by Laura Ziepe
‘Yes,’ Emma whispered. ‘It’s all okay. We’re going to be fine,’ she said enthusiastically. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes though, and Holly couldn’t help but think she looked a little lost.
‘You don’t have to go through with it unless you’re one hundred per cent,’ Holly ventured. ‘It’s still not too late, Emma. I can run off with you if you wanted to; I’m sure we could convince Kim to come along too. We wouldn’t need to tell anyone.’ She let out a little laugh to lighten the mood, but she wasn’t actually joking. If Emma wanted out, then Holly would be by her side supporting her all the way.
Emma laughed and then looked serious. ‘Thanks, Holly. We’re going to see someone when we get home. I’m sure that’s all we need really. Just a bit of help. I’m actually feeling excited about the wedding now,’ she explained. Her bright, cheerful tone sounded forced though and it was clear to Holly that Emma was trying to convince herself she was doing the right thing.
Emma had made her mind up, and Holly would support her decision whatever happened, so she nodded at her friend and smiled to signify she was behind her, even though she was really concerned. ‘It’s going to be a beautiful wedding.’
‘I know,’ Emma replied, ‘I’m so glad we’ve decided to do it in Vegas. I could live here. I just love it.’
‘For a holiday maybe,’ Holly laughed lightly. ‘I’m not sure I could actually live here. A constant hangover doesn’t sound like fun. It’s a bit too hyper for me. I need some quiet time every once in a while. What are you going to do about trying for a baby now?’ Holly asked curiously.
It was the first time Emma’s happy expression cracked.
‘He wants to try straight away,’ she explained, looking distressed by this fact. ‘But I won’t do that,’ she stated with certainty.
‘What did Charlie say? Was he upset?’
‘I never actually told him we wouldn’t be trying …’
‘Emma,’ Holly clenched her jaw, ‘maybe you should have explained that part before you get married.’
‘I know, Holly, okay?’ She rubbed her temples as though the thought was giving her a headache. ‘I will tell him that when I’m ready. I just want to sort things out between us first.’
Holly nodded, not wanting to make Emma feel worse. It was strange to be about to marry someone that you were afraid to have children with. To Holly, it was just another sign that Emma shouldn’t be going ahead with it. She changed the subject. ‘Did you hear about Max last night?’ she raised an eyebrow. She hadn’t wanted to mention it earlier with Frankie in the room.
‘What, sleeping with that waitress?’ Emma asked, throwing her eyes to heaven. ‘Honestly, Holly, I didn’t realize quite how bad he was around women otherwise I would have warned you off from the start. I’m sorry I ever introduced you to him now. I mean I know he’s not your boyfriend or anything, but we’re all in this small group for our wedding and I just think it’s so disrespectful when he knows you’re likely to find out. Men, eh?’
‘Emma?’ A gentle voice came from a lady dressed in a matching white uniform to the others. ‘Would you like to come with me?’
‘I’ll see you after,’ Emma said quietly to Holly, before walking away.
Holly’s masseur came for her a few minutes later, and before she knew it she was lying face down, every part of her body being massaged and relaxed. It was pure bliss. She was warm, content and relaxed, with no worries or lists of things to do. She pushed Max far from her thoughts so she had nothing to think or worry about. She really wanted to rest, de-stress and think of absolutely nothing so she could drop off to sleep.
Holly was frustrated that she couldn’t unwind at all though. Her brain just wouldn’t switch off and there was only one thing on her mind: Callum.
Chapter 24
Emma
The massage had been heaven. Emma had really hoped that by relaxing for an hour, her anxiety about the following day would be banished, but no such luck. It was still very much there. Every time she thought about walking down the aisle, her stomach began to cramp up with nerves. She told herself it was normal because she had no choice. She had to believe Charlie. Yet she just wasn’t certain that love was always enough.
