Hetty's Secret War

by Rosie Clarke

  Beth smiled. Annabel would say that even if the child had screamed the whole time she was out.

  ‘I’ll pop up and see her. I bought her a teddy bear. It was sitting there looking forlorn on the shelf and I couldn’t resist it.’

  Beth was thoughtful as she ran upstairs. She’d begun to believe that Arnold would never come to visit, that he had forgotten her.

  Jack Dawson had asked her to think about marrying him, but Beth had asked for time to consider. She was over her tearing grief now. It still hurt to remember Drew and she was still angry when she thought of all she’d lost, but she knew she had to move on.

  She was young and she didn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life. Jack Dawson was nice, but she wasn’t in love with him. She wasn’t sure she would ever love anyone else as she had loved Drew, but that didn’t mean she had to be alone.

  A lot of girls she knew had married for reasons other than love. She knew Annabel approved of Jack. He seemed to care for her, but Beth wasn’t sure, and that was why he was going home this weekend. She needed time to think things over. Beth suspected that Georgie hadn’t been truly happy married to Arthur, and she wouldn’t want to make the same mistake. She had a home with Annabel for as long as she wished, and her child – and rushing into marriage was not a priority. Many widows remarried just for a home and security, but Beth wouldn’t do that.

  But now Arnold was coming to visit. Beth had almost forgotten how much she’d enjoyed working with him. Her time in London seemed like another life. She was vaguely disturbed by the idea of seeing Arnold again.

  He had been so good to her when she was having Elaine, but then he’d gone back to London, and apart from one visit in the summer and cards at Christmas, he appeared to have forgotten her.

  *

  ‘You look really well, Beth,’ Arnold said as he handed her flowers and a huge pink toy dog. ‘Living in the country must suit you.’

  ‘Yes, perhaps. I’ve put on weight. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.’

  It was so good to see him! Beth couldn’t help smiling. She felt better than she had in months.

  ‘You were a mere scrap of a girl when you came to work for me,’ Arnold said. ‘I think you look lovely the way you are.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Beth said and made a mental note to stop eating Annabel’s cakes and pastries. ‘You look tired. I think you’ve been working too hard.’

  ‘Things don’t get any easier,’ Arnold said and sighed. ‘You’re right, I am tired and I needed a break. That’s why I decided to come down for the weekend to see you and Elaine.’

  ‘Well, you know we love to see you,’ Beth said. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed being with Arnold and seeing him look so tired touched something inside her. She felt a foolish desire to reach out and stroke his hair, to kiss him… Her cheeks went pink just thinking about it. Thank goodness he couldn’t read her mind. He would think she was mad! ‘I’ve been remembering how much fun it was working with you.’

  ‘You wouldn’t find it much fun these days.’ Arnold pulled a face. ‘My last secretary left in tears because she said I was a bad-tempered bear. I’ve got a man now and he is so slow taking dictation that I find it easier to write it all out in longhand and let him type it up for me – and the last driver I had nearly got us killed. Went right past an open gas main with at least three men waving red flags at her. I do miss you, Beth.’

  ‘Perhaps I could find a nurse for Elaine and come back to work for you,’ Beth said, a wistful note in her voice.

  ‘I would have you like a shot, but it’s against the rules,’ Arnold said and glanced at the child, who was waving a chubby fist at him. ‘Besides, you can’t neglect this little darling. Children come first.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Beth laughed. ‘I was just thinking how much I miss seeing you, that’s all.’

  ‘Do you really?’ Arnold looked surprised. ‘I thought you would have forgotten all about me by now.’

  ‘We all thought you had forgotten us.’

  There was a faint challenge in her eyes.

  His steady gaze met hers and her heart started to hammer against her ribs. He was a very attractive man. Why hadn’t she realised it before – or had she, deep down inside? Was that why she had enjoyed being with him so much, because she was attracted to him as more than just a friend? ‘Are you sure you had time to think about me at all? I understood you had a new boyfriend.’

