by Laura Ziepe
Emma felt nervous to admit the truth out loud to somebody, but she knew she had to. She trusted Holly and knew she would give her good advice.
‘Of course,’ Holly replied, appearing puzzled. ‘I won’t be long, Max,’ she told him as she followed Emma’s lead.
Emma walked out of the bar and through the hotel. There was a seating area near to the casino, which looked fairly quiet, and she sat down on two empty seats. ‘Sorry,’ she started, her eyes downcast, ‘I didn’t mean to interrupt things between you and Max.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Holly told her, her brow furrowed. ‘What’s up? Are you okay?’ she asked, concerned.
Emma inhaled slowly, looking at her nails; they were immaculate. Recently done for her big day free of charge by a salon at home in return for a few posts on her Instagram. ‘I just wanted to talk to you about Charlie,’ she began. ‘I feel really awkward talking about this …’ she tailed off.
‘Is everything okay between you?’ Holly asked, looking at her sympathetically.
Emma hesitated. Once she admitted the truth, it was out there. She’d never be able to take the words back and pretend everything was perfect again. ‘Not really, no.’
‘Does he hit you?’ Holly asked delicately. ‘I won’t tell anyone. Whatever you tell me will be in the strictest confidence, I promise you.’
‘No, no, nothing like that,’ Emma said, attempting to sound surprised that Holly thought such a thing. He wasn’t that bad. She wasn’t one of those battered women who needed shelter at a women’s refuge. She wasn’t even sure if she was overreacting about the whole thing.
‘Then what is it, Emma? Are you just not getting on? Has something happened?’ Holly probed gently.
‘He does this thing,’ Emma said slowly, thinking how she should word it so Holly would understand. ‘He gets upset over really little things, and sometimes, most of the time, he won’t speak to me afterwards. I swear he’s the most stubborn man on the planet,’ she gave a light laugh and her eyes flew to Holly who was looking at her gravely. Clearly she wasn’t in the mood to laugh with her and it made the atmosphere even more serious. Emma bit her lower lip. ‘Sometimes he won’t talk to me for days. I think once he even lasted a whole week,’ she confessed in a small voice. ‘Can you imagine living with someone and begging them every day for a week to talk to you? It’s so frustrating and he does it because he knows how much it bothers me.’
Holly’s eyes were wide and full of understanding as she listened to her every word.
Emma cleared her throat. ‘When he finally does talk to me again, when I have him back to his usual self, he’s incredible,’ she looked at Holly and then away again into the distance. ‘He could make me so happy if he just stayed that way. But he has his other side: he’s possessiveness and jealous. He thinks he owns me and can tell me what to do. He hates my job unless it involves him, and puts me down all the time. Just earlier, he was furious at me because I wouldn’t let him go through my phone to check my messages. I know he’s going to accuse me of all sorts until I finally show him, and that’s not right, is it? Or I am just expecting too much? I do love him, I really do, and perhaps I’m just really scared to get married? He’s done so much for me since I’ve met him; I can’t forget that. I didn’t look like this when he first met me, but he still liked me,’ she said, glancing down at her tiny figure. ‘I felt so low about myself at times, and I never really believed I would meet someone to make me happy, so when I first met Charlie I used to be constantly smiling. I couldn’t believe my luck. Everyone thinks we have it so perfect,’ she laughed dryly, ‘they think because I’m always smiling on my newsfeed I must be so happy, but it’s not always true. Having the perfect social media account doesn’t mean a thing in real life. I used to look at all these gorgeous women on social media when I was a size eighteen, and I used to think, if that were me, if I was as petite as them and my make-up was as perfect or abs were as toned, then I would be so happy. But I’m still not, Holly. It has absolutely nothing to do with what I look like, I understand that now. It’s about what’s in here,’ she tapped her chest, ‘and that’s something I still need to work on. But Charlie has always seemed to believe in me.’
