by Ain Soph
I regard Ulric coldly, “Whatever I choose to do next will be of my own volition. You’ll be dead anyway. It should hardly interest you.” Ulric flinches as I exit the building, not stopping to look back at the doomed militia I’m leaving behind. I instead dive into my car and speed out of the grassy meadow in front of the manor, still refusing to look toward the Remnants.
I wait until I’m miles away before I slam on the breaks and throw the vehicle in park. Only then do I allow myself to glance in the direction of the camp, and only then do I allow myself to cry. It’s too much for one day. Ulric’s revelations shook me to the core. I’ve always thought I’m a good judge of character, that I’m smart and quick witted; I even thought I was among the best in my field. But this entire time, I’ve been aiding the very militia that took my baby sister away from me. I’ve dedicated so much of myself to finding the Scarlet Reapers and avenging my sister, I became blind to anything outside of my personal mission. If I didn’t have such tunnel vision, would I have been able to sense that something was off about the Remnants? Who knows how many people they kidnapped to further the Reaper’s twisted project. And who knows if I would have been able to stop them had I opened my eyes and realized what they were doing.
I’ve been helping the bad guys all along. Aiding kidnappers. Working for the enemy. As these thoughts run through my mind, I start obsessively scratching my arm and hyperventilating. I try to get control of myself and slow my breathing by gripping the steering wheel in front of me and focusing on my breath. I’m disgusted and ashamed of myself, but I can’t undo the past. It’s a part of me now.
I bang on the steering wheel in frustration and let a gargled sob slip from my throat. As much as I hate Ulric, he did give me a helpful mission that I plan to complete. Talking to the Dagger Corps leader won’t be easy though. They’re not as relaxed as the Remnants, and there are armed guards stationed around the entire perimeter of their base. That’s most likely why Ulric told me to bring Edric. I was surprised he even knew of our conversation, but Ulric had eyes everywhere. He always knew exactly what was going on within the camp at any given time. Contrary to the luxurious mansions most of the other militias used, the Dagger Corps have their camp in an abandoned military base from before the war.
I need to make a plan. This next mission isn’t going to be easy. As the wheels turn in my head, I feel my raging emotions start to calm. This is my turf now. The mission. The preparations. I can dedicate every inch of my mind to the mission and dissolve everything else. I still carry with me the heaviness and sorrow I just sped away from, but mercenaries have a fast turn around rate when it comes to tragedies. We have to. If a mercenary isn’t emotionally tough, they’ll crumble on their first mission. Making a plan for my next mission is giving me something new to focus on- a purpose that can guide me- and it’s a good feeling to have. I’m know I’m just avoiding the pain, and sooner or later it’s all going to come rushing in, but I’m fine with that- as long as it comes after my mission is complete.
Because of the Dagger Corp’s location, they’ll see me coming from miles away, so that nixes the option of sneaking in. Usually I like to use stealth to accomplish my missions. I can avoid fighting and scope out the place I’m breaking in to. But for the Dagger Corps, I’m going to have to play things a little differently. Going through the front doors isn’t an option either because the militia’s aggressive, living life on the offensive, always ready to attack. Rather than waiting to see if I’m coming in peace, they’ll just kill me before I can even reach the gate. Getting into their camp, let alone in to see their leader seems impossible. Edric might be able to help me (Ulric was right about that), but I have no way of contacting him.
A jolt courses through my stomach as I realize I do have a way to see him. Edric said he’d be in Timberwood in a couple of days. I can’t believe I almost forgot about that. As much as I’m trying to focus, it seems like my mind is still rattled from the Remnants. If I meet him there, then I can tell him everything Ulric told me, and I’m sure after hearing what I have to say, Edric will be more than willing to help me out- especially since his own father had been taken. It’s been years, but I know Edric. He wants answers about his father just as much as I do about my family. I wonder how much he knows about Project Artian. There’s a possibility he was just a messenger, but maybe he knows how the Dagger Corps found out about the Remnant’s involvement with it. I turn the car back on and slam my foot on the gas, leaving a cloud of smoke behind me. I’ll be alright as long as I have a mission to focus on. I’m a mercenary. The mission is my life.
