The Story of a Goat

by Perumal Murugan

  After drinking up the rice gruel, the old man would sit in the shade and smoke a cheroot. It looked as if he had broken off a goat’s leg and stuck it between his lips. If Poonachi rubbed against his shin when he was enjoying a smoke, he would kick out furiously. So she stopped going anywhere near him then.

  Each time he finished smoking, the old woman would bring a basket outside. The basket held his lunch as well as a weeding hook. He would free the goats and then bind each goat’s neck to its forelegs with the rope in order to restrict their movement. Then he would wait till the kids had finished suckling. The kids were not yet bound with ropes. They were still not used to walking past their mother. When they left the front yard after drinking up all the water in the trough, the old man would put the basket on his head and follow them.

  Poonachi would look on wistfully as the herd of goats set out for grazing. It would be dusk by the time they returned. Until then, she would have to keep weaving in and out between the old woman’s legs. It was very hard on her.

  One day, when she was looking on dejectedly, the old man said: ‘Get Poonachi to hurry up. Let her start grazing with the goats.’ His wife wouldn’t agree. ‘Can she walk that far?’ ‘Could a wildcat carry her away?’ ‘Will she last till you come down after sunset?’ She had a lot of questions.

  The old man shook with laughter. ‘Come here, di, Poonachi.’ When he stretched out his hand and called her, she ran to him. He lifted her into his arms, placed her across his shoulder and started walking. With her legs hanging on either side of his shoulder, Poonachi raised her head and cried out to the old woman. The old woman couldn’t tell if it was a cry of sorrow or joy.

  ‘I’ll be back,’ Poonachi said, as she happily took her leave.

  9

  FROM HER PERCH atop the old man’s shoulder, Poonachi felt like she was floating on air. She cast a friendly glance at the weaver birds flying overhead. By then she had acquired the majestic bearing of a king riding his royal chariot. But it didn’t last very long. The old man, who was holding her legs on one side with a slight downward tug, put her on the ground after they had gone some distance. ‘Run along now. Graze with the other goats,’ he said, chasing her away.

  They were on the same hillock where he had received Poonachi from Bakasuran. She ran off to frolic with her fellow creatures. The hillock was quite small, like a pile of sand that children like to play with, but it hosted a cluster of hill mango, babul, black sirissa and palai trees. Their trunks were wholly covered by a tangle of creepers. There were thickets of glory bower and veldt grape as well. The deep trench adjoining the field extended far into the distance.

  When they reached the field, they found that a large flock of sheep was already grazing there. Some goatherds were moving about. There were very few goats, though. The old man grazed his goats on the hillock itself because there was nothing for them to graze on level ground. Despite the rope restricting her movements, Kalli stood with her forelegs planted precariously on the tree trunks, pulling their branches downward with her snout and grazing on the leaves. Once she pulled down a branch, her kids along with Semmi ran over and caught hold of it. They held the branch down together and ate all the leaves on it. When they were done eating, they would release the branch abruptly. Like a bow whose string had snapped, the branch swung upward again.

  For Poonachi, the environment and the grazing were new and strange. She floundered, not knowing what to do. She ran behind the other goats. She was so tiny that all she could see were legs. Since she was unable to push herself between the legs, she couldn’t eat a single leaf. She was afraid she might be knocked down. She continued to stare at the goats for some time. Then she picked and ate the scraps of leaves that they had scattered on the ground while eating. After the first frenzied rush, once their hunger was quenched, the goats calmed down. Then individually or in small groups, they dispersed and started grazing.

  Poonachi was relieved. Since the hillock was full of her favourite hill mango trees, she walked towards them. From a branch that was bent under the unbearable weight of creepers, she ate as much as she wanted. Eating like this made her happy. Planting her hooves on the dirt mound and climbing up and down filled her with joy. Kalli’s three kids – Kaduvayan, Peethan and Porumi – didn’t bother at all about Poonachi. Their world happened to be different from hers. Kaduvayan alone came near her now and then, sniffed her vagina, pressed his mouth on it and raised his head. Savouring the thrill with his snout pointed upward, he lifted a hind leg and tried to rest it on her.

