by Abbi Glines
Frozen in my spot I let Mama’s words sink in. I stumbled backwards and grabbed the edge of the pool table for support as I stared at her, waiting for some sign that she was lying.
“No,” was Sawyer’s only response.
I couldn’t look at him. Not now.
“Yes. Ask your daddy. Hell, ask your mama. That ought to be loads of fun. She hates me anyhow. Might as well make her hate me more for lettin’ the cat outta the bag.”
She was telling the truth. It was in her voice. I’d heard her lies all my life. I knew how to tell the difference.
“No. You’re just a stupid whore. My dad would never.”
Mama cackled and walked back around the bar to grab a bar towel then slung it at Sawyer.
“Wipe the blood off your face and go home. Once you realize I’m telling the truth then you and your brother can work things out. Like I said, ain’t no girl worth fighting over. You might want to ask your daddy about that too. I’m sure he has an opinion on it. Seeing as the apple don’t fall far from the tree.”
What was she saying? A bitter smile touched her lips.
“I don’t know what’s worse. Finding out you’re white trash after all or having your mama try and foist you off on my dad.” Sawyer spat out the words before turning and walking back out the door he’d come barreling through only fifteen minutes ago.
Ashton
“Well, Grana, I’m back. It’s time to face the music,” I said as I laid the single-stem pink rose on the headstone of my Grana’s grave.
I’d got up at four this morning after spending the night with Leann, to make it back in time for school. I didn’t need an unexcused absence to add to my list of transgressions. My parents were probably going to ground me for life as it was.
I sat down on the wooden bench my mom had taken from my Grana’s porch and brought here.
“I messed up big. You weren’t here to run to so I took off to Leann’s, which probably only made things worse. I even left church right after the choir solo. I doubt Mom and Dad know why yet but I don’t think it really matters.”
I took a sip of the mocha latte I’d picked up on my way into town. School didn’t start for another hour and going home right now would be bad.
“It’s all because of Beau. I love him. Crazy, huh? Beau Vincent, the town bad boy and I have to love him. Me, the girlfriend of his best friend and cousin. But he lets me be me, Grana. Just like you did. He isn’t bad like everyone thinks. No one knows his heart. They can’t look past his foul mouth, beer drinking or rebellious attitude to see he’s just a boy without a dad. No one reached out and tried to teach him any better. He was left alone to grow up. It isn’t fair. Everyone judges him knowing he had no positive influence in his life. His uncle sure didn’t try to care for, discipline or take an interest in him. I think he turned out wonderful despite the bad hand he was dealt. I hate how everyone judges others around here. They call this place the Bible Belt but really, Grana, I think they all need to go read their Bibles a little more. I distinctly remember Jesus befriending sinners, not judging them. Beau just needs someone to believe in him, and I do.”
I took another long gulp of my latte and leaned back on the bench. The church graveyard was quiet in the early morning hour. A school bus passing was the only sign of life.
My phone dinged with a text. I glanced down at it and frowned.
Sawyer: Where are you and where is Beau?
I hesitated, not sure how to answer. The fact Beau was missing bothered me though.
Me: I’m at my Grana’s grave. I haven’t seen Beau since he left church yesterday.
I waited for a reply and none came. Grabbing my keys from the bench beside me, I stood up.
“I need to go, Grana. Love you,” I said and blew a kiss toward her headstone before making my way back to the car.
Chapter 21
Before I could close my car door Sawyer was in front of me. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all last night and he had a cut on his nose and a bruise under his right eye.
“What happened?”
“Where is he?” Sawyer ordered, cutting off my question. I shook my head, staring up at him and trying to figure out why he was so determined to find Beau.
“I told you I don’t know. I left church and went to see Leann. I stayed the night at her dorm and came back this morning.”
Sawyer mumbled something that sounded like a curse and my eyes flew open in shock. The sun beamed down on his face and I could see swelling along his right cheek bone under the bruise. Apparently, he’d found Beau yesterday at some point.
