“Why did you then? Go, I mean?” I reply softly. All confidence has disappeared as I feel like I’m exposing myself to him. Trying to stop the tears that are threatening, I shift back into the sofa a bit more and move further from him. He smiles and reaches out for my hand. I look down at it warily and scowl a bit.
“Don’t run from me, Elizabeth. I know I screwed up and you’re hurt but I hate myself for it and I just want to prove how much you mean to me,” he says as he watches me. “I told you once on this sofa that I didn’t do relationships, well now I want one, very much, with you if you’ll have me.”
His mouth is mesmerizing as I watch it form around the words I’ve longed to hear from him. The small smile that’s breaking across those long and very kissable lips makes my mouth water as I feel the words swelling inside me. He wants me. He wants me to give him another chance and try again. Can I? Do I trust him?
I look up into those icy blue eyes and see the warmth coming from them that no one else sees. He means what he’s saying. I know that. I can feel it, but for how long?
“Touch me, Elizabeth, and tell me you don’t feel the same,” he continues as he holds his hand out. “I won’t touch you again unless you ask me for it. I don’t deserve you and I know that.”
God, I want to touch him so much I’m aching. The thought that I could be in his arms again in seconds is so consuming that I don’t think I’ve got the will power to say no. Every inch of me is begging my mind to let go and give him my all again. I can feel the moment my brain gives in and it’s like a lightning bolt of reaction rushing through me. My fingers tingle to move towards his hands and as I slowly extend my hand to him, I know I can’t be without him, that I can’t take the chance of not trying again.
Those first few seconds of touch are like a summer meadow and a steam train colliding at the same time, and as I watch his fingers entwine with mine, I feel like I’m home. The warmth is soothing and electrifying at the same time and I’m instantly lost in him again. He pulls me towards him with such force that I whimper at the memory of his hold on me. His strong hands grab at my body in familiar places that feel so natural and he pulls me onto his lap with ease.
His fingers glide their way up my ribs and into my hair as he tilts my head to the side roughly and kisses my neck with a passion I’ve not felt before from him. I feel my hands wrapping into his hair as I tug at it and push his mouth deeper into my neck. I’m suddenly desperate for him and also bloody angry at my own weakness over the current situation. Grabbing hold of any inch of resolve I have, I let go of his hair and pull away from him before I can’t. I know I have to find a way to the truth before I can trust him with myself again and I know he’s going to try his hardest not to tell me. But this is not the time for secrets and if he wants more then he’s going to have to be honest.
I stand up and try to stop the panting that’s emanating from my mouth pathetically. Shuffling backwards and bumping into the coffee table, I desperately search for my sanity and composure as he watches me with an amused expression. Is he bloody laughing at me?
“What are you doing, Elizabeth?” he asks confidently with that sodding eyebrow raised, as if he knows he only has to grab me again and I’ll go straight upstairs with him. I probably would.
“Moving away from you,” I reply, not really knowing where I’m going but knowing I have to get there and find some space away from his hands. Kitchen. Yes, the kitchen’s good. No romance in a kitchen.
I quickly escape the lounge and head down the hall, only to notice the peninsular unit as I walk in, which automatically gives me visions of hungry sex - then the kitchen table, which sends the note flying back to my brain with a punch to the ribcage. Why the hell am I here? He doesn’t love me. I should leave - get out of here before it all goes wrong, again.
I hear him coming into the room behind me and move across to the coffee machine, basically to escape him, but the thought of it tempts me into having one and I start the process almost robotically. He chuckles behind me and I turn to glare at him. I am so not happy that he’s amused by me. He holds his hands up in a look of surrender, smirks and then leans against the units, crossing his unfairly exquisite legs and looking thoroughly smug with himself. I feel my eyes narrow and turn back to the machine.
“You find the situation amusing, Alex?” I ask, irritated by his stance and apparent feeling of superiority around my discomfort.
“No, you just reminded me how much I like you in my house. It always suited you and it’s comforting to see you here again,” he replies as he kicks his leg about and lowers his head. Oh… That’s actually quite sweet. I’m still not bloody happy about the smirking thing though.
