I reach around Sabrina’s back and fumble until I find the zip. Within seconds I’m snuggling in between her tits, licking at that sheen that runs right through her cleavage; something I’d been looking forward to doing all night. It was all so tempting, on show like that. I’m horny, but I’m also really disappointed — sad almost.
I’m not necessarily angry with her. I’m angry with myself.
I can’t understand how I can continue to be this gullible; this stupid. I’ve been a celebrity for seventeen years. I should know that women aren’t interested in me… not the real me.
As I’m pulling her jumpsuit off, I make a mental note to book a session with my therapist as soon as I get home. So much for having a break back in Dublin to sort my head out. Right now I feel as low as I ever have. Still, my depression doesn’t seem to affect my dick.
I turn Sabrina around, into my favourite position and without any foreplay at all, I enter her. This is nothing new. When girls make it obvious to me that they’re interested in one thing, what’s the point in wasting time on foreplay? The only time I got engaged in that sorta thing was with Jessica. I actually used to even enjoy foreplay with her. I miss her so much. I know we argued a lot, especially towards the end, but Jesus, I’d give anything to be having an argument with her right now if it meant she’d still be in my bed when I wake up in the morning. I think it’s worse to be lonely when you have lots of money. I have so much to share with someone, but nobody to share it with. When I wake up in my house in Newcastle, I can almost hear the silence. The gaff is so big that I rattle around in it. It dismays me that people equate money to happiness. It’s just not the case at all. Mo’ money, mo’ problems is definitely accurate. Well, it is for me anyway. I hate that my friends think I should just go out and find a girlfriend, as if it’s easier for me than it is for anyone else. Surely it’s harder for me than the regular Joe. Tonight’s a great example of that. I thought I’d met somebody interested in me, not just my celebrity. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. All she’s wanted was this. Me inside her. Even my therapist’s advice doesn’t ring true a lot of the time. I bet he’ll say to me that I should have embraced the fact that Sabrina was interested in me because I am a celebrity. But that line just doesn’t bridge any of my depression. It never has. My therapist isn’t a celebrity, so how can he know exactly how I feel? I really can’t find anybody on my level that I can talk to.
There’s no way I can confide in other footballers. We just don’t communicate like that. Imagine me strolling up to one of my teammates and telling him I had to fuck this hot bird because she wanted me to, but all I really wanted to do was to roll over on the bed, play with her hair and get to know her more. I’d be laughed out of the dressing-room.
I’m not so down that I’ve considered suicide — I’d be too afraid to hurt my mam and my little brother that way. But, sometimes I do feel as if it’s the only way out of this miserableness.
I feel a tear roll down my face, so remove a hand from Sabrina’s waist to wipe it away. Then I notice my crucifix bounce up and down on my chest as I continue to thrust in and out of her. I pick it up, stare at it for a second, then let it go, squeeze my eyes shut and force another tear out. I really am pathetic; fucking a hot girl from behind while crying. This would be the lowest of the low if I hadn’t already been here before…. doing the exact same thing; tearing up while having sex.
I’m not even sure whether she’s enjoying this — she’s very quiet for somebody being thrusted into, especially as she had told me she was looking forward to this.
I reach back down, and grab at one of her breasts to see if that makes either me or her enjoy this any more then we currently are when the door slides open. I’m not surprised to see Zach standing there, asking Sabrina if it’s okay if he joins in. My dick immediately goes soft inside her. She looks back at me, as if to ask me if it’s all right. I barely react. I just shrug my shoulders. I’m more intrigued to find out if she’s up for this, if she’s as dirty and as slutty as I assume she is from reading her text message earlier.
She doesn’t say anything as Zach moves closer. I remove myself from her, and just kneel back on the bed as Zach inches even closer, almost touching Sabrina. She still hasn’t said a word. Zach looks at me, then back at her. This is getting awkward. Really awkward. In fact, it’s her making it awkward, her silence that is filling the room with suspense.
