by Lucy Monroe
She chewed on her bottom lip. “There is that.” She did want him, even now, but those feelings would fade with time.
They had to.
“There is also the fact that you care nothing for society’s opinion,” he continued.
“So?”
“My wife will face a certain amount of ostracism.”
She wrinkled her forehead. “Lady Boyle said your grandfather refused to allow you to be ignored by society.”
He turned away, his gaze fixed on the view of the sea out her portal window. “It is true that anyone who wishes to claim his acquaintance knows better than to neglect the social niceties toward my mother and myself, but that is all surface. The ton is very good at making its disapproval known without actually cutting someone.”
She gasped. “That’s terrible.”
“But true. Any female seen in my company is censured. It’s not exactly tonnish behavior to be courted by a bastard, even if he is the grandson of a duke.”
“Have you courted many women?” She hated the thought that Drake had wanted to marry someone else.
He turned to face her, his expression unreadable. “One.”
Her heart did a funny flip-flop. “Was she afraid of society’s disapproval if she married you?”
He shrugged. “She could not see herself married to a penniless bastard.”
“You are illegitimate, not a bastard and you aren’t poor.”
“I was then. I was only twenty at the time and my prospects were not promising.”
“Did you love her?”
“I thought I did.”
His anger earlier made sense. “She’s the one, isn’t she?”
His dark gaze narrowed warily. “The one what?”
“The one who believed you were good enough to be her lover, but not her husband.” She knew she was right when he broke eye contact and turned away again. She jumped up and went to him. Reaching up to lay her hand on his shoulder, she tugged at him. “What happened?”
“I may be a bastard, but I’m not a gossip. If you want the story, you’ll have to ask my aunt.”
She hastily stepped back, stung by the harsh rebuke in his voice. “I wasn’t trying to gossip.”
He turned to face her. “None of it matters now. I want to marry you.”
“Because you want me in your bed and you think it doesn’t matter to me what the ton will say if I marry you.”
“Does it?”
She frowned. “Of course not.”
“Then marry me.”
Longing so strong it nearly knocked her over, lanced through her. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve already told you.”
“You aren’t afraid of anything else, why are you such a coward about this?”
She felt like he’d slapped her. She wasn’t a coward. She wasn’t. She was just realistic. Marriage entailed too many sacrifices for a woman and not enough benefits. Besides, she had made a promise to her mother. A promise she must keep.
“You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand.” He pulled her into his arms and she wanted desperately to stay there for the rest of her life.
Pushing the impossible thought away, she struggled to get free. “Let me go.”
“Explain why you won’t marry me.”
“I promised her. She was dying and she only wanted two things from me.” She pounded on his chest in her frustration. “Don’t you understand? I couldn’t refuse.”
He went completely still and she stopped her struggles.
“Your mother made you promise never to marry?”
“Not exactly.” She owed him the entire truth although it hurt to say it out loud. “I promised her I would never marry a man like my father.”
Suddenly she was free. She ached for his arms about her, to make her feel safe.
From the look on his face, he’d never hold her again. “You believe I’m like your father?”
“I don’t believe you are cruel, but you are a hard man, certain of your own opinion and intent on having your own way.”
Much like herself, but marriage gave him the power to win against her strength of will. The law and society were both heavily weighted in a man’s favor.
“You want to marry some spineless creature to insure he can never hurt you like your father hurt your mother?” The incredulous tone in his voice left her in no doubt how ridiculous he found that possibility.
“I don’t want to marry anyone,” she assured him.
His brows tipped in mockery. “What about this afternoon?”
“It was wonderful.”
“I know you liked it, but have you considered the consequences?”
Wasn’t she dealing with them right now?
“What consequences exactly are you talking about?” In his current frame of mind, she wasn’t making assumptions about anything.
“A child. A bastard baby that will suffer all that I have and more if you refuse to give it my name.”
The words slammed into her like a gale force wind. “A baby?” She stumbled backward until she sat on the chair. “I hadn’t thought.”
“Obviously.” His expression chilled her to the very marrow of her bones.
She laid her hand against her stomach, wondering if new life had been created there in their coupling on the narrow bunk in Drake’s stateroom. “Surely just the one time cannot create life.”
His laugh was harsh and entirely without humor. “My mother gave herself to my father only once.”
Her gaze flew to his.
Anger welled up inside of her at the look of condemnation she saw on his face. “Why didn’t you think of it? If we did make a baby, which I doubt, it required your full cooperation.”
“Yes, it did.” He walked to the door and placed his hand on the latch. “You were right when you said I am a hard man, Thea. No child of mine will ever be labeled bastard. If you are pregnant, you will marry me.”
He made the promise sound like a threat as he slammed out the door. She shivered. What had she done?
******
“What the bloody hell do you mean, a dinghy is missing?”