  Poonachi was frightened. Firmly covering her vagina with her tail, she ran away from the spot. She could sense him staring at her now and again as if he wanted to tell her, ‘Just you wait. Do you think you will get away from me?’

  Peethan had many friends there, and was busy roaming around with them. But the next time Kaduvayan came near Poonachi, Porumi rushed up and butted him with her bare head, then pushed him away. She pressed her snout on Poonachi’s belly, indicating that she should go further away.

  Oothan and Uzhumban were Semmi’s kids. Both bucks were younger than Poonachi. She was happy to play and run around with them.

  Climbing the small boulder on the hillock and jumping down from there seemed to be their favourite game. So Poonachi climbed the boulder and stood on it too. It had a rough surface, but it sloped down steeply, ending in a sharp point. As she walked gingerly towards the point, her whole body slid downward. Her intestines rose to her throat. Standing with her forelegs firmly planted, she relaxed her hindquarters till she felt light as cotton, then she sprang forward. She landed right below the sharp point with her hooves steady on the ground. Her legs were trembling. Oothan and Uzhumban kept climbing and jumping off, one following the other. She had proved herself by jumping once. I don’t want to do this anymore, thought Poonachi. But if she left the game after a single jump, they would look down on her. She climbed on top of the boulder once again.

  Though her legs were trembling, she flexed her body and brought the tremors under control. Then she jumped once more. By now she was confident that she could jump a few more times. But there was no strength left in her body. The other two kids were suckled by their mother. Their bodies were bursting with energy. Rice water and oilcake served to keep Poonachi alive, but gave her little strength. She was gasping for breath and her legs were tired. She acted as if she no longer had any interest in the game and moved away. She tugged at a scarlet gourd creeper and bit into it. Its leaves had a really good taste. She was eager to sample all the varieties of leaves and foliage to be found in the area. However, after eating some leaves from the creeper, she felt like lying down. She walked over to the black sirissa tree and rested in its shade.

  After having stayed for so long in the old woman’s house under the protection of a roof, her body was not used to the rigours of wandering around in the hot sun across fields and hilly terrain. But she liked it. From now on, she would come here every day.

  As she lay there, she saw Oothan and Uzhumban playing a game. Trying to show off before her, both bucks leapt and jumped over and over again. While performing one such leap, Oothan twisted his neck, fell flat on the ground and cried out in pain. Hearing the sound, the old man came running. He couldn’t make out what had happened. He thought that the two kids must have butted heads and fought with each other. ‘I’ll skin your hides,’ he yelled at them. Oothan, who had recovered by then, got up, walked slowly over to Poonachi and lay down beside her. Fearing that he was badly hurt, she tried to lick his body and offer him solace.

  All Poonachi had to do in the pasture was to run around busily, eat some leaves and fill her belly. She could jump and play, lie down in the shade and go to sleep. She also came in contact with a flock of sheep that came to graze there. But she took a strong dislike to the lambs. They always had their heads down. One must bow one’s head while grazing or drinking water, she reflected. Why did these lambs keep their heads down even while walking? Can you call it living when you live without lookin
g at anything but the ground? The trees, the moon, the stars, daylight – had these lambs ever looked at any of those marvels? Unless we look up, how can we see the sky? They even sniffled, cleared their throats and sneezed while looking at the ground. They didn’t see the faces in front of them. They only looked at the legs of the other sheep and stood with their heads wedged between those legs. Even when she wanted to play with a lamb, it came running with its head down!

  Look at the goats now, Poonachi said to herself. They always stood with their heads held high. They focussed only on the leaves that they could eat with their heads up. While walking, they looked straight ahead. When the goatherd called, they followed him with their heads held high.

  None of the sheep had their neck and forelegs bound together with a rope. That was only done to the proud goats, who were forced to look at the ground as they walked. Goats always tried to break free of their shackles. Sheep had none, so they didn’t need to make the effort. If it was in your nature to bow down, why would anyone shackle you? And yet, they were fortunate, these sheep. They had no inkling that to bow was to be shackled.

