I threw my arm over my face as I basked in the feeling she left me with. It was bright and warm and I’d never felt something so easy and right. I never wanted it to stop.
Chapter 15: Charley
Kissing Zane had been…incredible. It had felt perfect and right. I’d followed Brendan back inside grinning like some sort of goofy idiot. I’d fallen asleep with that grin on my face and thoughts of Zane dominating – pun intended – my thoughts.
It didn’t last.
I woke up with a heady sense of impending doom.
I felt like the world was about to come crashing down around me.
Everything felt weird and messy and I was paranoid that I’d made a terrible mistake.
The feeling stayed with me the whole time I was getting dressed and trying to eat breakfast with some semblance of early-morning dignity.
I met Zane at his car and things were not the way they were supposed to be after a kiss as epic as that one had been at the time.
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
It was warm. He was warm. It was the sort of greeting he’d give me before we kissed. So, I supposed it could be worse, but I’d been hoping for better. Or maybe I was overanalysing.
“Hey,” I replied.
“How was your night?” he asked as we got into the car.
I shrugged. “Not bad. You?”
“Yeah. Same.”
We didn’t talk much on the way to school. We didn’t really sing along to our tunes. I wouldn’t have said it was an uncomfortable silence, I just felt like I should have been able to fill it. I was sure there had been plenty of mornings that were just the same, but none of them had been after we’d kissed so none of them had felt like everything had changed and something was wrong.
As usual, we went about our own days.
I disapproved of everything Zane and his friends got up to, even when they didn’t appear to be doing anything because I knew they must be up to something. And Zane went through his day being as cool and collected as he always was. Or so I thought.
We bumped into each other in the hallway between classes and I was at a loss for words. My wit had well and truly deserted me and I couldn’t even come up with a ‘watch where you’re going’.
“Hey,” seemed about all we were capable of as we stepped side to side over again, trying and failing to get out of each other’s way.
Finally, Jett grabbed me and turned me, breaking the pattern.
Zane nodded to me. I nodded to Zane. We went back to going about our days.
“Because that wasn’t weird or anything,” Jett commented dryly.
“It was weird,” Penny pointed out.
I straightened my jumper. “Yes. Thank you. I’m aware.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you hooked up with Lindon,” Jett said.
“Well, you do know better, don’t you?” I huffed and pushed to keep walking.
“I thought I did…” he said pointedly.
I looked back at him and rolled my eyes. “Keep your business to yourself, sir.”
“I’d really much rather see you squirm.”
“Sadist.”
“I’m not the one who hooked up with a Pop.”
“This year,” I reminded him sullenly. “And you have no proof I hooked up with anyone.”
“Not true,” Penny piped up. “We saw you hooking up with that Tad guy last term.”
“Ugh,” I sighed. “Will I ever live that down?”
“Probably not,” Jett admitted.
“Well, at least you’re honest in your hypocrisy.”
“Unlike you,” Penny pointed out as Jett said, “It was one kiss!”
“I told no fibs!” I replied indignantly.
“Technically correct,” Jett said.
“The best kind of correct. I am also not a hypocrite.”
“That one’s a fib.”
“How am I a hypocrite?”
“And I quote, ‘anyone who hooks up with a Pop should have their brain returned with immediate promptness’,” Penny said.
“Hyperbolic, but clear,” Jett added.
“Can we talk about something else?” I asked.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to talk about it.”
“That would require there being something to talk about.”
“Which you are apparently maintaining there is not.”
“I’d be lying if I said there was,” wasn’t a lie, because it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about.
“You’d also be lying if you said there wasn’t.”
Damn them for knowing me so well! “Fine,” I hissed. “I kissed him. Happy?”
“Not if it’s not true,” Penny said and I fired a glare at her.
“Don’t take your shit out on her,” Jett told me, quite right, of course.
I took a deep breath. “Sorry, Penny–”
“I forgive you.”
I smiled at her. “Thanks. But, yes. I kissed him. Kissing occurred.”
“Did more than kissing occur?”
“No. We were in his old treehouse.”
“So?” Jett asked.
“Um…so, there are splinters and bugs and…dirt.”
“It’s called a blanket, Charley.”
“You gunning for a job at Bed, Bath and Table?” I asked sarcastically, then held my hands up in defence. “Sorry! Sorry. I’m just…on edge.”
“You worried you’ve messed everything up?”
I nodded. “The simple answer is yes.”
“What’s the difficult answer?”
“I’m worried that nothing’s been messed up, which is equally as messy.”
“Okay. Well, do you want to talk about it?” Penny asked.
“Give him the rest of the day,” was Jett’s advice.
Penny and I both looked at him. “What?”
Jett shrugged as he held the door open for us. “Give him the rest of the day. Lindon has never gone a day without broadcasting his latest hook up to the school. The speed with which he does so might tell you how messed up things really are.”
