by Ben Zackheim
“Do you wonder what happened to Thor?” he asked. His voice was closer than I liked. I kept walking. But he was walking beside me within seconds. He was taller than me by a head. Not something I’d noticed before. His long limbs would be an issue in the fight to come. Especially if we had to go hand to hand.
“I assume he picked the wrong fight in the wrong pub.”
Hakkar chuckled. “I thought the same thing. But I suspect he gave up the power.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Don’t you feel it?”
“Boredom? Yeah, this conversation is definitely going nowhere.”
“Fear,” he said. “It’s all around us. And in us.”
“I’m not afraid,” I said. The curtain loomed over us. I touched it with my hand and it swayed. I searched for the opening.
“You aren’t afraid to die, I know,” he said. “You aren’t afraid to lose because you won’t be around to see the result of your failure.”
“Do you always charm your opponents before they kick your ass?”
“But you fear winning,” he said, simply.
And he was right.
The second he said it I realized that the one thing I hadn’t dwelt on while I lay in bed wide awake was the idea of inheriting the power of Thor. Did that mean I would inherit his grudges and his battles? His history? His responsibilities? Was I giving up my life and identity if I won?
Fuck that.
“And the Valhallans fear something too,” he said. “I don’t know what. But Thor’s power was second only to his father Odin. Maybe they fear placing that power in the hands of a man.”
“They don’t have a choice. Two men have the hammer and the shield.”
“Exactly. They don’t have a choice. But maybe they wish they had one. Maybe they wish they could bury the hammer and shield again.”
I found the opening in the curtain and pulled it aside. It was just stone wall.
Disappointed, I turned to face him. “Why are you talking to me?”
“Our fates are now bound, Kane,” he said like an old friend. “I wanted to say hello and goodbye.”
“Hello. Goodbye.”
“I will win tomorrow and I will deliver the hammer and shield to their rightful owners. I take no pleasure in killing you, though. You’ve been a kick-ass adversary.”
I turned to him. “Kick-ass adversary? What are you, twelve?”
His smile lifted the two strings of red beads on his mustache. They looked like bloody fangs.
“I’m your end, Kane.”
He walked off.
“Pleasure speaking with you, Mr. End. I’ll see you tomorrow. May the best man kick the vampire flunky’s ass.”
A wind blew at my back. It felt like the other side of the wall had laughed at my joke.
Or my bullshit bravado.
Chapter 41
I woke up from my twenty minute nap to the sight of Rebel sitting next to me.
“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”
“How could you tell?”
“You have Gucci bags under your eyes.”
“Great, you can sell them when I’m dead.”
She handed me my pants. I threw off the covers and was hit by the chill of the Valhallan morning.
“That’s a great attitude,” she said, seeing how cold I was. She threw a Spark Spell across the room and the wood in the fireplace was engulfed in white-hot flame. The heat was instant and settled my goosebumps down. I slipped on my clothes and stood in front of the fire while Rebel watched me with that concerned look on her face. The one that always managed to make me angry and grateful for her at the same time.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“You’re the one looking at me like that,” I said back.
“I know you, Kane. Why are you worried about me?”
“I’m not,” I lied, thinking about the curse that Fox was under and the promise that Tabitha had made to save me. I was afraid that Rebel was in danger from every direction.
“And now you’re lying to me. Listen, you’re the one who’s headed into an arena with a guy whose sole purpose is to fight and kill, not me. I can take care of myself.”
“It’s Fox,” I said, not sure why I was talking. It was easy to mess around with Rebel but it was impossible for me to lie. Our partnership made lying feel like a thorn on the tip of my tongue. The only way to get rid of the feeling was to tell the truth. I’d pondered whether this was one of her spells.
“What about him? You hot for him too?”
“He likes you.”
“Yeah, women know these things, Kane. You jealous?”
“He says he’s cursed.”
“He’s a fucking vampire.”
“No he says Merlin cursed him. Anyone he gets close to dies.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m just telling you what he told me.”
“Why would he tell you, if I’m the one in danger?”
“How would I know? Ask him. Just be careful, okay?”
“I’m always careful.”
Okay, that was a bullshit burrito. I glared at her.
“Careful enough,” she said.
“Maybe I should let him turn me,” she said, with a smile.
“I’ve got an hour to live and you’re cracking jokes.”
She shrugged. “I’ll be cracking jokes an hour after you’re dead, too. It’s how I cope.”
“So what’s the word out there?” I asked. “Any idea what the rules of this fight are?”
“Nope. I’ve been asking around but Valhallans are zip-lipped and the Vamps are as clueless as we are.”
“I doubt that.”
“I don’t. I get the feeling this is a battle they’ve been waiting for for a long time. You ever wonder where Thor went?”
“Bonehead thinks he gave up his godliness willingly,” I said.
Rebel’s eyes went wide. “When did you talk to him?”
“Last night. We were both wandering the halls of Valhalla. His real name is Hakkar, by the way. He’s sworn to protect the vampires. Born and bred a guardian.”
“Interesting,” she said. I knew that look. She was diving into her plot brain. It was pointless to ask her what she was thinking.
