Levy poured two cups of coffee and led the way into the living room, where Eliza settled into the rocking chair and cuddled the baby. Levy set one mug on the small table near her elbow.
“We have lots to discuss.” He sat down in an easy chair. “First and foremost, what are your plans? You said you want to be baptized. Is it true?”
“Ja.” Eliza spoke without hesitation. “I want to visit the bishop tomorrow. I need to confess my sins and start the classes.”
Levy closed his eyes. So Gott hadn’t deserted him—or Eliza—after all. He opened them to see his sister cradling her child with adoration in her eyes.
“I’ll have to learn to take care of you, liebling,” she crooned to the infant. “It’s been a long time since I changed your diaper, or rocked you to sleep...”
“It might be hard at first to settle back into the community,” he warned. “Having an out-of-wedlock baby is...”
“Out of wedlock?” Eliza raised her head, shock on her face. “She’s not out of wedlock. I was married.”
It was an understatement to say Levy was surprised. “Married! Then how...”
Eliza sighed. “Let me start at the beginning. It’s a long story.”
She spoke nonstop for almost an hour. There was a whirlwind romance with an Englisch man, a hasty marriage, early pregnancy, then abrupt widowhood.
Eliza wept as she finished her story.
“When Mercy was born, I knew I couldn’t care for her. Bill—that was my husband—came from a broken family, and at any rate they lived all the way across the country. I was too humiliated to return to Grand Creek. You’re the only person I trusted to raise her right,” she concluded, “so I sent her to you.”
“It surprised me, for sure and certain,” Levy admitted. “Suddenly I had a newborn arrive on my doorstep. I didn’t have any idea how to take care of her, but fortunately I hired a neighbor’s niece who agreed to be the baby’s nanny. I realized I couldn’t work and take care of Mercy at the same time.”
“What kind of work are you doing? I’m completely out of touch.”
While Levy filled her in on his business development for the past few years, he watched his sister’s face. The tenderness with which she held her baby was a good sign.
It was only when he began explaining about Mercy’s care that he understood the growing sense of unease within himself. Eliza’s natural desire to care for her own child meant Jane would no longer be needed.
“...and the nanny’s name is Jane,” he concluded. “She’s been very helpful with the farmer’s market—she makes jam, bread, cookies, that kind of thing, which have sold very well.”
“She sounds like a wunderbar nanny,” observed Eliza. “And...and maybe I can find a job and help contribute to the finances.”
“But then who will take care of the baby?”
Eliza flushed. “That was the problem I faced in Seattle. I couldn’t work and take care of her at the same time either.”
“Eliza...” Levy hesitated. “I’m glad you’re home. I’ve prayed to Gott for your redemption, and He’s answered my prayers. I look forward to seeing you baptized.”
He saw tears fill her eyes. “There are times I can’t remember why I thought it was so important to leave. It’s hard out there in the Englisch world. There are so many things that separate someone from their faith. My husband...” She hesitated. “He wasn’t religious, and it was one of the things I most regretted the moment we were married. Despite my rebellion, I never questioned my faith. But he didn’t believe in Gott, and his attitude started to wear me down. That’s why I named this baby Mercy. I want faith always to be a part of her life.”
“It’s good you’re back, then.”
“Levy, I have to ask... Is Josiah Lapp married?”
Levy put down his mug. It was easy to see where Eliza was going with this train of thought. “Nein. Not yet, at least. He’s been courting a young woman, though, so I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”
“I won’t. Still, I... I want to see Josiah, to apologize. I know he thought about me as part of his future, and I ruined that. I won’t interfere with whomever he’s courting, of course, but he’s been on my conscience.”
“You’ll see him on Church Sundays.”
“Ja, but it’s not like we’ll have much of a chance to talk privately. Or rather, I’ll understand if he avoids me.”
“Then maybe you should just ask him if you can meet later on. But Eliza, you need to make good choices from now on.”
“Ja, I plan to.” She bit her lip. “Sometimes I think how different my life would have been had Josiah and I gotten married, if I’d stayed behind and accepted a quiet, calm life instead of one filled with drama and angst. Why I ever thought drama and angst were preferable to peace, I don’t know.”
“You really have grown up, little schweschder.” He smiled.
“I didn’t have much of a choice.” She kept her eyes on the baby. “But now I have to find work. Maybe we should keep the nanny so I can look for a job?”
“Maybe we should. She’s been a blessing. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
Eliza peered at him closely. “That sounds like more than just professional gratitude.”
“It might be.” He didn’t deny it. “She’s amazing with the baby, she’s amazing in the home and the garden and the farmer’s market. She’s an amazingly hard worker. She’s also kind and generous and funny.”
“So my big brüder has fallen in love at last.” Eliza smiled through her tears.
In love? Levy froze. With blinding clarity, he realized his sister was right.
Jane, with her glasses that always fell down her nose. Jane, caring for Mercy with a competency that came naturally. Jane, teaching him what he needed to know to tend to the infant. Jane, making bread and cookies and jams to sell. Jane, shoring him up whenever he was down.
