by Rosie Clarke
Drew reached out for her, drawing her into his arms. His kiss was gentle, hesitant and sweet. Beth trembled inside. She’d never felt this way before and was a little nervous, unsure of how to react. He drew back and looked at her, a tender smile on his lips, aware of her innocence and uncertainty.
‘We won’t take things too fast, darling. I think I’m falling in love with you and I hope you feel the same way?’ She nodded, feeling too shy to say anything for the moment. ‘This isn’t just a fling. I want to know you better, Beth, and one day soon, when we’re both sure, I should like us to talk about marriage.’
‘Oh Drew…’ Beth’s face lit up and for a moment she was beautiful. ‘I didn’t dare to hope you might feel the same way about me, though I’ve felt it for a few days now. I’m not pretty or clever or anything.’
‘You’re special to me. I think you’re lovely, intelligent and warm – all the things I want from my girl. Promise me you will write to me? I can’t let my mother down, and it’s too soon to throw you into the lions’ den, but I’ll ring you as often as I can – and perhaps you can meet me in London for a weekend. We’ll spend my next leave together.’
‘Yes, that would be wonderful,’ Beth said, hugging her pleasure to herself. ‘I’ve been thinking of joining one of the women’s services, doing something useful. Only I have to talk to Annabel first. She’s so pleased to have me at the hotel and I feel I shall be letting her down.’
‘I like Annabel,’ Drew said and ran a finger down her cheek. ‘She isn’t really your family, though, is she? You don’t have to listen to her, even though I know she thinks of you as family. Talk to her, Beth; tell her how you feel. I’m sure she will understand. Now – what do you want to do for our last night? Go to the pictures or for a meal?’
Beth dismissed the faint prickle of unease at the back of her neck. Of course Annabel wasn’t a relative, but she’d been so generous and kind to Beth, it would be awful to just disregard her feelings and she didn’t like the way Drew had just dismissed her out of hand, as if she didn’t matter. Yet she understood that he was upset because they were parting too quickly and put her fears to one side, because it was exciting and thrilling to be with him.
‘We could go to the pictures and cuddle in the back row,’ Beth said and then smiled at him. ‘But why don’t we go into Torquay, have a walk along the cliffs and then have a drink and a sandwich at the pub? We don’t want to waste a moment; time is too precious tonight.’
‘That’s a wonderful idea,’ he agreed. ‘We should be able to find a secluded spot for a few kisses, don’t you think?’
‘Yes, that’s exactly what I thought.’ She gurgled with laughter, the happiness bubbling inside her as he gave her a broad grin. Drew was so nice! He made her feel warm and secure and cared for. She couldn’t believe she’d been lucky enough to meet him and that the feeling between them had been mutual from the start.
Beth had always been a little sceptical about love at first sight, thinking it something that happened only in books or at the pictures, but she’d changed her mind these past few days. It could happen and it did, and it had happened to her.
*
Arthur was sitting in his favourite chair by the window in the front parlour as Georgie wheeled her bicycle round to the back porch of what she affectionately called The Manor, though really it was just a lovely country home. She was a little late coming back from the meeting at the church hall that evening and her husband would be wondering where she had got to. Georgie hadn’t really wanted to go and leave him on his own, but she’d felt obliged.
The local women had wanted to know what they could do to help the war effort and the vicar had organised the meeting to set up a committee. There had been all kinds of suggestions as to what they might do, from knitting socks for the troops to hospital visiting when the wounded started to come home, though for the moment everything seemed to be in limbo. Nothing much was happening yet. Young men were signing up all the time, of course, and children were being evacuated to the country, but otherwise it was all happening abroad and the war still seemed distant. That was a good thing, of course, and Georgie lived in dread of what was to come, but the waiting was bad enough in itself.
She took off her jacket in the hall and went into the sitting room, noticing that the fire she’d lit earlier had almost gone out. Arthur hadn’t noticed as usual; he was probably asleep in his chair.
‘I thought they would never stop talking,’ she said and went over to put a log on the fire. ‘Shall I pop the kettle on – or would you rather have a cup of hot milk and brandy?’