“Well, I’m not feeling very comfortable. I don’t even know why I’m here,” I say as I glance across at him and gesture to the coffee glasses. He grabs them and walks them to me so I step back abruptly and let him place them on the machine. Don’t let him touch you, Beth.
“Still thinking about leaving?” he says quietly as he presses buttons and the scent of coffee fills the air around us.
“Yes,” I breathe out gently as I wrap my arms around myself, still in the hope of shielding my heart somehow.
“What do I have to do to keep you here?” he asks as he carries the two glasses to the table.
I watch him carefully as he holds out a chair and gazes back at me with the same adoring eyes that I saw once before. I walk over, take a seat and realise that I don’t know what I want him to do.
“I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t just fall back into this with you. You have no idea how much that note hurt me,” I reply as I look down at the table and draw a circle with my finger around the very spot that he left it in.
“I am sorry, Elizabeth. I revert to type when threatened and I’m fucking hideous at that point,” he says with a sigh. His fingers run through his hair and land on the back of his neck. “There is something I need to tell you to help you understand. I’d hoped I could avoid it this evening, that maybe we could discuss it in the morning.”
What? Did he just assume I’d stay? Fury wells up in me with such force that I can’t even begin to control what’s about to come out of my mouth.
“Threatened? I never threatened you. I loved you. How dare you assume that I would stay with you after what you did? God, you’re an arrogant bastard, Alex.” Oh wow, this feels good. “You throw my heart on the floor and shrug it away without so much as a backward glance and you expect me to just give in instantly and what? Beg for you or something? You’re a fucking arsehole. How many women did you sleep with while you were away? At what point did you think that you might have made a mistake? Who the fuck do you think you are?”
I’m seething and as I watch him sit back and take what I’m giving him, I decide to have another go before he gets the chance to respond. He starts to open his mouth as my shaky finger points at him. “You can’t just do that to someone and then decide you’ve changed your bloody mind. I loved you and I thought you felt somewhere near the same. I gave you everything and you destroyed it, with a fucking note. And what the hell was that about? Didn’t you have enough guts to tell me to my face? Was I so unworthy that a note was all you felt I deserved? You’re a fucking coward.”
I can’t take the tension in my grip on the table anymore and stand up so I can pace or something, anything to get rid of the pain that’s starting to come flooding back again. Tears start and I know I’m crumbling. He gets up and moves toward me with a hand out. “No. Stay away from me. I won’t let you manipulate your way back in with that ridiculously gorgeous body. It doesn’t work like that and I won’t let you do this to me again, Alex. I can’t go through it again. You ruined it and I… I... You can’t do this to me.”
My throat catches through my tears before I can finish as he continues towards me. I back up into a cupboard door and realise there’s nowhere left to run as he approaches. My hands curl around my face and I sink to the floor in the hope that it will somehow swallow me u
p. Where are those fucking fairies when I need them?
Strong arms wrap around me and before I know it, I’m being lifted from the floor and walked along the hall. His soft mouth is kissing my forehead gently and I realise he’s heading for the stairs.
Shit. No. Do I want that? No, I don’t. Oh god, yes, I do. No!
“Alex, no. I can’t-”
He cuts me off. “Shh, baby, trust me for a minute.” I have no idea why but I do. Either that or I’m too exhausted to care so I hold onto him and let him take me up to his room. He glides across the dark room to the bed and it’s all I can do to stop myself from lifting my head and touching my lips to his. His mouth is so close its driving me insane as he puts me down in front of it and reaches for the hem of my dress, never removing his eyes from mine. I know I could lose myself again in those blue eyes so easily and gasp at the thought of being naked around him, but I find some tenacity and put my hand down to stop him. His face softens as he grasps my hand firmly and moves it out of the way. “Nothing will happen tonight, baby. Not unless you want it to, anyway. It’s late and you’re tired,” he says as he reaches for the dress again and hesitates as if asking for permission. I nod and he slowly lifts it up my body, dragging his fingers along the way. Unfortunately, I can’t help the moan of pleasure that escapes my lips at his touch. His wicked slow smile shows me exactly what he’s thinking about as he lingers his hand on my spine, reminding me of his pressured weight against me, and then sliding it around my waist and dragging his fingers on the way, he drops the dress to the floor. Reaching around me, he pulls the covers back and lowers me backwards, pulling the duvet up to my bare chest. I’ve never felt so warm and comfortable as the familiar feeling of his bed envelops me and I watch him walk to the other side.