She couldn’t deny she had worries about his jealousy of her success, and she questioned whether he would really be able to not interfere with her work in the future. Charlie wanted what she had, and Emma couldn’t help but wonder if her Instagram popularity was what had attracted him to her in the first place? She did believe he loved her, but their relationship was so complicated. After all, she’d been much bigger back then and Charlie was always reminding her how lucky she was he’d got together with her. He pretended he was joking, but was he?
She turned to her Instagram as a distraction, watching a replay of the footage she had filmed in the spa earlier on. To her followers, she was a bride-to-be, giddy with excitement about marrying the man of her dreams. They looked up to her. Aspired to be her and to find the perfect, handsome and loving man to spend the rest of their days with.. She got comfort from their messages, even though she knew it was absurd. These people were strangers. The vast majority she’d never even seen in real life. They had no clue about what her life was really like. They didn’t see her setting up each picture so it would be absolutely perfect. They didn’t see the hundreds of discarded selfies. They saw what she allowed them to; what she presented to them. It was what they wanted to see. She smiled as a message appeared from Frankie.
Enjoy your day today. I’ve sorted out the order of the day pamphlets for tomorrow, so will take them with me and hand them out. Look forward to the big day tomorrow. If you need anything in the meantime, let me know xx
He was so thoughtful and caring and Emma marvelled, not for the first time, at how different Charlie and his cousin were. Sometimes it seemed impossible that they were related. She tapped back on her phone.
Thanks Frankie. Have a good night xx
Today she was going to enjoy herself as much as she could. She wanted to forget about her fears.
At lunch they were sitting drinking Prosecco in their dressing gowns and Emma couldn’t help but appreciate how the warmth in her throat from the fizzy alcohol was helping to numb her worries. It was making her feel better, and it also gave her a sense of rebelliousness towards Charlie telling her not to drink too much. She was a grown woman and she could do what the hell she liked. This was her last attempt to show him that she was her own person; he didn’t and wouldn’t control her. Imagine if she ever told him not to drink too much; Charlie did as he pleased and would never care if she didn’t want him to do something.
‘So I thought we could play a few drinking games,’ Danni grinned, handing everyone a piece of paper. ‘Not a lot though, don’t worry, Emma. We will all still be fresh for tomorrow morning. We have to guess what Emma’s answers will be. Emma, here are the questions,’ she informed her, handing her a sheet.
It was a game that Emma had seen at lots of hen parties before. A little bit of fun and completely harmless. The girls were giggling as they wrote their answers, looks of concentration on some of their faces as though they were sitting a school exam. As Emma read the questions though, she suddenly started to feel a little short of breath. Her head started to throb furiously.
Would you rather your future baby inherit from you or your partner the following? Write your answer next to each one.
Eyes
Height
Temperament
Smile
Brains …
The list went on down the page.
Emma held her breath as she thought about each answer. Eyes. Charlie’s eyes would go as thin as slits when he was really angry with her. Those beautiful eyes, which attracted her in the first place, could make him look evil. Height. He was only five foot nine, but at times she felt as though he was bigger than that. He could make her feel tiny and vulnerable in an instant. Temperament. She didn’t even need to think about that one. Charlie was unpredictable; living with him was l
ike constantly walking on eggshells, tiptoeing round timidly, scared to upset him. It was like trying to be quiet when a baby was sleeping. Emma was constantly trying to be good in order to not wake up his angry side. Smile. Sometimes he smiled when he knew he was getting to her. When he ignored her and she begged him to speak, his lips curved up at the edges, as though he found the whole thing enjoyable. It made him look sinister. Brains. He was a mastermind at manipulating her to get what he wanted.
‘Are you okay, Em? You look a little pale,’ Holly asked, her eyes burning with apprehension.
Emma cleared her throat and took a deep breath. She downed her Prosecco. ‘Girls, can we play this a bit later on?’ she asked politely. ‘I’m not really in the mood for games.’
‘Yeah, course,’ Danni shrugged.
Thirty minutes later and Emma knew she was getting drunk. She could feel the fuzziness starting to take over her head. Her legs were tingling and she had red blotches on her chest because Kim had pointed them out. She got them sometimes when she started drinking. She was forgetting the simplest things. But she didn’t care. In fact, she preferred feeling like this. It meant she didn’t have to face the thought of the next day. When she was drinking, she didn’t feel anything.