  ‘You mean Drew’s friend,’ Beth said and frowned. ‘Jack has visited me several times. I like him and he tells me things about Drew – but I’m not in love with him. I suppose I might marry him one day, because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.’

  Beth wasn’t sure why she’d said that, because the moment she did she knew it wasn’t true. She was never going to marry Jack. It would be the biggest mistake of her life, because she didn’t feel excited when she was with him – the way she felt now looking at Arnold, alive and tingling, almost breathless.

  ‘Would you really marry for that reason?’

  Beth met his searching look, warmth spreading through her body as she saw something that she had never expected to find in those steady eyes, her mouth a little dry, pulse racing.

  ‘I might if I liked and respected someone,’ she said, a secret smile touching the corners of her mouth as she began to know herself, know her own heart and what she wanted of life. Her confidence was growing with every moment she spent with him. ‘Especially if I enjoyed being with him, found it exciting to talk about his work and to help him as much as I could – if I missed him when he didn’t visit me for months on end.’

  Arnold’s eyes twinkled with the mischief she had missed so much. ‘Are you trying to proposition me, Beth?’

  She realised that she was doing just that, and that it was exactly what she wanted. She seemed to have changed all at once, to have sloughed off the old uncertainty and emerged from the chrysalis with bright and shining wings. What had happened to the shy, tongue-tied girl she had been when she first went to London? Somewhere along the way she had got lost and there was a different person in her place – a woman, not a girl.

  ‘I might be. Would I stand a chance if I did?’

  ‘Well, you just might. You see, I’m looking for a secretary who doesn’t mind working at odd hours at home, a pretty, intelligent woman who could drive me about sometimes and make me laugh when I’m feeling tired and harassed.’

  ‘What if she had a child who sometimes cries at night?’

  ‘I dare say I could put up with that,’ Arnold said. ‘Do you think this woman could take dictation and nurse a baby at the same time?’

  ‘No, but she might manage to do it when the baby was asleep.’

  ‘What about love?’

  ‘I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel the same way as I did about Drew at the start,’ Beth admitted truthfully. ‘But then, I don’t want to. I want a happy marriage based on affection and respect – and a genuine liking, a strong feeling of attraction and pleasure in that person’s company. I want someone who will look after me but not smother me, someone who will share my interests and let me share his on an equal footing, someone that won’t treat me as a child but as his partner. Is that stupid of me, Arnold? Should I be looking for something different?’

  ‘I think that sounds a very good basis for marriage,’ he said. ‘I’ve had a first love too, Beth, and what I feel for you is different, but that doesn’t make it any less worth having. I have been thinking about this for months, but I was afraid to speak because I know I’m a bit old for you and I wasn’t sure how you would feel about marrying again.’

  ‘I want a normal married life, and more children,’ Beth said. ‘I don’t want Elaine to be an only child the way I was – but that isn’t my only reason for wanting to marry you, Arnold. Even when I was married to Drew, I loved working with you. I find talking to you interesting and it makes me feel alive when I’m with you. I’ve been stagnating here in the country and I want to come back to
London and be with you.’

  ‘Are you quite sure, my dearest girl?’ Arnold held out his hands to her. ‘I don’t want to take advantage of you. Perhaps you should wait for a while, make sure that you know what you’re doing?’

  But Beth did know. She had never been surer of anything in her life. Suddenly it was clear to her, an open book, the book of life, just waiting for her to write on the clean blank pages of her future – a future she had already begun to plan in her mind.

  ‘I have to visit Drew’s parents, and I have to do it alone, Arnold. Then I’m going to come up to London for a visit. I’ll stay in a hotel or something, or with you if you’ll have me. If we both feel the same way in say – three months – we’ll announce it to our friends and get married in the summer. Besides, Jack asked me to marry him, and I can’t marry someone else the next week. It would seem unkind. I shall tell him no when I see him, and then we’ll make our plans – if that’s what you want too?’ She laughed, realising that she was taking a great deal for granted.

