The woman by my side with her fingers in her ears makes me jump out of my skin. That is the thing about the headphones and the music. You have no idea if someone is sneaking up on you. I swear, I nearly toss the pitchfork I was using.
Taking a closer look, my stomach drops. It’s the center of all the gossip, in the flesh. Carley Farrell really is back in town, and she’s in my barn, looking amused. And also staring at my bare chest. That part I don’t mind so much. But if I am going to hear her at all, we am going outside, and I’m not crazy.
I pull on my shirt and coat and nod toward the doors, and when we’re out, I pull the door shut behind us, so the music isn’t pouring out at the same volume. Carley is laughing when I take off my ear muffs and ear plugs. “What in the hell, Casey? What…just—why?”
“For fun,” I say, laughing. I can’t imagine how this must look for someone just stumbling across it. It’s not every day you see what looks like a man trying to teach his cows appreciation of classical music.
She narrows her eyes. “Really?”
“No, it’s actually for the fireworks night.”
“Oh,” Carley says, staring behind me at the barn. I can see her still trying to put it all together. Her face is easy to read, and I smile when she looks at me and says, “I still don’t get it.”
“Back in the day we used to take the cows to another farm for the fireworks. Trailer them all out there so they wouldn’t panic and hurt themselves in a stampede or anything. But that farm is gone now. Owner moved away. So…I had to think of something else. This is what I came up with.”
“Is it just “1812 Overture” or do they like other Tchaikovsky hits?”
I laugh again. “I do mix it up sometimes. But they get music played at their feeding starting a couple months before the fireworks, and then I bump up the volume every time, so they get used to it. Then when the fireworks start, I just blast the music and they couldn’t give two shits about them.”
Awe and amazement come onto her face. “That’s actually brilliant. It doesn’t hurt their ears?”
Pushing aside the warm glow that her compliment makes me feel, I shake my head. “Checked with the vet, brought her out and showed her the whole process. She said it’s fine. But frankly, I’m not sure how you even tell a hearing cow from a deaf one. They don’t listen most of the time anyway.”
Carley throws her head back and laughs. The kind of laugh I haven’t heard in a long time. Light and open and completely free of any pretenses. The sound feels like it draws straight through my body and into my cock; I get hard so fast. She sounds exactly like I remember, and all of that longing and need slams into me with the force of a train.
All this time I tried to push Carley out of my head, but my body still thought she was the one that got away. I haven’t seen her in nearly a decade, so she looks different. Older, of course, but she is even more beautiful than the last time. Her hair is wild and pulled into a messy ponytail, and I have the urge to sink my hands into it and pull her close.
Given the clothes she’s wearing, I can’t tell, but the shadow of curves tells me she’s still delicious. There was a time when I would spend my nights thinking about Carley’s curves. And if what I think I saw under those coveralls is anything close to the truth, I would have a hard time stopping myself now.
But I don’t fantasize about married women. No matter how much I want to.
When she stops laughing her cheeks are pink with it, eyes tearing. I’m not sure why it’s so funny, but I don’t mind. I will happily listen to her laugh for hours.
“I heard you were back in town,” I say.
Carley raises an eyebrow. “Oh, you did, did you?”
“Yup.” I make the p in the word pop.
“From how many people?”
I wince. “Six.”
She gives me a look.
“Teen. Ish,” I continue, smiling.
She laughs, but this one isn’t the same. “That’s not surprising. God, I can’t imagine what other things people are telling you too.”
“Oh, you know,” I say. “Just the usual.”
Carley leans on the fence and smirks. “Hit me.”
“That you’re now a big time lawyer that’s here to take on the evil Dollar General.”
She nods. “I like that one.”
“That you were planning on dressing up as a clown for Firework Night and had been spotted practicing your juggling routine.”
“Stop,” she rolls her eyes.
“I think my favorite was the rumor that you were now a spy.”
“Oh my God, no one said that!” She laughs, her smile coming back like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.
“Maybe I embellished a little. But you know that’s the Elgin way.”
“Can’t argue with that. But you always were a terrible liar, Casey. I’d forgotten how bad at it you actually are.”
My heart stutters, and I stop the stab of pain at the thought. “I’d wager to say that’s not all you forgot about me. I’m surprised that you remember me at all, big city girl that you are now.”
I mean it as a joke…a playful teasing. But as soon as my words hit the air, I realize it doesn’t land that way. For either of us.
“Of course I didn’t forget you, Casey,” she says softly. “I could never do that.”
I hate the small kernel of hope that that gives me. There’s no reason that I should care about her now. She’s taken. It’s the end of the story. We had our chance, and she decided she didn’t want it, though I still don’t understand why.
A million times I’ve thought about that night and wondered if I’d done something wrong. Something that I didn’t realize? That was the one question that I’ve always wanted to ask her, and I can’t hold it back anymore.
I blurt out the question at the same time that Carley talks, and everything is a jumble of words. “What did you say?”
“I asked why you hugged me like that and left at graduation.”
“I asked why you didn’t talk to me. After that night.”