Arthur didn’t answer. Georgie turned to look at him, feeling a sudden chill at the nape of her neck. He was sitting very still – too still. She knew before she touched him that he had gone. His eyes were closed. He seemed to be asleep. Very peaceful. Perhaps that was all death was, she thought, a final sleep from which one didn’t wake. Pain coursed through her, the pain of loss and frustration.
She felt the sting of tears but blinked them away, feeling a spurt of anger suddenly. Why did it have to happen while she was at that wretched meeting? She hadn’t wanted to leave him alone that evening, but he’d insisted.
‘You should go,’ he’d told her. ‘You haven’t been out much for ages. It will do you good, old girl. I’ll be fine here. I’ve got the radio and my paper if I want it. I’ll just sit quietly by the window and watch for you to come home.’ He was so reasonable, calm and determined, just as he’d been all their lives. People thought she was the driving force, but Arthur had a way of getting what he wanted without ever raising his voice. He’d wanted her to go and so she did.
She’d seen him sitting there as she cycled up the drive, but she’d thought he was asleep. His death wasn’t unexpected, but it was a shock just the same. A part of her was angry with him for leaving so abruptly, but there was also sharp grief, because she had loved him, even if their marriage hadn’t been all that he’d wanted from her. There were so many things left unsaid between them. She had waited for the right moment, but she’d waited too long.
‘I did love you,’ she said fiercely. ‘Not in the way you wanted perhaps, but as much as I could. Oh, damn you, Arthur! Why did you ask me to marry you? You knew I could only give you second best. If you hadn’t asked I wouldn’t have made you unhappy – and I never meant to do that. You must have known I tried my best.’
But that was probably what had hurt him, she thought, the fact that she’d had to try. She had never been spontaneous in bed, always responding out of duty rather than love, lying there afterwards feeling empty because it meant nothing to her – and Arthur had known. Of course he’d known. He wasn’t a fool! He was a loving, gentle man and she hadn’t deserved him. Yet they’d had their good times, times of laughter and shared joy when their son was born, and all the small everyday pleasures that she’d taken for granted – that she had imagined were enough for him.
‘Arthur, I was happy, so were you – don’t make me feel guilty like this…’
It hurt too much to look at him sitting there, quiet and decent and kind, just as he’d been in life, and somehow mildly accusing.
‘You always knew. I was honest with you from the start.’
But she shouldn’t have married him. She’d known that on their wedding night, but by then it was too late.
She went out into the hall to make some phone calls. Later, the tears would come and the grief. For now, there were things she had to do – the last she would ever be able to do for him.
*
Beth came downstairs with a smile on her face. She was remembering the last kiss Drew had given her, more passionate than any before it, his arms lingering around her before he could bring himself to leave.
‘I’ll phone you from home,’ he promised. ‘I want you to remember tonight, Beth. We’re going to have many more nights like this, I promise you.’
Annabel was just coming from her private sitting room as Beth reached the main reception area, her face wearing a
n anxious frown.
‘I was going to come up and find you,’ she said. ‘I need to talk to you for a moment – in the office. It’s private.’
Beth wondered at her expression and her tone. Had she displeased Annabel in some way? She stood silently just inside the office door, waiting.
‘I’ve just had Georgie on the phone,’ Annabel said. ‘It’s bad news, I’m afraid. Arthur died last night and, naturally, she is devastated. She has asked if I will go up to Yorkshire and stay for a while, and I’ve said yes – but we’re a bit short-handed because some of the girls have gone off to do war work. Shirley gave notice this morning and you know Valerie went yesterday. Would you hold the fort for me, Beth? I know you would have liked to go up to Georgie’s yourself, but we can’t both leave at once. Especially with Paul in America. He has business contacts over there and needs to visit every now and then. It wouldn’t be as bad if he was here, but things are difficult at the moment.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Beth said because she couldn’t possibly refuse. She would have liked to see Georgie herself, but she knew that at a time like this she would need Annabel. They had been friends for years and understood each other well. ‘You go and don’t give the hotel a thought. I can manage until Paul gets home.’
