by K. A. Last
And a forgiveness thing.
Like Madame Leora said. I need to find forgiveness.
I shiver again, and move away from the fortune-telling stall without looking back. I should never have gone in there. Not that I really believe any of it, but a horrible feeling has settled into my stomach since I left that tent. To try and shake it, I walk the stalls for a bit, stopping at a stand where a pretty girl with a nose ring is selling her artworks. They are all beautiful black ink drawings with splashes of colour. A unicorn catches my eye. Its mane and tail are painted in a rainbow. I love the magical feel to it, so I pay the artist, tuck the small artwork into my purse, and move on to the next stall.
The hum of voices around me is soothing, and I get lost in the crowd for a while. I don’t buy anything else, but I enjoy looking at everything and forcing myself not to think about anything other than exactly what I’m doing right now.
Eventually, I end up on the beach where I’d told Karen I was going. I pull my phone out and send her a message
Me: On beach now
Karen: C U soon
I walk towards the ocean, sitting and kicking my shoes off so I can sink my toes into the cool sand. I move them back and forth, concentrating on the feeling of the grains running over my skin.
I prop my elbows on my knees, and listen to the waves pounding against the shore. The noise from the markets hums behind me, and I breathe in a deep breath, holding it for a few heartbeats before slowly letting it out. I close my eyes, and my thoughts immediately go to Levi. Forgiveness is hard to find, but I want it so badly.
“There you are.” Karen drops onto the sand beside me. “How did the reading go?”
Jessica and Stacey flop onto the sand as well, their faces all smiles.
“Yes! Tell us,” Stacey says.
I look at Jessica’s hand. “Show me your tatt first.”
She giggles, but holds out her arm. “It’s henna. Not permanent.”
“It’s beautiful.” I look closely at the swirls and dots marking her skin in a light brown ink.
Jessica drops her arm. “You should get one.”
“Maybe later,” I say.
“We could all get one done,” Stacey says.
Voices drift to us along the beach, broken by the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. I spot a group of people sitting in the sand at the base of the steps leading up to the markets, about a hundred metres away.
“So, the reading?” Karen asks.
“It was totally bogus.” I stare in the direction of the other voices. “I reckon they work to a script and tell everyone the same thing, depending on which cards get turned over.”
“It must have been more exciting than that,” Stacey says.
I laugh. “It wasn’t.”
“Should we go back to the room?” Jessica says. “We could curl up and eat chocolate and watch TV.”
“It’s our first night,” Stacey says. “We should go and have some fun.”
“We should get some sleep,” Jessica says. “We have plenty of time. And I think Katie and Karen are pretty tired after driving for two days to get here.”
“I’m good with chocolate and TV,” Karen says.
I smile at her. “You guys go ahead. I want to sit and listen to the ocean. I’ll come back in an hour.”
Jessica gets up and brushes the sand from her shorts. “You’ll be okay by yourself?”
“Sure.” I nod. “It’s a five-minute walk to the hotel.”
Stacey sighs and gets to her feet as well. “You guys promise we can go dancing tomorrow night?” She reaches down and pulls Karen up.
“Let’s just see what happens,” I say.
“That’s a yes.” Stacey jumps up and down and claps her hands. The rest of us giggle at how silly she looks.
“That’s a maybe.” I smile at my friends.
Jessica and Stacey make their way back towards the strip.
Karen looks down at me. “You won’t be long?”
“No.” I shake my head, loving that she knows exactly when not to push me, or ask if I’m okay. I’m pretty sick of that question.
“See you back at the room.” She walks backwards a few steps in the sand. “An hour ... then I’m coming to look for you.”
“I’ll text you when I’m on my way.” I smile.
Karen turns and joins our other two friends, and I watch them until they’re up on the footpath and walking towards the hotel. The voices up the beach drift to me again, and I face their direction, digging my toes deeper into the sand. They sound so happy. I could use some happiness right now, but I don’t move.
