by Mary Shelley
These reflections tranquillized her, when she laid her head on her pillow at night. She resigned her being and destiny to a Power superior to any earthly authority, with a conviction, that its most benign influence would be extended over her.
VOL. III.
CHAPTER I.
If the dull substance of my flesh were thought.
Injurious distance should not stop my way;
For then, despite of space, I would be brought;
From limits far remote, where thou dost stay.
— Shakspeare.
The still hours of darkness passed silently away, and morning dawned, when All rose to do the task, he set to each Who shaped us to his ends, and not our own. Ethel had slept peacefully through the livelong night; nor woke till a knock at her door roused her. A rush of fear — a sense of ill, made her heart palpitate as she opened her eyes to the light of day. While she was striving to recall her thoughts, and to remember what the evil was with which she was threatened, again the servant tapped at her door, to say that Saunders had returned, and to deliver the letter he had brought. She looked at her watch: it was past ten o’clock. She felt glad that it had grown so late, and she not disturbed: yet as she took the letter brought to her from her husband, all her tremor returned; and she read it with agitation, as if it contained the announcement of her final doom.
“You send me disagreeable tidings, my sweet Ethel,” wrote Villiers,—”I hope unfounded; but caution is necessary: I shall not, therefore, come to Duke Street. Send me a few lines, by Saunders, to tell me if any thing has happened. If what he apprehended has really taken place, you must bear, my love, the separation of a day. You do not understand these things, and will wonder when I tell you, that when the clock strikes twelve on Saturday night, the magic spells and potent charms of Saunders’s friends cease to have power: at that hour I shall be restored to you. Wait till then — and then we will consult for the future. Have patience, dearest love: you have wedded poverty, hardship, and annoyance; but, joined to these, is the fondest, the most faithful heart in the world; — a heart you deign to prize, so I will not repine at ill fortune. Adieu, till this evening; — and then, as Belvidera says, ‘Remember twelve!’
“Saturday Morning.”
After reading these lines, Ethel dressed herself hastily. Fanny Derham had already asked permission to see her; and she found her waiting in her sitting-room. It was an unspeakable comfort to have one as intelligent and kind as Fanny, to communicate with, during Edward’s absence. The soft, pleading eyes of Ethel asked her for comfort and counsel; and, in spite of her extreme youth, the benignant and intelligent expression of Fanny’s countenance promised both.
“I am sorry to say,” she said, “that Saunders’s prognostics are too ture. Such men as he describes have been here this morning. They were tolerably civil, and I convinced them, with greater ease than I had hoped, that Mr. Villiers was absent from the house; and I assured them, that after this visit of theirs, he was not likely to return.”
“And do you really believe that they were” — Ethel faltered.
“Bailiffs? Assuredly,” replied Fanny: “they told me that they had the power to search the house; but if they were ‘strong,’ they were also ‘merciful.’ And now, what do you do? Saunders tells me he is waiting to take back a letter to Mr. Villiers, at the London Coffee House. Write quickly, while I make your breakfast.”
Ethel gladly obeyed. She wrote a few words to her husband. That it was already Saturday, cheered her: twelve at night would soon come.
After her note was dispatched, she addressed Fanny. “What trouble I give,” she said: “what will your mother think of such degrading proceedings?”
“My mother,” said Fanny, “is the kindest-hearted woman in the world. We have never exactly suffered this disaster; but we are in a rank of life which causes us to be brought into contact with such among our friends and relations; and she is familiar with trouble in almost all shapes. You are a great favourite of hers; and now that she can claim a sort of acquaintance, she will be heart and soul your friend.”
“It is odd,” observed Ethel, “that she never mentioned you to me. Had the name of Fanny been mentioned, I should have recollected who Mrs. Derham was.”
“Perhaps not,” said Fanny; “it would have required a great effort of the imagination to have fancied Mrs. Derham the wife of my father. You never knew him; but Lord made you familiar with his qualities: the most shrinking susceptibility to the world’s scorn, joined to the most entire abstraction from all that is vulgar; a morbid sensibility and delicate health placed him in glaring contrast with my mother. They never in the least assimilated; and her character has gained in excellence since his loss. Before she was fretted and galled by his finer feelings — now she can be good in her own way. Nothing reminds her of his exalted sentiments, except myself; and she is willing enough to forget me.”
“And you do not repine?” asked her friend.
“I do not: she is happy in and with Sarah. I should spoil their notions of comfort, did I mingle with them; — they would torture and destroy me, did they interfere with me. I lost my guide, preserver, my guardian angel, when my father died. Nothing remains but the philosophy which he taught me — the disdain of lowthoughted care which he sedulously cultivated: this, joined to my cherished independence, which my disposition renders necessary to me.”
“And thus you foster sorrow, and waste your life in vain regrets?”
“Pardon me! I do not waste my life,” replied Fanny, with her sunny smile;—”nor am I unhappy — far otherwise. An ardent thirst for knowledge, is as the air I breathe; and the acquisition of it, is pure and unalloyed happiness. I aspire to be useful to my fellow-creatures: but that is a consideration for the future, when fortune shall smile on me; now I have but one passion; it swallows up every other; it dwells with my darling books, and is fed by the treasures of beauty and wisdom which they contain.”