He felt dazed he hadn’t recognized this before. His eyes unfocused as he realized how much he had come to love the tall, gawky woman who had saved him when Mercy arrived. “Ja,” he said slowly. “I think I have.” His heart started pounding. “I don’t think I realized just how much I loved her until now.” A grin spread across his face.
“Does she return the sentiment?”
His smile was wiped away as he recounted his clumsy marriage proposal from ten days before. “I don’t know.”
“Then you need to find out. After Mamm and Daed died, you put your life on hold to finish raising me. I paid you back by rebelling and running away. As a result, I missed out on a great many things, including raising my child.” She hugged Mercy closer. “I also missed out on marrying Josiah. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. It’s okay to admit you love this woman. If that’s the case, you need to let her know.”
“I need to think on this.” He still felt dazed at the realization of his feelings for Jane. “I need to figure out what to do...”
“What is there to figure out? If you love her, then court her. Just don’t wait too long.”
“So now my baby schweschder is advising me?” Levy beamed.
“Your baby schweschder has been a fool her whole life.” Eliza smiled through tears. “If I can keep even one person from making a bad decision, then it will make me happy. If you love this woman, don’t let her get away.”
* * *
Jane rattled around her aunt and uncle’s store, restocking shelves and trying not to obsess about what was happening in the Struder home. Would Eliza want to care for her own baby? Jane assumed she would. If that was the case, she certainly was out of a job.
She realized there was something she could do: pack.
She would ask Uncle Peter to take her to the train station tomorrow. She had told Levy she would stay until the farmer’s market season ended at the end of October, but things had changed now that Eliza was home. If she left, she wo
uldn’t have to bear the pain of watching Mercy back with her mother. Nor would she have to see Levy, who could now concentrate on rebuilding his family. Yes, it was better if she left.
“So you’re serious about going home, then?” asked Aunt Catherine that evening as Jane helped wash the supper dishes.
“Ja, I think it best.”
“Is it Eliza?”
Jane nodded. “I assume she wants to raise her own baby, in which case I’d only be in the way.”
“You could work with us in the store.”
“And see Mercy on Church Sundays but know she’s not mine?” Pain shot through her at the thought. “And you know how I feel about Levy. I... I can’t bear to be around either of them if...” Her voice trailed off and she blinked back tears.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, liebling.”
At her aunt’s gentle tone, a single tear rolled down Jane’s cheek. She wiped it away and dried another plate. “It seems Gott hasn’t decided what to do with me yet. Maybe I’ll find the answer back home in Ohio.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, Jane, but I think you should talk things over with Levy before you go.”
“Why? What can he possibly say? ‘Stay because you’re useful’? No. I won’t have it.”
“So you intend to just leave without explanation?”
“It sounds rude, but I think it’s best. I can always send him a letter later on, but for now, I don’t want to see him. Or Eliza.”
“I think you might be turning Eliza into a bigger problem than she really is.”
“She’s Mercy’s mother. That’s not a problem, that’s a fact. I’m not needed anymore.” She spoke in a tight, controlled voice.
“You’re always needed, Jane.” Catherine’s voice was gentle.
Jane felt ashamed. She leaned over and kissed her aunt on the cheek. “You and Onkel Peter have been so good to me. I honestly didn’t expect to fall in love with anyone while here in Grand Creek, but that’s what happened. But Levy never looked at me as a woman. Even his offer of marriage was based purely on his need for a permanent nanny. Everything has changed with Eliza’s return, and I can’t stay here when I’d be seeing Levy daily and knowing I’m not even useful to him anymore.”
Catherine sighed. “Well if you’re sure, I’ll let Peter know. I’m sure he can take you to the train station tomorrow.”
“Danke, Tante Catherine.” Jane put away the last dish. “I’ll go finish packing.”
* * *
Wednesday dawned bright and sunny, with a hint of a breeze and a promise of a beautiful autumn day. Levy bent over the tomato plants in the field, trying not to wonder where Jane was. He worked methodically, filling baskets with ripe tomatoes. He would transfer the tomatoes to crates and stack them in the cool dark basement until the Saturday market.
Jane’s absence preyed on his mind. With Eliza home, it was obvious Jane was staying away. He told his sister she was probably working at her aunt and uncle’s store.
Eliza had walked over to talk with the bishop. She also told him she wanted to visit the Troyers’ store to meet and thank Jane.
He looked up as Eliza came walking through the garden rows, carrying Mercy over one shoulder. “How did your meeting with the bishop go?”
“It went well. Better than I hoped, in fact. I told him everything that happened since I left Grand Creek.” She patted the baby’s back. “In some ways I think he was relieved to know about the circumstances around Mercy’s birth. Most importantly, he’s going to put up the possibility of my baptism to a church vote. If the decision is unanimous, I’ll start classes toward baptism.”
“Ach, that’s gut. The bishop is a fair man. I’m glad he’s working with you on this.”
“Also, I stopped by the Troyers’ store and had a talk with Catherine Troyer. She’s willing to have me work in the store if I can figure out who can take care of Mercy.”