  10

  OOOTHAN AND UZHUMBAN were Poonachi’s only playmates. Her days passed in fighting as well as getting along with them. A couple of memorable incidents took place during that period, when they roamed carefree in the pasture. Both involved Kaduvayan and Peethan. As soon as he entered the pasture, Kaduvayan would get all fired up. With his head thrown back, he would survey the field. He would look for places where goats’ heads were visible and run towards them. ‘Dei, Kaduvaya … I’ll break your legs!’ the old man would shout. Kaduvayan would have turned stone deaf by then.

  He would visit every herd in the pasture and sniff the vaginas of the mother goats as well as the female kids. Then, with his upper lip pushed back to bare his teeth and head held high, he would relish the smell. He would stick out his penis and piss noisily. Entranced by his touch, a couple of female kids would contract their bodies and start peeing. Kaduvayan would put his snout in the stream of piss and drink a little. A few mother goats would butt him and knock him down. The female kids would become frightened and run away, their tails firmly in place.

  Poonachi observed Kaduvayan’s antics and grew to hate him. The old man was no good; had his wife been around, she would have given Kaduvayan a couple of blows on his snout and set him right, Poonachi thought.

  Kaduvayan would wander about for a long time and amble back, exhausted, to his own herd. Then he would graze properly. When no one was looking, he would chase Poonachi. She would run crying to the old man. ‘So you won’t leave even a little baby alone? That’s how cheeky you’ve become!’ the old man would scold and chase him away. He would lift Poonachi on to his lap, keep her there for some time and then send her off to graze.

  Poonachi had no trouble with Peethan. He didn’t go rushing anywhere. His sole target was Porumi, who was always close at hand. He was constantly up to mischief with her, caressing her or trying to put his legs on her. Sometimes Porumi enjoyed his attention. At other times, she would turn her face away. If the old man was around, he would give Peethan a hard kick. ‘So, you want to lie around here drinking your sister’s piss. Call yourself a buck, you lazy slob?’ the old man would scold him. Whenever they mingled with other herds, Peethan would chase after a few female kids. He never went looking for them on his own.

  Other goatherds would complain to the old man about Kaduvayan’s behaviour. ‘Thatha, we are fed up of your kid’s mischief. When our goats are grazing, he licks them all over and chases after them. Just get him fixed.’

  ‘Let him be, poor thing. He is also a living creature. Let him fuck at least one doe. Then we can castrate him,’ the old man would say.

  ‘If he fucks a doe, he’ll lose control.’

  ‘Let him taste that pleasure at least once in this life. Just the memory will be enough for him,’ the old man laughed.

  Kaduvayan couldn’t be controlled. He continued to chase after female goats and disrupt their grazing. When the complaints about him mounted, the old man bound him tight. There was no gap at all between the kid’s head and forelegs. Kaduvayan could not bear it. He shook his head violently and tried to lift his forelegs high, but he couldn’t undo the rope. Once or twice, he jumped up high and fell down. Then he learnt to bend one foreleg, lift it off the ground and hobble around on three legs. With a crippled leg, he tried to chase female goats. But his unruly behaviour had been largely tamed. No rope was tied around Peethan’s legs. He indulged in his pranks quietly and escaped punishment.

  One day, from another herd that came to the pasture, an inviting scent wafted across the field and greatly unsettled Kaduvayan. He tried to head there with the shackle around his legs. The old man could not smell the scent. He stopped Kaduvayan. But Kaduvayan would not calm down. He refused to graze even a mouthful. He kept crying out in the direction of the scent. In answer, a cry rang out from there too.

  Then the man in charge of the herd came to the old man with a proposal: ‘One of my does is in heat. It’s been writhing and calling since last night. Shall we try setting your buck on her?’

  The old man was overjoyed. Immediately, he untied the rope around Kaduvayan’s forelegs.

  In one leap, Kaduvayan crossed over to the writhing doe. And there he stayed the whole day. His form, standing beside her, placing both forelegs on her body now and again, was visible to Poonachi like a distant shadow. She couldn’t understand what he was doing. Nor was it clear to her why the old man or the goatherd didn’t chase him away. They kept glancing at Kaduvayan once in a while, talking and laughing.