“Destiny is a good thing to accept when it’s going your way. When it isn’t, don’t call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.”
Joseph Heller
CHAPTER SIX
It takes me one day of straight driving to finally reach Timberwood. Edric won’t be here until tomorrow, but that gives me one day to rest and mentally prepare what I’m going to say. It feel bittersweet to finally return to Timberwood, the place I grew up. I’d once loved this place dearly, but now, so many horrible memories lurk under its surface. Too many things went wrong here. Lucie and I left after our parents’ disappearances five years ago. We wanted to escape the sighs of pity and coddling from our neighbors. Actually, no; that’s wrong. I wanted to escape the pity. Lucie never wanted to leave Timberwood, but I couldn’t take being here. I was (and am) a mercenary- strong, independent, in control. To feel like I had become the object of everyone’s sympathies was more than I could bear. Obviously, at that time, I didn’t know how bad life could get. I thought I was in a low place then, but now looking back, I laugh at how easy my life was. Still though, while I was living in Timberwood after their disappearances, I felt like I was no longer a person. Instead, I was just a sad reminder of how fleeting happiness can be.
Lucie and I came back fairly often to visit friends in the first year after we left. Lucie more so. I still went in to Timberwood, but I avoided everyone I knew. Lucie missed everyone; I was just glad I didn’t have to face them anymore. For me, staying close that first year was agony. I wanted to travel, to see the world and experience something new. For Lucie though, it wasn’t close enough. She didn’t even want to leave in the first place and being able to visit Timberwood but not call it home was torture for her. Bringing Lucie along is a decision I will always regret.
There have been many times after her disappearance that I daydreamed about what out lives would now be like if we stayed. Perhaps Lucie wouldn’t have been kidnapped and I wouldn’t have been drawn into this mess with the Reapers or the Remnants. I could have contracted with whatever militia I liked and lived a normal mercenary life. My parents would still be gone, and without a doubt, I would have been dedicated to finding them...But Lucie was always able to reign me in and prevent me from getting too obsessive over a mission. She had this incredible ability to talk me out of whatever reckless ideas I wanted to pursue (which is one of the reason I wanted to bring her along with me). Without Lucie, all I have to cling to are my missions, but when I had her, when she was with me… I felt like I had a place in the world. Without Lucie, I’m just another average mercenary, obsessed with the mission and with no place to call home.
A snappy, upbeat voice draws me out of my reminiscing and regret. “No, that couldn’t be you, Luxem! Baby girl, come here.” I feel a woman’s slim arms embrace me from behind and I jerk forward in surprise, breaking the hug. When I turn around, my eyes are drawn to a bright smile opening into a hearty laugh that prods my memory bank like a hand sifting through dry sand. I know this laugh, but who does it belong to? Whoever it is grabs my hand in a rough, calloused grip and pats the top of it with her own. “It’s been a long time, dear. I’m sorry I surprised you like that. Why don’t you come on over to my house and we can catch up.” I draw my hand back with a questioning look and glance around the sidewalk to see if anyone else is noticing the awkward interaction. I’m not used to being grabbed on the street and the close
interaction is making me uncomfortable. I know that at some point in time, I knew this woman, but she’s laying the pressure on thick for me to remember her, and I just don’t. Not remembering her though is making me even more uncomfortable, and how I’m feeling must finally be obvious on my face because the woman sighs and averts her eyes. I give her a small smile and shrug my shoulders, but she’s not looking at me anymore. “I can’t believe you don’t remember me, hon...It’s Morigan...Mori, remember?”