  ‘An excellent idea,’ Arnold said, surprised but pleased at the change in her. He had fallen in love with a girl who needed taking care of, but he was going to enjoy getting to know the woman who had blossomed in her place. ‘I shall need time to get my affairs in order. My apartment is fine for me and for you to stay for a few nights, but it wouldn’t do for a family. We need a house and I shall want to get it ready. July seems a good time. After all, if I’ve waited this long, I can wait a bit longer.’

  ‘Oh, Arnold,’ Beth said and hugged him impulsively. She was surprised and then pleased when his arms tightened about her. Gazing up into his eyes, she saw passion and hunger, and an answering thrill of need went through her. ‘It won’t be long before I come up to stay. I’m going to visit Lady Bryant next week and make my peace with them. I should have gone ages ago, but I kept putting it off. I think I’ve grown up at last, Arnold. I shan’t be afraid of them this time.’

  ‘Don’t grow up too much,’ he said. ‘I love you just as you are.’

  And then he bent his head and kissed her.

  *

  ‘Beth has gone to stay with Drew’s family,’ Annabel said when Georgie came to visit the next week. ‘Something has happened to change her – and I think it has to do with Arnold’s visit. She has been walking around looking like the cat that got the cream ever since.’

  ‘Arnold?’ Georgie smiled. ‘You thought it was likely to be that friend of Drew’s, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes and no,’ Annabel said. ‘I liked him, but perhaps he was a little young for Beth.’

  ‘But he’s older than she is!’

  ‘That means nothing, as you very well know. Beth has always been mature for her age, and my one fear with Drew was that in time she would grow out of him. I liked him and I know she loved him, but I never did think he was quite right for her. She was still a girl then, but she isn’t any more. She is a very confident young woman and I couldn’t be more pleased about it.’

  ‘But you were thrilled when she married Drew!’ Georgie pointed out. ‘Why – if you didn’t think he was right for her?’

  ‘Because I wanted her to be happy. That’s all I want – and if she has chosen Arnold I shall be pleased. I think he will take care of her.’

  ‘And then you will have one less chick to fuss over.’

  ‘Speaking of which…’ Annabel fixed her with a look. ‘How are things going with the man in your life?’

  ‘Oh, Geoffrey is happy to be back at school. He enjoyed his holiday, but he gets on well…’ Georgie smiled as Annabel pulled a face at her. ‘You will just have to be patient for a bit longer. I made up my mind too quickly last time and I want this to be right.’

  ‘You’ve been so much happier since Philip came back into your life,’ Annabel said and gave her a look full of affection ‘Take as much time as you like, Georgie, but I have no doubt that everything will work out fine for you. You need someone to look after and Sarah needs a father figure.’

  ‘So that just leaves you one chick to fuss over, doesn’t it? What a pity she isn’t here.’

  ‘If you look at me like that I shan’t give you any of my special strawberry preserve to take home,’ Annabel threatened. ‘We had a wonderful crop last summer and I have enough left to give some away – so I thought you might like a jar or two? But if you’re going to mock me I might think again.’

  ‘Peace,’ Georgie said and laughed. ‘Yes, I would like some of your preserve. I’ve been asked to make some sponges for the Women’s Institute annual fete and the preserve will be marvellous as fillings.’

  ‘You’re always so busy, with your good causes and your ambulance driving,’ Annabel said. ‘You make me feel lazy.’

  ‘I’ve been used to it,’ Georgie said. ‘But next week I’ve been invited to a special dance in London. Philip is taking me. Jessie has offered to look after Sarah, so I shall have nothing at all to do for two whole days.’

  ‘You are in danger of having your whole moral fibre destroyed by such indulgence,’ Annabel said. ‘Good gracious. What are we coming to next?’

  Eleven

  Hetty looked around the big kitchen with satisfaction. It was very different now to the way she had found it all those months ago, just after the Germans had done their best to wreck it. The walls were freshly whitewashed, the dresser stripped of layers of paint down to a lovely wood finish and the shelves set with blue and white china. It was back to its former glory, but it had her stamp on it, her mark, reflecting her taste, her artist’s eye, in the colours and style.