Slowly, he removes each piece of his clothing as I gaze at him. He still looks gloriously edible and my resolve almost shatters again as I imagine his mouth on me, his teeth. Oh God, Beth, stop it! Eventually, having tortured me with his stripping, he gets in beside me. I can’t begin to fathom why I’m in his bed or why I feel the need to curl up to him so I just go with it and enjoy the warmth as his hard body wraps around me. He tucks my head under his chin and strokes my hair as he kisses my temple. It’s so soothing that I almost find myself forgetting what’s happened as I listen to his heart beating steadily in his chest.
“Sleep, baby. We’ll talk tomorrow,” he says quietly.
I feel myself drifting as his fingers continue with their rhythmic caress and I try to let the night’s emotions disappear. Unfortunately, regardless of how confused and angry I am, he feels as perfect as he always did and I know that in the morning, I’ll give in again. Whatever I feel at this moment is too much for me to deal with so I let myself fall towards the relaxing cadence of his body as he breathes in and out.
Tomorrow we’ll talk. Yes, tomorrow.
Chapter 5
Elizabeth
I t’s morning. I know it is because I can see the light spilling from under the bottom of the curtains but I am refusing to acknowledge it. If I do then we’ll have to start talking again and at the moment everything is too perfect to ruin. He’s curled up behind me with his hand gently stroking my stomach and hip and god, it feels so right, so wonderfully consuming and peaceful that I just want to pretend that everything’s okay for a while longer.
I wonder what it is that he’s been thinking about for the last hour while we’ve been lying here, me lying stock still trying to pretend that I’m still asleep and him breathing quietly. I know what I’ve been thinking about and it has everything to do with his hands and what they’re doing to me. He’s not really doing anything but the mere fact that I can feel him nudging against my back is so distracting that I’m desperately trying to stop my body backing into him shamelessly. Those ridges and bumps are somehow melding into my own again and forging that state of closeness that we once had. The weight of his body pressed against me is so evocative that I’m slowly giving in to my own temptation. Would it hurt to just have a quickie? Yes, Beth. Get your priorities straight. You are still pissed off.
Right, quite.
“What are you thinking about?” comes drifting over my shoulder huskily, breaking my quiet contemplation and reminding me how bloody lovely he is.
“I’m not. I’m sleeping,” I reply stupidly as I pull the covers up to my chest, still refusing to admit that we need to talk. I can feel his smile into my neck as he kisses it leisurely, dragging those damned lips over very appealing pressure points that I’m positive he’s fully aware of.
“You haven’t been asleep for an hour or so, baby. You were happily backing into me until you woke up.” Oh bollocks. Shitting bollocksy balls! I so hate my body right now.
“Right, well, as we’ve now confirmed that I’m awake, I suppose I’ll get up. I shouldn’t be here anyway,” I say as I try to move away from him. He clearly doesn’t think that’s acceptable as he tightens his hold and pulls me back. It’s useless, I know it is, but I struggle as best I can.
“Don’t,” he mutters quietly as he uses his other hand to wrap around my chest.
“Don’t what?”
“Leave, run, fight me... I need you to stay,” he says softly as I still in his arms and savour the words. Beautiful as they are, he doesn’t really mean them. If he did, he wouldn’t have left me in the first place, would he?
“You don’t need me Alex. You just don’t like the thought of not having something that you think you deserve,” I reply as I try to banish the comforted feeling that’s starting to flow. I don’t trust it and I won’t be held to ransom by his body, regardless of how good it feels against my skin.