“Did Beau do that?” I reached up to touch his face and he swatted my hand away with a disgusted sneer.
“Don’t touch me. You made your bed, Ashton, now you can lie in it. I’m not yours to touch.”
He was right of course. I simply nodded. Anger lit up his blue eyes.
“You did this, you know. He’s gone because of you. You ruined his life. I hope it was worth it.” Sawyer’s voice was laced with the anger flashing in his eyes. One thing was for sure: he hated me.
I didn’t nod this time. I just stepped around him and walked away. It hurt too bad to see the hatred in his eyes directed at me. I needed to find Beau. Not calling him yesterday had been a bad move but I refused to believe he’d run off. He’d been ready to fight for me. From the battered appearance of Sawyer’s face he did fight for me. I was ready to choose him over everyone else. It was time I threw caution to the wind and went after what I wanted too. And I wanted Beau.
Eight hours later, I stood outside the bar where Honey Vincent worked, staring at the door. I hadn’t ever been here in the daylight. The peeling paint and badly beaten-up door weren’t noticeable in the dark. Beau hadn’t shown up for school today. People who once spoke to me acted as if I didn’t exist. It would have bothered me if I hadn’t been so worried about Beau. I’d texted him several times but there was never a response. Sawyer had only directed his angry glare my way once: when he was headed to the field house after school he walked by my locker and shook his head as if to blame me for his cousin’s absence. The fear that he was right had gotten stronger all day long. I should have called Beau yesterday. No, I should have stayed by his side. Instead, at the first sign of struggle I lied and ran, leaving him holding the bag. I’m an awful person.
The door to the bar opened and Honey stood there with her hand on her hip staring directly at me. Her long, dark hair was pulled to the side of her head in a low ponytail and she was wearing a pair of snug jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. It was the first time I’d ever seen her body so well covered.
“Well, come on in, for crying out loud. How long you gonna stand here and study this door? He ain’t in here, so you can’t will him to walk out of it.”
So Beau wasn’t here, but maybe she knew where he was. I hurried after her as she spun around and headed back inside.
The bar was different at three o’clock in the afternoon. The curtains were drawn, letting sunlight inside, and the windows were open, allowing a fresh, cool breeze to waft through the place. Almost taking away the stench of stale beer and cigarettes . . . almost.
“He left yesterday. Ain’t been home, neither. You messed those two boys up good, girl.” Honey shook her head as she went to wiping glasses off and hanging them back up above the bar.
“I know. I need to fix it.”
She shook her head and let out a hard laugh.
“I reckon that would be nice but the damage is done. Those boys about beat the shit outta each other in here yesterday. You’ve made them both crazy. Never thought I’d see a girl come between them two but then I never figured you’d ever look Beau’s way either. Once you started showing him some interest I knew this was all going to hell in a hand basket real quick. You’ve always been my boy’s weakness.”
I sank down onto a stool across the bar from her. My stomach churned with guilt. What had I done to Beau? How could I say I love him and hurt him so badly? Love wasn’t selfish.
Honey paused and raised an artfully sculpted brow. “Him who?”
“Beau,” I replied, frowning. A sad smile touched her lips and she shook her head.
“Well I guess he ain’t as stupid as I thought he was. I figured the boy’d thrown everything away for some little gal looking to have a good time. I didn’t think you’d actually care about him too.”
I wanted to get mad, but how could I? I’d done nothing to prove I cared anything about him. Love didn’t screw up your life.
“Do you know where he is? I just want to talk to him. I need to fix this.”
Honey sighed and slid the glass in her hand on the rack above her head before meeting my gaze.
“No Ashton, I don’t. He left here after beating his cousin’s face in. He was hurt and angry. I figure he needs some time and then he’ll come out of hiding. For right now, you just worry about fixing your problems with Sawyer.”
I shook my head. “There is no fixing my problems with Sawyer. He hates me. All I can hope is one day he understands, but I don’t have time to deal with him.”
