by Lucy Monroe
Just like the first time, her marriage was over before it had begun. She had had one day and one night of contentment, of happiness. That was more than she had experienced in six long years, but was it worth the pain that now shredded her soul?
Even if she convinced Jared of her innocence, she would never have that kind of happiness again. She had finally learned the lesson Deveril had tried to so hard to teach her.
She was not worthy of love.
What would Jared do? Would he turn her over to the magistrate?
She knew he would not beat her. He might hate her, but Jared would not use his fists to vent his fury.
She thought of the duke’s words on that fateful Saturday, his accusations against Jared and his family. She had believed in Jared, even in the face of the scandalous facts. Because she loved him. He was furious right now. So angry, his feelings had vibrated in the parlor and yet she trusted him not to physically hurt her. Because she loved him.
But he did not love her. He did not trust her.
It hurt.
She didn’t want it to hurt. She didn’t want to feel, but she couldn’t help it. She loved and she hurt.
She loved Jared so much that she could not bring back the ice to protect her heart from the pain it now suffered. And he despised her. He believed she was capable of trying to murder their daughter. How could he believe her capable of such base cruelty? She had been a coward, but never cruel.
Her hands clenched at her sides until her short nails dug into her palms.
Jared could not know her at all if he believed her capable of such ugliness. Once again, she found herself married to a man who saw only the surface. Jared did not expect perfection, but he didn’t believe in her basic integrity either. Only a monster would try to kill an innocent child.
She was no monster.
She loved Hannah. Someone was trying to kill her daughter and Calantha would rather die than let that happen. The thought of losing the child she had grown to love so deeply tore at her insides. Hannah of the sweet smiles and dimpled knees. The more she got to know the child, the more the sweetness of her mother, Mary, shown through. A woman Jared had obviously believed worthy of love.
The only thing she didn't understand was why they had never married. But then she only had to look at her own past to find the answer. She had never wanted to marry again after suffering Deveril's cruelty, how much more would Mary balk at the prospect after being raped by him? Even those thoughts could not hold her attention now.
Hannah adored her rose candy and someone had used that knowledge to try to harm the little girl. As Thea had said, all of the children could have been harmed. The only person she had ever known in her life that could be that vicious was dead. How much of that evil lived in his brother? Calantha could not let that happen.
No matter what it took, Hannah must be protected.
That meant Calantha had to prove her innocence, or Jared would believe he had the culprit and relax his vigilance on Hannah’s behalf. He must not do so. Not while the true villain still remained in the shadows ready to strike again.
Calling on two years of dealing with brutality and pain, she withdrew into herself to that place of safety she thought she would never have to use again. As she clamped down on her emotions, her fear receded and her mind began to function once again.
The first clear thought she had to stay focused on was that she knew she was innocent. If she was innocent, then someone else had put these events into motion.
She let her mind drift back over the past three weeks, trying to piece together a clear picture of the order of events. Henry came to call. He adamantly opposed her relationship with Jared. She went to see Hannah. She left without meeting the child, once again giving into her weak-kneed fear.
Jared brought Hannah to see her. She fell in love with the little girl and her adopted father. Henry came to call again, this time with Ellen. Neither were pleased with her association with Jared, or her upcoming wedding. Were the reasons they had given sufficient for the level of their distaste? She had to admit that in the eyes of a Clairborne they would be.
Calantha had then learned her body’s response at Jared’s hand. She could not afford to remember that now, so she pushed the thought away. Henry came to call again, to try to talk her out of the marriage. He had come on Saturday. The candy had shown up on Saturday.
Every path led back to the duke.
But she could not fathom a reason. He believed Hannah was Jared's, or did he? The Clairbornes did not even have a passing acquaintance with honesty. Had Deveril boasted of his "conquest" of Mary? Had the duke known the truth of Hannah's paternity? Either of them? If he did, would he go to such lengths to prevent scandal? If he was as wicked as Deveril, he would not see the death of a child too high a price to pay for his countenance.
But how was she going to prove to Jared that she wasn’t the one who had planned the attacks against Hannah?
***
She was waiting for Jared in her room, when he got home later that night. He dismissed Jenny and turned to Calantha. His expression was grim and he looked haggard with tiredness. She almost reached out to sooth him, but stopped herself. He might not love her, but she loved him and she was likely to disgrace herself if she allowed herself to touch him.
"The duke was here on Saturday."
Jared’s expression said he didn’t understand the significance of that statement.
"He came to call the day the poisoned candy showed up."
A soft knock sounded at the door.
Jared walked over and opened it. Thomas stood on the other side.
"Jenny told me, her ladyship asked to see me."
She had instructed Jenny to send Thomas up once Jared arrived. "Come in for a moment, Thomas."
Jared stepped back in order to allow Thomas to enter.
"I was just telling my husband that the duke came to call again on Saturday."
Thomas’s expression turned blank, but not before she saw his startled surprise at her words.
Jared noticed it as well. "Did you admit his grace to the house on Saturday, Thomas?"
