by Nancy Howard
“Yes, I do.” she smiles. “I remember it well.”
“Well, if you recall, I told you that day, you had an opportunity here and to take advantage of it.”
“I remember you saying that, yes.”
“Well, by golly you have, girl. I just came in to tell you that. You know Catherine and I, we couldn't be more proud of you and what you've accomplished since you came here. We love you, just like we did our Jenny.”
“I know that, I always have.” She says, with admiration in her voice.
“You know it's funny how things turn out in life. Our lives got turned upside down when she passed away, and even before that when our first little girl was still born years ago. It took us a longtime to get over that one, too. But when Jennifer passed at such a young age, it was about all we could bare. It just took life's purpose right out of the both of us. We were devastated by the loss of her. Then you showed up in town that day, and followed us home. We, nor, you had any idea this would all happen. Anyway, what I'm tryin' to say here is—and while this may sound crazy to some. It's like you always were our daughter. Like you've always been with us. If that makes any sense to you at all. When you came through that door that first day, it was like, our long lost daughter, had finally come home.”
“I'm like the prodigal daughter.”
“Yes, exactly, that's right, that's what Catherine called you. And speaking of her. You know Logan she’s been beside herself ever since you arrived here. But she would have been heart broken, if you'd have left. She attached herself to you from the very beginning. She knew she was doing it to quickly. She knew it wasn't in her best interests to do so.”
“She didn't ever have to worry about that, like I said when I signed the adoption papers. I never wanted to leave. It's funny that you should bring all this up, because many times I have thought about those days when I first got here. When I stepped through that front door. It was a feeling like I'd never had before. It felt like I'd finally come home. And as for parents, it's like you've always been my father, and she's my mom. Even though you adopted me. You and Catherine are my parents. So what you just said, does make sense.”
He shook his head in agreement, “I've known all along you felt that way, I just wanted you to know all of this, from the bottom of my heart. I been meanin' to say this stuff to you for a longtime, but I just felt like you it knew anyway.”
“I've always known. Trust me.”
He smiles, “And one more thing daughter, I want a week from Saturday to be the best day of your life. Catherine and me both do.” He gets up out of the chair and walks over and stands in the doorway.
Logan says, “I can't thank you guys enough for what you've done for me here. I was at my wits end before I came here, about not being a bounty hunter. You're both so great,” she says. Her eyes tearing up. “Now get out of here, before I start to blubber all over the place and embarrass myself.”
He winks at her in approval, and then he walks away. Logan wipes a tear. Then smiles to herself as she hears him whistling, going out the front door and by the windows. She thinks she has never heard him whistle before, until now.
Logan continues to smile to herself as she thinks about this big, strong man. She thinks to herself that she couldn't be happier with her life now, but what gives Logan the most pleasure is that she makes John and Catherine happy. After all those two wonderful people she now calls her parents, chose to adopt her. So they could call her their daughter.
WITH ONLY A WEEK TO go until the wedding Logan starts to feel ill. Her stomach is upset, and she's vomiting, especially in the mornings. She hasn't been feeling well. She thinks great, she's sick and she's getting married in a few days. Catherine knows about Logan's stomach issues, too. And the two of them have talked about it being nerves, especially with all the responsibility Logan has mounting on her shoulders. Catherine is having other thoughts about Logan's condition though, and she thinks she knows what it is and it's not nerves.
The condition however has not changed, and is not getting any better. It is Wednesday, just three days until the wedding is to take place. So Logan decides it's time to go into town and see Doc Burroughs and see if he can tell her what's wrong. She hasn’t confided in her mother, but she sure she knows what it is, too. Catherine agrees to go along with her for support, confident that she knows what is wrong with her.
Later that morning Catherine parks the buggy in front of Doc Burroughs office, and they get out and go in.
“Well, Logan, I'd say you're pregnant.”
Logan laughs. “you gotta be kidding me, doc.”
“No. You're pregnant.”
Logan listens to him, biting her lower lip, as a sheepish look comes across her face, knowing that he's right. She and Gavin make love every chance they get, they can't seem to get enough of each other.
“I can't let this get out, Doc, especially now. How long will this last?”
“Well, when did it start?”
“I don't know, maybe a week. I been busy as hell! I don't remember!”
“What should I tell Catherine?”
“The truth, I'm sure she knows. You have to tell, Gavin.”
A few seconds later they walk out of the doc's office, and Catherine notices right away that Logan is quiet. She smiles at her, and doesn't say anything to her, while Logan pays the doctor.
They go out side and Catherine asks her, “so, did he say what's wrong with you?”
Logan doesn't answer right away, then she turns her head and shakes it, “I'm pregnant.”
Catherine only looks at her and smiles, “I figured that was it. I just wanted to make sure, and you needed to know for your own peace of mind.”
“I don't want this to get out. I mean...everybody will think I'm...I'm some sort of...harlot,” Logan says, getting into the buggy.
“Well, your secret is safe with me, dear, you know that. Besides, I doubt that anyone would think that about you. Everyone in town knows how close you and Gavin are, and how much you love each other.”