Drake’s roar of fury did nothing to release the anger that had shimmered below the surface since his argument with Thea two days ago. Damnation. The bloody little baggage had refused to marry him, accusing him of being like her father. Then Fox had gone to ground and an entire crew of seamen had been unable to find him. Drake hadn’t slept since Fox’s disappearance and his temper was on a very short leash.
He grabbed the young sailor by the front of his striped cotton shirt and lifted until the man’s feet no longer touched the deck. “Didn’t the captain give strict instructions to have all the dinghies guarded until Fox was found?”
He was no longer yelling, but that didn’t stop the sailor from wincing as if he were.
The sailor nodded, his face turning red. “Yes, sir, he did, but this one was under repair,” he wheezed, “not sea worthy. Didn’t think he could use it.”
“Drake.”
Damnation. Thea. He didn’t want to deal with telling her that he had lost Fox and their only link to the spy in the island’s shipping office. Bloody hell. His promise to her that he would find Fox rose up to mock him. Some job he was doing of protecting her. He couldn’t even find the blackguard that had attacked her on his own bloody ship. He turned toward her voice, still holding the sailor.
She came toward him with the same uninhibited stride that had caught his attention on their first meeting.
Her eyes were wide in question. “What are you doing?” She pointed to the sailor. “His face is turning purple. Put him down before he passes out.”
He obeyed the bossy bit of goods with a flick of his wrist. The sailor fell against the deck making a large thud on impact.
Drake looked past Thea and saw no sign of Melly or anyone else and the fury he had been trying to rein in, spiraled out of control.
Ignoring the sailor
who was crawling away with crablike movements, he glared at Thea. “Where’s your maid?”
Didn’t she know better than to leave Thea alone with her attacker still loose? Didn’t anyone but him realize the risks Thea faced?
She made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “I needed some time to think. I decided to take a walk. Melly was with me until I saw you. I sent her to the passenger parlor.”
She looked like she needed rest, not time to think.
“Fox is gone.”
Her luminescent blue eyes filled with confusion. “How? We’re on a ship. Won’t he drown if he jumped overboard?”
“A dinghy under repair has disappeared.”
“Is that why you were shaking that poor sailor?”
“He was in charge of guarding the dinghies. He’s lucky I didn’t throw him overboard.”
“But you said it was under repair. Surely Fox would not risk it on the open sea.”
“We’re closer to land than you think. Besides he’s better off risking the sea than what would happen to him if he gets caught.”
Her hands clenched at her sides. “When?”
“Probably last night.” Damn, he hated that look of disappointment on her face. “He used darkness to cover his escape. There was no moon.”
She nodded. “I know.”
So she had been unable to sleep too.
“That’s it then. I’ll just have to proceed with my investigation as planned and hope that nothing happens to Uncle Ashby in the meantime.” She had tried to sound confident, but he saw the fear in her eyes.
He couldn’t resist touching her. Placing his hands on her arms, he pulled her toward him. She didn’t resist, which surprised him. When he had her snug against him, she shuddered and wrapped her arms around his back.
“I missed you.” Her words came out in a broken whisper.
Bloody hell. She needed to make up her mind. Either he was a cruel-hearted monster she couldn’t marry or someone she couldn’t live without. He couldn’t be both. Didn’t she realize that?
Apparently not.
He rubbed her back, trying to infuse her with his strength. “It’s going to be all right, sweetheart. We’ll find the thief and he’ll tell me who his cohort is on the island. Nothing is going to happen to you, or Merewether.”
He’d do a better job of keeping this promise than he had the one to find her attacker. He had to.
“You’re still going to help me?”
Caught in his own determined need to keep her safe, he didn’t at first understand her hesitant question.
When he did, he had a good mind to shake her. “What the hell kind of question is that?”
She pulled away from him. “Don’t yell at me.”
“What is it with you, Thea? First you accuse me of being a cruel bastard like your father and then you imply that I will leave you to fend for yourself once we reach England. Next, you’ll accuse me of seducing your maid.”
She laughed and the sound cut through his anger as nothing else could have.
Her smile was like the sun coming from behind the clouds on a storm-ridden day. “I can assure you. I will never accuse you of seducing Melly.”
He released Thea completely and stepped away from her, but felt an answering smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “I am relieved to hear that.”
Her smiled dimmed slightly. “I did not mean to insult you. The thing is, I realized that since I refused to marry you, you might not wish to help me pursue my investigation.”
Just like that, the anger was back. “Damnation. Let us get a few things straight.”
She nodded, wisely remaining silent.
“One. I am going to help you find your thief.”
“Thank you.”
“Two. You will be staying with my aunt while we are in London so I can keep an eye on you.” When she looked ready to protest, he glared her into silence. “Think of it as insurance for your maid’s safety. You must realize that if you are in danger, so are the people close to you.”
Her eyes rounded in understanding and he knew he’d made his point when she bit her bottom lip. “All right.”
“Three.” He stopped and took her chin into his hand. He wanted her full attention for this one.