‘I expect him next weekend,’ Annabel said. ‘He might be delayed for a day or so if it’s difficult to get transport, but he telephoned last night and said he would try to be here by the weekend at the latest.’
‘Paul usually does what he says.’
‘Yes…’ Annabel looked at her thoughtfully. ‘How did you get on last night, Beth? Did you have a good time?’
‘Yes, yes, I did,’ Beth replied, a faint colour in her cheeks. She didn’t want to share her secret just yet. ‘Drew has to spend the last few days of his leave with his family, but we’re going to see each other again when he has leave and he’s asked me to write to him.’
‘That’s nice for you.’ Annabel nodded her approval. ‘I liked him very much, Beth. He’s a thoroughly decent young man.’
‘Yes, he is.’ Beth felt a warm glow inside. Annabel would be delighted if she knew the whole story, but Beth wasn’t ready to share her feelings just yet. ‘When are you leaving?’
‘I’ve arranged for a taxi in half an hour, which gives me plenty of time to catch my train. I shall have to change in London, of course, but I should be there by this evening. Georgie sounded pretty desperate…’ Annabel’s eyes clouded. ‘I don’t like pushing all this extra responsibility on you, Beth, but I can’t let her down.’
‘No, of course you can’t. Just tell me anything you think I ought to know and then go.’
‘Thank you.’ Annabel smiled gratefully. She hesitated, then, ‘You mustn’t think you’re tied here, Beth. You’re young and I shall understand if you want to stretch your wings a bit – but I’m very grateful for what you’re doing now.’
‘You’ve done an awful lot more for me,’ Beth said, shamed as she recalled the way she had been chaffing at the bit recently. ‘But now that you’ve mentioned it – I was thinking I might try to do something for the war effort.’
‘Yes, I think you should,’ Annabel agreed. ‘Right, now I’m going to pack. You’ll find a list of new guests on my desk, but it’s all straightforward, and they are all people who have been before. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble.’
‘Give my love to Georgie,’ Beth said and smiled, shaking off her guilt. There was nothing wrong in wanting a little freedom, and she was suddenly sure that Annabel would understand when she came to tell her that she’d made up her mind to join one of the women’s services.
*
Georgie was at the station to meet Annabel. She felt a surge of relief as soon as she saw her waving and smiling. She’d been feeling wretched since finding Arthur and needed a friendly face, someone she could really talk to, let down her hair as it were.
‘Georgie darling,’ Annabel said and, dropping her suitcase, hugged her. ‘How perfectly awful for you to find him like that.’
‘It was horrible,’ Georgie admitted. Her eyes felt gritty with tiredness. She hadn’t slept much at all the previous night and she felt heavy, exhausted. ‘I didn’t want to go to the stupid meeting in the first place, but he insisted. I feel cheated, Annabel, as if he slipped out the back door when I wasn’t looking. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.’
‘I know it must seem like that,’ Annabel sympathised. ‘Why do things always have to happen that way? It doesn’t seem fair and yet it doesn’t really make any difference, Georgie. It isn’t as if you weren’t expecting it to happen.’
‘Yes, but not yet. I thought we had a little more time – but we didn’t and I can’t go back, so there’s no point in being silly is there?’ She led the way to the car, making a determined effort to pull herself together. ‘You said Beth has a boyfriend at last – what is he like?’
‘Very nice.’ Annabel slid into the passenger seat. ‘I liked him. Very suitable for a girl like Beth. And he seemed fond of her. She says he’s asked her to write and they’re going to see each other next time he’s on leave.’
‘That sounds promising,’ Georgie said. ‘She’s such a private girl. I’ve wondered how much she was affected by her mother’s murder. It was a terrible thing to have to tell a nine-year-old child.’
‘Yes, it was,’ Annabel said and her eyes were dark with memories she would rather forget. ‘I’ve never told her that I think Richard was responsible and I don’t suppose I ever shall.’ How could she tell Beth that her first husband had probably murdered Beth’s mother? Impossible!