The only sound that breaks the silence is Zach unzipping his jeans. He whips his T-shirt off and flings it to the ground. I think he assumes he’s being sexy. I can barely watch this. I’m so not up for a threesome. It doesn’t interest me in any way. My dick is soft anyway. No way it’s gonna get hard again, specially not with Zach in the room. I balk back in the bed as Zach moves in to kiss Sabrina. I don’t feel jealous, just uncomfortable.
‘No… no,’ she says, ‘no kissing.’
Zach smiles up at me. I think he’s taken that as a signal that she just wants to fuck. As he inches closer, I throw my legs over the side of the bed and stand up. I can barely watch. Then Zach climbs onto the bed, knee by knee and almost crouches into the position I was seconds ago.
I tip-toe out of the open doors. I think I want to throw up.
00:10
Sabrina
I feel Jason go limp inside me. I’m not surprised. Your best friend walking in on you having sex is hardly recipe for a thrill. Though I assume this isn’t their first rodeo together. I’m probably just another girl on a long list that they’ve doubled up on. They probably do this most weekends.
I try to think it through, but my mind is muddled. Am I supposed to say ‘yes’? Am I supposed to want a threesome? Is that what most girls fantasise about? It’s certainly not anything I’ve fantasised about. But what would I know? My sex life is about as limited as any twenty-five-year-olds could be, I’m sure. Maybe this is my ultimate test: do I want to be more light-hearted and fun, or do I want to remain the same old boring Sabrina Doyle?
I still haven’t answered when Jason slips himself out of me as Zach unzips his jeans and slips them – and his T-shirt — off. I collapse my hips onto the bed and rub my hands over my face. When I lift my gaze up, Zach’s face is coming towards mine. I balk.
‘No… no, no kissing,’ I say before I plant my face back down into the mattress. That’s the second time he’s tried to kiss me tonight. The second time I’ve swung my mouth away from his. I mean he’s kind of handsome, I guess. Probably handsome to most girls. But I don’t find him attractive at all. I certainly don’t want to kiss him. I wish he’d go away, leave me and Jason to it. I was enjoying what we were getting up to. But within seconds of me refusing to kiss him, I feel him behind me, playing with me. I guess he took my ‘no kissing’ as a come on of sorts. Then again, I still haven’t said ‘no’ to the question he asked two minutes ago. ‘Can I join in?’ I still don’t know why I haven’t answered when I feel him insert his fingers inside me. Maybe I’m just in shock. Or maybe the little devil on my shoulder is winning out; wanting me to be more sexually active, wanting me to be the opposite of who I am.
I keep my face down, decide to be a bit more open and maybe go with it. But I can’t bear to look behind me. Not necessarily at what Zach’s up to, but more because I don’t want to see Jason. I’m so pissed off with him. I genuinely thought I meant something to him earlier in the night. But now he’s just standing there, watching as his best friend tries to please me from behind. I’m not sure if he even is pleasing me. I’m still a little wet, but I’m certain that’s just the remnants of the excitement I had when Jason was making love to me. If this is supposed to be their big fantasy – a threesome – why has Jason just stopped? Why aren’t we all in it together? I shake my head, decide to stop overthinking it. I can’t enjoy this if I’m overthinking. I squeeze my eyes shut, shove my face firmer into the mattress and try to think of things that normally excite me.
When I masturbate, I normally imagine a rugged, handsome, tattooed man pleasing me. So that’s what I imagine now.
A David Beckham-type; muscular, strong arms wrapped around me, whispering sexily in my ear, telling me he wants me to cum. I can feel myself getting a little wetter. It’s got nothing to do with whatever Zach is doing back there. I’m not sure what he’s up to, but I try to blank him from my mind. It’s not him behind me. It’s my tattooed, muscular hunk. Only I don’t think my hunk would be pinching me and hurting me as much. I suck the pain away through my teeth and get back to my daydream; my fantasy. I want to try and enjoy being a bit slutty for once, somebody who’s not frigid. C’mon Sabrina – enjoy this. You deserve it. Two penises in one night.
I allow myself a little smile. The devil on my shoulder will be so happy I’m giving in. I might regret this in the morning, but for now I owe it to myself to have some fun.
00:15
Zach
Jason steps off the bed and stands aside, almost inviting me to go ahead and get stuck in.