Mori glances at me as my jaw drops in shock. There’s no way. This is not Mori. I recover as fast as I can and pull her into a tight hug. “Oh my god, Mori. You look completely different. How was I supposed to recognize you?” I’m sure Mori think I’m just teasing her because of my light tone, but I’m actually being completely serious. I’m actually still not even sure this is Mori. Regardless, my nerves relax and I let out a happy chuckle. Our interactions up until this point now seem more hilarious than uncomfortable. Of all the people to potentially run into while I’m in Timberwood, Mori is my favorite one. She was Lucie and my neighbor in Timberwood after our parents became mercenaries. Mori would sometimes come over and babysit at our parents’ insistence even though I was always quick to pipe up about our mercenary training allowing us to take care of ourselves. Mori never took any offense to my outbursts and instead told me that I’d grow up to be a fine mercenary one day. I didn’t really mind her so much as a babysitter either, because the woman would come over to watch Lucie and I and within fifteen minutes, she’d be asleep on the couch. Lucie and I would always sneak out and meet up with Edric to pull pranks on our mercenary trainers after Mori passed out. The woman was like clockwork and the three of us had a schedule we’d follow to make sure Lucie and I would be back before Mori even knew we were gone.
Back then, she was overweight with long brunette frizz she’d coil in a bun on the top of her head and long dresses that hung past her knees. Mori was never a mercenary, but her husband was, and so when he and the other mercenaries would leave on missions, she’s take all of the mercenary district kids under wing and make sure we were fed and staying out of trouble. (The set up and hierarchies in Timberwood are much different than that of the Remnants.) Eventually, her husband passed, but the leaders still allowed her to remain in the mercenary district, as long as she continued her duties. Looking back, it’s honestly no wonder Mori was always falling asleep during the times she had to watch Lucie and I. Compared to some of the other kids she took care of, we were probably a walk in the park, and admittedly even Lucie and I were troublemakers at times.
To say Mori looks completely different now, though, is an understatement. She’s thin (actually probably more scrawny than thin) and blonde, in tight clothing that was too provocative compared to what Mori used to wear. I don’t care about people’s personal style, but Mori’s entire look is completely out of character for her. A tight, buckled corset? Thin pants with tall, lace up boots? At some point after I left, Mori gave herself a makeover and changed her entire look, and I’m confused at why she even felt a need to change in the first place. Not only was Mori usually worrying about bigger issues than style, but she’s never once given any thought to how she looked, not even when her husband was still alive. All Mori cared about was living life and loving all of her “babies” as she referred to us. It’s only been five years since I last saw her, and while I want to catch up and see what news I’ve missed while I’ve been away, another, bigger part, is dying to ask Mori what in the world she’s thinking. The new look isn’t good. It looks like Mori’s trying to make herself look good, but in reality she’s poor and starving and struggling to survive. What happened these five years?
“Oooh,” Mori tisks, happily returning the embrace I pulled her in to. “You’ve still got a little bit of teasing in you, don’t you? Where’s Lucie? Did she come back to visit too?” Mori looks around for Lucie as though I left her hiding behind some trash can. Lucie and Mori were always slightly closer than Mori and myself. I was much rowdier and aggressive while Lucie was gentle and delicate, and Mori always coddled Lucie and protected her from some of the bullies around the neighborhood. I was a fiercely protective older sister, but there were times Lucie and I had split up to pursue our own interests. That was where Mori came in, militia mom and Lucie’s self appointed protector.
I pause before responding. It’s probably better to lie about Lucie’s whereabouts. I don’t wan to crush Mori’s excitement, and it looks like she’s already been through enough. Mori loved Lucie like she was her own daughter, and I can’t come back after all these years, and tell her that the little girl that she worked so hard to protect is most likely dead. I can’t tell Mori that I’m the reason she’s not here standing beside me. That’s not how I want to return to Timberwood- with more tragedy and kidnappings under my belt. This is a situation where telling Mori the truth will only bring her pain, and she doesn’t deserve that. And more selfishly, I want to stroll back into Timberwood as a stronger woman than when I left. If I start talking about Lucie’s disappearance, it’s only going to stir up memories of my parents and before I know it, everyone will be whispering about my tragic life and misfortune that follows everyone involved in it. I wan to prove to all of them that I overcame the obstacles in my path, that tragedy didn’t hold me back. After my parents’ disappearances, when everyone offered their sympathies and condolences, I couldn’t stand any of it. Their disappearances made me weak, and Lucie’s made me even weaker...for a time. Now is my chance to be strong. It’s the only way I’m going to move forward.
