Thunder's Shadow

by Abagail Eldan

  “May I see my baby?” I asked again, for what seemed the hundredth time.

  “Probably...” She leaned in closer and spoke quietly. “Your aunt is raising a ruckus — we’ll see.” In a normal voice, she continued. “The baby is fine. We want you to get plenty of rest to help you recuperate from the surgery and whatever infection you have.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I understood, but my desire to see James Colton with my own eyes, to know he was well, burned within me.

  “I’ll be back in a minute.” Nurse Jackson opened my door and several heads peeped in.

  I attempted a smile and hoped they saw my wave before the door closed on their smiling faces. When the door reopened, the hallway had been cleared. I was disappointed, having drawn comfort from knowing my family and friends were hovering outside.

  But my disappointment was short lived. The nurse came back, carrying my precious baby in her arms, the blanket covering his face. I pushed myself up in the bed, and she placed the baby in my arms. I peeled back the blanket. James Colton was perfect, pink and healthy, already with rolls of fat on his tiny wrists. My tears dripped from my nose as I examined him. He looked just like Michael.

  The nurse held out her hands. “I have to take him back to the nursery.” She sounded apologetic.

  “But he needs to nurse...”

  She shook her head. “You’re still running a fever, and I’ve given you a shot of penicillin. You do understand that you can’t risk the baby’s health? We’re starting him on a special formula.”

  “Oh...” was all that I could manage.

  She repeated the words of the doctor. “He’s in good hands.”

  I nodded, understanding, but it didn’t help the emptiness my arms felt as she took him away. “Is my aunt still here?” I asked.

  “Yes, they’re all in the waiting room. It’s overflowing. I think a couple of more people have come in.”

  “May I please see my aunt?”

  Compassion filled the nurse’s eyes, and I knew she was going to relent. “Just for a second...”

  She left, and Aunt Jenny and Uncle Colt both came in. Uncle Colt gave me a gentle hug.

  “We’re sorry you had to go through this alone, Jay.”

  “That’s okay...”

  “No, it’s not,” Aunt Jenny cut in. “I’ve told Colt we needed to get a telephone, but he won’t listen.”

  “Telephones are nothing but trouble. One day you’re going to have people who can’t do a thing without a telephone in their hands.”

  Two vivid pink dots shone brightly on Aunt Jenny’s cheeks as she stared Uncle Colt down. “We can argue about that later.”

  Aunt Jenny turned to me and pushed the hair back from my face. “Jay, you do what the doctor tells you.”

  “Yes, Aunt Jenny. I’m glad you came.”

  “I’m sure the doctor knows best, so you listen to him.”

  She pulled me to her and patted my back like a child. The nurse would be back, any second, to run her out.

  I clung to her. Families who really cared were hard to find. God had blessed me so. “I’m so glad everyone came. I’m sorry I can’t see them...”

  “They understand,” Uncle Colt said.

  “Did you see the baby?” I asked.

  “We did. He’s beautiful,” Aunt Jenny said.

  “The nurse mentioned someone else came in... who was it?” I asked.

  Uncle Colt glanced at his wife before he answered. “Sylvia.”

  Aunt Jenny pressed her lips together and nodded.

  I frowned “Sylvia? With her baby?”

  “Yes... I wished she hadn’t brought him. He could catch something here,” Aunt Jenny said.

  “I hate everyone came this far to see me... that I caused so much trouble...”

  “Jay...” She smiled and shook a finger at me. “We’re just here to see the baby.”

  That made me laugh, as she had intended. “Will you thank everyone for me?”

  “I will.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead, and then Nurse Jackson was back, ushering them out.

  “See you tomorrow?” I called before they disappeared.

  “We’ll be here,” Aunt Jenny said as Nurse Jackson pushed the door firmly closed.

  Chapter 36—Troubles

  The nurse smoothed my covers and pulled the blanket up to my chin. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “No, ma’am. I’m fine, thank you.” I had gotten to see my family, including my dear baby boy. If I had died at that moment, the undertaker couldn’t have wiped the smile from my face. The only blotch on my happiness was Michael being so far away. That and not being able to nurse my child. As the nurse and doctor kept telling me, he was in good hands, if not human hands, then God’s.

