All Dwarf'ed Up (Dwarf Bounty Hunter Book 3)

by Martha Carr

  “Better run, boy,” Pete shouted to another round of gleeful old-timer laughter.

  Harry swatted his hand through the air and hobbled out of the trailer. The door clicked shut behind him, and the others continued to laugh until his crooked steps down the wooden stairs were muted by the gravel parking lot.

  The bounty hunter shook his head and dug into Darlene’s specially prepared meal with renewed vigor. Cures what ails me, huh? The woman’s a genius.

  Halfway through his meal, his phone buzzed in his back pocket. The call was from an unknown number, and he frowned at the screen.

  Arthur wiped one ramekin of tartar sauce clean with the last of his fried oysters and nodded. “You gonna answer that?”

  “You keepin’ tabs on my calls now too?”

  The man chuckled and shook his head.

  Johnny grinned and answered the call. “Who’s this?”

  “Johnny?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s Davie Malkenshire. Harry’s son—”

  The dwarf straightened on the barstool. “Sure. He said you’d be callin’.”

  “Good. I found those names you wanted. Is now a good time?”

  “Now’s fine.”

  The clack of typing came across the line. “All right. The first name was a bust. Ben Hamilton passed away July of 2017 from a combination stroke and heart attack.”

  He grimaced and dropped his fork onto the plate. “Okay.”

  “His wife Kay left the US for Denmark in 2018. She shipped off to play house with a new man, Kyle Jensen.”

  No way am I headin’ to Denmark to chat to that woman. She’s been through enough as it is. “And the daughter?”

  “Lucy Hamilton…yeah.” Davie cleared his throat. “She’s still in the US. She left Wisconsin six months after her mom moved and made her way across the country. Now, she owns some kind of…spiritual gift shop in Portland. It’s a successful business, it seems. I hear they’re big on that out there.”

  Johnny wrinkled his nose. “Thanks, Davie. Send me the address.”

  “Sure thing. Do you want me to look into the mother’s new boyfriend too? He’ll be easy enough to find.”

  “Naw, you gave me everythin’ I need.”

  “No problem. Hey, hold onto my number. It made Dad’s day to hear from you, but he got way too excited for his own good. It’s not your fault, of course. You didn’t know. Just for the future. Does that work for you?”

  “That’s fine. Tell him I said to get his ass to Florida. It’ll knock out that cough.”

  Davie chuckled. “That’s what I’ve tried to tell him. The man’s as stubborn as a bull.”

  “Might be we’ll have to team up. Thanks for the call.”

  “Anytime, Johnny.” The man hung up and he shoved his phone into his pocket. “Fucking Portland.”

  “What’s that now?” Arthur chewed his mouthful of coleslaw and looked at the dwarf with wide eyes.

  “I’d say things are lookin’ up, but it’s more like movin’ forward.” He retrieved his wallet to flip through the bills inside.

  “Don’t you dare.” Darlene scowled at him. “Unless you want to insult me today too.”

  He smirked at her, took a twenty from his wallet, and dropped it on the bar in front of Arthur. “Make sure you tip extra well today. Those oysters looked good.”

  The man chuckled and snatched the bill off the bar before Darlene could get her hands on it. “Don’t I always? Hey, do you mind if I—”

  “I ain’t gonna stop ya.” He slid off his stool, shoved the front door open, and headed down the stairs.

  Grinning, Arthur pulled the dwarf’s half-eaten meal down the bar and looked at Darlene. “Got an extra fork lyin’ around?”

  She scowled at him.

  “Oh, come on. We wouldn’t want Great-grandmama Alice to come after both of us, would we?”

  Chapter Eight

  “I can’t believe this.” Johnny chose a few changes of clothes from his closet and packed them into his black duffel bag with the silver skull and crossbones embroidered on the side. No means no. It oughtʼa stay that way. That girl simply had to end up in Portland, huh?

  Rex sat in the open doorway of the bedroom and watched his master move between the closet and the bed. “Whatcha doin’?”

  “Blowin’ off steam with somethin’ productive.”