I looked at him carefully. “That is really helpful, Jett. Thanks. So, everyone’s going to know my business now.”
“I’m just stating the obvious, Charley. I’ve never known Lindon to go a full day without announcing his latest hook up somehow.”
Reason #6,000,093 why I shouldn’t have let myself think there was a spark going on. But now I knew it was going on, and it wasn’t all just me, it was a hard thing to ignore…or really regret.
I sighed. “No. You’re right. Of course, you’re right.”
“He’s probably already started telling people.”
“That’d be likely.”
“You can hardly complain. You just told us.”
“You forced it out of me. That isn’t the same thing.”
“Isn’t it though?” Jett asked.
“I think that’s quite enough out of you, sir.”
I spent the rest of the day with my ear to the proverbial ground, trying to see if there was chatter about me hooking up with Zane. I watched every person I passed for any sign that they knew and if it made them look at me differently.
But there was nothing.
It was confirmed for me when we ran into them again after school.
“Well if it isn’t Queen and her dweebs,” Cody said with his fake smile. He looked me over same as usual. There was no knowing smirk, no snide comment, no vulgarity at all. It was like he didn’t know.
“And if it isn’t…” Shit! I had nothing. My eyes strayed to Zane, but that wasn’t helpful. “…the guy who makes everyone’s lives bleaker,” I finished lamely.
Now Cody was looking at me differently. But I didn’t blame him with that dismal performance. He didn’t look suspicious of anything, though. Just confused.
“You lost your mojo, Baines?” Jory asked.
I chose to ignore him.
“Zane,” I said with a curt nod, hoping to hurry everyone along.
“Charley.”
There was an awkward moment where they tried to get by us while we tried to get by them and everyone got in everyone’s way. Zane ended up with a handful of my boob (half handful, let’s be generous here) and I headbutted him in the nose. Both accidental, I’m sure.
Once we all sorted ourselves out, I scurried away quickly and hoped the others were following.
Had Zane Lindon actually kept our kiss to himself? And if yes, why? Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Did he not want to cheapen it by blurting it about? Or did he regret it and didn’t want the embarrassment of people knowing.
The whole thing gave me stress factor five and I didn’t know how to handle it.
Usually Zane and I could talk to each other about anything. But we’d never had to talk about us before. I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to risk him telling me that, in the cold hard light of day, he’d realised it was a mistake after all.
So, I did the most mature thing I could think of. I avoided him and caught the bus home.
Chapter 16: Zane
We had to talk about the kiss.
That day had been horrible. Everything was almost the same as it had been before we’d kissed, but that was somehow worse than if we’d just stopped talking to each other. I hadn’t known how to be around her all day. It was stupid. My concentration was all on her and it felt as if I’d done something wrong or if there was something more I was supposed to have done.
We’d side-stepped each other all day with not even the bare minimum of witty battles to make everything seem normal. We’d been polite to each other. I mean, what the hell? It was all bad and I had to fix it. I just didn’t know how.
I figured, for all intents and purposes, she’d taken the first step to the kiss which meant it was time I stepped up. Whatever this had the potential to be wasn’t going to be any good if I waited for Charley to do all the work. That wasn’t fair or right. I had to show her I wanted it. I think. Or, I’d look like I wanted it and realise she didn’t.
Either way, knowing was better.
I got almost the whole way to her window before I second-guessed myself and turned around. I got about ten paces before I firmly convinced myself to get it together and turned back. Again, almost to her window before I chickened out. Another fifteen paces before I sucked it up. Five from her window and I wussed out. Ten away and manned up.
“You practising for a turtle beep test, mate?”
I whirled around to face Brendan. “Hey.”
“Hi. You two in a fight, or…?” he petered out like he couldn’t fathom any other reason I’d be pacing outside her window.
I opened my mouth and tried to come up with an answer. “No?” I tried. “I…” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him I’d kissed his daughter and had no idea what my intentions were. I didn’t know my intentions because I didn’t know her intentions, but I doubted Brendan cared about that just then.
Brendan chuckled. “This can’t be as bad as the time you cut her Barbie’s hair?”
I gave him a small smile. “I don’t know. Bigger ages, bigger problems?”
Brendan nodded. “There hasn’t been a single thing you two have faced that you couldn’t overcome.”
I sighed. “I wish it was that simple.”
Brendan crossed his arms, but it was just his stance when there might have been unwanted emotions happening. “Getting older’s scary, Zane. I remember being your age and it was damned terrifying. Things change, people change, relationships change. All while you’re flooded with hormones, and people expect you to behave like adults while treating you like kids. I get it. But not all change is bad. You know?”
I nodded. “I guess. I mean, what if we change so much we lose each other?”
“It’s been almost fifteen years since she first ran inside and told us there was a ghost in the yard and he was her new best friend. In that time, I’ve watched the two of you grow and change and fight so many times I’ve lost count. It’s never going to stop. She’s a strong-willed young woman, you’re a stubborn young man, and you both live to push each other’s buttons.”
