Gaslighting—This is a covert form of manipulative abuse, again intentional or unintentional, whereby BI&PoC are made to believe that we are not experiencing the racial harm we are experiencing, causing us to doubt our reality. For example, if I tell a white friend they said something racist and that friend responds by saying, “You’re just being sensitive,” or “That’s not what I meant.”
White wildness—This is the fragile and ferocious defensive response white folx commonly have in regard to race or racism. For example, when white people get upset when race is mentioned or at the sheer thought that I could know anything about them or their behavior solely because they are white. A white woman named this “white fragility,”* being the “state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves… such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation.”3 I’ve renamed this concept to emphasize the harm it inflicts.
White entitlement*—The belief that it is a BI&PoC’s duty to educate white folx about race, speak to white folx kindly and calmly about race, and otherwise behave in a way that allows white people to remain coddled and comfortable about their power and privilege—which I won’t be doing, so get yourself all the way prepared!
Weaponized kindness*—Coined by antibias educator Leesa Renee Hall, this is “using the quality of being friendly, gentle, tender or considerate as a tool to guilt someone into abandoning their [justified] anger, [loving] boundaries, or much needed self-care.”4
White innocence—The idea or belief held by a white person that they are a “good” white person somehow excluded from benefiting from and perpetuating systems of white supremacy and causing BI&PoC harm. This ironically causes BI&PoC harm, because when the white person does inflict pain on BI&PoC, the white person refuses to acknowledge or address it.
White silence—When a white person is aware that an act of racism is taking or has taken place but refrains from saying or doing anything about it.
No matter the form of oppression in question, emotional violence is rampant. Especially amidst women and femmes, because emotional violence is the only acceptable form of anger release or expression for women and femmes to exhibit in a heteropatriarchal society. And emotional violence is covert AF! Still, as a result of white supremacy, BI&WoC are subjected to ongoing emotional violence at a greater rate than other women and femmes. And of course, queer, trans, poor, disabled, etc. BI&WoC even more so. As author Soraya Chemaly states, “Middle-class white girls appear to be the most likely to suppress negative feelings and the least likely to be openly angry,”5 because heteropatriarchal ideals of femininity require a disconnection from one’s emotions in order to meet the fucked-up standards of the status quo (think passive, helpless, small, etc.). It makes sense then that cis white women are also some of the most emotionally violent. All of that pent-up anger is just stored up waiting for the minds, bodies, and souls of the niche population that cis white women feel sufficiently safe enough to unleash their scorn on—being BI&WoC (especially Black women, femmes, and femme-presenting folx). Journalist Liz Plank wrote about the impact of patriarchy on cis men, and she concluded that in a heteropatriarchy, for men, “showing violence becomes more acceptable than showing feelings,”6 and I believe the same to be true for women and femmes, especially cis white women, but the violence is emotional as opposed to physical. Because women and femmes are not generally allowed to express our anger, we instead commit calculated, often untraceable acts of mental and emotional warfare against one another. When I learned what gaslighting was my mind was blown. My (white) best friend at the time had treated me that way our entire relationship, and I had thought I was losing it, which is one of the telltale signs you’re being gaslit by the way! Heteropatriarchy would have us believing that women and femmes are not violent, but I beg to disagree. And cis white women, the pinnacle of idealized femininity, take the cake.
So! Let us move forward armed with this awareness. As trauma therapist Meenadchi shares, violent communication arises when we are disconnected from our hearts and bodies and unable to acknowledge or express our needs.7 Nonviolent communication requires us to deepen our connection to ourselves as well as others and to work toward holding more capacity to meet others in their needs while honoring our own. Let us pledge to put down our weapons of mental and emotional warfare, and for fuck’s sake let’s express our righteous rage so we can channel it toward collective change rather than perpetuating white supremacist aims (especially you cis white women!).
Call to Action
Skip the Spiritual Bypassing
BELOW ARE SOME HELPFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF TO HELP PREVENT SPIRITUAL BYPASSING AND INVESTIGATE WHETHER SPIRITUAL BYPASSING MAY BE AT PLAY:
1) Am I using spirituality as a means to lean into or away from my or another’s discomfort?
2) Is my heart or my ego running the show right now?
3) What is my tolerance for challenging emotions or discussions?
4) How am I using spirituality to embrace both light and dark?
Instead of bypassing, try the following:
1) Check if your need to be good and right is overriding your commitment to racial justice.
2) Shut up and listen.
3) Believe BI&WoC. If we think it is about race, gender identity, or both, chances are high that it is, and even in the rare instance that it truly is not, do your best to appreciate the toll of constant, daily emotional violence and aggressions. Same for other oppressed identities.
4) Get more comfortable with your discomfort.
5) Name it. Call people out when you feel bypassing may be at play (yourself included).
