.”
He stood up and she had an insane urge to beg him to stay. He couldn’t, of course. It was unthinkable. But his presence comforted her.
She heard the door on her cabin close. Removing the cloth from her eyes she verified that the room was empty except for her and the sleeping Melly. She forced herself to stand. She opened the trunk, breathing shallowly lest she bring on another bout of the sickness. She pulled out her nightrail and wrapper. Undoing the tapes on her gown she let it fall to the floor and pulled the other garments on. Mrs. Coombs had been right. They were more comfortable.
She left her dress in a heap on the floor and slowly made her way back to the bed just as a soft knock sounded on the door.
“Miss Selwyn, are you finished?”
“Yes.”
He opened the door and she saw that he was alone.
“Where is Mrs. Coombs?”
“I sent her back to her dinner.”
He moved to sit next to her on the bed.
“This is not at all proper.”
Picking up the damp cloth, he shrugged. “Nonsense. Your maid is here.”
Laughter surprised her. She didn’t know she was still capable of mirth. “Melly is sleeping like she took a hefty dose of laudanum.”
“The tea sometimes has that affect.”
She looked sideways at him. “It must have something more than ginger in it.”
He shrugged again. “A few things.”
“May I have some?”
He smiled. “Want to sleep, do you?”
She eyed her maid who snored softly. “She looks much more comfortable than I feel.”
“First you need to eat some beef and biscuits.”
She looked at the salted beef in Drake’s hand and shook her head. “I can’t eat anything.”
“Your maid did.”
She glared at him. “She wasn’t as sick as I am.”
“You want to feel better, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Then eat.” He offered her the beef.
She ate. It tasted surprisingly palatable. Not good, but not terrible either. Its saltiness made her thirsty, however. Drake must have read her mind because he offered her the spiced ginger tea.
She took a couple sips and then he pulled the tea from her. “You need to eat some biscuit too.”
“I know I said I didn’t need a nursemaid, but you make a surprisingly good one.”
He didn’t smile. He just met her eyes and what she saw in his made her take a hasty bite of the biscuit.
“I don’t feel like a nursemaid when I’m with you, Thea.”
“You don’t?” Her voice squeaked.
“No.”
“What…” She cleared her throat. The biscuit was too dry. “What do you feel like?”
His mouth came to within a breath of hers. “A man.”
“May I have some more tea, please?”
He laughed and moved back. “Yes you may, little coward.”
She would have argued, but for once she could not deny his words. He was right. She was a coward. The look in his eyes and the way it affected her, terrified her. She took several more sips of the tea.
“This is really quite good. Whose recipe is it?”
He stood and began to pull her wrapper from her. She was too tired to protest the liberty.
“My mother’s.”
“She must be a very wise woman.”
“About most things, yes.”
“What isn’t she wise about?”
“My father.”
Thea yawned and did not resist when Drake tipped her sideways so that her head rested on the pillow and then lifted her feet onto the bed. “That’s interesting. My mother wasn’t wise about my father either. I guess we have something in common.”
Drake drew the light coverlet to her chin. “We have more than that in common.”
She could barely keep her eyes open. “How else are we alike?”
He tucked the blanket around her. “I want you.” He gently smoothed her hair away from her face, the touch affecting her strangely. “You want me too.”
******
Drake spent a portion of each day checking on Thea and forcing her to take sustenance. Even in her weakened condition, he found her more alluring than any other woman he had ever known. Both vulnerable and independent, she fascinated him.
Looking out over the ship’s rail at the rapidly passing water, satisfaction coursed through him. If they kept up their current pace, they would make port with time to spare. He turned and walked to Thea’s cabin.
The maid had thanked him profusel
y for his help, saying that without it, she would not have gotten her mistress to eat anything. He didn’t doubt the maid’s words. Thea made a terrible patient, being too stubborn for her own good. He had no choice, but to continue visiting her.
His suspicion that she wore no petticoats had been confirmed the first evening when he returned to her cabin and found her dress in a pile on the floor. He had picked up the garment and folded it. There had been nothing else to put away. He should have been scandalized by her wantonness or at the very least convinced that she was no better than she should be. He was neither. He’d made that mistake once already.
