There was more to his explanation, more that he wasn’t divulging, but I wasn’t sure how far I should push. Already on edge, I didn’t want him to explode. But Kyle was a grown man. He could handle it. “I know that’s not all.”
“You’re right,” he whispered so quietly I hardly heard him. “I was pissed at the situation, but I was mostly pissed at myself.”
“Why?”
If he blamed himself for Lily’s death again, I was liable to stab him in the balls with my syrup covered fork.
Well, not really.
Threatening him in my head sure made me feel better though.
“Cause I should’ve brought you around her before yesterday. If I had, you could’ve cracked Mama’s shell sooner, and maybe, just fucking maybe, I would’ve felt her loving arms around me and she would’ve felt mine around her a helluva lot sooner.”
Stupid tears welled in my eyes. Again. “Kyle—”
“Seventeen years, Carissa,” he interrupted. “Before yesterday, that’s how long it had been since my Mama last touched me in a loving manner. I know a lot of stuff is still unsettled between us, and there are a lot more conversations to be had, but last night I finally saw the truth.”
“Yeah?” I smiled. “And what truth is that?”
“That I’m more my mother’s son than I thought.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, and I was about to ask him for clarification when he continued. “She blames herself for everything, even shit that wasn’t her fault.” Blowing out a breath, he ran his palms down the sides of his face. “What she did to me, what she allowed my father to do”—his jaw ticked—“it wasn’t right, but at least she stayed, unlike Daddy. I’m not trying to make excuses for her, but I don’t know how the hell I would’ve reacted if I had been in her shoes. Lily was my sister, and I loved her with everything I had—still do—but she was Mama’s little girl. Big difference.”
“Don’t do that,” I whispered.
His brows rose. “Do what?”
“Marginalize your pain.”
“I’m not.”
“You are,” I argued. “Yes, Lily was your mother’s daughter, but she was your sister too, and I know you loved her just as fiercely; the same as I do Heidi.”
Kyle smiled. “Speaking of my favorite little troublemaker. Why don’t you invite her over for supper or something? I miss that kid.”
It was my turn to smile. “You miss my little sister?”
“Yeah, baby, I do.”
I leaned forward, propping my elbows on the table. “Fine, I’ll invite Heidi for supper, Daddy too once he gets back in town, but you have to invite your Mama.”
Kyle’s face dropped the slightest bit, giving me a glimpse of the broken little boy he’d once been. “She won’t come,” he said, causing my heart to shatter for the billionth time.
Time to step in and fix this…
Wanting to be close to him, I stood and walked around to his side of the table. Turning, I sat down sideways on his lap and leaned against his warm chest. “You thought she hated you,” I whispered, taking one of his hands in mine. “You were wrong, honey. Your Mama loves you with every part of her scarred heart.” A smile tipped my lips up. “Don’t blame her though,” I teased. “It’s impossible not to love your brooding behind.”
For the second time that morning, his eyes sparkled as happiness bled into his pupils. “Is that right?”
I nodded. “It is.” He opened his mouth, but I turned on his lap, straddling his thighs. Pressing my hand against his mouth, I stopped the flow of words he was about speak. “Before you try to argue with me about this, know I’m an expert.”
Grabbing my fingers, he pulled my hand from his face. “An expert, huh?”
I nodded.
“And how is that?”
Eyes locked on his, I took a deep breath. “Simple. I started to fall for you the moment we met.” As impossible as it may seem, each word I spoke was the truth. Though it had taken my brain a while to catch on, my soul had recognized Kyle as it’s mate instantaneously. “And I never stopped.”
“Carissa—”
“Don’t you see it, Hulk?” I asked, interrupting him. “I am irrevocably head over heels in love with you.”
His eyes slid closed. “Say it again, Carissa,” he whispered. “Baby, say—”
“Look at me.”
On cue his eyelids opened; our gazes locked once again.
“I love you, Kyle Tucker.” He sucked in a breath. “I love you now, and I will love you always.” Hovering my lips over his, I smiled. “And that is my guarantee.”
Thirty
Kyle
It was five minutes past nine when I parked my girls car behind Station 24, directly beside Ty's brand-new Tundra. Ten minutes earlier, I’d dropped her off at the shelter, leaving her with Shelby, who I told to keep an eye on her.
Though I knew Shelby would keep my girl safe, I still didn’t like her being out of my sight. I’d always kept her close, watching her from afar, but when doing so was impossible—like now—it made me twitchy and unsettled.
The situation with Carson only intensified those feelings.
Speaking of Carson—I'd purposely avoided talking about him in front of Carissa. One, I didn’t want to upset her; two, if she found out exactly how I planned to handle his vandalizing ass she would’ve tried to talk me out of it.
Her efforts would have been fruitless.
I didn't give a damn that the rookie had destroyed my truck—that could be fixed—but what I did care about was the fact that he did it right after seeing Carissa and me together for the first time.
Though I never went to college and I wasn't a cop like Anthony, I still knew more about mentally unstable people than most.
And Carson? I feared he'd reached unstable five stops back.