‘No point in raking over old hurts,’ Georgie said as she started the car, scrunching the gears as she let the brake go. ‘It wasn’t your fault Richard was a brute. You left him because of it and he got his comeuppance in the end.’
‘Yes, he did,’ Annabel agreed, giving a little shiver as she thought briefly of her first husband. Richard’s attempt to murder her had led to a fight between him and Paul, which ended in Richard being knocked unconscious. His subsequent death was first suspected as murder until it was discovered that he suffered from a terminal disease. ‘I could forgive him for what he did to me – but not for Alice’s murder. No, I can never forgive that. I know you are right about Beth. She was always a serious child, but I think the shadow of her mother’s murder has hung over her ever since then. And there’s something else. She knows her father wouldn’t marry her mother and I’ve thought that might be the reason she didn’t seem to want much to do with men. However, she certainly likes Drew and I’ve every hope that it may develop into a serious relationship. There was a dreamy look in her eyes this morning.’
‘And then you had to tell her about Arthur. That would have upset her. I know she was fond of him. He always used to say what a delightful girl she was…’ Georgie’s voice caught with tears. ‘Damn it! I’ve made up my mind not to be a watering pot, Belle. It’s ridiculous. We weren’t sweethearts, just good companions.’
‘You had a wonderful relationship,’ Annabel told her. ‘I know a lot of married couples who would give anything to be as comfortable and happy together as you two were.’
‘If only I could believe that!’
‘What do you mean?’ Annabel glanced at her. ‘Arthur told me several times that he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have got you.’
‘On the rebound,’ Georgie said. ‘He said that to me only a few days ago – that he knew he’d got me on the rebound and that I’d never been in love with him.’
‘He knew that from the start, but he was content to have what you could give him, Georgie – and from what I could see from the outside that was an awful lot.’
‘But it wasn’t enough,’ Georgie told her. ‘I thought it was until the other day and then I realised that I’d hurt him in some way…’
‘You mustn’t torture yourself like this,’ Annabel told her. ‘I’m sure Arthur didn’t mean it that way. He was probably just thinking that you’d sacrificed you
r life for him, because of his ill health. I mean things have been difficult the last year or so, haven’t they?’
‘He hasn’t been able to do much,’ Georgie admitted. ‘He couldn’t take me dancing or walking – or do any of the things that he liked to do with Geoffrey.’
‘There you are then. I expect he was telling you that he was sorry he hadn’t been a better husband, and you took it the wrong way.’
‘Perhaps…’ Georgie looked doubtful. ‘I’ve been feeling awful about it ever since he said it, but you’ve made me feel easier. He might have been saying sorry, I suppose…’
‘Whatever he meant, you can’t change things,’ Annabel said. ‘Arthur knew when you married that you weren’t in love with him and he had no right to feel cheated if that’s what he got. Besides, you did love him. Anyone could see that. You’ve been a good mother and a loving wife.’
‘We both love Geoffrey and I did love Arthur,’ Georgie agreed. ‘And I miss him like hell – but I wasn’t in love. It was never quite what it ought to be in bed…’
‘There are thousands of marriages like that,’ Annabel said, ‘and a lot of them start out thinking it’s all going to be roses, but it just doesn’t work out the way they hoped. At least Arthur didn’t hurt you the way Richard did me when we were married.’
‘But you and Paul are good together – aren’t you?’
‘Yes, we are. I’m lucky. But I know a lot of others who aren’t, so don’t let that bother you. You and Arthur had a good marriage in every other way and most people would settle for that.’
‘I had settled for it,’ Georgie admitted. ‘That’s why it upset me so much to realise it wasn’t enough for him – but as you said, there’s nothing I can do now and I did try to be a good wife.’
‘You were a good wife,’ Annabel said. ‘You are the last person who needs to feel guilty.’
‘I’m so glad you’re here.’ Georgie smiled at her. ‘You make me feel very much better.’
‘That’s what friends are for.’