Thea’s innocence screamed from her clear, blue eyes when they widened at his teasing. She let him touch her, to feed her and care for her, but when he caressed her arm or touched her lips, she turned skittish. And every day he spent in her company he wanted her more.
As oblivious to her appeal as her uncle had claimed, she peppered him with questions about his ship and how the steam engine worked. She wanted every last detail and he found unexpected pleasure in sharing them with her.
He knocked rapidly on her door, surprised when it opened immediately. Thea stood on the other side. Dressed. Her Capucine gown hung loosely under a shawl of light cotton.
“What the bloody hell are you doing out of bed?” He followed his question with a glare meant to make her see sense, but she responded with a blinding smile.
“Isn’t it lovely? I finally feel well enough to get up.” She looked ready to fall over. “I’m going for a walk. I want to see the ship I’ve been sailing on for weeks.”
“I’ll take you to a chair on the passenger deck.”
Her face fell. “But I wanted to tour the ship.”
“You need to work up your strength. Perhaps tomorrow.”
Her mouth set in a mutinous line, she shook her head. “I don’t want to lay on a deck chair like an invalid.”
“Where is Melly? I can’t believe she has agreed to accompany you on your little jaunt.”
Thea’s pale skin gained a little color. “She didn’t. She’s gone to visit friends she’s made on board.”
The knowledge surprised him. Not that the maid had friends. Thea insisted that Melly leave the cabin each day for meals and a bracing walk as she called it. To his knowledge, the maid never walked further than the passenger parlor. What surprised him was that the maid would leave Thea, knowing he was due to visit soon. He came at nearly the same time every day.
“She’ll be back soon, I’m sure.”
“I’ve told her to spend the afternoon as she wishes.”
“You were planning to go alone?” Unexpected anger seared him. “What if you had gotten ill? Who would look after you?”
“I had intended to walk with you.” She smiled charmingly at him. “You are not too busy, are you?”
He had no doubt that if he refused, she would go alone. “I would like nothing better than to escort you to a chair on deck.”
“I want to go for a walk.”
“Let’s see how you feel when we get outside, shall we?” She looked ready to argue, but then she nodded. “Fine.”
When they stepped onto the deck and into the sun, Thea stopped and tossed her head back, her eyes closed. She breathed in deeply. “Fresh air. It’s a luxury I no longer take for granted.”
He couldn’t resist running his finger down her cheek. Her head snapped up and her eyes opened. She stared at him in silence. He dropped his hand. “Come along before I forget that my mother tried to teach me to be a gentleman.”
“Your father didn’t teach you?”
“No.”
They continued along the deck in a surprisingly companionable silence until she sighed. “I don’t remember walking ever being this exhausting.”
He looked down at her face and frowned at her wan expression. “Ready to sit down?”
Her eyes narrowed. “You just love being right, don’t you?”
He wanted to laugh at her irritated expression, but he restrained himself. “Well?”
“Yes.” She gripped his arm tightly with both hands as he led her up a set of steps that opened onto the passenger deck.
“Do you want me to leave you in peace once you are settled in your chair?”
“Don’t you dare.” She glared at him. “You have a responsibility to entertain me while I’m on deck. After all, you escorted me here. It is the gentlemanly thing to do.”
The little baggage. She had insisted on coming on deck and now she tried to make it sound as if the whole enterprise had been his idea.
“I said my mother tried to teach me to be a gentleman. I did not say that she succeeded.”
“Nevertheless, you would not wish me to make a poor report to her when we reach England.”
“You plan on speaking to my mother?”
“I imagine I will meet her at one entertainment or another. From what Aunt Ruth said, that’s about all ladies of quality do during the Season. Float from one soiree to the next.”
She sounded disgruntled by the notion, which made little sense considering the Season was her chief reason for insisting on passage aboard his ship.
“You are so certain my mother is a lady of quality?”