Honey leaned both her elbows on the bar and studied me a moment.
“You mean to tell me you ain’t getting back with Sawyer at all? You ain’t even worried about losing that fine future he planned on giving you?”
There was never a future with Sawyer. I’d known that all along.
“I love Sawyer but I’m not in love with him. I never intended on forever with Sawyer. I just need to see Beau. The only dealings I want to have with Sawyer is getting him to forgive Beau.”
Honey nodded and reached out and patted my arm.
“I think I could like you, gal. Go figure. Me liking the preacher’s daughter. Crazier shit has happened.”
A smile tugged at my lips for the first time all day. She reminded me of Beau just now. Her amused expression and the same hazel eyes.
“I need to talk to him. Please, as soon as you see him tell him to call me.”
Honey nodded and went back to wiping the glasses. I stood up and started for the door. The letter I’d written him during Literature, apologizing and begging him to please talk to me, was in my pocket. The plan had been to slip it in his locker but he never showed up at school. I pulled it out and turned and walked back to Honey.
“Could you give this to him when you see him?” I asked, sliding the folded paper across the bar toward her. She reached out and picked it up, meeting my eyes.
“Sure, darlin’. I’ll make sure he gets it.”
Both my parents’ cars were in the drive when I finally pulled in well after five o’clock. It was time to face the music. No one met me at the door, which was a good thing. I stepped inside and I was leveled with my father’s penetrating stare. He was sitting in the recliner with the Bible open in his lap as he peered at me over his reading glasses. He was angry, hurt, and disappointed. I could see it all in his eyes. I dropped my purse on the coffee table and sank down onto the couch facing him.
“Glad you could finally make it home. Your brief text message telling me you were fine and staying the night at Leann’s wasn’t exactly comforting. Your mother has gone to bed with a headache from the worry.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I replied. I truly was sorry I’d upset them. Even if I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
“Sorry, huh. Well, you don’t appear sorry. I will say I’m glad you made it to school on time and even found time to make it to your Grana’s grave. Don’t look surprised. I visit it daily and I noticed the fresh rose on her headstone. Only you would bring her a single rose from her own rose garden. No one else would think of it. You’re a good girl, Ashton. You always have been, but this summer something has gotten into you and we need to straighten it out.”
He’d blame it all on Beau if he knew. He wanted it to be someone else’s fault. The fact his daughter was one big fake didn’t even register with him.
“Beau Vincent’s missing too. Everyone thought you two’d run off together. But then you texted you were at Leann’s and her dorm counselor verified the information when I called and checked. So you weren’t with Beau but it is awfully suspicious he is missing too, and Sawyer has a black eye. What happened at church, Ashton?”
He was asking but he didn’t really want to know the truth. No father wanted to hear this kind of truth. I shook my head. “I got into an argument with Sawyer and we broke up. I ran off to see Leann and get away. That’s all I know.” I was getting so good at lying. Not something to be proud of. Dad nodded his head and closed the Bible in his lap.
“Good. I’d hate to hear you were messed up with the likes of Beau. Breaking up with Sawyer is probably a good thing. You two were too serious and you have college coming next year. You need to be free of a boy so you can focus on your future.”
He stood up and sat his Bible on the coffee table. His green eyes met mine and he pointed to the book he’d just laid down. “Bad company corrupts good manner. If you read your Bible more often you’d know this.”
I watched him turn and head for his bedroom. I really wished he didn’t make me hate to read the Bible. Having it shoved down my throat all my life had made me bitter towards reading it. I believed it. But my dad had used it to his benefit too many times and ignored the parts in there that would point out his wrongs. Like judging Beau without even knowing him. That was in the Bible too.
