In truth, he did. It was what got him through the hardest moments when his soul would ache for his own loss so much that it became a physical pang in his chest. Though others believed his reason for being at Longbourn was to play chess with Mr Bennet, both Elizabeth and her father knew his true reason for being there was to find peace from the demons that plagued his own thoughts over his sister’s death, and especially over his own perceived fault in the situation.
“Come Darcy, you cannot find a fitting reason to remain here this evening,” Bingley was trying to convince his friend to join him. “It will only be the gentleman of the neighborhood and officers in attendance. You will not even have to watch one sorry jig, endure any silly flirting, or hear an off-key note sung or played.”
“What if I simply do not wish to go?”
Bingley turned to walk from the room, the words spoken over his shoulder a quick barb that he knew would convince his friend to join him. “Since Hurst is going as well, I shall simply tell Caroline that you wished to spend the evening entertaining my sisters in his stead.”
Darcy nearly growled in annoyance, but he stood and followed his friend from the room. “You have convinced me—but do not think I will not repay you for such high-handed treatment one day.”
Bingley smiled, “You have said that for years, and yet still I stand here beside you during your darkest days. Sorry old man, but you are stuck with me for life. No amount of your growling and complaining will drive me away.”
Darcy gave a small nod, saying under his breath, “Remind me when I am in better spirits to thank you.”
“Be ready to leave in one hour,” Bingley said as he bounded up the stairs.
The three arrived and Hurst immediately went in search of a glass of port and a comfortable seat in which he would spend the majority of his evening. Bingley soon excused himself from his friend’s side to greet Sir William Lucas, leaving Darcy alone in the midst of a crowd he wished to avoid.
Ever since that day in the garden when he found out Wickham was in the local regiment, he had avoided going anywhere the officers would be in attendance. So far it had worked for over a month. However, now here he stood in the midst of red coats all around, and he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach about this evening.
Elizabeth was seated under her favorite tree, her feet drawn up under her and a notebook open on her lap as the late afternoon autumn sun shone down on the pages. She had been writing a story and was now marking it for some edits when she heard her father and uncle in the garden behind her.
“I am surprised to hear you enjoyed the evening with the officers,” Mr Philips said.
“After being compelled by my wife to go, I was a little disappointed to find you were not there,” Mr Bennet replied.
The two men were often in battle with their wives, who were sisters of equal personality, over their lack of involvement in the neighborhood’s parties. They each understood the other’s reasoning well enough to commiserate.
“I thought you would get out of it as well and did not wish to be left alone in such misery as I know those kinds of evenings tend to be.”
Elizabeth was about to stand and make her presence known, but then the words that escaped her father’s lips stopped her.
“You would have found the evening quite disturbing—I know I did. There was a confrontation between one of the soldiers and Mr Darcy.”
A confrontation! Oh no! Somehow Elizabeth just knew it would be with Mr Wickham. She tried to hear all of what was said, but the two were walking off to the far end of the garden. Elizabeth knew just where they would stop, and, upon checking to see that she would not be spotted, she quickly made her way to the shrubbery that would hide her presence and hopefully allow her to hear more of what was said.
“... He was all civility, and it seemed to make Mr Darcy furious. Mr Wickham kept looking over at Mr Darcy and the gentleman would return the looks with disgust.”
“Was this seen by all, or were you just intuitive enough to have picked up on the conflict yourself?”
“As far as I know, it was just me. It would have caused quite the scene if everyone in the neighborhood had been privy to their dealings. The two eyed each other most of the evening, and eventually I noticed they were both missing from the room. So I went in search of them, thinking I may be needed.”
“And were you?”
“Yes; I found the two nearly coming to blows with each other in the library. I did not hear all of their conversation, just that they each blame the other for the death of Mr Darcy’s sister. I gathered that Mr Wickham was in love with her, but Mr Darcy did not believe his heart was touched, so he denied his request to marry.”
Elizabeth shuddered as she remembered the conversation in which Mr Darcy revealed just that to her. Unlike him though, and especially after the sadness she had seen in Mr Wickham’s eyes, she was not yet convinced of his lack of affection for Miss Darcy.
“One of the pieces of gossip going around last evening was about Mr Wickham’s recent courting of Miss Mary King. Mr Darcy evidently heard of it and confronted Wickham, saying if he truly loved Miss Darcy then his heart would not be so easily turned now towards Miss King. Wickham rebuffed with claims Darcy would never see him as worthy of a loving woman.”
“It sounds like you arrived just at the heated part of this confrontation.”
“Yes, I stepped in between the two before it came to blows, but there was a moment I was certain I would be the one to receive punishment from both men for my intrusion. Mr Darcy gave an excuse to leave the library, and he had taken his leave of the party by the time I returned to the others. I have allowed this man to walk out with Elizabeth many times, and have even encouraged it, but I now question his intentions.”
