by T. R. Hamby
They were quiet again.
“So now we have God and a demigoddess to destroy,” Barry said darkly.
Lillith’s heart pounded. She still couldn’t bring herself to think of the inevitable.
“And there’s no telling how many Angels,” Gabriel said. “Those were all Angels out there. He must be recruiting them straight from Home.”
Mel and Michael remained silent.
“We have to prepare for a large number,” Roone said, looking around at them all.
“I agree,” Lilith said, trying not to let her voice tremble. “I’ll bring down the rest….I think three hundred was our last count.”
“That would make it three hundred and seventy,” Theresa said, nodding.
“Good start,” Gabriel said, shrugging. “He’s not bound to recruit too many Angels unless he threatens them; they wouldn’t want to get involved in a war. I’d say only two hundred.”
“We can’t bank on that,” Nora said.
She looked at Lilith. “Can you spare them all?”
Lilith sighed. “I’m afraid the same thing applies to me and my Valkyries. Most don’t want to get involved.”
“What?” Barry exclaimed, looking indignant. “They don’t want--but it’s you. Why wouldn’t they want to follow you?”
“They do follow me,” Lilith replied, her lips twitching. “As my Valkyries. But they’re not….’under contract.’ Just because they Ascend mortals for me doesn’t mean they have to serve me completely.”
“What she means is that many of them don’t approve,” Theresa said, with an edge to her voice. “They haven’t approved of her speaking to you from the beginning. They didn’t want to risk angering him.”
“Why are you here, then?” Gabriel asked curiously.
Theresa gave a little sigh. “Them didn’t just give me life,” she said boldly, “she’s also my friend. A sister. All of us are like sisters. I would do anything for any of them.”
Lilith felt her heart swell. Theresa had always been so sweet, so strong-willed. They were like sisters--all of them. It was the reason she had begun to Ascend people….that camaraderie, that closeness. Family--something she had never truly had before.
Now they were all here….and now they were in danger. Lilith didn’t know how at risk the Valkyries were of getting injured or dying. None of them had come this close before. Would a Blade kill them? Or fire?
“So….just the three hundred,” Gabriel said quietly.
Lilith nodded. “Those are the rest who agreed to fight if needed, out of the nine hundred.”
“Could you….send an envoy?” Nora asked slowly. “Tell the others that we need their help? That you need their help?”
Lilith nodded again. “Yes.”
“I’ll do it,” Theresa volunteered.
“No--I need you down here,” Lilith said, gripping her hand.
Theresa looked both pleased and worried. “I’ll send someone from my regiment, then.”
“We have to figure out how to get rid of Calyp-whatever,” Nora said firmly.
“Andreas,” Barry said with a shrug.
Nora looked at Lilith. “Are you going back Up?”
Everyone turned to look at her, and Lilith resisted the urge to shrink in her seat.
“I’ll be splitting my time,” she replied. “Andreas will be training full-time, and I can coach him for half the day…..maybe the afternoons. I can spend the night and the mornings here….if you want me.”
She couldn’t help but add that last part.
Cautious looks were exchanged. Lilith felt her heart sink--it certainly wasn’t a warm reception.
“’Course we want you,” Barry said firmly, squeezing Lilith’s hand.
He looked at her, and his blue eyes were piercing. “It’ll be fine.”
“We need you,” Gabriel said, nodding.
Nora, Gilla and Roone nodded too.
Mel and Michael were gazing at the floor, still pale. They looked distant, haunted, and Lilith fought the urge to sob.
She remembered standing there in the clearing, all those years ago, shaking and crying. Every beat of her heart had been suddenly so precious, so numbered, so close to expiring. The air had been cool, and she had seen Mel across the way, shouting, struggling against the Angels who held him.
And Michael not far from her, looking sick. Trembling, trying to keep his composure. Lilith had felt sorry for him even then.
Death had been easy. Mel’s screams had not.
“There is….” Gabriel said slowly, cautiously, “one more thing. The….elephant in the room.”
“Gabriel,” Nora scolded, but he ignored her, looking straight at Lilith.
“How?” he simply asked.
Lilith thought for a moment. So much had happened over the years. In her mind there were two lives: her life before her death, and her life after her Ascension. Everything in between was, in many ways, painful--even Heaven.
She had been so young when she had first met Mel under that horrible Tree. Now she was a goddess, a young goddess, and what was it that she had learned?
She looked over at Mel and Michael again. They were watching her intently now, as everyone was, ready to hear her incredible story.
She took a deep breath and began.
At the end of Lilith’s story everyone was quiet. Gabriel was frowning, contemplating. Nora and Gilla looked amazed. Roone looked disturbed, and Theresa looked emotional.
Michael and Mel were ashen.
“That’s what happened to Silas,” Barry said in a hushed voice. “God killed him too--and put him in a Place to live. A Place opposite to Heaven--but the point is that he was allowed to live on in another dimension. God gave him a small piece of his power when he murdered him--”
“Unintentionally,” Gabriel said.
“--right--and that power was allowed to grow for ages. Eons.”
