by Barbara Lohr
“Of course he can, Mommy,” Justin said with the innocence of a three year-old.
Don’t I just wish. She gave each boy a kiss. “See you in the morning.” After snapping on the night light, Sarah left the door open a crack and scurried downstairs. The girls would be here soon.
She was stacking wood in the fireplace when Chili burst through the door. “Hey, Sarah. Need help?” Toeing off her boots, Chili left them on the brown runner. Then she swirled a plate onto the coffee table, lifting off the foil. “Mexican hot chocolate cookies. Christmas with a bit of spice.”
“Thanks. We’re making these at the bakery tomorrow.” Sarah gave Chili a big hug.
Framed by Chili’s dark curls, her friend’s brown eyes danced. “You and your Mamacita?”
“No, Ryan’s helping me.”
“Oh, I see.” Pulling away, Chili shrugged out of her red parka and walked over to cram it into the front hall closet. The woman was a whirlwind. In addition to raising three kids, she helped her husband Nacho in his produce store on Red Arrow Highway. The place was crazy busy during the tourist season, but in December? Not so much.
“Want to help me start this fire?” That way Sarah could avoid answering questions.
“No problema.” Chili got busy wadding up paper and tucking it under the logs. They had the fire going in no time.
The doorbell rang and the door flew open. “Hello, ladies.” Bundled up in a blue cape that probably came from her shop Hippy Chick, Diana was next to arrive. “The cook at the care center was making mint brownie bars.” She set her plate on the coffee table. “Of course I snatched a few, one of the perks of my position.” Diana’s husband Will was the administrator of Gull Harbor Care center and they had a great cook.
“I can feel my waistband tightening already,” Sarah laughed as she took Diana’s cloak.
“Look at this fire!” Sarah’s beautiful blonde friend settled in front of the fireplace. Only Diana could look glamorous in a bean bag chair.
“Time to warm our cider. I’ll be right back.” Sarah disappeared into the kitchen, took a jug of cider from the frig, dumped it into a pan and turned on the stove. Hands on the counter, she caught her breath.
These were her best friends, people who usually made her happy. But this year she had no holiday cheer. Somehow she had to find it. Her boys deserved a fun Christmas. Wasn’t that a parent’s responsibility?
But she was only one parent.
The doorbell rang again and the front room filled with laughter. Sarah shook herself from gloomy thoughts. Taking out some cinnamon sticks, she dropped them into the cider and added nutmeg and pumpkin spices. While she was stirring the mixture, Kate whirled into the kitchen with her baby Quinn. Such a picture, the two of them together.
“Oh, let me hold him!” Setting down her spoon, Sarah held out her arms. “Isn’t he just the most beautiful baby ever? Two or three months now?”
“Three. Can you believe it?” Kate beamed, the proud parent. Sarah remembered when she’d been like that with Nathan. The first baby was always so special.
With sloppy, sweet gurgles, the warm bundle in her arms chased away any holiday gloom. Sarah breathed in the soothing smell of baby powder. “Will you just look at those lashes, that little nose?”
“Nothing about this boy will be little for long.” Kate slipped a finger into Quinn’s tiny fist and he gripped it tight. The baby gave his mom a gummy smile and Sarah’s heart turned over.
“He’ll be all boy,” she assured Kate. “Probably tall like his daddy.”
Seeing Kate’s bliss brought back Ryan’s comment about a baby girl. A sudden surge of longing caught Sarah by surprise.
“So where is that vino you promised?” Chili called out from the living room.
“Mulled cider,” Sarah called back, settling Quinn back in his mother’s arms. “Why don’t you and the baby get comfortable on the sofa? I’ll be right out.”
She watched Kate disappear into the other room, Quinn’s delicate head cuddled on her shoulder. Yes, Sarah’s baby yearning wasn’t going away any time soon. But she blocked it from her mind, poured the cider into a pitcher and carried it into the living room. After filling everyone’s wine glass, she surveyed the plates of cookies and prayed for restraint, that red Christmas dress on her mind.
Kate had brought lemon bars that her mother had baked. “Mom’s all about the baking once the holiday starts.”