“What if I mess up? If it’s not worth it?”
Brendan huffed a laugh. “Mate, I know all about what the Baines women are worth. They take forever to open up but, once they have, it takes a lot to shake their faith in you. Charley hasn’t given up on you yet, despite the times she comes in yelling the house down because you did something stupid. Her head might stop talking to you, but her heart never will.”
“She’s my best friend,” I said, not sure if I was making an excuse or a plea, or something else entirely.
It wasn’t wrong. Even if I wanted to kiss her, she was still my best friend. That would – hopefully – never change.
“I know, son. And I know, no matter what, she feels the same way.”
I let out a deep breath. “Okay.”
“Okay. So, whatever hiccough the two of you have run into, go in there and talk to her about it.”
I nodded. “Yes. I can do this.”
“Yes, you can. Me and my lawn will thank you,” he chuckled.
I looked down at the lawn and hoped I hadn’t actually worn a trench in it. “Sorry,” I said sheepishly.
“The only thing you’ll ever have to apologise for is giving her reason to give up on you, son.” Brendan’s tone was light enough, but there was the might of a fatherly warning in there.
I saluted him. “Aye, aye. You have my word.”
“Good. Now get in there and talk to my daughter.”
I started for the window.
“Go in the door, for pity’s sake, mate!” Brendan laughed exasperatedly as he headed in that direction.
“Right,” I said as I changed direction. “Yep. Will do!”
I strode in the back door behind Brendan, all full of confident purpose.
“Was it a possum?” Charley asked from the kitchen table.
“Something a little bigger,” Brendan replied.
Charley looked up and saw me standing behind her stepdad.
“Oh. Hi, hun,” Kate said warmly.
“Hey,” I said to her.
“What are you doing here?” Charley asked me.
“Someone gave me little choice about using the door.”
Charley shook her head as she stood up and looked askance at her parents as though we could have a whole conversation in front of them without them understanding. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for cake, no doubt,” Kate said.
I spared her a smile, then looked back to Charley. “I was hoping we could talk…?”
“Oh, that sounds serious,” Kate said. “Have you two had a–?”
Brendan cleared his throat noisily. “Honey?”
Kate looked at Brendan and dawning lit her eyes. “Right. Oh. No, sure. Whatever!”
Charley rolled her eyes and stomped over to me. “We’ll be in my room,” she said, grabbing my hand and dragging me after her.
“Sure. No worries, kids!” Kate called after us.
Charley basically threw me into her room and hurriedly shut the door. “What are you doing? Showing up with no warning?”
“I always show up with no warning,” I reminded her.
She sighed. “No. I mean…” She flailed her arms. “I don’t even know what I mean.”
“I just thought we should talk.”
“Talk? Talk about what?”
“You know about what.”
She huffed, but I couldn’t tell if it was in humour or in disbelief. “Okay. Well, you obviously had a plan about this. So…tell me.”
I was confused. “Tell you what?”
“Whatever reason that has you coming over here. Break whatever needs breaking. Whatever.”
“Char, what?”
&
nbsp; She looked at me. “I’m a big girl, dude. I can handle it.”
“I… I literally meant talk about it. Like, have a discussion. You know, a back and forth.”
Her eyes narrowed like she didn’t trust me. “To what end?”
I shrugged and shoved my hands in my pockets. “I dunno. I guess I figured we needed to talk about the–”
“Yes!” she interrupted loudly, then more quietly, “We were both there.”
I smirked. “I thought we should talk about it and what we want to do about it.”
“Do about it?” She was still suspicious, but I could tell she was open to being persuaded otherwise.
I nodded. “Yeah. Like what it means to each of us. What we want to do about it going forward. If it means anything…” I finished, not quite sure if it had actually meant anything to her any more.
Everything about her softened. “It meant something,” she said.
“It meant something to me, too.”
She smiled and looked down as though she was hiding it. “Great. Good.” She scratched the back of her head. “So… You want to talk about…?”
“I guess, what we do with that?”
“Like, what?”
“Well, I dunno. I mean, did you want to date?” I asked her.
She bit her lip as she looked at me. “I don’t know. I do and…and I don’t at the same time.”
I nodded. “Okay, I get that.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I totally understand.”
Relief flooded her face. “I… What do you want to do?”
“I dunno. I guess we see where it goes?”
“I mean, I don’t want to ruin anything…”
“Me either.”
The corner of her lip tipped up a little. “But I do want to kiss you again,” she said.
I full on smirked. “I totally agree.”
“So…” She smiled widely, but again looked like she was trying to hide it. “We see where it goes?”
“Sounds good.”
I took a step towards her, but she stopped me. “But we promise, no matter what, to still be friends on the other side.”
I wanted that more than anything. I nodded. “Agreed.”
Safety in the Friendzone Page 9