  “Like hunting, Johnny?” Luther trotted down the hall toward them. “’Cause I saw this giant squirrel earlier—”

  “Fox,” Rex interrupted. “That was a fox.”

  “No, it was a squirrel. Didn’t you see its tail?”

  Rex stared at his master and licked his muzzle.

  Luther cocked his head. “Must’ve been something wrong with it, though. Squirrels don’t usually chase rabbits. So how ʼbout it, Johnny? Hunt for the giant squirrel?”

  “We’re goin’ huntin’ all right. Merely a different kind of animal.” The dwarf hauled his mostly empty duffel bag off the bed and strode through the doorway. Both hounds moved quickly out of the way and followed him into the workshop.

  “Yes!” Luther yipped excitedly. “I knew you’d be into that.”

  “He’s not talking about the giant squirrel, dummy. It’s probably something like that talking octopus.”

  “The swimming flamethrower?”

  Johnny shook his head and dropped the duffel bag onto the table before he packed his regular stash of modified weapons.

  Rex sniffed his master’s footsteps along the floor. “Hey, Johnny. Did you go out for food and not tell us?”

  “I told you exactly where I was goin’.”

  “So you brought us treats, right?” Luther sat beside the worktable and wagged his tail. “Frog legs? Pulled pork? Mashed potatoes?”

  “I bet he put some of those in his pockets for later,” Rex muttered.

  “Yeah, yeah. Best place to keep ʼem.”

  After fitting his utility belt with a full supply of black disks, the bounty hunter glanced around his workshop and searched for whatever else he thought he might need.

  “So where is it, huh?” Luther asked.

  “Hush.” He took his phone out and made a call to Agent Breyer. She answered after the second ring.

  “I gotta say, this is much sooner than I expected.”

  “I’ll do it.”

  “What?”

  Johnny retrieved the square black canvas case holding his portable rifle pieces and added it to the duffel bag. “The case. I’ll take it.”

  Lisa paused. “Have you been drinking again?”

  “Ain’t got nothin’ to do with it.”

  “Johnny…”

  He stopped packing to glare across the workshop and grunted. “No. I’m as dry as a bone.”

  “Okay, then. What made you change your mind?”

  “Call it a feelin’.”

  “That’s good enough for me. I’ll be there first thing in the morning.”

  “We gotta wait until tomorrow?”

  “Yep. That’s what it says on the tickets.”

  The dwarf scowled. You’re gettin’ a little too comfortable, Nelson. “Fine.” Before she could hang up, he added, “Lisa.”

  “Johnny.”

  “Did you mean it when you said you’d stick around and help with the Red Boar when I’m ready?”

  She paused. “I don’t make promises on a whim.”

  “I didn’t think so. Tell Nelson we’re going to Portland.” He hung up and dropped his phone on the table to finish loading his highly explosive gear into the duffel bag.

  Rex and Luther glanced at each other. “When he says we…”

  “He has to be talking about all of us. Right, Johnny?”

  “Johnny, you’re not gonna leave us here, are you?”

  “I’ve always wanted to go to Portland.”

  The dwarf stopped and looked at Luther. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “What?”

  Rex nipped playfully at his brother’s face. “You even kno
w where Portland is?”

  “Yeah. Somewhere in the middle.”

  After a soft snort, the other hound padded out of the workshop without another word.

  “So we’re comin’ too—right, Johnny?”

  Johnny zipped the bag quickly, turned to face the smaller hound, and frowned. “’Course you are. I reckon I’ll need someone to keep all the hipsters at bay.”

  “Got it. You can count on us, Johnny. We’ll chase ʼem all down. Maybe catch a few for fun.” Luther followed his master into the living room. “Wait—what’s a hipster?”

  “That’s how they say ‘hamster’ out there,” Rex muttered from where he’d curled in a tight ball on the rug. “Rodents.”

  The dwarf sat on the couch and snorted. “It’s close enough.”

  They caught the first flight to Portland International the next morning. The hounds had curled in their assigned first-class seats in front of Johnny and Lisa. Rex’s snores filled the cabin, accompanied by Luther’s short, soft yips and the jerk of his rear paws in his sleep.