Holly was flabbergasted. ‘I do understand what you’re saying and I do appreciate that you’re your own worst critic; you just need to learn how to be comfortable and happy in your own skin. You’re beautiful, not just outside but on the inside too. Just because you were bigger back then and didn’t have as many followers on Instagram doesn’t mean you have to put up with the unacceptable way Charlie has been treating you. Are you supposed to be appreciative that he still wanted to be with you even though you weighed more?’ ‘Yes. No. I don’t know,’ Emma muttered. ‘Nobody is perfect, right? Everyone has their flaws, I do get that. Most of the time he’s such an amazing guy who makes me happy and makes me laugh.’
‘Is most of the time really good enough for you, Em?’ Holly questioned. ‘It sounds to me like Charlie has some real issues. He’s controlling you, can’t you see that? What do you want to do? Have you spoken to him seriously and told him it needs to stop?’ Holly looked disconcerted.
‘All the time,’ Emma told her, her mouth twitching uncomfortably. ‘Not recently though,’ she admitted. ‘Maybe I need a serious talk with him and to tell him it’s not acceptable any more. When we first arrived here we had a huge argument, I can’t even remember what it was about now, and I made my way to the Bellagio Hotel to watch the water fountains by myself. I felt so peaceful and calm just watching the water that I wanted to just stay there and not have to face him.’
Maybe the answer was telling Charlie how serious things were though? Though deep in her heart, Emma knew it wouldn’t work. She’d done and said it all before. She’d even left him around four months ago, staying in a local bed and breakfast for a few nights. He’d sweet-talked her back, and then gone back to behaving exactly how he always did once he knew she was back on side. As Frankie had told her that day in the kitchen, once the respect had gone, it very rarely came back.
Holly’s nostrils flared. ‘I really don’t think you should be marrying him, Emma. I know it’s not my place to say, but you don’t deserve to be treated that way. It’s not too late and I wouldn’t be a good friend if I wasn’t honest about how I feel about the situation.’
They were the words Emma had been afraid of. The ones she didn’t ever want to be told. Anxiety was flooding through her veins. ‘I have to,’ she told her, feeling panicky again. She breathed deeply. ‘I do love Charlie and like I said, he can be so lovely. He does make me happy the majority of the time. I want to get married and have a family, and I have to believe that if I tell him to, he’ll change. I know he’s not always nice to me, but everyone argues, don’t they? I think he deserves a chance. I’m not sure I’m ready to throw the towel in just yet. I don’t feel like I can.’
Holly’s eyes were burning with alarm. ‘I think it’s a really bad idea to go through with it, Em, I’m not going to lie. But I can see that it doesn’t matter what I say or do – I won’t change your mind, will I? You’ve clearly made your mind up that you’re going to marry him. I think he needs some kind of help though, I really do,’ she said, shaking her head and giving Emma a beady look. ‘Maybe you need to see a relationship counsellor, something along those lines. Rob and I went a few times and I know it didn’t work for us, but it does for lots of other couples.’
Emma was rankled by her worried expression. She was praying that Holly was going to tell her Charlie didn’t sound that bad. She’d hoped she would tell her she should follow her heart and that love would conquer all their issues. But she knew even before she’d spilled her secret that Holly wasn’t going to advise her to marry Charlie. She didn’t ever see the nice side of him: the one that took her out to dinner and bought her gifts he knew she’d love when she was feeling down. ‘I’m going to have a long discussion with him tomorrow and tell him all the things that need to change. If he sees how serious I am, I ha
ve to trust that he’ll listen,’ she explained, trying to convince herself just as much as Holly. ‘I can’t let everyone down. Everyone has made such an effort to be here for us …’ she broke off, feeling her eyes begin to water. She swallowed hard.
‘It’s not about everyone else, Emma. It’s about you and your happiness. Please don’t get married for everyone else’s sake. No-one would care if you didn’t go ahead with it so long as you were making the right decision. It’s really not something to take lightly. I’m so glad that Rob and I didn’t get married, I really am. It’s hard enough breaking up when there’s no divorce to go through. Having to get divorced would just make it even more stressful.’