  “I’m going to give you something for pain, and I want you to try to sleep.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  And I was sure I’d sleep like a baby.

  James Colton and I stayed in the hospital for nine days, and they tried to get me to stay longer, but I insisted on going home. The baby had lost weight, although the doctor assured me it was normal for newborns. I worried it was because he wasn’t getting the nourishment he needed from the formula. But I put my fears away, and we came home on November eleventh, and I was so glad to be home, even though I was angry at Momma, angry because she had left me, angry because she had wrecked Michael’s truck, and angry she had ever moved in with me.

  But that first day, I allowed her to follow me into my room, too glad to be home to fuss at her. I placed James Colton in the cradle, and Momma looked into his face, cooing at him, and he stared up at her quietly. I was surprised, but, really, hadn’t she proven to be a good mother to Zeke? At least, most of the time. Perhaps she had a preference for boys? For whatever reason, her eyes were tender when she looked at my child. He waved his arms and legs in the air as if delighted with her company.

  Laurie, like the true friend she was, came to stay with me. She followed the doctor’s instructions to the letter in preparing the formula, but James Colton continued to lose weight, burping up, or vomiting up, most of the formula.

  Dr. Burch made a visit to see us and examined the baby carefully, but shook his head in puzzlement. “I can’t find a thing wrong. Perhaps the formula doesn’t agree with him. Let’s try him on goat’s milk.”

  “Who has goats around here?”

  “The Brewers. And they milk the goats themselves. They’ll sell you the milk in pint jars.”

  “Okay.” I nodded my head. “We’ll try him on that.”

  Laurie borrowed Uncle Colt’s truck and bought the goat’s milk. But it didn’t work. James Colton spit it up, just as he had the cow’s milk. I had even tried nursing him myself, those first few days at home, but my milk had dried up.

  I bundled up James Colton on November eighteenth, for the cooler weather had finally settled in. Laurie drove us to the doctor in Marla’s car.

  We arrived at the doctor’s office and the doctor’s assistant sent us straight back to the examining room. James Colton was fussy. How could he not be when he was not getting enough nutrition? He had lost the rolls of fat around his wrists, and it made me so sad to look at his tiny arms shriveling away. I held him while Dr. Burch examined him.

  When he finished, he shook his head, studying my son. “I just don’t know what to tell you. He seems perfectly healthy, but he’s not able to tolerate the formula...” His eyes rose to meet mine. “Have you considered a wet nurse?”

  “No, sir.” The thought had never crossed my mind.

  Laurie and I locked eyes as I chewed on my bottom lip.

  Dr. Burch took James Colton from me and put him on the scale. He weighed six pounds and fifteen ounces.

  Dr. Burch frowned at the scale, as if it were to blame. He lifted James Colton, who had fussed the entire time, and held him in his arms. The doctor shook his head again as he looked at my son. “He’s lost over a pound in two weeks... and while it’s normal to lose, half a pound or
so, this is a bit worrisome. We can readmit him to the hospital...”

  Shaking my head, I took the baby from him.

  “If you don’t want to go that route yet, the only suggestion I have is to try a wet nurse. I wish I knew of someone... but with so many young men off at war, we don’t have many young mothers around here. Do you know of anyone?” Dr. Burch asked.

  Laurie and I again exchanged glances, and I let my eyes drop to my son. “I do know someone we could try.”

  “Okay. That’s your best bet. Bring him back in on Friday, and we’ll check his weight again.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you.”

  I felt deflated. Laurie and I got in the car and Laurie’s eyes were on me.

  I turned to face her. “What? Do you know anyone else?”

  “No. But I can’t hardly stand the thought...”

  “Well, how do you think I feel?”

  Laurie cranked the car. “We’ll go to Opp now and pay her a visit.”

  Neither of us spoke until we reached the house where Sylvia rented rooms. I knocked on the door, and a stooped elderly lady answered.

  “Yes?” She nodded in recognition at Laurie, who had visited before.

  “We’re here to see Sylvia.”

  “Come in. I’ll get her for you.”