"I’m not sure, milord. Things have been so confusing with the wedding and preparing her ladyship to move." He was not a convincing liar.
"Tell me the bloody truth," Jared roared.
Thomas jumped, but remained silent.
Calantha turned to Jared. "Do not yell at him, my lord. He is only trying to protect me."
Her loyal servant did not want her caught in a lie, but she wasn’t lying and she would find a way to prove it without compromising the older man’s honor. He looked as if he would continue to refuse to answer and Calantha stepped toward him.
She laid her hand on his arm. "It is all right, Thomas. You may tell his lordship the truth. Just because you did not see his grace does not mean he wasn’t here."
"But I didn’t see him, your ladyship. If I had, I would have called for your husband."
She nodded and released his arm. That is what she had thought at the time. "He must have snuck in. I wondered why you did not announce him."
Jared made an impatient sound, but she ignored him.
"That will be all, Thomas. Except, would you please ask the other servants if any of them saw his grace on Saturday?"
"Yes, milady."
Thomas left, a look of concern on his face. Her servants would have no idea why Jared had asked Jenny to stay with her while he was gone, nor why things had become so strained between their master and mistress.
She turned to her husband, her face and tone as expressionless as she could make them. "How was Hannah? I’m assuming you did not bring her home with you."
Jared’s rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "No. She was distraught about the puppy, but is better. She was sleeping when I left."
Calantha wondered if she would ever forget the mental image Thea had painted of the poor little dog dead in his own vomit.
The silence stretched in the room, but she did n
ot mind. At least when it was silent, she was relatively safe. Words had destroyed her newfound happiness, not silence.
"She wanted to stay with her cousins and I thought, under the circumstances, that would be best."
Calantha didn’t respond. If he expected her to agree with him, he would wait a long while.
"Damn it, Cali. I don’t like this situation any more than you do."
"I’m sure you don’t." The prospect of being married to a would-be murderess must be very upsetting.
"Did you eat dinner?" he asked.
"No."
"Why the hell not?"
She shrugged and turned away from him. "I wasn’t hungry."
Jared made another explosive sound, but she ignored it. She walked to her wardrobe and pulled out a nightrail and sleeping robe. "I’m rather tired, Jared. I think I’ll go to bed."
"I have to talk to the servants and then I’ll join you."
He was probably going to question them about her activities. He wouldn’t trust Thomas to question the other servants about whether or not they had seen the duke on Saturday either. She kept her gaze averted, saying nothing, and waited for him to leave.
With another muttered curse, he did.
She had changed into her nightclothes and braided her hair ten minutes later when the door opened to reveal Jenny carrying a tray. "His lordship said to bring you some food, milady."
Calantha stared at the tray and then at Jenny. "I am not hungry."
Jenny nodded. "I told him you were feeling a little peaked tonight, milady, but he said I wasn’t to leave until you’d eaten."
Calantha wanted to be alone, but the look of nervous determination on her maid’s face told her that wouldn’t happen until she bowed to Jared’s dictates. More importantly, if she was going to set about proving her own innocence in the face of her new family’s mistrust, she would need her strength.
She could not afford to starve herself no matter how little she relished the thought of eating. "Set the tray on the table by the window."
She followed the maid and sat down to eat. Thankfully, it was only some bread, cheese and a small glass of wine. She did not think she could have eaten more. She consumed most of it and drank all the wine before telling Jenny to take the tray away.
Jenny surveyed the tray as if determining whether or not Jared would be satisfied. She must have decided he would because she picked it up and left.
Calantha rose from the table, crossed the room and opened the adjoining door. Hannah was supposed to sleep in the smaller bedchamber, but the little girl was safe at Ashton Manor. Safe from her. Calantha would use the bed tonight.
No doubt Jared had no more desire to sleep with her than she did with him. She had no intention of waiting to be kicked out of their bedchamber.
She crawled into the narrow bed, turned on her side and tugged the covers up to her chin. Then she let the tears that had been blocking her throat since her brother-in-laws' arrival that morning fall.
***
Since he didn’t want to wake Calantha, Jared did not light a candle when he entered their bedchamber an hour later. He’d spoken to Thomas again, verifying the servant hadn’t forgotten the duke’s arrival on Saturday. Then he’d questioned Jenny, the stableboy, and the groundskeeper. Cook and the maid that came in daily from the village had already left for the night. He would have to wait until the following day to speak to them.
One of them must have seen the duke’s arrival.
He needed to ask Cali if she knew whether or not the duke had known about Hannah. He stripped out of his clothes, looking forward to holding his wife. He didn’t think she’d let him make love to her, not with the way she’d been avoiding him, but he needed to hold her and know that she was safe. Just as he had held Hannah earlier and confirmed that she was indeed well.
Cali needed to see Hannah. He’d go and get their daughter in the morning. He couldn’t deny either of them the solace.