“Is there breakfast around here?” I asked instead.
“Hm? Oh. Yeah. It’s on the tables.”
I left her in my room deep in thought. She’d let me know what was on her mind when she was ready. She’d better hurry though. I was Dead Man Walking as far as most of these supernatural beings were concerned.
Nothing made that clearer than the sorry expressions I had to tolerate as I sat down at one of the tables. They were packed high with the morning version of all the food we’d eaten last night. Bacon, venison, piles of eggs packed with vegetables. Sauces that made my eyes water along with my mouth. It was a delicious last meal.
I spotted Hakkar at the other end of the table. He wasn’t eating. In fact, he was already decked out in his Bonehead uniform. He just stood next to his emperor, on guard. Emperor Okar beckoned for him and Bonehead leaned over. The emperor said something to him while meeting my stare, then laughed.
Asshole.
Cassidy and Rose slipped into the bench across from me, followed by Coleslaw.
“We’ve decided we love you,” Cassidy said. Rose nodded. I just looked at them and chewed my toast.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Rose asked.
I took a bite of bacon.
“They’re expressing their emotions, Kane,” Coleslaw said. “Don’t you think it’s a good idea to reinforce that?”
I glanced over at Coleslaw. “Not really.”
“Fine, fuck you,” Cassidy said storming off.
“Yeah, fuck you,” Rose said, following him.
“That was a mean thing to do to them,” Coleslaw said, watching them walk away.
“It was. But not as mean as letting them think I was someone they need to avenge,�
� I said. “I know them, Traveler. They’re looking for an excuse to get in a battle if I lose. Hell, they’ll look to start a fight if I win. They don’t need righteous revenge driving them to be dumber than they already are.”
“If you…” Coleslaw said, then stopped and pursed his lips.
“What? Talk to me,” I said.
“If you lose…”
“That’s getting to be a common refrain around here.”
“I’m sorry. But if you do and if you choose Hel in your afterlife, then can you tell Hilde I love her?”
His face was one big slab of torment. His eyes were sadness. His hope that I would say yes was thick enough to butter my goddam toast.
“Of course, Shlkxchrslew.”
He smiled and patted my hand. “Thank you, Kane. Thank you.”
And then I slipped him the Trolls Cross.
He did an impressive job of not looking at it.
He knew what it was.
He knew what he had to do if things went south.
I took a swig of my morning beer to wash down my final bite and a loud voice boomed from the hallway.
“Fighters! It is time. Follow me.” It was Váli. He wore his arrogant face, which appeared to be his only face. Maybe if I won the power of Thor I’d make him clean my spitoon.
Chapter 42
Váli led us down the hallway toward the curtains. They blew gently in the wind. It was kind of calming, actually.
So I wasn’t ready when the curtains parted and we were met with a panoramic view of a green valley. It was more like a bowl really. We were perched on top of a set of stone stairs that cut through a grass hill and down to the valley of long grass below. The castle itself wrapped around half of the valley in a stone crescent moon shape. The walls loomed 100 feet over our heads. Hundreds of large windows, open wide, looked down on the arena. The mountains in the distance straight ahead made me realize that there was a whole world below our world, or parallel to it. It made me feel small but it also made me realize how important it was that I win the fight.
There was a lot at stake. Not just my world.
“I keep trying to imagine how ugly you are under that thing,” I said to Hakkar, trying to get into his head. He didn’t bite. “A long line of dashing Vampire Guardians is kind of a cool way to be remembered when I kick your ass. But a long line of butt-fugly Vampire Guardians… kind of makes it less cool, you know?’
Váli glanced over his shoulder at me and smirked. I guessed that mind games were an approved weapon.
“You will have a hard time getting into Hakkar’s head,” Váli said. “He does not believe you have a chance. He’s been preparing for fights like this his entire life.”
The demigod was helping me. Throwing me softballs to see if I could get a few hits.
“He doesn’t know me,” I said. “He thinks I’m weak. But when I win, I might let him live.”
“That’s noble of you,” Váli said, still smirking. He looked at Hakkar to see if our banter was breaking through. Nothing yet.
But then it hit me. I spotted his weak spot like it was a Line. “First thing I’m going to do with Thor’s hammer is name a new bloodline to guard the vampires.”
Hakkar didn’t break his stride, but the vambraces that plated his forearms and the back of his hands squeaked as he made two fists.
Round one: Kane.
I quit while I was ahead.
I noticed the open windows of the castle that surrounded us were suddenly filled with hundreds of Vallhallans. They poked their heads out to get a better look at us. I gave myself a moment to breathe and look around. The rolling hills above the bottom of the bowl were filling up with observers too. Even vampires were looking for a spot on the grass. It hit me that Vamps were exposed to the daylight but when I looked up at the blue, cloudless sky there was no sun.
I hated the idea of dying in front of Vamps. But I loved the idea of fighting in front of Vamps forced to sit on the grass like college kids waiting for classes to start.
The crowd looked excited but they watched us enter the grass bowl in silence.
Váli stood on a single stone in the middle of the arena and spoke.