  Johnny sniffed. He’s probably dreamin’ about chasin’ down hamsters. It’s fine with me.

  He adjusted himself in his seat and turned to one side, then the other. Still unable to settle, he flipped the armrests up, then down, and tried to stretch his feet out.

  Lisa darted him a sidelong glance and cleared her throat. “Are you okay?”

  “This damn seat feels like a saggy mattress.” He grimaced and shifted again. “For how much you pay for first-class, you’d think they’d put more work into checkin’ the seats.”

  “The Bureau paid for the tickets.”

  “Yeah, and I wanna get their money’s worth.” He grunted and finally slumped back and folded his arms. I wish this flight would hurry the hell up.

  She smirked and returned to the book she was reading on her tablet. “So. What did Amanda think of the new school?”

  “Oh, you too, huh?”

  “What?” She smiled at him in confusion.

  “Everyone and their damn mama wants to know ʼbout the kid and her new school.”

  “Well, it’s kind of important, right? I mean, she is—”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know.” She might as well be mine. “She’s fine and didn’t seem too upset to be livin’ on a base with a horde of kids her age.”

  Lisa squinted at him. “You mean a campus?”

  “No, I mean a base. That place ain’t teachin’ ʼem American History or music class for the off-pitch teenager or…that common crap that passes for math these days.”

  “It’s still a school.”

  “Uh-huh.” He folded his arms and stared at the back of the seat in front of him, which jiggled as Luther’s hamster-chasing dream continued. “The kid reckons she’ll come out of it better’n me.”

  Lisa laughed and covered her mouth quickly.

  The dwarf tried not to smile, but it didn’t quite work. “Do you believe that?”

  “If it was anyone else but Amanda, I wouldn’t. It sounds like you both made the right decision.”

  “Yeah, it looks that way.”

  “And now you can focus on this next case. Nelson thought it was a good one to get you back into—”

  “Nelson said, huh?” Johnny shook his head. “That balding sack of walking dogfood still thinks he can keep up. Like he knows what will get me anythin’ after fifteen years of actin’ like I fell off the face of the Earth.”

  “Johnny, that’s essentially what you did.”

  “Huh.” He sniffed and glanced at her tablet. “Why did he come to you first with this case, huh? That’s what I wanna know.”

  Lisa tried to hide her smile as the bounty hunter scowled at her. “I didn’t think you cared about who saw the new cases first.”

  “I don’t.” He shifted in his seat again. “But it don’t make sense. Unless the two of y’all have been stayin’ at the same hotel for the last month, I don’t see the reasonin’ behind it.”

  With a slow sigh to gather her patience, she skimmed the faces of the other first-class passengers across the aisle. “Well, to start, I’m the one who works with the Bounty Hunter Division.”

  “Uh-huh. And he’s my liaison.” Johnny sniffed. “He has been since he took over from that dipshit McMayard thirty years ago. Nelson ain’t much better, but improvement’s still improvement. So that’s thirty years he and I been workin’ together with many other agents in the Division tryin’ to check in on me. You’re the only one who gets to see this shit before I do. What gives?”

  “Johnny, I’m your partner.”

  He rolled his eyes and stared at the back of Luther’s seat again. “We ain’t decided on that, darlin’.”

  “No, it’s decided. You merely haven’t said it out loud yet.”

  ’Cause sayin’ a thing out loud means I can’t take it back. He turned slowly to meet her gaze. “Why did he come to you first?”

  Lisa shrugged. “I think he wanted my opinion on whether or not you’d take this case.”

  “You said he thought it would be good for me.”

  “Yeah. And he wanted my take.”

  “Look, darlin’. We both know you’re runnin’ yourself ʼround in circles and ain’t throwin’ all the cards on the table. Quit holdin’ back.”

  They stared at each other for a moment before she finally sighed and leaned back in her seat. “Okay, fine. Tommy was told to bring the case to me first and ask if I thought it was something you’d want.”

  “So the Department’s tryin’ to keep their eyes on me.”