I need this time to think. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to listen to the water, and stare at the huge vastness of the ocean. Be swallowed by the nothingness, and maybe find a single moment of peace.
Sand flicks into the air and lands on my legs as someone sits down beside me.
“Nice night, isn’t it?”
I look at the guy. He’s cute and has nice eyes. He stretches his legs out in front of him and grins, then leans back on one hand and sifts sand through his fingers with the other.
“Yes.” I hug my knees to my chest and stare at the water. “It is.”
“Where you from?”
I look at him again. “Sydney. You?”
The guy flicks his head to shake his blond hair from his eyes. “Same. I’m from the Shire.”
I chuckle. “Sydney is a big place. I live on the North Shore.”
“Cool,” the guy says. He stares at me. “What’s your name?”
I hesitate before saying, “Katie.”
“Well, pleased to meet you, Katie. I’m Scott.” He sits up and sifts more sand through his fingers. “We’re having a party up the beach if you want to join us.”
“Yes, I can hear the noise,” I say. “Maybe later.” I don’t really want to move from my quiet spot.
Scott gets to his feet and brushes the sand from his hands. “No problem. Hope to see you again.” He gives me a wink.
I’m not used to this sort of attention from guys, so I’m not sure how to respond. I opt for a smile and a wave as he walks away. Levi is the only one who has ever offered me any sort of romantic attention. Scott is cute, and he seems nice enough, but he’s not Levi.
I watch Scott’s back as he makes his way along the beach towards the small but noisy group of people, and I can’t help wondering how long it will be until the cops come and break up their little party.
I wriggle my toes in the sand. I should go back to the hotel and find my girls, and I stand to do just that when I hear someone call my name. I search the faces I can make out and find Veronica waving at me. She’s standing a little way away from the edge of the main party group.
“Katie, come over,” she says.
I glance towards the direction of the hotel, and then at Veronica again. I guess I could talk to her for a few minutes. I lean down to scoop my thongs and purse up before making my way towards her and the party.
“Hey,” I say when I reach her, glancing around at all the unfamiliar faces. “Good party?”
“Nothing like the ones we have back home.” She laughs.
I press my lips together, then laugh with her. “So you haven’t truth or dared anyone yet?”
She shrugs. “All they’re interested in is drinking.”
“And you don’t want to?”
“I’m not stupid. Especially after ...”
Veronica’s unfinished words hang between us, and I get the feeling she’s thinking about what Geoff tried to do to her.
She toes the sand. “But we don’t need to talk about that.”
“Is the rest of your group here?” I ask to change the subject.
“Geoff is around somewhere. Rachel is sitting on the steps.” She points, and I follow her hand to halfway up the stairs. “Levi, Jarred, and Josie are I-have-no-idea-where. We left them at the pub.”
Veronica moves, and I see Scott behind her. Our eyes connect.
<
br /> “Katie, you came over,” he says, walking towards us. “Want a drink?”
“Um ... no thanks, I’m good,” I say.
“Come and meet my friends then.” Scott backs away before turning and walking to the far left of the steps.
“I’ll catch up with you later,” Veronica says, looking at Scott, then back to me and smiling.
“Sure,” I say, my thongs dangling from my fingers.
Veronica joins Rachel on the steps. I should go back to the hotel, but I’m here now. I guess meeting some new people won’t hurt. I’m here to have fun, and apart from Veronica, and Rachel, I can’t see anyone I know. The thought comforts me. It’s the perfect opportunity to be whoever I want to be.
Scott introduces me to a few people, and their names blur together. There’s no way I’m going to remember them, so I don’t even try. I take a quick look around. Veronica said Geoff was here, but I haven’t seen him yet.
I settle into the sand, planning to stay for ten minutes, but time gets on as I fall into a conversation with a nice girl named Mia. Scott inches closer to me with every beer he has, and I think it’s time for me to leave.