As always, there is no telltale sign, you will have to explore and practice and investigate on your own in each and every situation. Luckily, you’re a smart and fully capable humxn who is absolutely able to do better as and where required (finger snap, neck roll). You got this! That is, so long as you’re really willing.
NINE
Spirituality, Anger & Activism
Those who want an antiracist society must understand that terrain extends beyond institutions. The battle is—at least partly—spiritual.
—ANDRE HENRY
SPIRITUAL ACTIVISM & SOULFUL SOCIAL JUSTICE
Spirituality is an ethereal concept with many understandings. In direct opposition to the analytical, tangible, facts-based knowledge adored by white supremacy, spirituality is inherently elusive. It is not visible nor can it be measured. It is a mystical entity. It requires faith. Though spirituality is somewhat unexplainable, I agree with Brené Brown’s description:
Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.1
Spirituality is deeply personal and entirely interrelated. It is both a faith and a practice, and it commands an ongoing and honest commitment. Sometimes it is associated with a particular set of beliefs and guidelines, as in organized religions, and sometimes it’s not. My spirituality is secular, meaning it is not tied to an organized faith; but that doesn’t make it any less potent. Because spirituality and the concept of Spirit (or Higher Power or whatever you wish to call it) is so intangible, it is highly misunderstood and appropriated. To me, spirituality is not about following specific rules or praying to a certain God over another. I’m not knocking those things, but they are not what constitute or create connection among us. To the contrary, they are very often used as a means to divide us. In contrast, my understanding of spirituality is about connecting with ourselves, one another, and the planet. It appreciates the interconnectedness between all living beings, be it on this plane or beyond, and the sacred, infinite, and unwavering energy that binds us all. This spirituality acknowledges that we are all born perfectly imperf
ect. That we all have purpose and part of that purpose is to call ourselves into our highest version of being, which manifests differently for different folx. It also understands that we have all the tools we need. Everything we need to awaken our fullest potential and self-actualize, in this life or any other, exists within our own hearts. Not a guru or a god. After all, as interconnected beings, I am God. As are you. We are one, though our lived experiences greatly differ. I believe we are born knowing this truth, and it is the journey of our lifetime to learn, unlearn, and relearn so we can remember who we really are. The practice of spirituality then becomes the practice of learning how to tap into our interconnectedness, face our inner shadows, and transform our pain into personal and collective change. I won’t say my version of spirituality is “right,” because that line of reasoning simply perpetuates white supremacy and I ain’t here for that shit. But I firmly believe this understanding creates more connection, more belonging, and ultimately more peace. Alternatively, as we’ll discuss, there have been far too many instances of folx who have used their version of “spirituality” as a tool for oppression.
Like spirituality, activism can also be a profoundly personal but fundamentally collective practice based in faith and hope while demanding an ongoing commitment. That is, when it’s done authentically. Sadly, performative activism is rampant out in these streets. The commodification of “diversity and inclusion” by white supremacist capitalist heteropatriarchy is serving us more of the same, but with a few more Black faces in the marketing materials. Folx are finally understanding that they cannot continue to operate as usual, because the usual is racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist, transphobic, and oppressive in pretty much all ways. But many people are caught up in seeking to be perceived as “woke” without doing the work required to get them there. Performative activism manifests as dropping social justice buzzwords without knowing their history or meaning, calling on others to address their oppression without actively and continuously addressing your own, and seeking cookies (i.e., praise) for sharing a post on socials or otherwise doing the bare minimum. In the wake of George Floyd’s murder, it looked like millions of white people demanding education from Black educators only to ignore Black lives and liberation a mere three months later. It is superficial, careless, and the antithesis to spiritual practice. Along with Chris Brown and white boys rocking puka shells—performative activism needs to become a thing of the past. Conversely, authentic activism is a deeply spiritual enterprise. It demands our presence. It requires us to get right with ourselves before ever attempting to call in* others, and it includes a constant assessment and reassessment of ourselves, our values, and when and how we are out of alignment. It is a practice of soul-filled social justice.
* * *
I rejected the term “activist” for a long time. It didn’t feel right to employ a word used to name my ancestors who fought day in and day out on the front lines. Who risked their livelihoods, lives, and families’ lives in the name of collective justice. But I came to realize that as a Black woman, sharing my truth is absolutely a revolutionary act and one that attracts a lot of violence. In a divinely feminine understanding, baring yourself in such a vulnerable way and being met by ongoing emotional and spiritual assault and/or abandonment is undoubtedly an act of activism. Activism isn’t, nor need it be, solely relegated to subjecting yourself to physical harm. I have lost countless friends and community. I have declined many well-paying opportunities because capitalism always perpetuates white supremacy even when it has a Black face on it. I am routinely exposed to threats to my life, health, and well-being. I am an activist, and my activism is a spiritual practice.