“What are you saying, Bennet? What has he done that would possibly be damaging to Elizabeth’s reputation?”
“I question his honour with what I heard in that scuffle last evening from the good lieutenant.”
“Why are you worried for your daughter? I do not see what this has to do with her,” Mr Philips questioned.
Elizabeth listened as her father’s words fell in icy tones from his lips.
“In all his time here in our neighborhood, he has not come to ask for my daughter’s hand, even in courtship, and yet he woos her as if he has, even bringing her gifts. I fear I have been too lenient and now my failings have led to what I worry will be heartbreak for my dear Lizzy.”
Elizabeth’s heart beat more rapidly. No, I love him... and although he has not said so himself, I know he loves me as well.
She knew she would get no more information from such sneaky ways, so when her father and uncle walked further away, she did not follow. Instead she returned to the tree where her things were left and gathered them quickly. She then stashed them somewhere safe from her sisters’ prying eyes, then, hoping for some solitude, she went for a walk.
As her feet took her to the one place where her thoughts were always able to flow freely, Oakham Mount, she thought of everything she knew and had heard. As she looked out over the landscape below, it became quite clear that she needed more information than what she currently had.
She was returning home from her walk and thinking of ways to bring up the subject with Mr Darcy when, as luck would have it, she saw Mr Wickham approaching, his horse’s reins held in his hand as he walked slowly towards Meryton. Perhaps it would be best if I try to coax the story from Mr Wickham first, she thought.
When he was close enough to address him, she smiled and curtsied, “Good day to you, sir.”
“Good day, Miss Elizabeth.”
His tone was not as friendly as she hoped it would be, but since she had nothing to lose, she continued with her request. “I was just thinking of my desire to speak with you about something of import, sir.”
“He told you.”
She gave a simple nod.
“I can assure you, your services are not needed. I have been shunned by him before, and I survive
d adequately. It shan’t ruin my stay in Meryton, nor make me run away—except on duties for the Crown, that is,” he said, indicating his horse and the errand that had been interrupted when his horse threw a shoe.
She was confused as to what he meant, when suddenly it dawned on her that he was talking of Mr Darcy, not her father. It was now the perfect opportunity for her, so she gladly took fate’s offering. “I think it would be best if I know a little more about your situation, as I am certain this is all just a horrible misunderstanding.”
He chuckled and looked down at his feet, kicking the dirt around with his toe. “Georgiana... I mean, Miss Darcy, used to say her brother and I were both keen to misunderstand each other at every turn.” The smile left his face, replaced by a soulful look. “She would have wanted us to reconcile our differences. If you can help with that, then I am willing to bare my soul to you. It will have to be another time though, as I was on an errand for my commander when my horse threw a shoe. I am taking him back to Meryton now.”
“Would tomorrow morning at dawn atop Oakham Mount suffice?”
He gave a nod, “I will be there.”
He continued on down the road, talking softly to his horse, who whinnied back at him.
Elizabeth started back on her trek home, hoping she had not been gone too long, as she was sure to receive a scolding from her mother if she was found out like this without even Lucy by her side.
The following morning she arrived at the top of Oakham Mount just after the sun came up, and Mr Wickham was already waiting for her, his horse tied to a tree at the bottom of the hill.
When she crested the hilltop, he greeted her. “Good day, Miss Elizabeth.” He reached his hand out to help her up the final two steps, letting go as soon as her feet were sure.
“Good day to you as well, Mr Wickham.” She indicated the rocks where she typically sat to ponder many a subject, “Perhaps we can sit?”
He checked his pocket-watch. “I am on my way to deliver something for Colonel Forester, so I only have a few minutes before I cannot delay my departure any longer. I was on my way yesterday when my horse threw a shoe and I was required to return to Meryton.”
“While I am sorry for your difficulties, the delay has given us an opportunity I think will help both you and Mr Darcy—at least, I hope so.” She sat on the rocks while he stood and paced, beginning his story.
“Mr Darcy and I grew up together. My father was steward of the Darcy lands under the elder Mr Darcy since before my birth, and when his son took over, my father continued on until his death. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start back at the beginning.”
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before the story began to pour from his lips. “My mother died in childbirth, and my father’s particular friendship with his employer allowed me the opportunity to be raised at Pemberley almost as a dear son to the master, and brother to his own son. We are only four years apart in age, so we were often found getting into scuffles and scrapes, as any boy is likely to do, until Darcy went off to Eton at the age of thirteen. Georgiana, at that time, was a small babe, and we formed a particular friendship from the start. Darcy and I only saw each other during school holidays after that, but remained close, exchanging letters often. Four years later it was my turn to join him at Eton, but being in his senior year then, we were naturally kept apart more than found together. Darcy went off to Cambridge after that, and I remained at Eton, forming friendships that would later prove to not be the best for me.”