She met his gaze with her own, her eyes dark blue in their intensity.
“Three,” he repeated. “You are going to marry me because although I may be hard, I am not heartless and though I may be strong, I am not cruel.”
“Oh, Drake.” She said nothing else, but he took her lack of argument as a definite step in the right direction.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Lady Upworth has sent me sketches of Jared. He is a beautiful child, perfect in every way. Sometimes my arms ache to hold him and Thea will toddle into the room as if she knows. She climbs into my lap and sits quietly, so unlike my daughter, allowing me to rock her and sing songs I long to sing to my son as well. Lady Upworth does not mention Langley in her last letter. I think she is surprised and disappointed that my disappearance has not caused him to have a change of heart. I am neither. He has no heart and his own pride will prevent him from ever acknowledging his error.
November 11, 1800 Journal of Anna Selwyn, Countess of Langley
Lady Boyle’s coach lurched for what seemed like the hundredth time as it hit a dip in the road to from Liverpool to London.
Thea grabbed the strap hanging from the ceiling and held on, refusing to land on her backside on the carriage floor again. Once was enough. She could still feel the bruise on her hip that had resulted the one time she had allowed herself to nod off.
The ride smoothed out and she let go of the strap, settling more comfortably onto the leather carriage seat. The rest of the occupants of the carriage dozed. Lady Boyle and her companion, Mrs. Coombs, sat opposite Thea and Melly. Melly snorted in her sleep and Thea marveled at how she and the other women managed to keep their seats in their sleep. No one but her had so much as tipped forward regardless of how much the coach bounced along the uneven road.
Scooting toward the door, she peered out the window. The scenery was unlike anything she had ever seen. The lush green hills in no way resembled the tropical paradise on her island and yet there was such beauty in them that she had a physical ache looking. She wondered what London would be like.
Her first sight of Liverpool had made her feel faint. The busy docks and crowds of people were so unlike her island that she had wanted to stay onboard ship and sail right back to the Caribbean. Drake seemed to understand how overwhelming it all was because he had tucked her protectively against his side and kept her that way throughout the making of plans for her journey to London.
He had checked her into an Inn and left her playing cards with his aunt, Mrs. Coombs and Melly before going to attend to the business associated with bringing his ship into port on time. Later, he arranged for her to travel in his aunt’s coach to London.
So far, he had declined to join them, preferring to ride his horse along side the carriage. Looking around the crowded interior of the carriage, she did not blame him. Where would he sit – on the floor? At least it wasn’t raining, but the air was so cold that she shivered under the lap rug tucked around her. Drake must be cold indeed, but he hadn’t complained.
Gratitude for the crowded conditions made her feel guilty. She needed space and time to think about all the feelings he brought out in her. He made her wish for things she had planned to live her life without. Husband. Children. She touched her flat stomach. The thought of having Drake’s child should horrify her. Instead it filled her with unmistakable longing.
Could she possibly be carrying his baby? She did not doubt he would make good his threat to marry her then. After a lifetime paying the price for his own parent’s mistake, Drake was not about to hoist that sort of pain on his own child.
You are going to marry me.
His words haunted her. Did the man think he could dictate marriage to her? She supposed he did. Just like he tried to dictate so
many other things. The fact that she didn’t seem to mind, scared her witless. Was she in danger of breaking the promise she had made to her mother? The promise not to marry a hard man like her father.
Although I may be hard, I am not heartless and though I may be strong, I am not cruel. His words played in her mind like the beat of drums that often come from the slaves’ quarters at night back on her island. The words had the same disturbing quality.
Was it possible to be hard without slipping into cruelty? She did not know. Her mind rejected the possibility, but her heart longed for the words to be true.
Forcing herself to push thoughts of her personal relationship with Drake aside, she tried to concentrate on the investigation. She searched for holes in Drake’s plan to pose as an interested investor and couldn’t find any. She had to admit that the idea would work nicely in allowing her to access the ledgers and spend time in the London office. It would also keep her in his constant company.
The knowledge both alarmed and enthralled her.
******
Thea tried to see through the brown fog that clung to pavement outside Lady Boyle’s townhouse. She shook her head at the useless exercise. Between the lace curtains that Lady Boyle insisted must not be moved and the fog, Thea could not see a thing.
“He’ll not get here any faster no matter how many times you look out that window, child.”
She sighed and nodded in agreement with Lady Boyle’s comment. “I know.” She jumped up and began pacing the room. “I cannot wait to hear how it went at Lloyds of London. He brought The Golden Dragon in to port on time and they will be forced to pay his policy.”
“It was a very near thing.” Lady Boyle’s knitting needles clicked in a steady rhythm, uninterrupted by their discussion.
Thea swung to face the older woman. “Yes, it was. Imagine coming into port with only two days to spare. Drake must feel very accomplished.”
She wondered if that were true. He had played down his achievement and treated his visit to the insurance company as just a routine business call.