Lilith nodded. She already knew this, having been present during their conversation with Silas. It had answered many of her questions.
Gabriel looked at Michael and Mel. “How long ago was the first person you killed?” he asked.
Michael didn’t answer. He was a delicate shade of green.
Mel studied the carpet for a moment before clearing his throat and replying, weakly, “It was years. It took a long time for civilization to begin. Humans roamed in tribes, and weren’t….inclined to commit any evil acts.”
“Long enough to ensure there aren’t any other deities running around?”
“Silas was trapped in that Place,” Roone said, frowning. “Which sounds a lot like Hell. I don’t think anyone living in Hell can escape, regardless of their powers.”
“It’s not just that,” Lilith said quietly, and they looked at her. “What Father did to Silas and I was an utter betrayal. He murdered us for his own selfish reasons. He never had to kill Silas; he could have just as easily forced him to calm down. But he killed him instead. Easy. And as for me….he couldn’t allow a human like me to live after what I’d done. All the others would know how easy it could be to defy him.”
She remembered eating the fruit, and how awakened she had been. So alive, so free. Life wasn’t about Father anymore. It was whatever she wanted it to be.
She took a breath, then added, “It’s different from murdering evil people. They signed their own death warrants. The power they would have received from Father would have been too small to grow.”
Mel closed his eyes, and Michael stared fixedly at the rug.
“But it’s only a guess,” Gabriel said cautiously.
Lilith frowned. “Yes….only a guess.”
“And….how do you feel?” Nora asked quietly.
Lilith frowned again. She wasn’t sure how to answer that question.
She thought for a moment, and decided to go with the honest answer. “I still carry grief in my heart. But I’m happy.”
And she looked at Theresa, who had tears in her eyes. She brushed them away and smiled at her lovingly. I
t was a beautiful sight to see.
There was a long silence. Everyone seemed to contemplate for a while, frowning, until Nora finally stood.
“Theresa,” she said, “do you want to use our shower? You can use the one in Andreas’ room….”
Theresa looked surprised, and looked down at herself. She was speckled with blood, as was everyone else. “Oh….yes….I guess I should, shouldn’t I?”
And she got up and let Nora lead her to Andreas’ room.
Lilith couldn’t help but glance at Roone, who was watching Theresa go. The scar across his eye was prominent, still pink and raised, and his eye was opaque. She didn’t know if she could heal it.
He finally cleared his throat and excused himself to shower. Then Gabriel, who shared a look with Barry before leaving.
Michael, Mel and Gilla sat on the sofa, and in a moment Nora returned, standing beside it.
Barry looked at Lilith, and she could sense his hopefulness.
It’ll be fine, he said soothingly.
She shook her head, and he squeezed her hand. It’s all right. I promise. Theresa and I are here.
Lilith squeezed her eyes shut and took deep breaths. She could feel the Presences of all five Immortals, crowding in on her, insisting that she finally, after 200,000 years, speak to Mel. Mel, who she had loved more than anything, who she had given herself to in that clearing. Mel, who had watched her die, and who had--until recently--carried her necklace around his neck for millennia.
And Mel, who had distrusted her the very second he had heard of her Existence--of Them’s Existence.
What would he say to her now?
But she had to do it. She couldn’t avoid it now. She had to be brave, or nothing.
So she slowly rose.
Study, Barry suggested, and she nodded.
She turned down the hall, and she heard the others rise too. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her fingers ached, longed to release the power that was often roused by any excitement.
She entered the study, turned, and stood in front of the desk.
She waited.
She heard footsteps--and then Mel was there. He was still gray-faced. He shakily closed the door behind him and faced her.
They stared at each other for a moment. Neither was dry-eyed.
Mel looked pained, and finally spoke. “Can I….can I touch you?”
Lilith tried not to frown. She hadn’t known what to expect, but it hadn’t been that.
She nodded, and slowly he approached. He reached out, cupped her face in his hands. His hands were soft, and his eyes were such an icy blue, bluer than she remembered.
He studied her intently, to the point that she flushed. She didn’t know what to do….
“Oh, god,” he finally breathed, “it really is you.”
It seemed to be what broke the spell. They were crying, laughing, gripping each other until they sank to their knees. They embraced, and Lilith buried her head into his shoulder, smelled his scent. She had forgotten how strong he was, how safe it felt in his arms. She had missed him for so long.
“All this time,” Mel moaned. “All this time you were right there.”
Lilith felt an ache. “Yes.”
He pulled away. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
She flushed again, and he brushed away her tears. “I tried--at first. But I couldn’t do it yet. And then….I wanted you to have a life. I didn’t want you to pine for a ghost.”
“You’re not a ghost, love.”
Her heart leapt at the endearment.
“God,” he breathed, shaking his head. “A goddess….I had no idea….”
“Father’s only blessing,” she said dryly. “And his curse.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Mel said soothingly. “You’re not doing this alone.”
She nodded vaguely. Sometimes it felt like she was.
Mel studied her. “How are you feeling?”
She smiled. “How are you feeling?”
He grinned. “Dizzy.”
Lilith giggled.