“But that’s Christmas, isn’t it?” Sarah offered everyone a poinsettia napkin. “Cookies and traditions. Family and friends.” But she choked on the last words.
Reaching over, Kate gave her hand a warm squeeze. “Oh, Sarah.”
Clearing her throat, she pushed on. “Ryan and I are filling our shelves with Christmas cookies. See what you think of the thimbles.” She motioned to the plate.
“I don’t need any more encouragement.” Choosing a thimble with a dollop of strawberry jam, Diana bit down and groaned.
“Ry––an?” Chili drew out Ryan’s name out in the most indecent way. “So you bake together? You and Ryan?”
“My mother’s getting older.” But not too old to trek over to the library in snowy weather. “She’s working the front counter while I handle the baking.”
“With Ry––an.” Chili chuckled. “What else is going on in your kitchen, Sarah?”
“Oh, don’t be silly.” Her cheeks burned. Time for a lemon bar and she scooped one up. The tart taste exploded in her mouth. They’d definitely have to start on these soon for The Full Cup.
“Who is this Ryan?” Diana looking puzzled. A transplant from Chicago, she’d only lived in Gull Harbor for a couple of years. “Have I met him?”
“Tell her,” Kate urged. “Tell Diana about Ryan.”
Sarah swallowed and took a sip of wine. “Ryan is my brother-in-law. You know, Jamie’s brother.” Maybe someday it would be easier to say her husband’s name.
“A hunk,” Kate filled in. “All the girls in Gull Harbor High had a crush on Jamie’s little brother.”
“Except Ryan was never little.” Chili chortled. “Que hombre! Tall with big shoulders.” She held her hands wide. With a gulp, Sarah could almost see Ryan filling that space. The heat from the crackling fire was getting to her.
“Ryan always had that attitude,” Kate said, tracing her baby’s face with one finger. Quinn smiled up at her, waving a fist. “He was a bad boy.”
“But that accident. Terrible.” Chili shivered. The motorcycle crash had shocked everyone.
“His leg is fine now,” Sarah was quick to say. “I don’t think he rides that Harley anymore. Ryan’s changed a lot.”
“You hardly notice the limp,” Kate said.
“Makes him more macho, no?” Chili wiggled her eyebrows.
What a relief when the doorbell rang and Phoebe barreled in, cheeks flushed from the cold. “Oh my gosh. It’s freezing out there.”
“How was the driving?” Jumping up, Sarah helped Phoebe off with her jacket and tucked it in the closet.
“Not bad. Roads were salted.” She rubbed her hands together, squishing onto the sofa and cooing over Quinn. “I want one of these in my Christmas stocking.”
“I think Ryder can help you with that,” Chili teased. But Phoebe said nothing.
“Phoebe, do you know this Ryan guy who’s working at Sarah’s coffee shop?” Diana asked.
“You mean the coffee shop that’s really a bakery?” Phoebe chuckled. “Don’t take that the wrong way, Sarah.”
But Sarah was used to the teasing.
“Yes, I know Ryan,” Phoebe said, watching Quinn curl a tiny hand over her finger. “He’s renting the apartment above Branson Motors.”
“Ah, the inside story,” Chili cooed while the others laughed.
During a lively discussion of Ryan’s assets, she wondered who they were talking about. “Ryan is Jamie’s little brother.”
“Not much younger.” Quinn started to fuss and Kate jiggled him in her arms. “Guess it’s feeding
time.” Draping a diaper over one shoulder, Kate began to nurse. The beautiful picture deepened Sarah’s yearning.
“Why are we even talking about age?” Kate said, smiling down at the baby. “Carolyn’s dating a man who is ten years younger. Brody doesn’t seem to mind a bit.”
They all laughed. “I miss having Carolyn around,” Sarah said quietly. “It was so good to see her last summer. Do you think she’ll ever move back to Gull Harbor?”
“From Santa Fe and Brody?” Diana asked, her brows arching. “I doubt it. She’s landed a teaching position and loves it. But she might visit over the holidays.”
“Back to Ryan.” Chili waved her glass of cider. “Is he dating anyone?”
Sarah shook her head with what she hoped looked like sisterly concern. “Can’t we fix him up with someone?”