Ethel could not understand. Fanny continued:—”I aspire to be useful; — sometimes I think I am — once I know I was. I was my father’s almoner.
“We lived in a district where there was a great deal of distress, and a great deal of oppression. We had no money to give, but I soon found that determination and earnestness will do much. Is was my father’s lesson, that I should never fear any thing but myself. He taught me to penetrate, to anatomize, to purify my motives; but once assured of my own integrity, to be afraid of nothing. Words have more power than any one can guess; it is by words that the world’s great fight, now in these civilized times, is carried on; I never hesitated to use them, when I fought any battle for the miserable and oppressed. People are so afraid to speak, it would seem as if half our fellow-creatures were born with deficient organs; like parrots they can repeat a lesson, but their voice fails them, when that alone is wanting to make the tyrant quail.”
As Fanny spoke, her blue eyes brightened, and a smile irradiated her face; these were all the tokens of enthusiasm she displayed, yet her words moved Ethel strangely, and she looked on her with wouder as a superior being. Her youth gave grace to her sentiments, and were an assurance of their sincerity. She continued: —
“I am becoming flightly, as my mother calls it; but, as I spoke, many scenes of cottage distress passed through my memory, when, holding my father’s hand, I witnessed his endeavours to relieve the poor. That is all over now — he is gone, and I have but one consolation — that of endeavouring to render myself worthy to rejoin him in a better world. It is this hope that impels me continually and without any flagging of spirit, to cultivate my understanding and to refine it. O what has this life to give, as worldlings describe it, worth one of those glorious emotions, which raise me from this petty sphere, into the sun-bright regions of mind, which my father inhabits! I am rewarded even here by the elevated feelings which the authors, whom I love so passionately, inspire; while I converse each day with Plato, and Cicero, and Epictetus, the world, as it is, passes from before me like a vain shadow.”
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br /> These enthusiastic words were spoken with so calm a manner, and in so equable a voice, that there seemed nothing strange nor exaggerated in them. It is vanity and affectation that shock, or any manifestation of feeling not in accordance with the real character. But while we follow our natural bent, and only speak that which our minds spontaneously inspire, there is a harmony, which, however novel, is never grating. Fanny Derham spoke of things, which, to use her own expression, were to her as the air she breathed, and the simplicity of her manner entirely obviated the wonder which the energy of her expressions might occasion.
Such a woman as Fanny was more made to be loved by her own sex than by the opposite one. Superiority of intellect, joined to acquisitions beyond those usual even to men; and both announced with frankness, though without pretension, forms a kind of anomaly little in accord with masculine taste. Fanny could not be the rival of women, and, therefore, all her merits were appreciated by them. They love to look up to a superior being, to rest on a firmer support than their own minds can afford; and they are glad to find such in one of their own sex, and thus destitute of those dangers which usually attend any services conferred by men.
From talk like this, they diverged to subjects nearer to the heart of Ethel. They spoke of Lord , and her father’s name soothed her agitation even more than the consolatory arguments of her friend. She remembered how often he had talked of the trials to which the constancy of her temper and the truth of her affection might be put, and she felt her courage rise to encounter those now before her, without discontent, or rather with that cheerful fortitude, which sheds grace over the rugged form of adversity.
CHAPTER II.
Marian. Could you so long be absent?
Robin. What a week?
Was that so long?
Marian. How long are lovers’ weeks.
Do you think, Robin, when they are asunder?
Are they not pris’ners’ years?
— Ben Jonson.
The day passed on more lightly than Ethel could have hoped; much of it indeed was gone before she opened her eyes to greet it. Night soon closed in, and she busied herself with arrangements for the welcome of her husband. Fanny loved solitude too well herself not to believe that others shared her taste. She retired therefore when evening commenced. No sooner was Ethel alone, than every image except Edward’s passed out of her mind. Her heart was bursting with affection. Every other idea and thought, to use a chemical expression, was held in solution by that powerful feeling, which mingled and united with every particle of her soul. She could not write nor read; if she attempted, before she had finished the shortest sentence, she found that her understanding was wandering, and she re-read it with no better success. It was as if a spring, a gush from the fountain of love poured itself in, bearing away every object which she strove to throw upon the stream of thought, till its own sweet waters alone filled the channel through which it flowed. She gave herself up to the bewildering influence, and almost forgot to count the hours till Edward’s expected arrival. At last it was ten o’clock, and then the sting of impatience and uncertainty was felt. It appeared to her as if a whole age had passed since she had seen or heard of him — as if countless events and incalculable changes might have taken place. She read again and again his note, to assure herself that she might really expect him: the minutes meanwhile stood still, or were told heavily by the distinct beating of her heart. The east wind bore to her ear the sound of the quarters of hours, as they chimed from various churches. At length eleven, half-past eleven was passed, and the hand of her watch began to climb slowly upwards toward the zenith, which she desired so ardently that it should reach. She gazed on the dial-plate, till she fancied that the pointers did not move; she placed her hands before her eyes resolutely, and would not look for a long long time; three minutes had not been travelled over when again she viewed it; she tried to count her pulse, as a measurement of time; her trembling fingers refused to press the fluttering artery. At length another quarter of an hour elapsed, and then the succeeding one hurried on more speedily. Clock after clock struck; they mingled their various tones, as the hour of twelve was tolled throughout London. It seemed as if they would never end. Silence came at last — a brief silence succeeded by a firm quick step in the street below, and a knock at the door. “Is he not too soon?” poor fearful Ethel asked herself. But no; and in a moment after, he was with her, safe in her glad embrace.