Emma faced Holly with equanimity. ‘I think I’m doing the right thing, Holly. I do love him. I’ll make him change. I want things to change so badly. We won’t get divorced, I just know it. I just wanted to speak to someone about it, so thank you for listening to me.’
She stared at Holly for a few moments, suddenly feeling guilty. ‘I know I haven’t been there for you since you split with Rob. I’m so sorry. You know what it’s like; life just seems to fly by and I’ve been so busy with my job and focusing on the wedding.’
Holly shook her head dismissively. ‘Don’t be silly. I haven’t been much better, have I? It’s a two-way thing and I know how manic life gets. Please don’t apologize. You honestly have nothing to apologize for.’
‘Thank you,’ Emma said, standing up and giving her friend a tight squeeze. ‘Come on, let’s head back to the bar before the others wonder where we’ve got to.’
Holly nodded. ‘If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you,’ she said as they began to walk back. ‘Maybe write down all the things he’s done to you as well. You know, write it in a diary, something like that.’
Emma stared at her, wondering if that was really necessary. Clearly Holly didn’t have any faith in her relationship now. She obviously believed Emma may need evidence against Charlie in the future.
‘And Emma,’ Holly continued in a firm voice, ‘you can’t even think about having children with Charlie. Not until you’ve sorted out your relationship. It’s not healthy to bring a baby into that environment.’
It was as though Emma had been winded. She craved to have her own family as soon as possible. She wanted to be a mother more than anything; it was her next goal in life. But Holly was right – there was simply no way she could bring up a baby with a father like Charlie as he was now, and Emma walked back to the others, feeling worse than she did before.
Chapter 19
Kim
Kim had no idea where Holly and Emma had gone and she was worried. Why had they just left her alone? She obviously knew Callum, Max and a few of the others, but she really wished her friends had told her where they were going. She felt a little left out and excluded, but cursed herself for being so childish. There was most likely a perfectly valid reason that they’d gone off together, but she was concerned that something was wrong.
Max walked over, handing Kim a drink.
‘Hi,’ he shot her a grin. ‘Where’ve Holly and Emma gone? We got a round in at the bar.’
‘I’m not sure,’ Kim replied, looking at her phone to check she didn’t have any messages from them. ‘I’ll come over to the bar and wait for them there.’
She followed Max to where the drinks were. He had been served around the other side and Kim couldn’t see Callum or anyone else nearby.
‘All alone,’ Max said, raising his eyebrows and staring at her.
Immediately Kim started to feel uncomfortable and thoughts of earlier that day at the pool party came flashing back to her. Was he like this to everyone? She didn’t want to overreact but it this felt wrong when he’d only just slept with her best friend the night before and knew she was married.
‘Where’s Callum gone?’ Kim asked, turning her head as she looked for him in the crowds.
‘He had to quickly make a phone call to his daughter. We’re eight hours ahead here,’ he told her, ‘he’ll probably be gone a while. Loves to chat to her, he does,’ he replied with a smirk.
‘Oh right, that’s nice.’ Kim sipped her drink feeling awkward and on edge. The air between them seemed to crackle with a nerve-racking tension. She almost felt like she could reach out and touch it. ‘Holly and Emma didn’t say where they were going, did they?’ she said lightly, continuing to search for them, hoping she would see their faces and could wave them over.
‘No,’ he shook his head, looking pleased with himself. ‘It’s just you and me,’ he said, staring at her as though he was enjoying her discomfort.
Kim looked into the distance, afraid to look up at him. She was unsure what he was about to say. She felt on edge waiting for him to do or say something. Max was acting strangely, exactly how he had been earlier.
‘You look beautiful tonight,’ he said seriously, gazing at her intensely with his light brown eyes.
‘Thank you,’ Kim managed to reply in a small voice. She felt a colour rush to her cheeks and hated herself for it. She didn’t want him to know how discomfited she was. She didn’t want him to know the effect he was having.
He moved closer to her, a hopeful glint in his eye.
‘What are you doing?’ She tried to laugh it off that he was edging nearer to her, but his expression remained determined.
‘Oh come on, there’s no-one watching us,’ he expressed confidently, grinning like she was playing a game with him. His eyes were glinting as though he knew she wanted it really.