The room fell silent. All eyes swung toward Sarah. “What? What did I say?”
“Why not you?” Kate hooted just as Quinn burped.
Chili shot her a sly look. “Sounds like you two are hitting it off.”
“But not like that.” Heat rolling from her neck to her cheeks, Sarah moved the rocker away from the heat. “That’s crazy, Chili.”
“Why?” Kate wasn’t buying it.
“He’s Jamie’s little brother, that’s why. Ryan’s been a great help to me but...no.”
Finally, the conversation moved away from Ryan. The women chatted like the old friends that they were and never got to the Christmas stories. Sarah popped in some Christmas CDs and strains of Nat King Cole singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire filled the room.
After her friends had left, Sarah cleaned up the kitchen and went to bed. Taking Jamie’s photo from her nightstand, she propped in up on her knees. So handsome, her husband.
“The boys are doing so well. Nathan and Justin will have a wonderful Christmas. I’ll see to that.” No way would she share her concerns about Nathan and his moods.
“I had book group tonight, and the girls teased me about Ryan. Can you imagine? I would never think of your little brother in that way. He’s doing great with the baking, though. You’d be proud of him. Maybe Ryan’s turned over a new leaf.”
Her voice echoed in the lonely bedroom. Sarah didn’t know what else to say. Kissing her fingertips, she pressed them to Jamie’s confident smile. The glass felt cold beneath her fingers. “Good night, honey.” She set the photo back on her nightstand
After she turned off the light and snuggled down under her quilt, Sarah couldn’t fall asleep. Images of Ryan clouded her mind
And it wasn’t in a sisterly way.
Chapter 5
The ride down Red Arrow this morning had been cold and dark. But remembering Stanley’s expression when he chowed down on the cookies last night made Ryan smile. Once inside the warm back room, Ryan tied on an apron and got to work. Sarah wouldn’t be here for three hours and he wanted to surprise her. Pulling her pastry dough from the refrigerator, he set it next to the bread dough.
He was trying. Really trying.
I’m helping you out this Christmas, Jamie.
Helping Sarah out. Maybe Stanley was right. Maybe all his time at The Full Cup was more than work. On the way down he wasn’t thinking about cookies or bread. No, Sarah’s sweet smile was on his mind. The way her hair fell to her shoulders in soft curls when she took off the hair net. The feathered eyebrows that he wanted to trace with his fingers.
This was crazy. Back to work.
He needed caffeine bad. The front room was cool and dark until he flipped on the lights. In no time he had the coffee perking out front. Studying the family size pot, Ryan had some ideas about the whole coffee issue––if he ever had the nerve to talk about them with Sarah. After all, her dad had named the place The Full Cup, but they didn’t sell that much coffee. The coffee could be a money maker, but Sarah and her mom hardly ever pushed the flavored espresso.
Back at the butcher block table, Ryan smiled as he worked, imagining what Stanley would say if he could see him. This place was such a switch from Branson Motors, where the smell of oil hung heavy and the clang and grind of tools made your ears ring. The other guys told jokes he could never repeat, not here anyway. If he were truthful, Ryan liked this back room a lot better.
Quiet surrounded him. No movement yet in the apartment upstairs. Sarah would be here after she took Nathan to school and Justin to the playschool she’d started. He missed her on the day she didn’t come in because she had the kids at her place.
He missed her? His hands stopped the rhythmic pulling of the dough.
Really? Ryan didn’t want to think about it.
And he didn’t have time. The clock reminded him he had a schedule. He set the dough to rise and got on with it.
Grabbing the blue binder from the shelf, he leafed through it. Clippings and scrawled recipes fell to the floor. He scooped them up. Some were probably written by Sarah’s father. Others were in Jamie’s handwriting, including one for beer and raisin muffins. Future was scrawled across the top. But Jamie hadn’t been granted that future. Ryan tucked it back inside.
Finally he found the brownies. Sarah probably had this one in her head, but he knew zip about baking. Scanning the ingredients, he figured he could handle it. Chopping nuts? No way would he cut corners by dumping the bag of walnuts into Sarah’s blender. No sir. She liked her walnuts in chunks “so people can taste their goodness.” He had no idea what she was talking about but he grabbed the knife. Before long he had two pans of brownies in one oven and was shaping bread dough for the other. Multitasking like crazy, he hardly noticed when the darkness outside turned to the cold gray of dawn.