“Won’t Jane do it? I have a feeling she’d be more than happy to continue caring for her.”
“Jane’s gone. Catherine said Peter is taking her to the train station—”
“What!” Levy jerked upright and the basket tipped over. Crimson tomatoes rolled away. “What did you say? Jane’s gone?”
“Ja. I wanted to thank her for taking care of Mercy, but Catherine said Peter had left about an hour before. I guess she’s returning to Ohio.”
Levy stood frozen, frantic thoughts racing through his mind. He felt stunned by the loss.
“Levy, what’s the matter?”
“She can’t go. She can’t.” His lips felt cold, his hands numb. The thought of not having Jane nearby made him realize just how much she meant to him. Why had he never said anything to her? Why had he left her in doubt as to his feelings? Without question she felt he’d just moved beyond needing her now that Eliza was home. “She can’t go,” he repeated in shock.
“But she’s on her way home. Levy...” Eliza reached out and touched his arm. “Are you that much in love with her?”
“Ja.” He refused to admit how close to tears he felt. “Why did she leave so quickly? Why didn’t she let me know she planned to leave?”
“Sounds like you two need to talk.”
“How can we talk if she’s already at the train station?” snapped Levy, glaring at his sister.
But the young woman smiled with the wisdom of hard knocks. “But she’s not at the train station. Not yet. If Peter’s been gone only an hour by this point, then they still have some distance to go...”
“...and I might be able to catch up with them.” Suddenly sure, Levy yanked off his gloves, dropped them to the ground and sprinted toward the barn.
Chapter Fifteen
Levy wanted Jane. He needed her. These last few months of daily contact cemented how strongly his feelings toward her had grown.
His favorite mare was a former harness racer, able to achieve high speeds at a trotting pace. Levy had never considered the animal’s pedigree very impressive before, but today he blessed her heritage.
As he urged his horse to pull the buggy faster, he regretted his clumsy marriage proposal of a couple weeks earlier. What was he thinking, destroying her hopes for a stable loving partnership by pitching nothing more than a convenient business arrangement? Convenient to him, perhaps, but insulting to her.
How she felt about him, he wasn’t quite sure. He’d pushed her patience more than she deserved, taken advantage of her skills and talents in creating items to sell at the farmer’s market, without considering the workload he’d placed on her. In all ways, he’d taken her for granted. And now he might be paying the ultimate price—losing her—if he didn’t catch up with her in time.
An Amish buggy loomed ahead. Levy pulled up alongside, but it proved to belong to Eli Herschberger, his graying beard forking in the breeze. “In a hurry!” he called to the older man, flourishing a hand and urging his horse to higher speeds.
If he failed to catch up with Peter’s buggy, if Jane departed on the train before he had a chance to explain, what would he do? He realized he wanted nothing more than Jane at his side for the rest of his life. But first he had some apologizing to do.
* * *
As they sat in the buggy together, Jane’s uncle told her, “You are loved, child, never forget that.”
“Ja, danke. I know.” She touched his arm. “But sometimes the love of relatives or even the love of children simply isn’t enough.”
Uncle Peter sighed. “Well, our home is always open if you ever change your mind and want to come back...”
A car raced past them, just one of many on this busy road as they got nearer to the train station.
“I forget how noisy it is here.” Jane shook her head. “I’ll be glad to get back to Ohio and see Mamm and Daed.”
“Your aunt and I were discussing who we might hire in the store,” remarked Pet
er. “We thought perhaps Eliza might be interested.”
“Levy’s sister?”
“Ja, sure. Why wouldn’t she work for us? She needs a job.”
“But who will take care of the baby?”
Peter rubbed his chin. “I don’t know if that’s been solved, so perhaps it won’t work out after all. But Catherine’s minding the store by herself right now, and as I’m sure you’re aware from working the farmer’s market with Levy, it’s tough working solo.”
Jane frowned. “And she’s alone because you’re taking the time to drive me to the station...”
He patted her hand. “I’m glad to do it, niece.”
But Jane wasn’t placated. Her sigh was both bitter and frustrated. “It seems I have a habit of sowing problems and discontent wherever I go.”
“You do nothing of the sort. For the time you were here, you solved a great problem. It just wasn’t our problem, true, but you helped Levy when he badly needed it.”
“And now he doesn’t need me anymore—” She broke off, startled to hear fast-approaching hoofbeats behind them.
Uncle Peter directed his horse to a wide spot off the road to make room for the passing buggy, but instead the vehicle slowed down and came alongside them. Jane peered around the corner and her jaw dropped. “Levy!”
He called “Whoa!” To the panting horse and pulled the animal to a stop as Uncle Peter did the same.
“Jane, I need to talk to you.”
Her face shuttered. “Why? What is there to say?”
“You won’t know until you hear, right?”
“I’m on my way home to Ohio.”
“Ja, I know. But you’re not going.”
Her mouth thinned. “You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do.”
“You’re right, I don’t. Then let me ask. Please don’t go.” He climbed out of the buggy and approached her.
“What are you doing?”
Amish Baby Lessons Page 16