He slid into the too-short bed and reached for his wife, only to encounter empty bedding. He jumped out of the bed and lit the candle he had foresworn moments before. There was no sign of his wife’s whereabouts. About to shout for her maid and demand where her mistress had gone, his gaze settled on the connecting door. Hannah’s room.
Cali had arranged it so that Hannah would be in the room next to them so they could hear her if she woke in the night. Was she in there now, brooding over today’s events?
He walked to the door, prepared to comfort his wife. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do that, but he had to try. He couldn’t stand another minute of her frozen composure. Opening it, he realized it was dark. Had he been wrong? Where was Cali? Then he heard a soft sigh from the vicinity of the bed. He squinted, trying to make out the shapes in the room in the near darkness. She was sleeping in Hannah’s bed.
She did not want to share a bed with him.
Somehow that prospect had never occurred to him. He’d thought she would understand, but the small form in the narrow bed bespoke rejection, not understanding.
He stalked over to the bed.
"What are you doing in our daughter’s bed, wife?"
"Trying to sleep," a flat voice that sounded too much like Calantha when he had first met her replied.
"I thought we agreed we would share a bed."
"I do not wish to share your bed."
"You belong to me, Cali. You sleep in my bed." He winced at the arrogance of his words, but could not take them back.
"I think not, my lord. Aren’t you afraid of sleeping with a would-be murderess? Who is to prevent me from killing you in your sleep?" she asked scathingly, the false front of calm disappearing.
She was bloody furious with him, he realized.
After spending the day with two sisters bent on venting their spleens in every direction, a household in uproar, and a daughter beside herself with grief over the dead puppy, Jared’s less than stellar reserves of patience were used up.
He tugged the covers off of his wife and leaned down to pick her up before she could voice an argument. He lifted her into his arms.
She was rigid against him. "What do you think you are doing?"
***
Jared crossed the room in brooding silence and then dropped Calantha gently onto their bed. He stood above her, magnificently naked and aroused. How could he be aroused at a time like this?
And how could she be responding to that knowledge? The last thing she needed to deal with right now was the betrayal of her own body.
He moved as if to get on the bed and she glared at his arousal. "Don’t even consider it, Ravenswood."
He wiped his hand over his face and shook his head. He looked so tired, so defeated. "It’s been a rotten day and all I want is to hold my wife and sleep. Is that such a great deal to ask?"
Rage at his words and fury at the treacherous compassion stealing into her heart exploded in Calantha in a way she had never known before.
She shot to her feet, standing in the middle of the bed. "How dare you complain about today’s events? You aren’t the one who stands accused of trying to kidnap and murder your daughter! You refused to let me see Hannah after hearing that someone had tried to poison her, allowed your sister to accuse me of heinous crimes and dare to stand there with... with... with an erection and yell at me! Is it any wonder I wanted to sleep in a different bed?"
"I’m hard as a spike because that’s the affect you have on me, Cali. I can’t help it!"
"I suppose you think I should be flattered that you lust after my body? Do you think that just because Deveril thought I was a useless marble statue I should be grateful that a man who thinks I tried to kill my daughter finds me appealing?"
He seemed to swell with outraged fury, but responded to her accusation with rigid silence at first. Then taking a visible rein on his temper, he bit out, "No, damn it. Your first husband was an idiot and I don’t want your gratitude. I want you."
"Well, I don’t want you," she lied and wasn’t even s
orry she did it.
"I’m not stupid," he gritted out, "I know you don’t want to make love to me after today, but you damn well will sleep with me. Whether or not your realize it, we both need the comfort."
That truth wasn’t one she needed to hear at the moment and while he might not be stupid, he certainly was blind.
Her nipples were already hard and it was all she could do not to throw herself at her husband and beg him to help her forget the awful day in the pleasure of his arms. As long as they made love she could pretend he cared for her and that was a weak desire, one she did not want to give into.
"I suppose you thought I should have waited until you deigned to kick me out of our bed before I went," she said with angry mockery she’d never indulged in before.
"I’m not kicking you out of our bed," he growled sounding exasperated.
"You’re saying you want to sleep with a conniving, cruel monster who would first try to kidnap and then kill a child?" she taunted.
"No. I want to sleep with my wife." His shout was loud enough to be heard in the next county.
The temper he’d been holding in had finally snapped and instead of fearing it, she welcomed his loss of control. It matched her own.
She glared at him while considering his words.
Was he saying he didn’t believe she’d done those things? Or was he just demanding she sleep with him?
There was no way he could be completely convinced of the evidence against her and still want to hold her. He must have some doubts, which meant he had to trust her a little. It wasn’t much, but it was something. And he’d been right about one thing. She did not want to spend the night alone with her fears for Hannah and her tormented thoughts.
"Fine. I’ll sleep with you, but that’s all," she reiterated.
She hoped that was true, but she had her doubts. He might be quite capable of keeping his hands off her. However, she was not at all sure of her own self-control where he was concerned.
His gaze dropped to her breasts and then rose to her face. He’d finally noticed what the muted light from the single candle could not conceal. Her body’s reaction to his presence.