  “Well, yeah. Johnny, you made some serious waves at the Monsters Ball in New York. After what we had to do to get Amanda out of there and after what we saw… That’s part of the reason I haven’t been reassigned out of Florida and why I’m here with you, so we can keep working together. I think the Department wants to keep closer tabs on your wellbeing.”

  “My wellbeing.” He scoffed. “What is that shit? They think a few heavy-hitters in organized crime are gonna screw up my whole view of the world? Trust me, darlin’. I already been there and my view can’t get any more skewed against the system than it already is.”

  Lisa closed her eyes. “I meant because of why you agreed to take that case. And who you found in that penthouse.”

  The armrest creaked when his hold tightened around it. “They know ʼbout that?”

  “They know why you were more likely to pick up a case that involved a twelve-year-old girl losing her entire family and being kidnapped all in the same night.”

  “And the other thing?” If those fuckers know I found the Red Boar, they’ll have to kill me to stop me.

  She shook her head. “Not as far as I know. And if they are aware, they didn’t hear it from me.”

  “So they sent you out to pull the kid out of that shit situation and…what? Now they want you makin’ reports on me?”

  “No…”

  The hesitation in her voice made Johnny straighten instinctively. “Goddammit.”

  “Johnny, the only reports I make are the ones the Bureau wants to see. They have their doubts but they don’t want those doubts confirmed or they lose one of their best bounty hunters. Again.”

  “And now you’re reportin’ that ol’ Johnny’s merely a big puddle o’ sunshine and rainbows and puppies, huh?”

  Lisa glanced at him in exasperation. “I’m good at my job—especially when it comes to knowing what information to share, what to hold back, and what to not make look like a joke.”

  To avoid answering immediately, he ran his tongue along his upper teeth. “I ain’t sayin’ you don’t know how to do your job.”

  “Then stop implying it.”

  “Fine.” He studied the wobbling back of Luther’s chair and felt Agent Breyer’s unmoving gaze on him. I’m diggin’ a hole for myself on this one. “Sorry.”

  Her eyes widened briefly before she returned her attention to her tablet. “Thank you.”

  “Why did they wanna know if you thought I’d take th
e case?”

  Lisa shrugged. “They thought you’d laugh at them and refuse to be sent on a ghost-hunting party.”

  “What the fuck?” It burst out of his mouth without any volume filter whatsoever.

  Luther snorted and whipped his head up. “I got it. I got it! Hamster won’t get away from…me…” The hound’s head settled wearily on the seat and he went back to sleep.

  Johnny glared at Agent Breyer. “Are you tellin’ me we’re flyin’ across the country for a goddamn ghost?”

  “Keep your voice down, huh?” She glanced at the other first-class passengers who darted them dirty looks and gave them an apologetic, it’s-under-control smile. “You don’t want to start something on a plane while we’re halfway to Portland.”

  “Who cares? I’ll buy the damn plane. What ghost?”

  She frowned at him, studied his face in silence for a moment, then sighed. “You didn’t read the file, did you?”

  He returned her stare.

  “Oh, come on.” Lisa slumped in her seat. “If you didn’t even look at it, why did you say yes?”

  “I’ll tell you when we get there.”

  The woman shook her head, returned her attention to her tablet, and closed her book before she swiped through to find something else. “Here.”

  She handed him the tablet, and after he’d stared at her for a long moment with a dubious frown, he took it. “What’s this?”

  “That’s the case, Johnny.”

  “If you had this case on your fancy…whatever-pad, why the hell did you and Nelson come all the way to my place to drop a file off?”

  Lisa shrugged and stared at the tablet. “It’s not exactly a secret that you don’t do mainstream tech so we make you hard copies.”

  “Uh-huh. To be clear, that’s ’cause I don’t trust anythin’ I ain’t made myself.”

  “No, I know.” She pressed her lips together to fight back a laugh. “Fancy whatever-pads still have numerous bugs to work out.”

  “Are you tryin’ to start somethin’, Agent Breyer?”

  “Read the damn file.” She pointed at the tablet and covered her smirk with a hand.

  Johnny grumbled and studied the frame of the device with a frown. “It doesn’t have any buttons.”