Logan gives her a half grin at that, knowing she's right. Catherine gets into the buggy and takes the reins.
As she drives away, Logan says, "I don't want you to tell John about this either. Not now, anyway. Okay?"
"I won't, I'll let you tell him, yourself. When the time is right for you."
Logan is quiet for a few seconds, then says, “I'm gonna be a mother. I'm gonna have a baby. Mom, I don't know nothin' about no baby. How did you do it?”
“You'll just do it. You have natural mothering instincts, anyway. We all have them. Besides, you're going to have lots and lots of help, trust me on that. You're going to be a great mom,” she says. Smiling at Logan.
Logan looks at her mother, and thinks that she hopes she's right.
THAT EVENING AFTER dinner, Logan gets Gavin to take a walk. She says she has something important that she wants to tell him, making him wonder right away what it is. So she throws a shawl around her shoulders, and the two of them head out the door to the back of the house, and down to the little stream. They stand under the big cottonwood tree like they did when Gavin came back.
“I,...uh, wanted to tell you it's good that were doing this, now.”
“What's that,” he asks?
“Getting married.”
“I think it's a good time for that, too,” he says. Putting his large hands on her narrow waist.
She notices this and says, “it's funny that you should put your hands there.”
“You don't like them, there?”
“Oh, yeah, you know, I do. I...I just want you to know that area of my body is about to get a lot bigger.”
“What?”
“I went to see Doc Burroughs today about that stomach problem I've been having the past several days, and.”
Gavin looks at her wanting her to get it out, “And what?”
“I'm pregnant, Gavin.”
“Wow! Are you kidding me?” He shouts out with glee. “I'm gonna be a dad?”
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“Yes, and shush! Not so loud. John'll hear you,” she says. Putting her finger over her mouth, smiling widely at his excitement.
“Damn, girl,” he exclaims! Quieting his voice. He's standing there with a big broad grin on his face, still ecstatic about what he just heard her say. Hugging her close to him.
She is grinning from ear to ear at Gavin's reaction, and shaking her head, “we been playin' with fire, you know.”
“Yeah, I know that. Why don't you want John to know?”
“I don't want to spoil anything for him, when he gives me away on Saturday. I want him to do it, without knowing about any of this right now. Okay?”
“Okay, I gotcha. I know how much you love him and what he means to you.”
She shakes her head yes. Looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
“Does Catherine know?”
“Yeah, she went to the doctor with me today. She knew it anyway, she just wanted it confirmed. She told me she won't say anything to John, either. So promise me, when we go back inside you'll try your best to hide your exuberance. That you'll act... normal.”
“I will, I promise.”
“You sure, cause....”
“I said I would. You know, you worry too much.”
“Ya think?”
“Yes I do. I remember when none of this would have ever mattered to the old Logan, at all.”
“Yeah, me, too, but I've changed. You've changed, Gavin. We aren't those two people anymore.”
He shook his head in agreement as they went back inside. Then the next two days went by like lightning.
ONE THIRTY ON SATURDAY afternoon has come to Sanderson's Hill Ranch. And like the party just after John put Logan in-charge of the ranch, everyone has ascended on the place. Just as it was on that day there is food galore, including a carcass of beef being cooked over and open fire, The lawn and the entire area around the house all the way down to the corral and stable is filled with buggies, and horses, parked and tied up everywhere.
Today is wedding day at Sanderson's Hill Ranch, as Logan Sanderson and Marshal Gavin Sloan finally tie the knot of matrimony. And that time is now, as Pastor Hayes, and the over one hundred guests present, watch and wait for Logan to appear. Gavin is handsomely dressed in a black suit with a tie, along with his groomsman, who are his deputies—dressed the same. Logan's bridesmaids, Linda, and Grace, are lovely, holding bouquets, and dressed in white gowns that they had specially made for the wedding.
All watch, and wait for Logan to make her appearance with John. Then the violinist begins the wedding march, and those who are sitting immediately stand as soon as they see them. She is holding onto John's arm as they appear from the side of the house, holding a small bouquet of flowers in her right hand. She looks so very stunning in her white wedding gown that trains behind her. Her long hair flowing softly in the gentle afternoon breeze that suddenly come up.
She’s stunning—a far, far cry from that rough around the edges girl bounty hunter who arrived in Folsom, with Gavin that day. Neither of them then fathoming that this is where that arrival would lead them. Slowly she and John march to the music, walking toward a waiting and beaming Gavin. Who is smiling from ear to ear, at the sight of his lovely bride. In fact everyone who is present is smiling.
She and John stop in front of the wedding party then turned to face the huge throng of guests, and John says, “Today folks, all of us are gathered here for this very, very, special occasion at Sanderson's Hill Ranch. Today, I am distinctly honored, and so very proud to be standing here, with this beautiful young woman. Logan Sanderson, my daughter. And it is equally my honor to give her away on this, her special day. Her wedding day. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, Miss Logan Marie Sanderson, to become Mrs. Gavin Sloan.”