  The china had been a special gift to her from Adele.

  ‘You may take whatever you need from the attics or the outhouses,’ she had told Hetty when she mentioned her intention of restoring the house. ‘But this china was one of my wedding presents and is precious to me. I want you to have it, Hetty. You have been like a daughter to me and I have no one else left that I care for. There is a distant cousin on my mother’s side but no one important. I do not know what will happen to the house when I am gone.’

  ‘I think Pierre has made arrangements with a lawyer in England.’

  Adele nodded, waving her hand wearily. ‘It no longer matters – but I want you to have that china, and anything else you need.’

  Hetty had brought the china here a week earlier and set it on the shelves, and the furniture was a mixture of what had been here and small pieces she had chosen with care from the chateau attics.

  She had made new curtains for the windows here and in the front parlour, and covered the old cushions with new bright material. The cooking pots were heavy and good quality and she had merely restored them to their original position over the fire.

  The destruction in the rest of the house had not been as ruthless as here, but she had made a few changes, putting things that she found ugly out in the sheds and bringing in new pieces that she liked. Some things she had bought in the market, and those particularly pleased her.

  She had made the house into a home that she would like to live in, Hetty realised, but of course it didn’t belong to her. It would be good for Stefan to find it like this when he came back, though, she thought and then sighed.

  She had heard that he was alive and working for the resistance in another part of the country, and it was unlikely they would meet until the war ended. Perhaps they would never meet again.

  She ought to get back to the chateau. Adele claimed she did not need her but she became restive if Hetty was gone too long.

  As she came out of the house, she saw a man looking at it and for a moment her heart caught with fright. Was it a German? Was it Stefan? And then he came towards her and she saw that it was Louis.

  ‘You are back,’ she said, going to meet him gladly. He seemed to have grown up in the past months, to look older, more serious. ‘Have you seen your grandfather?’

  ‘Yes…’ Louis nodded gloomily. ‘He threw me out of the house.’

  ‘But why? The Germans never came looking for you. I thi
nk you could come back now if you chose.’

  ‘I do not want to,’ Louis said and looked uncertain. ‘I was told you were here. I came to tell you something, but you may not believe me. Grand-père accused me of lying to him, that’s why he threw me out.’

  ‘What did you tell him?’ Hetty’s spine tingled as she looked into his eyes and read something that puzzled her. It was a kind of shame mixed with anger.

  Louis hesitated, then cleared his throat. ‘The traitor was Monsieur de Faubourg; that’s why the Germans have not come to the chateau – and he is not dead. That story of his being tortured and dying of a beating was false, meant to deceive us into thinking him a hero. They let him go and he is believed to be in Switzerland.’

  ‘No!’ Hetty was stunned, disbelieving. ‘That’s not true, Louis. It can’t be. Pierre hated the Germans. He would never have betrayed his own people. His grandmother would have died of shame.’

  She remembered Pierre saying that he would rather die than surrender to the enemy – and then she remembered the way he had looked when he first came back from the hospital, defeated and weary. No, it couldn’t be true. Pierre couldn’t have sold out to the enemy he hated.

  ‘He told us that the nuns had cared for him when he lost his arm, but that was a lie. He was taken prisoner by the Germans and he made a pact with them – his own safety and the safety of the chateau in return for Stefan.’

  Hetty shook her head in denial, Pierre’s smiling face vivid in her mind. How could he have deceived them all so cruelly? It wasn’t possible. Surely it wasn’t true? And yet the sickness was curling in her stomach, rising in her throat. She didn’t want to believe what Louis was telling her, but it had all begun to make perfect sense. Pierre had been so insistent that she must go to the English lawyers, and she had sensed that he believed he was not coming back – a premonition of death, she’d thought. Now she realised that Pierre had been nervous and it was that nervousness that had communicated itself to her. He had known he wouldn’t be coming back. It was planned that way – because he had betrayed his comrades.