Holly turned to her after she downed another drink.
‘Em, I don’t want to seem like a party pooper, but do you think you may need to slow down a little bit? It’s your wedding day tomorrow. It’s not like you’re going to have a day to recover, is it? The last thing you’re going to want is to feel ill.’
Kim nodded. ‘She’s right. Maybe drink water for a bit? Or a coffee even?’
‘I’m fine,’ Emma brushed them off. She was big enough to handle herself. She never usually suffered from bad hangovers anyway; somehow she always seemed to feel okay. Her trick was to drink water and take a paracetamol before bed. Worked like a charm every time.
She waved the waiter over, desperate to order another drink.
Chapter 25
Emma
Somewhere in the back of Emma’s mind, she knew she had gone too far. Emma wasn’t normally one of those people who knew this fact. She would normally just keep drinking, enjoying every moment without a care in the world until she woke up the following day . But as she walked outside in the warm Vegas air, on her way to a bar that Fran and Danni had arranged, she could tell without a doubt that she’d already gone too far. She was dizzy, swaying as she took each step. Unsteady on her feet. Telling herself she would be fine, she followed the others to a cordoned off table inside a plush bar. She wasn’t even sure what hotel they were in. Was she really getting married tomorrow? She couldn’t actually believe the day had arrived. Everything was going so quickly. Time was ticking away, and before she knew it she would be walking down that dreaded aisle.
‘Are you feeling alright?’ Kim asked Emma again. ‘I’m just a bit worried that you’re a little drunk; your eyes are looking a bit bloodshot. Shall I order you a coffee?’ she fretted.
‘Enough about the coffee, Kim.’ Her voice didn’t even sound like her own, but Emma didn’t care. She was fed up with caring all the time. ‘I want alcohol, not coffee,’ she giggled.
Holly scrutinized her. ‘Okay, maybe just a bit of water before the next drink.’ ‘I’m fine,’ Emma repeated, holding up her half-empty glass for Fran to fill it with whatever alcohol she was drinking. Champagne maybe? Her vision was a little off and the lighting was dimmed. Was it Prosecco? She couldn’t tell and didn’t give a damn either way.
There was a rowdy group of men on the table next to them and Emma turned up her nose as she watched them downing pints of beer. Didn’t they have any consideration for anyone else? It was as though they were in their own little world. ‘They’re so loud,’ she complained to the others.
Holly’s gaze flicked over to the table. ‘Maybe it’s a stag do or something.’
‘Whatever it is, they’re so loud I can hardly hear anything else. I can’t even hear what music is playing. It’s annoying,’ she complained. She wouldn’t normally care about it, but she was in an irritable mood and they were bothering her.
When they started banging on the table making even more noise, playing a drinking game, Emma had had enough. Everyone was looking over, but no-one was brave enough to say anything.
‘I’m going over there,’ she announced thunderously, striding over in their direction.
Only one of the men even noticed she was standing there, hand on hips when she reached the table. The others were too busy laughing and talking loudly amongst themselves.
‘You alright, sweetheart?’ He had a British accent.
‘Not really,’ she swayed a little as she shifted on the spot. ‘I’m trying to enjoy a night out over here with my good friends, and we can’t hear each other because you’re so loud.’
She had at least five of them paying attention now, watching her curiously as though she was some incredibly fascinating creature.
One of them shrugged. ‘Sorry. Here, take some shots as an apology,’ he grinned. He raised an eyebrow. ‘You girls enjoying your holiday so far?’
He was being genuinely friendly, and Emma felt ashamed for talking to them so tersely.
‘Yes, we are thanks,’ she cleared her throat. ‘We’re here for a wedding. I’m getting married tomorrow,’ she told them, picking up a red shot from the table and downing it. She grimaced and picked up another one, pink this time.
‘You’re getting married tomorrow?’ A dark-haired man repeated.