“No, Lucie’s actually away on a mission right now, and since I currently don’t have one, I just thought maybe I’d come back to check out how things have been around here. It’s been too long.”
If Mori notices anything slightly off about my answer, she doesn’t dwell on it. Instead, she chooses to drag me along the red brick sidewalk toward the direction of (what I’m assuming is) her house. “Well then, it seems Lucie’s become just as fine a mercenary as you did, Luxem. I’m surprised you were able to let go of her! You were always so overprotective.”
This is killing me. I laugh uncomfortably and grit my teeth against the heartache Mori’s unintentionally reminding me of. “I know. It was tough.” I let Mori lead me through Timberwood while pretending I just have an overwhelming curiosity to look around town. Hopefully, if it looks like I’m immersed in something else, Mori will drop our conversation about Lucie and let us walk in peace. I don’t think I can’t handle talking about her anymore without breaking down, and that will defeat everything I’ve been working so hard to portray.
Timberwood is actually a decently sized town, contrary to its nickname, “the village.” There are multi-story wooden homes painted in vibrant colors, their roofs high, and wide stone steps wrapping around the exterior. The majority of them are old Victorian homes that have been added to over the years, and now some of the buildings reach up past the trees. Walking along the sidewalk, I’m able to make out multiple wooden signs for small businesses, each one done up in its own unique style of calligraphy. You can tell what kinds of people own which business based on the calligraphy drawn on to their sign. While the Remnants had their aristocracy class, Timberwood has its business owners- a class all their own. Within Timberwood, there are multiple communities that operate independently from the rest, making the town feel smaller (hence the nickname). I always forget the name of the militia in charge of Timberwood, even though my parents did work for them. I think it’s something like Titania- due to its titan size. It’s one of the biggest militias around, but since each community is basically its own entity, Titania doesn’t have as much power as you’d think for its size.
I stroll along the sidewalk surveying any changes that occurred in my absence while listening to Mori chatter away about the latest gossip in town. She isn’t as quiet as I was hoping she’d be for our walk, but hearing her voice in the background is actually letting me feel more at ease in my surroundings. Mori’s enthusiastic voice
is familiar and it’s helping me remember the fun times Lucie, Edric, and I had here as kids. Everything looks the same for the most part. The sidewalk is broken in most places, allowing grass and dandelions to shoot up through the cracks. Even though I don’t know most of the people milling about the roads, they still have that same familiar Timberwood look and twang. Nevertheless, there’s still something different about the current feel of the village. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but I definitely notice the change. The people seem gloomier, the sky more overcast, the trees more threatening. Timberwood has turned into a more ominous place in my absence. My observations are put on hold when Mori waves her hand in front of my face.
“Luxem, you still go off into your own little world, don’t you? You always were the most observant child I’d ever met,” Mori shakes her head and smiles as she bounds up the steps to a small, ratty shack stuffed between two crumbled buildings. It looks like some makeshift building that was shoved between two ruins sometime after the war. It definitely isn’t something that’s been standing for two decades. I doubt it’s even going to stay standing for one more.
“Wait, Mori, this is the impoverished district. I thought we were going to your house...” My confusion fills the silence between us, charging the air with enough discomfort to leave both of us squirming. Mori has trouble maintaining eye contact with me, and any time I try to hold her gaze, she quickly looks away. A slight redness covers her ruddy cheeks as Mori sighs. I feel like I said something I shouldn’t have and I wish that I would have looked at the expression on Mori’s face before I spoke out loud. She probably looked embarrassed before I even said anything. Now, she’s obviously feeling completely mortified.
Mori raises her baby blue eyes to mine and whispers, “I knew I’d have to tell you eventually, but now that the moment’s here, I just can’t bear it.” She shifts from foot to foot and scratches the back of her neck, avoiding my surprised gaze.