The crush—more like infatuation—he had on my girl wasn’t normal. Before she showed up at the station, he’d never met her, never heard her speak. The closest he’d gotten to her was a black and white photograph of she and Maddie that sat on Cap’s desk.
Yet he acted borderline obsessed.
Everyone—Cap, Hendrix and Ty included—downplayed his behavior.
I wasn’t buying it.
The little dipshit may have held no ill will toward Carissa, but he wasn’t right in the head. I didn’t think he’d hurt her—if I did, he’d be dead—but I didn’t trust him either. Right or wrong, he needed to understand what would happen if he so much as thought of coming within a hundred feet of her again.
Face twisted in anger, I burst through the side door of the station, and headed straight for the rec room, the one place I thought Carson would be.
Cap jumped up from his desk as I stormed past his office. "Kyle!" he shouted, giving chase. "Stop!"
No way in hell.
Ignoring his command, I kept going, hell bent on reaching the rookie before anyone could intercept me.
With each step that I took images of Carissa flashed before my eyes, one after the other, each more beautiful than the last. Every protective instinct I possessed roared to life making my legs move faster.
"Hendrix!" Cap shouted his only son’s name as he rounded the corner, stepping into view. "Stop him before he kills somebody!"
Kill somebody? Not likely.
Believe it or not, murdering Carson wasn’t my intention.
Not yet, anyway.
Only thing I planned to do was scare the hell out of him, ensuring he never came near my girl nor my property again. If he was stupid enough not to heed the warning I was about to hand-deliver, then I’d deal with that situation when it arose.
"Kyle, man, don’t to this." Hendrix stepped in front of me, attempting to block my path. It was no use. A freight train couldn’t have stopped me. Dropping my shoulder, I shoved it into the center of his chest, watching as he stumbled backward, failing to catch himself.
Surprise and fury flashed in his eyes as his ass hit the hard floor.
I didn't stop to think of the
repercussions. Like me, Hendrix was hot-headed and used his fists to do the talking when the need called for it. There was no doubt in my mind that he'd have something to say about what I'd just done...
In the form of a punch or two.
At the end of the hallway, I made a right and stormed into the rec room.
My eyes found Carson instantly.
Seated in the middle of the sofa along the far wall, he stared at the iPad he held in his hand, unaware of the shit storm he was about to be caught in.
Knowing I didn't have time to waste before Pop or Hendrix caught up to me, I charged him.
One steps, two steps, three—
Carson looked up right as I reached him.
His eyes bulged, and his face blanked.
He tried to jump up and flee, but it was already too late.
In the blink of an eye, I was on him like white on rice.
An enraged yell tore from the deepest recesses of my chest as I knocked the iPad out of his hand, watching with delight as it shattered on the floor. Bending at the waist, I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and jerked his scrawny body toward me, lifting him off the sofa in one heave.
"Morning, Sunshine," I said, feeling the maniacal smile plastered on my face grow. "Seems you and I have a thing or two to talk about."
Fear swam in his eyes, yet the douchebag said nothing. "What's wrong, rookie?" I asked, moving my face closer to his. "Cat got your tongue?"
"Kyle!" Hendrix's deep voice boomed from behind me, but I paid him no mind. "Man, you'll get suspended if you go any further."
I didn’t give a shit.
Ignoring him, I kept my eyes focused on Carson. "Seems you decided to throw a tantrum and trash my truck.” The vein in my forehead bulged. “All because you want something that belongs to me.” I lowered my voice to whispered. “Something you’ll never have.”
Carson’s eyes filled with fire, but the pussy didn’t say a single word
“This is your only warning. You stay away from my property, and you damn sure better keep your crazy ass away from my woman, the one who will soon wear my ring. If you don’t”—I chuckled—“well, I’ll leave that part up to your imagination.”
“Kid,” Cap said, coming to a standstill next to me. “Let him go.”
My eyes never left Carson’s as I shook my head. “Nah, Cap. Not until he understands.”
“Tell me, shithead… Do you understand?” I asked, squeezing his shirt tighter. “Or do I need to deliver the message in a way that you’ll better comprehend it?”
I expected Carson to deny that he’d vandalized my truck.
Then I expected him to cower like the pussy he was.
Surprisingly, he did neither.
Instead, he narrowed his eyes, returning the glare I was sending him full-force. “Careful,” he replied. “You wouldn’t want to do something that would upset Princess, now would you?”
Princess…
Something dark, something primal, something fucking lethal stirred in my chest upon hearing him call Carissa by the name I’d given her. Just like I expected, something wasn’t right with him, though I still didn’t know what it was.
Unease nipped at the base of my spin as I stared into his eyes, putting me on edge.
“Watch your step, Carson,” I whispered so only he could hear.
An ominous smile spread across his face. “What if I don’t?” Face flushed with rage and defiance, he leaned closer to me; our noses almost touched. “What are you going to do?”
“Alright, you two,” Cap said, sliding an arm between us. “Time to break this up.”
Unphased by my threats or Cap’s words, Carson continued. “You going to kill me, Tuck?” His smile grew. “The same way you killed your sister?”
In an instant, my mind blanked.
Deadly silence surrounded me as a blood red haze seeped into the fields of my vision.
My arms felt weightless as I released his shirt and took a step back.