Emma nodded, downing the pink shot. ‘Yes, you heard right.’
Another man laughed loudly. ‘You’re not holding back on the drink for someone who is getting married tomorrow, are you? Wow.’
‘I don’t get hangovers,’ she informed him, proudly. ‘I’ll be okay.’
‘She’s enjoying her last day of freedom,’ another said in admiration. ‘Good for you.’
‘Why don’t you girls grab your chairs and come sit with us?’ the dark one chimed in again. ‘You should play the drinking games with us. Boys vs girls.’
Emma was aware she should say ‘no thank you’. But now she was standing there it looked like so much fun and she wanted to enjoy herself and shift her moodiness. The men were friendly and easy to chat to, despite her snippiness when she’d first gone over to them. Before Emma even knew what she was doing, she gesticulated to the others to come over and join her, pulling up chairs around the table.
‘We’re playing drinking games,’ Emma told them, determined to beat the men . She’d always been competitive and even with drinking games, she was no different. Her mind was fudgy from alcohol though, and she didn’t feel like she could focus properly. She certainly wasn’t going to be at her best.
They went round the table introducing themselves before the dark-haired one, who called himself Luke, starting explaining the rules of the game. Emma did her best to concentrate on what he was saying, but the rules didn’t sound as straightforward as she’d hoped. No, in fact, Emma didn’t feel confident that she was going to be on the winning side.
That was the very last thing that Emma remembered before passing out for the entire night.
Chapter 26
Kim
They had been sitting with the group of men Emma had introduced them to for over an hour. Emma was looking a little dishevelled and out of it, though it was always hard to tell when she was really drunk. Perhaps she should stop drinking now though, Kim thought, her sensible, motherly side coming to the surface.
‘So who’s single here?’ Fran asked interestedly.
A few of them nodded.
‘Well, kind of,’ one of the men, Greg, said with a guffaw. He had red hair but the stubble round his chin was more of a strawberry blond shade. His friends joined in.
‘Don’t go getting involved with this one,’ another laughed loudly, ‘he’s trouble.’
‘How so?’ Danni questioned, flicking her hair flirtatiously.
‘He’s seeing a married woman,’
the red-haired man couldn’t wait to announce. ‘Some cougar who has three kids.’
Greg looked down at the floor, but seemed far from embarrassed. If anything, Kim would say he looked a little proud of himself and it irritated the hell out of her.
‘No way!’ Fran replied, loving the gossip. ‘What, does she just lie to her husband all the time? Pretend she’s seeing her friends instead of you?’
‘Something like that,’ Greg sniggered. ‘She just deletes our messages and I think she has my number saved under one of her mate’s names.’
‘Ah, her poor kids,’ Danni said.
‘Look, I don’t want to break her family up, but that’s down to her, isn’t it? I don’t know her husband. Can’t blame her for wanting a piece of me, can you?’ He chuckled along with some of the others.
Kim looked away, not even wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. She knew if she joined in, she would end up getting into an argument with him. How could he be boasting about having an affair? It was absolutely disgusting. People just had no idea of all the hurt they would be causing. It wasn’t even just the woman’s poor husband who would most likely be crushed, but there were children involved and most likely in-laws and friends. You were demolishing lives when you decided to be unfaithful.
Kim exhaled sharply, sipping more of her drink. She couldn’t help but think of Andy again. Was he having an affair with Lily? Had the thought even crossed his mind? Her heart ached remembering those messages.
‘You okay?’ Holly asked her tentatively. ‘You seem a little quiet?’
Kim was about to brush her comment under the carpet, like she’d be doing the whole trip, but she suddenly wondered what it would feel like to share the burden of what was going on. Holly was her best friend so why hadn’t she told her? She finally wanted to come clean that she wasn’t as secure in her ‘perfect’ marriage as everyone thought. Perhaps she felt embarrassed that she was having these troubles and worries and that Andy was paying another woman interest? Taking a long, deep breath, Kim made up her mind. ‘Can we talk somewhere alone for a bit? I need to tell you something.’