Carley blushes pink, and it’s so fucking tempting to be distracted by that color and wonder if the rest of her body flushes that shade when she’s aroused. Even when we were together that night, I never saw her naked. God, that’s something I crave. I want to know what she looks like. I want to explore every inch of her.
I yank that thought to a stop. No. I can’t think about her like that. But still, Carley doesn’t say anything. “You first,” she says softly.
“Because,” I say, taking a step closer to her, “after six months of you saying nothing to me, I didn’t know what I could say to you. I wanted to tell you to be happy. I wanted to ask you why. I wanted…It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”
“Yeah.” Her voice is a little raw.
Taking another step closer, I look down at her. She’s so near that I could lean down and kiss her if I wanted to. As it is, I can see her breath as it puffs out from her, and I find myself wanting to steal that breath. “You have to tell me, Carley,” I say. “Please. It’s all I’ve wanted to know since that night. Did I hurt you? Did I…did I go too far?”
Her eyes go wide. “Oh my God, Casey, no. No, not at all. You were…amazing. That night was amazing. I don’t regret it at all.”
Cool relief pours over me, and I step away. I don’t think I even realized how much I cared about that answer—how much I wanted to not have caused her pain. “Good,” I say. “I’m glad. Thank you.”
We’re quiet for a moment, and the words form on my lips before I can stop them. “Then why?”
“Why what?”
I turn back to face her. “Why didn’t you talk to me again? Why did you suddenly start avoiding me like I was…contagious or something.”
This time she blushes a deeper shade of red. “I was terrified,” she whispers.
“Of what?”
Carley swallows. “Of getting pregnant. I saw the broken condom on the ground, and after that, it was all t
hat I could think about. Jess had just found out that she was pregnant and married Rhett, and the only thing in my mind was that I would not, could not, do the same thing. I didn’t want to be trapped here. Or forced to get married because I made one mistake. I was terrified, and it was just easier to avoid you until I knew for sure. And after that, I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know how to face you again.”
She takes a half step toward me and stops. “I’m so sorry, Casey. It wasn’t fair to you. It was childish. And I shouldn’t have done that.”
I stare at her, trying to wrap my head around all of that information. All this time…Oh my God.
“Carley,” I say, scrubbing my hands over my face. “The condom didn’t break inside you.”
The words fall between us and shatter like ice on the ground. She stares at me like I just told her that Santa Clause is real, and that he’s going to come to the fireworks with all twelve reindeer. “What are you talking about?”
It’s my own embarrassment that I have to grapple with now. Amazing how nearly a decade later it can still feel as fresh as the day that it happened. “Do you remember where we were in the woods?”
Carley bites her lip, and fuck if that isn’t the sexiest thing that I’ve ever seen. “Kind of. Not exactly.”
“We were in that little clearing that’s surrounded by all those blackberry bushes. After we…finished…I was trying to get rid of it, and I wasn’t paying attention. I wanted to get back to you. It got caught on a thorn and ripped open. Everything got all over my hand.”
I watch her face as she realizes her mistake. And mine.
“I was too embarrassed to tell you. Don’t know why. Guess I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t take care of something as simple as a condom. So dropped it, and I hoped that you wouldn’t notice.”
Carley shakes her head, disbelief all over her face. “Really?”
“Really.”
5
Carley
“Really?” I ask him.
“Really.”
For the second time in a week, I feel like my whole world has been flipped upside down. After I saw that broken condom I was in a state of near panic for weeks until I started my period again. It cast a giant shadow over the start of the new semester at school and my entire future. I thought I was watching all my plans completely evaporate, and I could barely function.
The only choice I felt I had was to avoid Casey entirely. Which wasn’t easy in a school of barely two hundred students. So much time and effort spent bending over backwards over…nothing.
All the shame that I heaped on myself and fearing that I would be just like Jess, it all could have been avoided.
The feeling in my chest is sharp and painful. Everything could have been different.
“That’s why you would turn and walk the other way whenever you saw me.”
It’s not a question, just a confirmation, and I nod.
Casey licks his lips, his hands flexing and clenching like he doesn’t quite know what to do with them. “So if I’d just taken the condom off with my right hand instead of my left one, and avoided that fucking bush entirely, we might have stayed together? And kept…doing that?”
I can’t imagine that we wouldn’t have. That night was too beautiful, and the times we hung out before that had been great. We grew up together, next-door neighbors, and he was always just “the boy next door.”. Until one day Casey walked into school and I noticed him in a different way. A way I’d never even thought about. And the same thing happened to him. The night under the fireworks seemed inevitable after that.
I nod.
“That’s—” he cuts himself off and looks into the distance. “Huh.”
I know exactly what he’s feeling. I’m still spinning from the thought of that too. But I’ve already made the choices in my life. And neither Casey nor I are time travelers.
“I’m glad I left,” I say softly. “Elgin. I needed to see the world. To experience a life that was bigger than fifty miles wide. And I did. I don’t regret that part.”
He looks back at me then, and I can’t decipher the look on his face. “You got married.”