Instead of pacing, he now stood looking out over the Hertfordshire land around them. “We both completed our school year and graduated, going back to Pemberley for the summer. It was during this time that Darcy informed me how disappointed in me he had become, because of my choice of friends and the vices I was allowing in my life. I did not take his rebuke well, and returned to school to begin my studies at Cambridge with a rebellious heart.
“My time there would only become harder though, as Mr Darcy died within weeks of my classes beginning, and, because of his disappointment in me, Darcy no longer returned my letters. Even my own father’s correspondence dwindled to nearly nothing, and then suddenly, before my first year was completed, my father died as well.”
Elizabeth interjected a shocked intake of breath, drawing her hand up to her heart, “Oh my! I am so very sorry to hear of such loss, for both of you.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, his voice cracking with emotion. “After my father was buried, Darcy only wrote to me twice more, and only about specifics with his father’s will and what it meant for me. He no longer respected me, and I could see it clearly in the short manner in which he wrote.” He cleared his throat, trying to garner more control, then continued on.
“It took a few years for me to see the wisdom in what he told me that summer, but I finally did my final year. After I graduated, I distanced myself from those who were not good for me and returned to living honourably as I was raised. Mr Darcy had left me a large sum of money in his will, so for a year after I finished school, I lived off of the interest from that, trying to decide what I would like to do with my life. I had the choice of either becoming a barrister or joining the clergy, but both would require that I speak with Darcy about funding the continued schooling required. It was stipulated in the will that I was to be given the living at Kympton if I chose to go the route of the clergy, but otherwise the will did not state anything further. We both knew of his father’s desire to pay for all of my schooling though, including that which would set me up for a living. However, with our limited contact, I was unsure if he would be willing to honour such a request when he was not legally bound to do so.
“When I finally found the courage to face Darcy, I went to his home in London, but he was not there. He was to travel on some business for a few weeks and then join his aunt at her estate in Kent for Easter. Due to the particulars of his travel, Georgiana... I mean, Miss Darcy... was left in London with her companion.”
Elizabeth could see a softness come over his features when he spoke of Miss Darcy. It was clear that he felt for her, even still.
“Mrs Younge allowed us some privileges only because she knew we were such good friends from childhood. However, Miss Darcy was not out, so anything beyond the walls of her home was strictly forbidden. As such, we were able to talk of things we would ordinarily not be afforded the opportunity to discuss, and we both found that our affection for each other grew tremendously over those weeks. I told her of my predicament with the choices laid before me, and she encouraged me to speak to her brother, saying he would surely be fair in his decision. The Darcy I knew from the past would have been, so I decided to do so.”
Elizabeth continued to watch his mannerisms when he spoke of both brother and sister. They were very telling, in both instances, and she could not determine how someone as keen as Mr Darcy would have missed the love Mr Wickham felt for both siblings when they met together.
“Our particular attachment was one neither of us could deny, but we knew Miss Darcy still had two years before she was to have her coming out. With my own situation being uncertain for at least two years as well, we talked over the possibilities and came to the decision that I would approach Darcy and tell him of our attachment, and of our desire to marry once she came of age. During those years I would return to school. The same year Georgiana was to turn eighteen I would be finished with my studies and able to take my ordination and be available for the Kympton living as soon as the man currently in that position had completed his tenure. This was the most preferred choice for both of us, as being at Kympton would keep her near her own home, Pemberley.
“Though we would consider ourselves saved for the other, we were not honour-bound in an actual courtship or engagement. We thought Darcy would agree to our arrangement, but when he returned to Town and found I had been visiting, he was furious. Our entire detailed plan was not even laid out to him before Darcy refused his permission and barred me from his home, sending Georgiana back t
o Pemberley.
“It was a few weeks later that I heard from Mrs Younge that she had been let go, and right after that we both found out through the gossips and the papers that Miss Darcy had contracted Scarlet Fever and died. I sent my condolences, but never heard from Darcy again. I did what I could with the remainder of the money left to me, and purchased a commission, then was sent here to Meryton, where, as you know, we have come face to face a few times. I cannot deny that I am happy to be here and be afforded the opportunity to go on with my life, but I would be lying if I said I did not still wish for the love I had with Miss Darcy. I doubted anyone would be able to take her place in my heart.” He looked over at her, “I am certain you have heard the drawing room gossip about me and Miss Mary King. They disparage her looks and assume I am only after her money, but that is far from the truth. She is a worthy young lady whose compassion for my troubles over the last six months is proving that perhaps, one day, I will love again. She is slowly working her way into the corners of my heart where I thought only Miss Darcy would reside all the rest of my days.”
Elizabeth sat still, watching as the man in front of her shuddered under the stress of telling such a tale. Her heart broke for what he was going through. “Mr Wickham, I feel compassion for you situation, and after hearing some of your story from Mr Darcy, I am certain it was not intentional that he treat you so harshly.”
Whispered Kisses Page 6