Perhaps of the two, Villiers showed himself the most enraptured at this meeting. He gazed on his sweet wife, followed every motion, and hung upon her voice, with all the delight of an exile, restored to his long-lost home. “What a transporting change,” he said, “to find myself with you — to see you in the same room with me — to know again that, lovely and dear as you are, that you are mine — that I am again myself — not the miserable dog that has been wandering about all day — a body without a soul! For a few short hours, at least, Ethel will call me hers.”
“Indeed, indeed, love,” she replied, “we will not be separated again.”
“We will not even think about that tonight,” said Villiers. “The future is dark and blank, the present as radiant as your own sweet self can make it.”
On the following day — and the following day did come, in spite of Ethel’s wishes, which would have held back the progress of time: it came and passed away; hour after hour stealing along, till it dwindled to a mere point. On the following day, they consulted earnestly on what was to be done. Villiers was greatly averse to Ethel’s leaving her present abode, where every one was so very kind and attentive to her, and he was sanguine in his hopes of obtaining in the course of the week, just commenced, a sum, sufficient to carry them to Paris or Brussels, were they could remain till his affairs were finally arranged, and the payment of his debts regulated in a way to satisfy his creditors. One week of absence; Villiers used all his persuasion to induce Ethel to submit to it. “Where you can be, I can be also,” was her answer; and she listened unconvinced to the detail of the inconveniences which Villiers pointed out: at last he almost got angry. “I could call you unkind, Ethel,” he said, “not to yield to me.”
“I will yield to you,” said Ethel, “but you are wrong to ask me.”
“Never mind that,” replied her husband, “do concede this point, dearest; if not because it is best that you should, then because I wish it, and ask it of you. You say that your first desire is to make me happy, and you pain me exceedingly by your — I had almost said perverseness.”
Thus, not convinced, but obedient, Ethel agreed to allow him to depart alone. She bargained that she should be permitted to come each day in a hackney coach to a place where he might meet her, and they could spend an hour or two together. Edward did not like this plan at all, but there was no remedy. “You are at least resolved,” he said, “to spur my endeavours; I will not rest day or night, till I am enabled to get away from this vast dungeon.”
The hours stole on. Even Edward’s buoyant spirits could not bear up against the sadness of watching the fleeting moments till the one should come, which must separate him from his wife. “This nice, dear room,” he said, “I am sure I beg its pardon for having despised it so much formerly — it is not as lofty as a church, nor as grand as a palace, but it is very snug; and now you are in it, I discern even elegance in its exceedingly queer tables and chairs. When our carriage broke down on the Apennines, how glad we should have been if a room like this had risen, ‘like an exhalation’ for our shelter! Do you remember the barn of a place we got into there, and our droll bed of the leaves of Indian corn, which crackled all night long, and awoke us twenty times with the fear of robbers? Then, indeed, twelve o’clock was not to separate us!”
As he said this he sighed; the hour of eleven was indicated by Ethel’s watch, and still he lingered; but she grew frightened for him, and forced him to go away, while he besought the delay of but a few minutes.
Ethel exerted herself to endure as well as she could the separation of the ensuing wee
k. She was not of a repining disposition, yet she found it very hard to bear. The discomfort to which Villiers was exposed annoyed her, and the idea that she was not permitted to alleviate it added to her painful feelings. In her prospect of life every evil was neutralized when shared — now they were doubled, because the pain of absence from each other was superadded. She did not yield to her husband, in her opinion that this was wrong. She was willing to go anywhere with him, and where he was, she also could be. There could be no degradation in a wife waiting on the fallen fortunes of her husband. No debasement can arise from any services dictated by love. It is despicable to submit to hardship for unworthy and worldly objects, but every thing that is suffered for the sake of affection, is hallowed by the disinterested sentiment, and affords triumph and delight to the willing victim. Sometimes she tried in speech or on paper to express these feelings, and so by the force of irresistible reasoning to persuade Edward to permit her to join him; but all argument was weak; there was something beyond, that no words could express, which was stronger than any reason in her heart. Who can express the power of faithful and single-hearted love? As well attempt to define the laws of life, which occasions a continuity of feeling from the brain to the extremity of the frame, as try to explain how love can so unite two souls, as to make each feel maimed and half alive, while divided. A powerful impulse was perpetually urging Ethel to go — to place herself near Villiers — to refuse to depart. It was with the most violent struggles that she overcame the instigation.