I shake my head. “No, I didn’t. I got engaged.”
Casey opens his mouth, and then shuts it. He really believed that I was married. “What did they really tell you?” I ask, not needing to specify that I mean the sixteen people that told him that I was home.
“The lawyer thing was real,” he says with a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Those eyes are still as blue as I remember them, and they still stare into my soul the way only he managed to. Effortlessly.
“Casey.”
He looks at the ground. “They told me that you came back alone, without your husband—fiancé I guess. The rest were variations on the theme.”
I huff a laugh. “Well, for once they got it right.” Am I imagining that his eyes sharpen with interest?
“You’re here alone?”
I sigh. “Yep. I was engaged, and I’m very recently un-engaged. So now I’m here.”
“Why?”
“Why am I here?”
He nods.
I shrug. “I wanted to visit. And to see the fireworks. I missed them.”
“They don’t have fireworks in Chicago?” He smirks.
“Not like these.”
I’m thrown back to that night together, now seeing it in a brand-new light. Before I spiraled down into panic, it had truly been perfect. Sex with Tyler was good—even great sometimes. But nothing ever really compared to that first time with Casey. The adrenaline and excitement, the way our bodies were in sync. We weren’t even naked and it was still amazing.
If we had been naked…I wonder if it would have been anything like what I walked in on in the barn a few minutes ago. Because seeing Casey like that blew my mind. He is hard in all the right places, and I stopped in shock, watching the way his muscles bunched and stretched as he shoveled hay into each stall. His skin was shining with sweat and hard work, and the sudden heat in the barn was not the only reason that I was warm.
Casey is bigger than he was in high school—and that is saying something, given the fact that he was the linebacker for our football team. He was almost a man then, and he is fully a man now, and I can’t get that shirtless image of him out of my mind.
One more memory from that night comes rushing back. Casey, coming inside me with a low groan that was nearly a growl. The sound shocked me, drawing brand new arousal into my skin. So much that I nearly rolled us over and rode him to a second climax. Does he still make that noise when he comes?
I will ever admit to anyone just how much I want to find out.
“How long are you in town?” Casey asks, drawing me out of my wholly inappropriate thoughts.
“Well, when I planned the trip it was only supposed to be a couple days after the fireworks. Now I’m not completely sure.”
He clears his throat. “Yeah…I’m sorry about your engagement.”
“Don’t be,” I say. “Please.”
Casey nods but he doesn’t say anything else which I’m grateful for.
“I don’t have the benefit of town gossip. What have you Bowmans been up to since I left?”
Pain enters his eyes. “Well, Dad passed a few years ago. And…Mom earlier this year.”
“Oh my God, Casey, I’m so sorry.” I’m wrapping my arms around him in a hug before I can even realize I’m moving. His arms come around me tight, and he doesn’t let go. “I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay,” he whispers, voice broken. He is clearly still grieving. I liked Mr. and Mrs. Bowman. I wish I’d known they’d died. I would have tried to come to the funerals.
I should pull away from him now, but Casey doesn’t let go and neither do I. It goes on too long until I finally force myself to pull back awkwardly. Neither one of us know what to say. But do I imagine what I felt against my leg when he was holding me?
Was Casey turned on by just a hug? The thought makes me blush.
He clears his throat. “I should probably get back to work.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I should probably get going anyway. See you around?”
Casey nods. “Definitely.”
It’s harder than I want to admit to myself to turn and walk away, even though it shouldn’t be. No matter that Tyler completely fucked me and our relationship, I feel a little guilty for being so attracted to someone else so quickly after the breakup.
Then I laugh. Who am I kidding? Tyler was fucking someone else for our entire relationship. It’s probably okay that I feel attraction to someone after deciding to cut him out of my life.
Is Casey taking his shirt off again right now?
As I walk all the way back to our farm, I feel lighter. That isn’t what I was expecting from my walk, but it is welcome. Who would have thought a misunderstanding could affect both of us for so long?
That light mood of peace and contentment sticks with me for the rest of the day. It feels like armor against more screaming kids and a family dinner where more than one strange look is thrown my way. It buoys me while getting ready for bed and having to face sleeping in the awful twin bed again.
I barely feel the terrible mattress because my mind is still completely filled with Casey. Comparing what I saw today—that gorgeous, toned body—to the body that I felt in the woods. Moving with me, over me, his head thrown back in complete ecstasy, lit up by the fireworks above.
The image morphs into Casey now, moving over me without a shirt, watching me come apart with that gaze that consumes me. I’ll never forget that look. Ever. Would it be the same if he were here with me?
I let my hand slip between my legs, finding myself already hot and wet, aroused by thoughts of him. The image is vivid in my mind, complete with the sweat on his body from fucking, working me in long, smooth strokes just like he did the first time we were together.
The memory is coming back clearer now, and I sink into my blended fantasy, making it better than it even was as I touch myself. I’ve mostly avoided thinking about Casey over the years, and until today, I had successfully pushed him out of my mind. But now he won’t leave, and all I can see was him.
Big Man’s Happily Ever After Page 36