“Valhallans. We are witness to the Thunder. We are under the Shield. Today you see a human become a god. So says Odin. So be it.”
“So says Odin,” the crowd said. It was spoken softly, either in deference or fear, I couldn’t tell.
“The rules are simple. You may use what you’ve brought.”
Hand-to-hand combat. Just what I expected.
“And you may use what we bring.”
I didn’t like the sounds of that. Unless they brought Glocks. Then I’d be in heaven. Which I guess I kind of was.
“Start on either side,” Váli ordered us. He lifted his arms to his sides and pointed to opposite spots on the field.
I turned and walked, looking over my shoulder just in time to catch Hakkar doing the same thing.
He was pissed.
Good.
Well, maybe good.
I spotted Rebel and Coleslaw near the edge of the arena. They leaned against the low stone wall that surrounded us. Rebel waved. I smiled. Coleslaw looked terrified. The twins were nowhere to be seen. I felt bad about what I’d done. If I died then my last words to them were a lie. When I’d said it, I’d thought it was for their own good. But as I turned to face my opponent I wished I could have the moment back. I’d tell them, “You guys don’t suck nearly as bad as you did when I first met you.”
That would have made them happy.
The silence was only broken by the sound of the wind blowing through the grass.
It was the prettiest death arena I’d ever seen, but it was also creepy.
“Can we have some music?” I hollered to break the tension. I can’t help myself sometimes. “Maybe “Guerilla Radio”? No? Rage Against the Machine! Viking music!”
Rebel laughed. That was good enough for me.
I waited for them to start the fight with a word. Or I waited for him to attack. I was ready but I wasn’t going to rush it.
“Oh, shit!” Rebel yelled from across the field. “Kane! He’s got one too!”
What the hell was she yelling about?
But then I saw it. He’d been meditating while I was fucking around. He’d been getting ready while I was doing stand-up.
The air in front of him broke in two and a crack, black as night, opened. He reached in and pulled out a sword.
It was impossible. I was the only one who could do that.
That’s what I’d always been told.
By Skyler.
Fucking Skyler.
Bonehead had a Vault Portal too.
Chapter 43
I needed time.
It usually took a few seconds to open my Portal when I was relaxed. But with a guy running at me with a sword? That messes up the concentration just a little bit.
I closed my eyes and relaxed. He was running fast but he was about ten seconds from reaching me. Unless he threw the sword. Then I had five seconds.
I focused my eyes on the color of my eyelids. The light that broke through was yellow.
I noticed my breath. I was inhaling. I’d have time to get to the exhale.
I wanted to open my eyes. I didn’t.
Yellow.
Exhale. Until I’m out of breath.
Faster.
I opened my eyes. He was about to jump. He was about to bring his blade down on my head. He disappeared from my view behind the yellow light of my Vault Portal. I reached in and pulled out the first thing my fingertips could wrap around.
A shakujō. A monk’s sounding staff and a weapon in the right hands. I’d secured it in a monastery in Japan. One of my first jobs.
I saw the Lines. They always kick in when I’m in mortal danger. Time didn’t stop. Not exactly. But time was definitely less of a factor when the Lines appeared. It couldn’t make me panic. I knew for a fact that if there was a way for me to slip out of harm’s way
then the Lines would help me. If there was a way for them to help me fight back, well, even better.
I lifted the stick over my head and the sword came down on it with all of Hakkar’s weight.
It saved my life but the ancient relic broke in two. It cried out like a wounded animal and I felt it die.
Hakkar had lost his grip on the hilt of his sword from the sheer power of his blow. That gave me time to roll down the hill and reach into my Portal again.
Caesar’s scarf.
“Goddammit!” I yelled.
Bonehead took two large steps and sliced straight down. A backward roll is the only thing that saved me. But the next blow would hit hard unless I pulled something perfect out of my portable arsenal.
I yanked out a book.
“Shit!” I threw it at him. He sliced it in two. I waited for the killing blow but the ground shook. Hakkar was looking past me at something on the other side of the arena.
I scrambled back up and ran from him. I didn’t care what had distracted him. I needed to get some distance.
I ran into a line of Vikings. They rode at me on the backs of giant wargs.
I stopped and ran the other way.
Hakkar turned and ran too. A spear just missed him, smacking into the grass where he’d stood a split second before.
We ran parallel to each other, both of us calculating how we could beat each other while running from a flock of spiked, fanged death.
I reached into my Portal while I ran and felt around for something more effective than a stick, scarf and book.
I found it. Just what I was looking for.
Billy the Kid’s Colt Model 1873. It’s not officially a relic. But I bring it around with me to show off at parties. Women love Colts, especially when they used to belong to Billy.
I had six shots. Standard bullets.
Hakkar and I turned and started running at the wargs at the same time. We must have come to the same conclusion. Our best chance at survival was to work together-ish.
I’d save the sixth bullet for my temporary ally but the Vikings could swallow the rest.
I took out one rider with a shot to the shoulder that knocked him off his warg.
Bonehead must have pulled a throwing knife from his Portal because another Viking fell from his steed with a dagger’s hilt sticking out of his helmet.