“God--I can’t believe I’m hearing you laugh again,” he whispered. “I can’t believe I forgot how beautiful you are.”
Her breath hitched, and tears filled her eyes again. She was so happy--happy to be reunited with him, happy to be in his arms. And she was so horribly sad--all the time they had lost, all the what-could-have-beens.
He held her and shushed her, and for a long time they were like that. Lilith could hear his heart beating, gently, a slower pace than normal for an Angel. He was happy.
She thought of Nora….but no. Not now. She wanted to be selfish, just for once.
Finally they broke away. Mel looked at her oddly, as if wondering if he should kiss her.
Lilith felt another pang, and took his hand. She didn’t want to burst their happy little bubble. She didn’t want to be separated from him. But now that they were reunited, there was someone else she needed to speak to.
“Where’s Michael?” she asked.
Mel went white. “Lilith--please don’t--I know what he did--”
“It’s all right,” she said soothingly, “I don’t want to hurt him.”
He looked only a little relieved. “He’s been punishing himself all this time,” he said hoarsely.
She smiled. “You wouldn’t have said that two years ago. Not out loud,” she teased.
Mel smiled. “A lot of things have happened.”
“Yes. I know.”
His expression changed, and she knew he was thinking about Nora.
Lilith got to her feet, and so did Mel. “I need to talk to Michael.”
He nodded shakily. “Okay.”
He was still holding her hand. He hesitated, confused and exhausted, before lifting her hand and giving it a gentle kiss. Then he left the room, and Lilith breathed a sigh of relief--and of longing.
It took a few minutes for him to return with Michael. Michael looked terrible, and he avoided her eyes as Mel closed the door behind them. Mel stood in the corner, shifting restlessly, and Michael stood facing her.
The Angel who had killed her. He looked so low. How often she had seen him like that.
Before she could say anything he sank to his knees. There were tears in his eyes, and he still wouldn’t look at her.
“I’m so….”
He winced. “Fuck.”
Despite the seriousness of it all, Lilith’s lips twitched. He had never been very good with words.
She reached out and touched his shoulder, and he finally looked at her.
“It’s over,” she said soothingly. “It’s all over now.”
He stared at her, clearly stunned.
Then he looked pained, and shook his head. “Please don’t forgive me.”
She took a shaky breath. “Why not?”
“I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of this. I got to live and you didn’t. You didn’t because of what I did to you. I’m your murderer.”
“Father is my murderer,” Lilith said firmly. “You had no choice.”
“I could have tried to convince him--”
“You wouldn’t have convinced him to do anything. It’s not in his nature to be persuaded.”
“I could have said ‘no.’”
“If you had said ‘no,’” Mel said hoarsely, “none of us would be here now.”
Michael closed his eyes. He looked broken, and he held his head in his hands.
“I hear your screams all the goddamn time,” he moaned.
Lilith didn’t know what to do. Her eyes were stinging with tears again, and her hands shook.
Thankfully Mel came to the rescue. He knelt down and pulled Michael into a rough embrace.
“We’re here now, all right?” he said. “It’s over.”
She couldn’t watch--she was sure she had never seen the two embrace before. She slipped out into the hall, brushing shakily at her tears.
Barry was there, anxiously waiting. She could sense his worry as she went to
him and buried her head in his chest. He held her instantly.
“Not bad, eh?” he joked, and she managed a chuckle. “I know you did well.”
“I can’t believe it’s happened.”
He squeezed her. “It’s over now. The hard part, anyway.”
They pulled away, and Lilith brushed at her eyes again.
She looked up at him. It was so nice to see him up close, after being inside his head for so long. He looked so young, so handsome.
She touched the scar on his cheek. “I wish I could fix this.”
He smiled. “You don’t think it makes me look rather daredevilish?”
“You are definitely a daredevil,” she replied, smiling despite herself.
She felt a Presence behind her, and turned. It was Theresa, her hair still damp from her shower.
“I sent Briony to alert the others,” she said quietly. “See if any of them would like to change their mind.”
Lilith nodded. “Good. Thank you.”
Theresa looked worried, and Lilith held out her arms. She went to her, and they embraced tightly.
“I had no idea,” Theresa whispered. “I’m so dearly sorry, Them.”
Lilith smiled. “Thank you. I just….couldn’t bring myself to tell.”
“I understand.”
They pulled away and smiled.
“Call me Lilith now,” Lilith said.
Now Theresa beamed. “Lilith, Lilith, Lilith.”
And they grinned.
She wasn’t alone, she remembered. She had been before, but she hadn’t been for a long time. She was surrounded by friends, by her Creation. She had a family, and she had Barry.
And something threatened them, threatened their very Existence. Father was after their blood, and she knew he would do everything in his power to get it.
Someone had to stop him.
Roone
He took a quick shower. He had a feeling that Theresa would be hanging around, and he was eager to see her.
He was in the middle of putting on some clean clothes when there was a knock at the door.
“It’s me,” Theresa’s voice said, and Roone’s heart leapt.
He threw on his shirt. “It’s open.”
She came in, smiling mischievously. Her hair was damp from her shower, and she held a book to her chest.