I’m not sure how this is supposed to play out. If this is a threesome, shouldn’t Jason still be on the bed? Shouldn’t we be doing what I’ve seen done in loadsa porn movies? Shouldn’t Jason have his dick in her pussy, maybe I should have my dick in her mouth? Maybe she shouldn’t be just lying there with her ass in the air. Maybe she should be sitting up, pleasuring both of us at the same time.
I guess none of us know what we’re doin’. None of us have ever been on this rodeo before. Sabrina is on the bed, me and Jason off it. So much for a roasting.
I stare at my best mate, but he’s just gazing down at his feet. I don’t deliberately look straight at it, but I can sense through my peripheral vision that his dick has gone soft. I’m not sure he’s up for this. Maybe I should take the lead. This threesome was my idea after all.
I climb up behind Sabrina, one knee at a time while I begin to tug away at my dick. The atmosphere is a little too weird. I can’t seem to get it up. It won’t stand to attention. Which is really weird. One of the hottest girls I’ve ever seen is lying in front of me, fully naked, her ass in the air, but I just can’t seem to get my mindset right.
I watch as Jason shuffles out of the room, tip-toeing quietly as if we’re all asleep. I initially wanted a threesome, wanted group sex, just to try it for the sake of trying it. But now that he’s leaving the scene, I feel a bit of relief wash over me. Sabrina and I can just get on with it. I’m about to have sex with a bird that looks like a fuckin’ glamour model.
I cast my eyes down the back of her neck, her spine, her ass, the backs of her thighs – just in search of a blemish, maybe even a freckle. Nothing. She genuinely looks as if she stepped out of my TV from one of those PrettyLittleThings commercials or somethin’ .
So why the fuck isn’t my dick hard?
I continue to tug away, tickling at my balls in an attempt to turn myself on, but it’s just not happening. I decide to play with Sabrina, maybe turning her on will turn me on. I’m not great with foreplay, rarely use it with Tina. Our sex life consists of me saying I want it and her just giving it to me in whatever position I fancy. When we first started going out, we’d spend ages in the bedroom, finding out what each other’s fantasies were. But now we just try to get it over with as soon as possible. Our sex life is basically an assisted wank for me. That’s basically it. When I cum, we’re done. I’m good at getting sex, but not necessarily good at sex itself. I don’t need to be. What can I say? I’m a lazy, selfish fucker. But I want to try to turn Sabrina on. She deserves to enjoy this as much as I do.
I start by rubbing my fingers gently against her inner thighs for a few seconds, hoping that will get her groaning. But she’s still quiet, still face down on the bed. She’s a little wet, a little slippy down there, so I allow my finger to enter her. Still no groans of satisfaction. I enter another finger and begin to thrust them in and out. It feels weird. Not her insides, but the whole atmosphere. I can only hear the muffled beat of the music Li is playing in the other room. It’s all very eerie.
I try to imagine what Sabrina must be thinking. She said she was up for this. Why is she just lyin’ there, saying nothing? Maybe she’s not as slutty as she led us to believe.
I stare down at her, willing myself to get hard as I take in her perfect skin, but… nothing. My dick falls even limper in my hand. I try to force it inside her, still limp, hoping my fingers can guide the way. Once I’m inside her, I’ll harden up, we’ll get this going. We could both be cumming soon, cumming together. But it’s not working. I can’t get myself in. This has never happened to me before. I’m so glad Jason left the room. I’d be mortified if he knew I couldn’t get it up for a hottie like this. It’s unnerving me that she’s so quiet. Maybe she just doesn’t want this. Maybe she’s going to regret all of this in the morning.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask her. She doesn’t move a muscle, not even a nod of her head. She didn’t say ‘yes’, though she also didn’t say ‘no’. So I try again, try rubbing my dick on the back of her legs, hoping the smoothness of her skin turns me on, turns me on enough to get hard; hard enough for me to slip inside her.
12
Number Eight holds his hand to his mouth, clears his throat rather noisily and then begins to read Zach’s testimony.