I believe spirituality is a necessary element of activism and activism is a vital element of spirituality. Spirituality is an active, not passive, undertaking. It requires not only conviction but effort. It seeks to both practice and create connection between humxns and Spirit, to dismantle that which prevents us from aligning with each other, our greatest good, and the Most High. Spiritual Activism, then, is my take on how we call folx of all races into the work of activating their hearts as well as taking active measures necessary for racial justice. Spiritual Activism is racial justice and anti-oppression work entrenched in connection, soul, Spirit, and collective consciousness. It is an embodied approach to activism and the element of racial justice most often missing. But it is an essential part of the puzzle. Soulful social justice is anti-oppression work that begins with us. It is centered around the inner work we must first undertake in order to contribute to collective healing and dismantling all forms of oppression.
Spiritual Activism is about the activism work that I, as a queer Black woman, was called to do. And who is considered an activist should be very carefully considered. If you do not face the same odds as the oppressed identities in question, you do not have the same consequences. You can act in allyship, but you are not an activist simply because you are spiritual and/or seek to end oppression. Seeking to end oppression doesn’t make you special or extraordinary, nor should you seek to end oppression in order to be special or extraordinary. Committing to racial justice makes you a humxn connected to the collective. And our unified healing. MLK Jr., Harriet Tubman, and Malcolm X practiced forms of Spiritual Activism in different ways, and what we need now is a culmination of the practices they commenced with divinely feminine intervention.
Spiritual Activism, comprising an embodied, heart-centered approach to racial justice, is the path toward our collective salvation. It’s about outward action but also doing the inner emotional work required to overthrow systems of oppression. And it requires we acknowledge the violence that those claiming to be spiritual have and continue to inflict, particularly on communities of color.
SPIRITUAL SINS
It is impossible to talk about white supremacy without discussing the role of religion. Organized religion is often a masterful mind-control tactic used by whiteness to control Black, Indigenous, and other populations. Myself included.
When I was nine years old my mom and I visited my aunt in North Carolina. In true southern form, my aunt is a devout born-again Christian, so when Sunday morning rolled around my mother and I put on a good face and joined her and my cousins at their predominantly white church. To this day, I can recall the grandeur of the chapel, the size of the ministry, and the terrifying sermon by the priest. As he was preaching, he proclaimed that it was the duty of all those in the pews to recruit all non-Christians to the faith otherwise we too would burn in hell. At my impressionable age this deliverance rocked me to my core. I exited the church in tears, my mother taking me away to assuage my fears and ensure me that hell was not a place I would be going simply because I did not do as a white man on a pulpit commanded.
I am a secular spiritualist but am all for those who subscribe to a specific faith. The problem I have—the serious and pervasive problem that needs to be addressed—is the ways in which organized religion, guised as spirituality, has been and continues to be utilized as a tool to dominate, exploit, and oppress BI&PoC, women+, LGBTTQIA+, and all those who do not adherently abide by whatever particular scripture they happen to spew. For example:
The Spaniards used Catholicism to dominate much of the Philippines.
Israel continues to use violent force against Palestinians in the name of Jewish occupation.
Canadian and American settlers used Christianity to strip Indigenous peoples of their culture and spiritual beliefs.
The Arabs who enslaved Africans for hundreds of years did so under Islam.
Religion also supported the creation of modern-day racism, with Christianity playing a major part in advancing the hierarchal concept of race way back when. Colonialism was motivated not only by gold and glory, but God. Missionaries and colonizers alike felt it was their Christian duty to spread religion and convert non-white “savages” to the faith.2 As Showing Up for Racial Justice says, “Christian church[es] have played central roles in reproducing the idea of white supremacy (i.e. that
white is ‘normal,’ ‘better,’ ‘smarter,’ ‘holy’).”3 Not to mention the ongoing and intimate connection between Christianity and the most violent white supremacist organization the world over, the Ku Klux Klan. Many organized faiths are also homophobic and transphobic, particularly Fundamentalist Christian sects that promote an egregious act of terrorism against LGBTTQIA+ folx they coin “conversion therapy.”4
A lot of fucked-up, oppressive shit has been done in the name of religion and spirituality. But I’m not coming for religion as a whole. As I said, I support those who subscribe to organized faith insofar as that faith is not based in the subjugation of others for any reason. What is entirely unacceptable is when religion, or any form of spirituality, disguises a quest for power and control under the cloak of spiritual freedom. Spiritual freedom has nothing to do with either. Whether it’s in the name of Osho or Jesus Christ, I don’t care. What I do care about is how your faith is (or is not) used to cultivate connection and not only acknowledge but address oppression, both personally and collectively. Embracing spirituality and practicing Spiritual Activism mean acknowledging the harms that certain sects of spirituality have inflicted against BI&PoC, especially queer and trans Black and Indigenous women+, and following marginalized communities’ lead as a means to right the wrongs already inflicted as well as prevent future harms. Spiritual Activism also requires us to embrace the fullness of our emotional experience—including, if not especially, our anger.
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