Hands clenched, I gritted my back teeth together.
Then, I swung.
My fist met Carson’s nose and the sound of crunching bone followed.
On impact, my knuckles split.
I lifted my arm to throw another punch, to damage him further, but never got the chance once Cap maneuvered his big body in between us, blocking me from reaching the soon-to-be-dead son of a bitch standing less than five feet away.
“You piece of shit!” I screamed, fighting with everything I had to get passed Cap. If I got my hands on Carson, I’d likely never see Carissa again because I’d end up serving a life-sentence for murder.
The realization should’ve snapped me out of the rage-induced haze that surrounded me, but it didn’t. All I could see through the crimson fog coating my vision was Lily’s smiling face, followed by her casket as she was lowered into the ground. “Move, Cap!”
Cap turned—most likely to knock me on my ass—just as Hendrix wrapped his arms around me from behind. “Calm the hell down,” Hendrix growled next to my ear. “If you don’t you’ll end making a decision you can’t take back.”
Running on nothing but pure venom, any common sense or rationale I had left was gone.
Vanished.
My throat felt like it was closing as I fought to pull in ragged breath after ragged breath. Out of the corner of eye, I saw Ty walk into the rec room, a box in his hands. What kind of box it was or what was in it, I didn’t know.
Didn’t care either.
Only thing I cared about was unleashing every ounce of fury that boiled in my veins on Carson until the only thing that remained of his body was a bloody pulp. He wanted my woman—something I’d die before I allowed to happen, and his filthy mouth had spoken about my sister.
Neither were acceptable.
Growing more enraged by the second, I tried my damndest to pry Hendrix’s arms from my body. “Get the fuck off me—”
“Cap!” Ty shouted, interrupting me. “Found what you asked for.”
“Kyle,” Hendrix said, fighting to hang on to me. “Carson is about to become a distant memory. Trust me, man.”
There was something in his voice that made me pause.
Silence fell over the room.
Cap looked ready to strangle me with his bare hands. “You,” he said pointing in my direction, “better not move.”
When I said nothing in return, he turned his attention to Ty. “What did you find?”
Ty said nothing as he reached inside the medium-sized box and pulled out four cans, each identical to the one that came before it. Still mad as hell, I didn’t comprehend what they were at first.
Then, like a brick to the face, it hit me.
“You motherfucker,” I snarled, looking Carson directly in the eyes.
To my left, Ty shook his head, seemingly in disbelief as he held up an empty can of candy apple red spray paint, the same color used to mark up my truck. “Dude, how stupid can you be? You left these, plus the Louisville Slugger you used to bash Tuck’s windshield with, in the bed of your truck.”
“Apparently pretty dumb,” Hendrix added, still holding onto me like I would lunge for Carson at any second. “I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but even I know to get rid of evidence.”
Ty smirked at Hendrix.
Cap turned to face Carson. “Get your shit and get out of my station, Rookie. Pending a review by the disciplinary board, you’re done.”
Carson’s face blanked. “What? You can’t—”
“I just did,” Cap replied, his tone leaving no room for argument. “If you have a problem with my decision, then call your union rep. Far as I’m concerned you’re finished here.”
A shadow slid over the rookie’s features.
He looked over at me, malice in his eyes.
“Remember what I said, fucker,” I snarled, finally ripping myself free of Hendrix’s hold. “Come anywhere near me or mine again and I promise they’ll never find your body.”
Without saying another
word, he walked out.
Once Carson was out of view, Cap turned his attention on me. The disappointment shining in his eyes was unmistakable. “I told you to make a choice,” he said. “You chose wrong.”
My brows furrowed. “I didn’t choose a damn thing. I—”
He didn’t give me a chance to explain. “I don’t want to hear it. Get your shit and get out.”
I froze. “You’re suspending me?”
Widening his stance, he crossed his arms over his burly chest. “You’re lucky I’m not doing more considering you just broke a handful of laws right in front of me.”
My jaw ticked.
I am done with this bullshit…
After glancing around the room, I turned to leave.
I’d only two steps toward the door when Cap called out my name, stopping me in my tracks. “Kyle, wait.”
Refusing to look back at him, I stood still, rooted to the spot and waited for him to continue.
“You’ve had a hard life, kid. One harder than most. But there comes a time when you’ve got to leave everything that happened in the past exactly where it belongs… In the past.”
His words were the truth.
I knew that.
I had to get better. If not for me, then for Carissa and Mama both.
It wouldn’t be easy, but I had to try.
If I don’t, I’ll lose everything…
“I’ve told you this once before but I’m going to tell you again since it didn’t sink in the first time,” Cap continued. “If you don’t let go of the poison running through your veins, it will rot you from the inside out. Trust me, I know.”
Silence fell over the room.
Not having anything else to say, and with Cap’s words still fresh in my mind, I headed for the door.
Thirty-One
Kyle
I wanted Carissa.
Wanted her more than I wanted my next breath, but going to her at the shelter was impossible. With rage still bubbling in my gut and blood soaking my busted knuckles, the last place I needed to show up was the county’s safe haven for abused women and children.
Every Time We Touch: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 5) Page 24