“Do not try to gammon me, Drake. You have a lamentable sense of humor, to be sure. You could not be who you are and your mother a common woman who sells meat pasties for a living.”
He stopped her and forced her to meet his gaze by placing a hand on her chin and lifting her face. “Who am I, Thea?”
“You are a man of honor and integrity.”
He felt warmed by her faith in him. “A common man cannot have these qualities?”
She pulled her chin from his grasp, but didn’t break eye contact. “Of course he can. That’s not what I meant. You talk like a gentleman, you carry yourself with enough arrogance for a duke, though I doubt you are that or your crew would not call you mister. You are probably a second son, who by rights of personality and bearing should have been first born.”
Her assessment hit much too close to reality for his comfort. It was time to change the subject. “Here are the chairs.”
She turned to look where he pointed and undoubtedly saw what he did. Several of the elderly passengers occupied the chairs. However, the one closest to them was empty.
“You said you would stay and visit me, but there is only one chair.”
He had not actually agreed, but he didn’t belabor the point. “I’ll sit on the deck.”
She sighed. He didn’t know if it was with relief or resignation. He pulled the chair away from the other passengers. He did not want to share Thea with anyone.
Once she was settled, he covered her legs with a small quilt he’d taken from her cabin. “Warm enough?”
“Yes.” She smiled up at him, her expression quizzical. “You take very good care of me, Drake. Why?”
“You’re a passenger on my ship. I’m responsible.”
Disappointment showed on her face. “Oh.”
He stifled a laugh.
She smoothed the quilt across her knees. “It’s a good thing not too many passengers get seasick like I did.”
“Yes, it is.”
She raised her gaze, her eyes filled with feigned innocence. “You would never have a moment to yourself.”
CHAPTER FIVE
I am growing stronger, for yesterday when Langley came calling again, I told him that although I wished to see my son, I never wanted to see Langley again. I could not stomach the sight of his cruelty. He was so angry, I thought he might strike me. I stood and dared him to. Actually dared him. He stared at me as if I had transformed into some remarkable sea creature. He stormed from the room without saying another word. I am still shaking from my own temerity.
June 13, 1798 Journal of Anna Selwyn, Countess of Langley
Adjusting her legs for comfort, she turned her face toward the sun again. She hated feeling like an invalid.
What must he think of her needing to sit her days
away in a deckchair like one of the elderly passengers? The thought that she cared entirely too much for Drake’s opinion unsettled her. Drat the man. He should have maintained his overbearing arrogance and all would have been well.
Instead, he had cared for her like a treasured friend. Or something more.
She had not dreamed his assertion that he wanted her that first night, or had she? He had said nothing since.
“Have you worked it all out in your mind?”
His voice startled her from her reverie. “What do you mean? Worked what out?”
“Whatever has put that look of anxiety on your face and kept you silent for the past five minutes.” He shifted his legs, crossing one over the other as he leaned against the rail opposite her chair. “You did say you wanted my company, but thus far you have ignored me.”
“Five minutes of silence does not constitute ignoring you.” She frowned up at him. “You must be accustomed to being fawned over in London. Are you very rich, Drake?”
He shrugged. “Rich enough.”
“I thought so. For it certainly can’t be your sunny disposition that has gotten you so accustomed to a lady’s undivided attention.”
The wary expression he wore turned to laughter. “You think my money is all that recommends me to women?”
“Well, you are very attractive as well.” She must be honest.
“You find me attractive?”
He moved to stand very close to her chair. The sea air mixed with his uniquely masculine scent and she wanted to touch him, feel the hardened muscles of his body under her hands. Oh, she was wanton. She felt a blush crawl up her skin.
Nevertheless, she did not like the complacent air about him. “In a general sort of way, yes.”
“What does that mean?”
She looked away from his too intent gaze. “It means that your overall appearance would be quite pleasing to ladies.”
Looking sideways at the elderly woman nearest to them, she sighed in relief when she realized that the other woman was asleep. What an embarrassing topic to be overheard discussing.
He laughed again. “So, there is nothing particular about me that you find appealing?”
Was he mocking her? She couldn’t tell.