“I do need you, Elizabeth. If I’d wanted to just have your body, I would have taken it last night and you would have let me. You know you would so don’t pretend otherwise, and I absolutely don’t deserve you,” he says sharply as he brings his hand to my throat and squeezes slowly. My body instantly arches into him as if I’m bloody powerless and I start to let the feeling take over. He groans and presses himself into me harder. “Do you want a reminder of how we feel together, Elizabeth?” He growls as his hand drops down to my groin and pulls me into him again. No… Yes… Christ, I don’t know!
His fingers find their way between my legs and I open them for him. I can’t stop my traitorous body from reacting to his hand as he starts to circle my sweet spot with his firm unyielding touch. It’s so familiar that I know what’s coming next and I can’t help but widen them more as my hand moves to the back of his neck and grasps on. He’s going to make me come quickly. I can sense it in him. He’s telling me that I’m his and that he can do what he wants with me, to me, and unfortunately at the moment, he’s absolutely right. My body reacts in exactly the same way as it usually does around him and the passion and desire begin to sweep through me as the temperature rises around us. His hands grab on as he spreads me wider, hooks my leg over his hip smoothly, then runs those fingers back upwards towards the ache he’s already created inside me.
As he’s grinding into me, he’s becoming more forceful with his movements and I realise quickly that this isn’t enough for me. I know without a shadow of doubt that I want him inside me and no matter how hard I try to talk myself out of it, my body rolls toward him helplessly. It’s the only movement he needs to understand what I want from him, because he’s so swift at pulling me towards his waiting mouth that I gasp at the power of his hold as he kisses me so passionately that I struggle to breathe. Our tongues entwine so forcefully that I can’t stop myself from nipping at his lips lustfully, eliciting a growl of pleasure from him while he rolls me onto my back and I moan at the exquisite, heavy feeling of him above me. I instantly open my legs and wrap them around his torso, pulling him down onto me, which causes another groan of satisfaction as his hands move to my face and he pulls back to look at me as he catches his breath. I try to resist touching him but it’s futile and I lay my hands on his chest and feel the electricity spiking off him. His blue eyes are dark
and piercing as he watches me move my hands over him. His muscles constrict and ripple under my fingers as I wander around his stomach, feeling the hardened ridges. I’m trying not to think, to just feel and relish in the feeling of him on me, but his mood seems so thoughtful and almost dreamy as he moves his head down and kisses my chest quietly that I begin to wonder what he’s thinking again. His mouth moves further down and I moan loudly as I realise where he’s going. I arch my hips up into him as he drags my panties down my legs, kissing the length of them as he goes and then licking his way very seductively back up.
“Tell me what you want, Elizabeth. I’ll give you anything,” he whispers as he blows a breath across my sensitive nub and moves his hand leisurely across my stomach. His searing eyes look up at me and I instantly melt as his warm tongue flicks out across me. It’s like a magical current of pleasure and seduction is somehow weaving its way back into my mind and I tip my head back, relishing in its power over me. His mouth closes over me again and I buck at him, trying to free myself from the intensity. His hand automatically holds me down with the force I recognise and I sigh in the delight of his strength and remember his fingers around my throat.
“I want you inside me, Alex,” I say softly as I reach for his hand and pull him toward me. As he crawls over me, I feel his body pushing down on me and grasp the back of his head, moving him down to me for another kiss. His mouth is so delicious that for a few seconds I forget the need to have him buried in me, but as he nudges my knee sideways, I groan at the thought and greedily wrap around him again. His fingers grab at my face as I close my eyes and wait for the blissful feeling of him entering me. I open them back up to look at him and find him gazing at me with an unfamiliar look that leaves me utterly breathless.
“Don’t close your eyes, not once. See me,” he says as he begins to slowly push himself inside me. His mouth opens as he sucks in a breath and then pushes more. His size continues to stretch me and the euphoric feeling that hits me is heady and intoxicating as he consumes me again. I gasp at the weight of him deep inside so he pushes again as if proving a point to me. “How do want this, Elizabeth?” he says as he stills inside me. “Do you want me to fuck you or make love to you?”
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