I get to my feet, and wipe my sandy palms on my shorts.
“Are you going to uni?” Scott asks, jumping up to stand beside me.
“I’d like to.” I don’t elaborate. I want to get away and go back to the hotel.
“What do you want to do?” Mia asks.
I want to be an artist, but that probably won’t happen.
“I have no idea.” I don’t want to get into it with these strangers, so I reach down to grab my purse and thongs. “I’m going to call it a night. It was nice meeting you. Maybe I’ll run into you guys later.”
Before any of them can protest, I head up the beach, planning to walk the sand until the last set of stairs. After sitting amongst the loud chatter, I want some quiet.
“Katie, wait,” Scott says from behind me. “Don’t go yet.”
“I’m tired.” I turn and take a couple of backwards steps before continuing.
I quicken my pace, aware Scott is following me. This end of the beach is almost deserted. Fear rises into my belly, being so far away from other people with a guy I don’t know. I turn and head for the closest set of stairs that will take me onto the road and towards people and traffic.
Scott grabs my arm. “Come on. I thought we could have some fun tonight.”
“Let go of me.” I yank my arm free and walk a few more steps.
Scott jogs past me, then stands in my path. “What is it with you girls? We’re at schoolies.”
I glare at him. “And you think that means someone you just met is going to put out?”
Scott steps towards me. He stands so close his breath brushes my face. It smells like stale beer, and it makes me want to gag.
“You only live once. I say you have to grab every opportunity with both hands.”
I take a step backwards and stumble. Scott locks his hands around my upper arms and stops me falling. He yanks me towards him, and holds me tightly against his chest with one arm. Bile rises into my throat. He caresses my cheek with his free hand, then runs his fingertips down to my collarbone before wrapping his hand around my throat.
My purse and thongs fall to the sand as I reach up and try to free his grip.
“Get off me!” I shove him as hard as I can, but it makes no difference.
“Come on, Katie.” He holds me tighter, his thumb pressing into my windpipe.
“Please,” I manage to force out as I wriggle in his grasp. “Let go.”
I struggle for a few more heartbeats, then I settle. It’s obvious I’m not going to get out of this with pure strength. I relax in Scott’s arms, and stare into his eyes. They’re glassy, and I’m pretty sure he’s drunker than I’ve ever seen Levi.
“That’s better.” He relaxes his grip, then leans in.
I turn my head to the side as he tries to kiss me, suddenly very aware of how Veronica must have felt.
“Please,” I say again. “I have a boyfriend.”
Scott laughs. “Where is he then? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
How do I get out of this? I need to distract him.
“You’re right,” I say, turning to look into Scott’s eyes. “He’s not here, so I guess there’s no harm in fooling around.”
Scott smiles, and he moves his hand onto my shoulder. I have to stop myself gulping air, taking an even breath instead. I smile back at him, and wait for him to loosen his hold a little more. Finally, he does, leaning in to kiss me again, and I take the opportunity to pull my leg back.
Then I knee him in the balls.
Scott lets go of me and doubles over. “You bitch,” he chokes out.
I push him away and try to go back towards the party, but he grabs my arm. We’re too far away from anyone to hear me if I yell. I glance up the beach and spot a group of people walking towards us, but it’s too dark to make out any of their faces. If they come close enough maybe Scott will leave me alone. I fight to pull my arm free, and the image of Veronica fighting Geoff enters my head. I remember standing there with the toilet brush, and I laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Scott asks.
“You’re a drunk idiot.” I try to pull away again, but he grabs me around the waist and yanks me to his chest. “Get off me! I’ll kick you again.”
From the corner of my eye I see someone running towards us.
“Hey!” he yells. “Leave her alone.”
I twist in Scott’s arms and break free.
The guy grabs Scott and rips him away from me. The two boys tumble to the sand and roll over each other.
My mouth drops open when I see it’s Geoff who has tackled Scott. Geoff pulls his arm back and slogs Scott in the face.