“‘I walked into the room because it was clear to me that Sabrina had wanted more than just straight sex with one of us that night. She had flirted with both me and Jason through most of the night. And Li. She got on really well with Li. Probably got on better with him than anyone. We didn’t discuss sex, but the fact that she came into the hotel, with just one bed, and went straight to it with Jason led me to believe that my suspicions were right all along. So after they were in there for a while, I popped into the bedroom and asked her out straight. I asked if it was okay if I joined in. I asked her, one hundred per cent. I just said ‘would it be okay if I joined in?’ She looked at me like in a really sexy kinda way, then she nodded her head. So, I just did… I joined in. I got on the bed, no real eh… what’s-the-word… eh foreplay, yeah, foreplay, nothing like that. I just started having sex with her. She was kinda face down on the bed, but she was enjoying it. We both were. At no point did she say the word ‘no’. I swear. I swear. We probably only had sex for… I don’t know, it wasn’t much longer than five or six minutes. It was the first time I’d ever had sex with the same girl as somebody else in the same night and it just didn’t feel right so I… y’know didn’t cum, like. I just stopped.’”
Number Eight looks up, awaits a response.
‘What was it Zach said about Jason being in the room at the same time?’ Number Three asks as he scans through the page.
‘It doesn’t say it here, but he was pushed on that in cross-examination. Joseph Ryan asked him if he ever felt uncomfortable having sex in a bedroom alone with a girl before and when he replied ‘no’, Ryan asked him why he felt uncomfortable this time,’ Number One said.
‘Yeah and before he was given time to answer Ryan said something like: “I put it to you that you felt uncomfortable and didn’t climax because your friend was in the room looking at you performing sex with Sabrina, isn’t that right?” but Zach just denied it,’ Number Twelve says.
His summoning up was pretty accurate. Joseph Ryan was intent on tripping both Jason and Zach up in cross, trying to get them to admit, albeit through a slip up, that there was more than one man in the room at any point while acts of sex were being carried out; much like Sabrina testified had happened, which totally opposed the men’s account. While Zach hesitated and stuttered quite a lot on the stand — and came across as lacking in any kind of sympathy, unlike Jason — Ryan still didn’t catch him out quite as he would have hoped.
It was a dangerous game for Jason and Zach to play, putting themselves on the stand and open to cross-examination, but they managed to get through it. It couldn’t be said that they passed the test with flying colours, but they passed nonetheless. The media reported Zach’s testimony as being quite ‘insensitive’, noting his lack of sympathy and all but painting him as guilty – well, as much as they legally
could. The reporting of his testimony spiked the #SheSaidNo social media movement. The day after his testimony — which was the day the national newspapers reported it — #SheSaidNo was posted 113,068 times in Ireland alone. A national record for any hashtag used in one day by quite some distance. There was no doubt about it; in the eyes of the general public, all three men were guilty of this crime. Yet the public only had scraps of evidence that could legally be reported to base their views on, which were — more often than not — sensationalised by the print media.
‘Lishten,’ Brian says, standing up. ‘I know we’re going to do a verdict vote now, but I jusht want to suggest that we should discard the option of ‘undecided’ this time. It’sh not an option the judge has necessarily given us. We can go guilty or not guilty, so maybe they’re the only two options we should use. And I’d just like to add that in order to vote guilty, you have to be certain beyond reashonable doubt that the three men raped Sabrina. That’s all I want to shay.’ He holds both his palms towards his fellow jurors as he sits back down.
For once, Number Five doesn’t react to Brian’s lecture. She sits in silence and contemplates the vote ahead, just like everybody else around her. Number One removes the box from the middle of the table and proceeds to walk around the back of each juror, placing a pen and a slip of paper in front of each of them.
‘Okay,’ he says, returning to his chair and standing behind it. ‘I agree with Brian’s suggestion tha—’
‘Bout time you agreed with him on something,’ Number Eight says. It raises a chuckle around the room, cutting at the tension.
‘Well, I don’t think it’ll be the last time I agree with him today, I must say,’ Number One says, only to be met with ‘ahhhhs’ from each corner of the table. Number One was practically admitting that he was about to change his vote. At least that’s what everybody was assuming.
She Said, Three Said Page 23