Kim could smell the alcohol on his breath and she wondered if he’d even sobered up from earlier. Kim attempted to step back but the bar was behind her, leaving her no room. ‘Max, what do you mean?’ she said breathlessly.
His eyes narrowed and he looked amused, his smile frozen on his lips. ‘Are you really going to say you don’t like me in that way?’ he asked courageously. He was so cocky and arrogant. ‘I won’t say anything to Holly,’ he whispered suggestively.
His body was pressed against hers before she had a chance to say anything and he was edging his face even closer, leaning in for a kiss.
‘Get off,’ Kim exploded, pushing him away. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ She gasped for breath in outrage. Her voice was shaky and her head was pulsing with blood. ‘You’ve slept with my friend Holly if you’d forgotten that fact, and I’m not sure if it had slipped your mind, but I’m happily married.’
Max remained calm and collected. ‘Okay, I must have read the signals wrong then,’ he laughed light-heartedly. ‘I was joking anyway, you don’t need to get all irate about it,’ he said, giving the merest little shrug.
Kim wasn’t just fuming with Max, but she was upset too. How dare he think she would ever dream of going there with him? Not only was Holly her best friend, but she was married with two children, something he was very well aware of. Kim hated men like Max, selfish and thoughtless, and she felt awful that she was going to have to tell Holly too.
‘Go to hell, Max,’ Kim told him venomously before storming outside to get some fresh air.
As she marched outside alone, Kim felt homesick. Meeting Max had made her realize how lucky she was to have married such a great man like Andy all those years ago. She missed him. She missed their children and the sound of their little laughs. What would Andy make of what had just happened? One of Andy’s qualities was that he wasn’t a jealous man. Jealousy had never really been an issue in their relationship. Not until now. Not until Lily. Had she been crazy to jet off to Vegas without addressing their marriage problems? Had she just made it easier for Andy to hang out with Lily? The question also still remained: why had Andy entertained those flirty texts? The fact he’d liked her photo didn’t sit well with her either. Kim had been sailing through life in her own little world, ignorant to the fact that as much as she was a good mother, she certainly hadn’t been the most attentive wife over the years. Her throat felt tight with anxiety as she thought about how their relationship had changed so much without h
er really noticing it until recently. It was hard pretending everything was perfect to everyone.
A tear fell down Kim’s cheek just as Frankie emerged from around the corner. His face fell as soon as he spotted her, and Kim felt flustered that he’d caught her crying alone. She hadn’t spoken to him very much since she’d arrived and didn’t really know him well enough to be comforted by him.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, looking concerned. ‘It’s Kim, isn’t it?’
Kim sniffed and nodded, her eyes flicking downwards to her new black heels self-consciously. ‘I’m fine, honestly.’
‘You’re clearly not fine,’ he stated, his brow furrowed. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked sensitively.
Kim shook her head. ‘I can’t …’ she broke off. ‘Please just go inside, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine in a moment.’
She wanted to tell him. She just wanted to let someone know all her problems, but she hardly knew Frankie. He reminded Kim a little of Callum; Frankie was one of those people you just trusted instantly, but had no idea why. He came across as genuine and sweet and she could tell he really cared about the wedding by the way he was always offering to help Emma.
She sat on a wall and Frankie sat beside her. He wasn’t going anywhere and she felt better with him beside her.
‘Where are your friends?’ he asked.
‘I’m not sure,’ she answered helplessly. ‘Maybe the toilets, I haven’t seen them in a while.’
‘That’s not why you’re crying though, is it?’ Frankie asked seriously.
A loud laugh escaped Kim’s lips. ‘No, of course not. It was …’ she paused for a few seconds, ‘it was Max, okay? It was something he did.’ She wouldn’t tell him about with her marriage worries, but perhaps he should know this part. Kim wouldn’t protect Max and his behaviour.
Frankie didn’t look at all surprised. ‘Ah, Max.’
Kim nodded, looking directly in front of her at an elderly couple waiting for a taxi.