Chapter 22
Beau
Beau,
I’m so sorry. For not calling you. For running off. For Sawyer. I’ve ruined everything for you. I was so selfish. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Just please forgive me. I can handle anything else if I know you can forgive me. Maybe what we did was wrong. Maybe we should have handled it another way but I can’t make myself regret any moment I spent with you. You gave me memories I’ll always cherish. I won’t make this hard on you. I’ll let you go your own way. Just let me know you don’t hate me.
I love you,
Ashton
I ran my thumb over the words ‘I love you’ as I stared at Ashton’s letter. She loves me. Ashton Gray loves me. I’d left her thinking this was her fault. The panic in her wording was clear. She thought I could hate her? Did she not listen to anything I said? Had my actions not told her enough? I’d sacrificed everything for her. How could she think I hated her? It wasn’t even possible. The permanent ache where my mother had ripped my heart from my chest and basically thrown it at me eased some as I reread the words ‘I love you’.
Right now I needed her arms around me so I could cry. Cry for the man who’d been the only dad I’d ever known and lost at such a young age. Cry for the brother who I’d never realized I had yet loved him anyway. Cry for the only girl I’d ever loved, the only person other than Sawyer I’d ever have died for, and the impossible situation we were in. I loved her so much. I’d chosen her over Sawyer and I’d do it again. But things had changed now. Sawyer was facing the same pain I was. Maybe more so because it was his father, or our father, who’d cheated on his wife, ignored me my entire life, and lied to him. A tear rolled off my chin and I quickly moved the letter away so my tears didn’t smudge the words on the page. I needed to know someone cared. Someone loved me. Folding the note so I could see the words ‘I love you’ and her name, I pressed it against my heart and laid back against the bale of hay. Tonight I wouldn’t get much sleep but I’d have Ash’s words to keep me warm.
Ashton
High school had always been easy for me. Having Sawyer as a boyfriend had protected me from harassment. As I stood in front of my locker and took in the word ‘slut’ painted in red fingernail polish across the pale blue paint that had gone unmarred the past three years, it was a moment of realization. I truly had no idea what high school really felt like. Maybe I was a slut. I wasn’t a virgin anymore and I wasn’t married. Did that make me a slut? No one knew about me and Beau so the fact I was being labeled a slut only mea
nt they were hinting at it.
I sighed and quickly did my combination and opened my locker. I was instantly glad it didn’t have ventilation holes. There is no telling what they would have tried to stick inside. I could hear whispers behind me as I pulled out my books for first period. No one spoke to me or stood up for me. Not that I expected them to. This was day three of Shun Ashton. I couldn’t really blame it on Sawyer because he wasn’t participating. He wasn’t taking up for me either but he wasn’t joining in on the fun. Everyone loved him and wanted to defend him. If ridiculing me made them feel as if they were accomplishing this I could handle it. It was only words.
As if I’d spoken this out loud, I was shoved into my locker from behind. The corner of the locker slammed into the side of my head causing me to go a little fuzzy from the impact. I gripped the side of the door praying I wouldn’t pass out. Laughter of the female variety ensued behind me and I closed my eyes until the pain subsided.
“Oh, for crying out loud. Are you just going to stand there and take this?” I slowly turned my head to see Kayla looking at me with an exasperated expression. She grabbed my arm to steady me.
“I get that you think you deserve this or whatever but there comes a point when enough is enough. You need to stop them or they’ll continue to run over you. Get some teeth, girl.” She took the books from my arms and closed my locker. “Come on, I’m taking you to the nurse because you got a dazed and confused look in your eyes. Once she says it’s okay you can go to class.”
I was dazed and confused. Why was Kayla helping me? She was head cheerleader. I’d have thought she’d be the ringleader in the anti-Ashton posse.
“You really should have thought about this before you decided to cheat on the town prince. Someone like Sawyer has too many loyal subjects. You’ve pissed them all off. They hate you because you had him for so long and they hate you because you hurt him. They feel vindicated in their brutality toward you. So either you get yourself a bodyguard or you get tough. This isn’t going to go away overnight. This could last all freakin’ year.”