  Poonachi didn’t like it at all. If the old woman came to know about it, her husband would be done for, she imagined. Every night Poonachi told the old woman everything that had happened that day in the pasture. Of what she recounted, the old woman would understand some things and not others. Nevertheless, she was always a keen listener. ‘See how much this kid knows!’ she would say, cradling Poonachi’s face in her hands and planting a kiss on it. Poonachi decided that she must tell the old woman that very night about this horrible incident.

  Peethan walked over to where Kaduvayan stood. He went to the doe and rubbed against her. Kaduvayan would not let him get close. With a single head butt, he sent Peethan away, crying in pain. In the afternoon, the old man tied the rope around Kaduvayan’s neck and forelegs again. Dejected, Kaduvayan lay down in the shade. He didn’t eat even a mouthful the whole day.

  Now Peethan wandered after the doe. Perhaps because she didn’t like him, the doe kept running away. Peethan didn’t give up, though. He ran after her. It appeared as if the doe consented and stood still sometimes out of pity for him. A short while later, Peethan came back and started grazing.

  The old man undid the rope from around Kaduvayan’s neck and forelegs. He went directly to the doe and stood before her.

  ‘See how different every living creature is from the others,’ the old man said.

  ‘The kid is done with her lust. Now she won’t let any buck come near her,’ the goatherd remarked, laughing.

  But Kaduvayan didn’t come back to his herd the whole day. At dusk, when it was time to drive the goats back, the old man caught hold of him and brought him back. The doe turned in their direction and bleated. Kaduvayan called out in response. The sorrow that rang through both voices struck Poonachi as very strange.

  ‘I feel sorry for them. Why don’t you let him stay back just for today? Let him spend the night with her and come back,’ the goatherd said.

  ‘Take him with you by all means. I’ll arrange for someone to castrate him tomorrow morning. Let him enjoy himself for a night,’ the old man said, giving his assent.

  Once he was released, Kaduvayan entered the herd and stood rubbing himself against the doe’s body. He never turned to look at his own herd again. His mother cried out to him. He didn’t look back. Peethan cried. He didn’t respond. Porumi cried out. He didn’t look back for her sake, either. Seeing someone who belon
ged with them going away, Poonachi too gave a feeble cry. He never turned. The doe’s call outweighed all their cries.

  ‘When it’s time to mate, who has the time for other affections?’ said the old man, exhaling a deep sigh.

  The old woman chided her husband for leaving Kaduvayan with a different herd. ‘Why, all you had to do was to bring that doe here. Why should our buck stay over there? What improper custom is this!’ she said.

  ‘Look, it’s only for today. If that doe had come here, would she not have been scared in a new place? Kaduvayan is hardly aware of anything apart from her. That’s why I thought they would be happy over there and left him behind,’ the old man said, trying to appease her.

  ‘Is she such a vamp that he had to go behind her?’ the old woman said.

  ‘Vamp or not, she has a pretty nose. He has fallen for her. Moreover, she is the first one he has been with. Even if he wants to leave her, do you think his body will let him?’ the old man said, laughing.

  ‘He won’t even remember our house anymore. Call that man first thing tomorrow morning and castrate Kaduvayan. That’ll make him stay put in one place,’ the old woman said.

  That night the old man and his wife talked endlessly about the problem of Kaduvayan. When they woke up, they talked some more. These days, Poonachi slept either under the old woman’s cot or next to the goats in their hut. She would go to the spot where Oothan and Uzhumban slept with their heads pointing in opposite directions, and lie down between them. Semmi didn’t like her intruding in this manner. Tugging at her tether, she would try to butt Poonachi, but the kid was out of her reach. Poonachi would lie still and relish Semmi’s predicament. Semmi would fly into a rage, but what could she do? Once, she pointed her behind in Poonachi’s direction, crouched and started to pee. Poonachi was anointed with a shower of piss. ‘Chee.’ She got up and fled in horror and disgust. Whenever she recalled how the same Semmi had lovingly protected her before Oothan and Uzhumban were born, she would start weeping. She had thought of Semmi as her own mother. Now Semmi kept showing Poonachi every day that she was not.