Then he smiles at her and kisses her on the cheek and hugs her, whispering into her ear, that he and Catherine love her. Then he assists her up onto the porch, to commence with the ceremony. He turns to face the throng of guests again, still smiling widely, then walks over and takes his seat next to Catherine. Who is wiping away tears of joy, as they prepare to watch the wedding ceremony of their Logan and Gavin.
Fifteen minutes later Logan and Gavin kiss each other, and the two of them turn, smiling, to face the huge throng of folks present.
They step down off of the porch with the wedding party as Pastor Hayes says, “ladies and gentlemen, it is my distinct honor in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ, to present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Gavin Sloan.”
To which applause immediately and spontaneously erupted, along with a tremendous cheer, that became a roar. For Folsom’s two most prominent citizens.
A WEEK FOLLOWING THE wedding Logan is in the office working as John walks by.
"Hey, can you come in here for a minute, I got something I want to tell you," she says to him.
"Sure, Missy, what's on your mind," he says.
"I...uh.” She pauses. "I wanted to say something to you about me and my stomach issue, I had a week or so ago, before the wedding."
John was looking at her and could hear the apprehension in her voice. He knew what she wanted to tell him is important to her.
I...um, went to see Doc, and I'm... Uh... pregnant."
"Hell you are?" He says smiling at her. "You mean I'm gonna be a granddad?"
"Yep, you sure are." She smiles at his reaction.
"Well I'll be. How far along are you?'
"About seven or eight weeks. I was pregnant at the wedding. I didn't say anything to you then, because I didn't want you to be disappointed in me."
Then John does something that completely surprises her. He gets up from where he was setting and walks behind the desk and bends down and puts his arms around her, and gives her a big hug. Then kisses her on the top of the head, and tells her, "you will never disappoint me, Missy. Ever. You will never have to worry about that." Then he puts his hat back on and leaves the room, going out the front door, whistling again.
Logan just sets there and watches him leave, and walk by the windows. She thinks to herself, how lucky she is to have him and the huge space that he and Catherine occupy in her life and heart. Then she chuckles to herself, because it's the second time she's heard him whistle.
33
Three Years Later
The sky is dark, gray, and gloomy, as a snow storm brews in the west, on this wintry January day. A cold northeast wind is blowing stiffly across the empty open spaces, of the high plains, as snowflakes begin to drift down freely here and there. Today is a sad day at Sanderson's Hill. The entire Sanderson clan, as well as everyone in and around Folsom, are on the hill by the entrance road today. They are here to lay John Sanderson in his final resting place, next to his two deceased daughters.
Catherine and Logan stand together next to his grave, huddled against the cold wind, with their arms around each other—not moving. They're just standing and remembering. Remembering a man that they each loved, just as he loved them. A man that each remembers in their own way. He now rests beneath the stand of ash and cottonwood trees, that he once described as the most beautiful view on earth.
From there he told Catherine long ago, that he could look out and see great expanses of open country, as far as the eyes could see. All of it draped and covered by a deep azure blue sky, that seem to envelope the land—covering it like a blanket. It was a view that he never grew tired of, and it excited him every time he looked at it. When he and Catherine first came here they would go up to this very spot, and just stand for hours. Arms around each other, dreaming of what they could do with this great land.
He loved it so much that he told her that if he preceded her in death, that this was the place where he wanted to be laid to rest. He told her that he could think of no other place more beautiful than this spot, to spend resting in eternity. Little did he know then that he would bury two daughters there first.
For Catherine today she has lost her loving husband, her companion of over forty years—her life long friend.
He was her rock, through all the good times and the bad. He was always there, making even the tough times seem easy. He seemed to never falter or waiver in his strength. And now he's gone, and she stands at his grave site with her adopted daughter, Logan. The girl who came into their lives years ago and helped ease the pain of losing their two natural born daughters
For Logan, her thoughts of John are what he gave her and what she learned from him. He was for her as he was Catherine, a tower of strength that she will forever miss. He became her father long before they adopted her. It started almost immediately, the day after she got here on the ride to the mesa. A day where they talked, getting to know each other. Talking about her and Gavin, and about her future, something she found out that day he cared about. They talked that day as a father and daughter would. A discussion that Logan had never experienced before.
Today they are flanked by the entire crew at the ranch. Gavin stands close by holding three year old Molly in his arms. She is too young to grasp what is happening and says, “mommy why are you and grandma crying?”
“Logan hears her daughter, and turns to say, “oh, it's because we’ll miss grandpa, sweetie.”
“Where'd he go,” the little girl asks?”
“Well, he went to be with Jesus, honey.”
Logan looks at Gavin and manages a soft little smile, thinking that she wishes she had her daughter's innocence. Especially, when it comes to something as devastating and final as the death of a loved one.
It is hard to believe this has happened, as it did so suddenly. Logan thinks back to Monday as John walked into the office, telling her that he had not been feeling well. That he'd been having pains in his left arm for over a week.
“Have you gone to see the Doc?”
“No,” he says, “Hell, he won't be able to tell me what's wrong.”
“You should go anyway, you know.”
“You sound like Catherine.”
“Well, did it ever occur to you that we both love and care about you, and we're worried about you?'