  The lady left us in a large sitting room, tastefully decorated. A marble fireplace was against one wall, and a Persian rug covered the dark, hardwood floors. Sylvia came into the room with a smile on her face and her baby on her hip.

  “Sarah Jane, Laurie!” She greeted us like long-lost friends.

  I could not understand how she could put on such an act. I walked to her, oohing and ahhing over her baby. Laurie, who I had discovered loved babies, was right behind me.

  “He’s getting so big!” I exclaimed. James Colton was fussing, and I bounced him in my arms.

  Sylvia ran her eyes over J.C. and didn’t comment. I exchanged glances with Laurie and took a deep breath.

  “I have a big favor to ask.” I cast a sideways glance at Laurie, trying to gain strength from her.

  “Sure, Sarah Jane. What can I do for you?”

  “James Colton cannot keep down the formula he’s been on. I was wondering if you could... if you wouldn’t mind...”

  “Nursing him? Oh, that’s not a problem. I have lots of milk.” Her teeth were flashing.

  “I’ll pay you, of course.”

  “Pay me? Don’t be silly, Sarah Jane.” She laughed. “We’re family! I’ll be glad to help.”

  Laurie raised an eyebrow. I gave a tiny shrug to show her I’d seen. Why would Sylvia agree to nurse him? Without pay? She definitely had something up her sleeve.

  “Would you like me to nurse him now?”

  I nodded silently.

  “We’ll go to my room for privacy. You can watch Joe Joe for me.”

  “Sure.”

  Laurie and I followed her down the hallway lined with thick carpet that muffled our steps. Sylvia’s rooms were airy and decorated with summery colors, yellows and sky blues, perfectly suiting her.

  We exchanged babies, and she draped a blanket over her shoulder and sat down in a rocker. She cooed and hummed a simple tune under her breath. Laurie had seated herself on the floor with Joe Joe. I stood mesmerized, watching Sylvia and my son closely. Sylvia looked up at me, grinning.

  “He’s latched on. Have a seat, Sarah Jane.”

  I took a seat in an upholstered chair. The material was a swirl of yellows and blues.

  “These rooms are beautiful,” I said, conversationally.

  “Yes, I was lucky to find them after I... moved.”

  I had a feeling she was going to say “was forced to” but had remembered Laurie was in the room. Laurie had Joe Joe giggling. Sylvia’s eyes followed their movements, and she smiled fondly at her child.

  Maybe I was right, and there was good in everyone. James Colton was soon satisfied, and Sylvia gently rubbed his back until he burped. I took him back and held him in my lap. He struggled to keep his eyes open. I took it as a good sign and prayed he’d be able to hold Sylvia’s milk down.

  “So... how are we going to do this?” Sylvia asked. “I mean, he needs to nurse every three to four hours, at least? I’m sure he’ll want to nurse at night.”

  I chewed my bottom lip. I hadn’t thought through the logistics. I couldn’t ask her to move in with me... not with Momma there and Zeke.

  Laurie cleared her throat. “Sylvia, if you want, you could move back with us.”

  Sylvia’s eyes cut to me than back to Laurie. She shrugged. “I suppose I could do that.”

  “It would make it more convenient.” I hated putting Sylvia back in the house with Uncle Colt, Aunt Jenny, and Laurie, but what choice did I have?

  Sylvia turned thoughtful eyes on me. “He will need to be fed tonight. Would you like to leave him with me?”

  No! A thousand times no. I looked down at my peacefully sleeping child. I could not answer her, had no words.

  Sylvia spoke again. “I could come spend the night with you, if you’d like?”

  Laurie’s mouth gaped open. No, I didn’t want her in my house, but what choice did I have? It was for my son, for James Colton, and I would do anything for him.

  I nodded. “Okay. That will work for tonight.”

  “Let me pack a bag. I’ll be ready in a jif.”

  I said a little prayer, hoping I was doing the right thing.

  Chapter 37—Thanksgiving

  It was after suppertime before I arrived home. I had dropped off Laurie and still had Marla’s car. Sylvia had followed me in hers. I was going to have to make time to go truck shopping soon, although Marla said I could use her car for as long as I needed.

  I went in and sent Zeke out to help Sylvia with her bags. Zeke had made supper... fried cornbread, side pork, and turnips.