The door opened and Sarah whirled through. “My oh my,” she said with a smile. “Do I smell chocolate?” She unwound the scarf and hung up her coat. “What have you been up to?”
That had to be the first time someone had asked that without expecting an apology. “Thought I’d get things going.”
Her eyes traveled to the cooling racks. “Will you look at this? You’ve already finished the brownies.” Now, some women at the Rusty Nail put a lot of goop on their eyes. A lot of guys went for that. Not him. He’d take Sarah’s sparkling eyes without any makeup any day.
She turned to another tray. “And are these the Mexican hot chocolate cookies?” You’d think she’d just discovered gold.
Suddenly bashful, he tucked his hands in his jean pockets. “Yeah. Thought I’d try them last night. Seemed to turn out okay. Stanley thought they were great.”
“And you used the stamp on the top?” Pulling out a tray, she studied each detail.
Now wasn’t the time to mention it had taken him four tries to get that darn bell design right on the top. “Yep. Don’t worry I washed it and put it back in your drawer.
“Oh, Ryan, you’re the greatest.” Sarah’s arms came around him from the back and squeezed. Soaking in the warmth of her body, he didn’t move. He had to remind himself that this was his sister-in-law. Sweet Sarah. The woman who’d never wanted anything to do with him. But his body hadn’t gotten the message. When she laid her head against his back, he could almost feel his bones melt.
Taking his hands from his pockets, he didn’t know what to do. So he patted the hands locked around him. Ryan’s heart was thumping like the kettle drum in the Fourth of July Parade. “You’re welcome.”
Suddenly her hold sprang loose.
Ryan turned. Sarah came up to his chin, but she wasn’t looking up. Her arms were locked across her chest, knuckles white from the pressure. He wished she’d say something. Maybe she could sense the thoughts galloping through his head. “Sarah?”
“Sorry,” she whispered, eyelashes feathered on her cheeks.
He lifted her chin. “About what?”
“I shouldn't have done that. It was silly.”
Disappointment deflated him. “No it wasn’t. It showed that you appreciate me, I guess.”
“Oh, I do.” She lifted troubled eyes. “I really do.”
“Then what’s wrong? Did I goof up somewhere?” That was the story of his life.
The timer sounded. Reluctantly, he limped off to sweep the loaves of bread from the oven. As usual, his hip ached from all the walking back and forth. At the garage, he stayed in one place as much as possible.
No matter how busy he got, today he was traveling to St. Joe to visit the shoemaker Stanley had mentioned.
A door closed upstairs and Lila came down the steps, yawning. It would take a while for him to get used to that blonde hair, not that she’d didn’t look pretty with it. “How was book club, Sarah?” she asked.
“Oh, fine.” Sarah was cutting the brownies into neat squares, but her knife seemed to wiggle a bit.
“Tell me again, which book did you read?” Lila tied an apron around her.
Even though Ryan was busy sliding the hot trays onto the cooling racks, he didn’t miss the blush in Sarah’s cheeks.
“The truth is, we didn’t really get around to the books.” Sarah’s voice trailed off.
“That’s too bad.” Lila leaned over the brownies and sniffed. “My, these smell wonderful.”
Okay, Ryan was curious. “If your book group didn’t talk about books, what did they talk about?”
“Just stuff.” Finished cutting her squares, Sarah studied them.
Lila’s eyes darted between Sarah and Ryan. “Ohhhh.”
Oh, what? Women were a mystery. He shoved a sheet of sour dough bread into the oven.
“So what are you two up to today?” Lila’s eyes sparkled. “I mean, anything new on your baking schedule, Sarah?”
“Lemon bars. Kate brought some last night.” Turning to the blue binder he’d left open, she paged through. “Here we go. Lemon bars.” She smoothed a hand over the page. How did such delicate hands get so much work done?
“I’ll just leave you to it,” her mother said, disappearing through the swinging doors.
“Any eggs that have to be separated today?” he asked, hoping to heck she said no.