I look around, and Veronica is here with Rachel.
“Katie?” Veronica says. “Are you all right?”
I open and close my mouth a few times, staring at the people I thought I hated the most, but who have come to my rescue. Scott gets to his feet, and Geoff shoves him before he’s fully upright. He lands heavily in the sand.
“Who’s this guy?” Geoff asks.
“He was at the party over there.” I point to where we’d been on the beach.
Geoff kicks sand at Scott. “Get lost, before I make you.”
“She was asking for it.” Scott scrambles to his feet and staggers along the beach, back towards his friends.
Veronica puts her hand on my arm. “Did he do anything to you?”
I shake my head and rub my neck. “Just grabbed me.”
Rachel doesn’t say anything. I’m grateful, because I will probably burst into tears if she does.
I look at Veronica. “Thanks, for ... you know ...?”
“I know.” She hugs me, and at first, I’m not sure what to do. Then I lift my arms and hug her back. “I figure I owe you,” she says softly.
“Come on, guys,” Rachel says. “Katie’s fine. Let’s go.”
Veronica pulls away from me.
I retrieve my purse and thongs from where I dropped them. “I’m heading back to the hotel now anyway.”
“Want me to walk with you?” Veronica asks.
“I can walk her,” Geoff says.
I frown at him. “I’m good.”
“We’ll catch up later then?” Veronica and Rachel link arms and head off together.
I nod then walk to the steps, because continuing up the dark beach alone is not a good idea after what just happened. When I reach the top stair I stop, slip my thongs on, and turn to look back at the waves. Veronica and Rachel are walking along the sand, but Geoff is standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me.
He takes the steps two at a time until he’s a couple down from me. “You should let me walk you.”
I laugh, even though it’s not funny. “I’m a big girl. I can look after myself.”
“Really? What would you have done if we hadn’t shown up tonight?”
“What would Veronica have done if I hadn’t been there at the formal?”
He frowns, then glances at his feet before meeting my eyes again. “For what it’s worth, I know I’m a dick. Especially when I’m drunk.”
“Yeah, you can say that again.” I press my lips together. “It’s no excuse.”
He nods. “You’re right. What I did to Ronnie was ... unforgiveable. And I’m glad you stopped me. I would’ve hated myself in the morning.”
“Veronica would’ve hated you more.”
Geoff walks up the remaining stairs and stands beside me. “Come on, Katie. Levi would kill me if I let anything happen to you.”
I frown, and stare at him for a moment. “Let’s go then.”
I don’t completely trust Geoff, but we fall into step beside each other.
“Why did you help me?” I ask as we walk. “I’m the last person you’d want to be seen with.”
Geoff scratches his head and shoves one hand in his pocket. “I guess it’s my way of apologising for ... you know ... everything. You said it yourself. We could all use a new beginning.”
I chew the side of my thumb, not sure what to say. One thing I do know is that I’m tired of people saying sorry to me. Don’t do something in the first place that requires an apology, and everyone will be so much happier.
“I’m not sure I can give you that. I don’t trust you, or like you very much.”
“That’s okay. If I were you, I wouldn’t like me either.”
We stop outside the hotel. “This is me. Thanks.”
“No problem. Maybe I’ll see you around this week,” Geoff says.
“Maybe.” I walk into the hotel and don’t look back.
Inside, I suck in a deep breath and take my phone out of my purse. I have five missed calls from Karen. When I get to our room, Karen, Stacey, and Jessica are all waiting.
“Where have you been?” Karen pounces on me. “You didn’t text me. I was about to come find you.”
I look at my phone screen. The door clicks shut behind me. “I’m ten minutes late. I met some people on the beach. Lost track of time.”
I’m not about to tell them what really happened. I’d rather forget the whole night, what with the creepy tarot reading, getting assaulted, and then Geoff helping me. I should have come back with my friends.