  I put James Colton, who still slept, in his cradle. Zeke and Sylvia were in the kitchen when I returned.

  “Zeke, put the bags in my room.” I smoothed down my dress. “Would you like something to eat, Sylvia?”

  “Sure. It looks delicious.” She smiled at Zeke who blushed.

  I set the table and poured the tea. Momma was nowhere around. She was staying in her room for longer and longer periods. I didn’t bother going to ask her if she wanted to eat... I was too tired and my emotions were in turmoil. I hated the idea of depending on Sylvia, but hope fluttered in my chest that she could help my son. And so far he had held her milk down. That thought alone made me happy.

  Sylvia ate with gusto, holding Joe Joe on one knee. “If I’m going to be nursing two babies, I have to keep my strength up,” she explained.

  I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I forced down a few bites. By the time Zeke and I had cleaned up the kitchen, it was late. James Colton had awakened and was fussing.

  I made a pallet on the floor for myself while Sylvia took turns nursing both babies. Sylvia would sleep in my bed, her son in the crib, and James Colton in his cradle. While Sylvia prepared for the night, I settled the babies down, stroking their backs, and they soon quieted.

  Sylvia crawled into my bed without protest, and I got my pillow to carry to my pallet. It wasn’t until I was about to blow out the lantern that I remembered Sylvia would be using Michael’s pillow. I took my pillow back to Sylvia and asked to exchange pillows with her, explaining I had to have mine.

  And it was mine. I went to sleep with the scent of Michael, whether real or imagined, permeating my dreams.

  Sylvia moved back to Uncle Colt’s, back into William’s room, and it seemed silly for me to get up in the middle of the night to take him over for Sylvia to nurse and wake the whole house. So, Uncle Colt set up the baby bed in Laurie’s room. Laurie would wake up when James Colton did and carry him to Sylvia. After he nursed, Laurie would get him back to sleep. I felt pretty much useless, and it was difficult, that first week, adjusting to our new schedule.

  During the daytime, I went to Uncle Colt’s and held my ch
ild as much as I could when he was awake. When hunger hit, as it did often during those first days, I turned him over to Sylvia.

  James Colton was three and a half weeks old when Thanksgiving came, and. I still had not fully recovered from surgery. Aunt Jenny and Uncle Colt invited us over, along with Mr. Paul and Mr. Aaron. Momma had refused to come, so I promised I’d bring her a plate back.

  Aunt Jenny had outdone herself, as usual. The table was loaded with turkey, ham, dressing, dumplings, potato salad, deviled eggs, sweet potato pie, turnips, lima beans, and cornbread. There were too many of us to fit around the table with our plates, so I found myself in the sitting room, with Sylvia and Mr. Aaron. Sylvia was at her finest, laughing over Mr. Aaron’s feeblest attempt at a joke.

  He cast a glance in my direction. “You’re mighty quiet, Jay.”

  I shrugged one shoulder and swallowed a bite of cornbread before I spoke. “I don’t have much to say. Haven’t been out much since James Colton was born.”

  He nodded at me. “Do you plan to go back to work?”

  I hadn’t really considered it, planning to be home with the baby until he was weaned, or maybe asking Dr. Driscoll if I could bring him into work with me, although I didn’t know how the vet would feel about that. Now, nothing was holding me back.

  “I think I might.” I cast a glance at Sylvia. “I’m sure you and Laurie can handle the boys.”

  “Oh, sure.” She raised an eyebrow at Mr. Aaron. “I’m very good at handling boys.”

  I almost choked on the potato salad. A baby cried, and I jumped to my feet, spilling some of my tea. I ignored the mess I had made. “That sounds like J.C. I’ll go check.”

  I went into the room where he and Joe Joe napped. Joe Joe still slept peacefully, one hand curled shut, pressed against his cheek. J.C. was letting out small squeals. I picked him up and changed his diaper. He fussed, from hunger I knew, so I carried him into the sitting room. Sylvia had emptied her plate, and she set it on the table, next to the chair, holding her arms out for my baby.

  “You’re not hungry already, are you, James Colton?” She laughed a tinkling laugh. “You’re just insatiable.” Her eyes rose to meet mine.