by J. C. Allen
“We might get shut down by the city.”
Oh, fuck, no… Seriously?
“Shut down? What the hell for?”
His features changed before his face settled and looked at me. It went from serious and a bit angry to almost sad.
“Short story is we owe taxes. Long story is, someone who hates us found a way to shut us down legally, and the easiest way is by levying these taxes on us.”
Jesus. I wasn’t an accountant; I was an artist. I was the last person to know anything about tax reform or anything of that ilk. But, to me, it seemed like this was the kind of thing that would’ve been obvious from a mile away—unless someone really was trying to fuck them over.
“I thought the town was fine with you guys,” I said.
“Some are. Most are.”
But not everyone.
He gave a sigh. It hurt me to see him like this. The club was everything to him, even more so than me—I could never try to compete with it and knew that I could never replace it.
“But enough people don’t. The sheriff is on our side, but the mayor isn’t. Neither are the people in the city offices, or some shit—Simon, my brother, he explains it better. Anyway, they’re pissed that the cost of living is so low here, and think it’s just because there is an MC here. And that with us gone, they can attract more residents with us gone or disbanded.”
Jaxson didn’t sound certain in his answer—like he was trying to rationalize the reason for the tax as he spoke it—but there was little doubt in my mind that the tax bill hanging over the club’s head was real.
“That’s horrible, Jaxson. You have to deal with all this by yourself?”
“Nah, I have the other execs. But I’m the president. If shit goes down, then it’s like I did it. Couldn’t keep the club together, and it’s my own damned last name.”
He clenched his jaw and his entire body tensed. I reached over and rubbed my arm down his, but I’m not sure in response to a stress like that, it could have done anything.
“Jaxson, don’t think like that. Everyone knows all the good you’ve done, you’re an amazing leader to them.”
“It don’t feel like it sometimes,” he said.
I squeezed his arm tightly.
“Don’t talk down on yourself. It isn’t true.”
I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. It was such a simple gesture, but it seemed to go a long way. He relaxed and leaned into me even more—which, for right now, was a big win.
“I don’t know how the hell I’m going to raise damn near fifty grand before the first of the year,” he said.
I literally stopped breathing at the figure. He scoffed, as if he was saying “I told you so.”
“That is a lot of money.”
“Yeah. And that may not be the end of it. If they want us out, I feel like they will win eventually.”
Now the real problem had become evident—how permanent it might feel. It was easy to pay off one bill, but when they kept on coming…
There had to be a way. There had to be a way out of this, a way to fight this ugly bullshit. I knew I didn’t have any great ideas, so I just said what came to mind first.
“Not if you show them who you really are. I’m sure you already have but… maybe you just have to keep doing it. I do that with my writing, sometimes. I tell myself all these bad things and read my old stuff to remind myself about it. You’re so hard on yourself.”
Jaxson had rolled his eyes at first, and admittedly, what I said wasn’t great. But when I finished speaking, he said something that shook me a bit.
“It sounds like you are too.”
“Well…” I said, smiling to deflect the statement. “That’s different.”
“How so?”
I sighed, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him down to kiss me. He grinned against it and then deepened the kiss.
“Fuck Isabelle, I forgot I intruded on your night.”
Issue properly avoided for now.
But we’ll probably have to have that conversation later.
“No, you didn’t. I worked all day and then I thought of calling you… but I knew you were at your Mom’s house.”
Something flashed in his gaze again and he tried to roll it off. He dropped down next to me again and sighed. Perhaps it was unfair that he was exposing his soul while I wasn’t doing much, but… well, he seemed more willing to talk.
“What is it?”
“I think my brothers are hiding shit from me. Zeke and Matthew.”
Shit… maybe that’s normal?
“Do they usually do that?”
“No, but… I just have a feeling.”
As the only child, I couldn’t really relate. But it seemed to me such hidden topics shouldn’t be the case in a family like the Kinsmen, most especially if it was business related.
“You should talk to them, they’re your brothers after all.”
He nodded.
“You’re right,” he said, caressing my cheek. “You’re the voice of reason in my life.”
That credit made me smile. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything special; I was just glad he could talk to me and confide in me, even though he knew I knew nothing about this kind of stuff. I just leaned in to kiss him as a gentle silence fell over us
“Can I ask you something?” he said.
I guess the gentle silence is over, I thought nervously. The words were picked… almost with caution, like he was about to broach a sensitive subject.
“Yeah.”
“Has no one ever eaten you out before?”
I flushed red and covered my face in my hands immediately. I was almost relieved that it wasn’t a personal question about my personality or history, but… damn! That was really right in there for private topics.
“No… how did you know?” I said, feeling mortified at the possibility.
“I had a feeling,” he said with a cocky grin. “You sounded very fucking confused. But you enjoyed it though, so at least there’s that.”
“Hmph,” I murmured, a bit embarrassed he picked up on it so quickly. “Well, yes I did.”
After a bit of resting, I felt the need for the bathroom and headed that way. Before I shut the door, though, Jaxson walked in and pinned me with his dark, sexual gaze. He did it very well and too easily.
But for as horny as I was, Jaxson had me spent so hard after the last session that there was just no way.
“Uh uh mister, I am way too sore.”
I knew my limits. I needed to be able to walk around my class tomorrow and sit in workshop without drawing too many suspicious gazes.
“You’re in luck, ‘cause I’m beat too,” he said with a grin.
I smiled and turned on the shower. The blue curtain hides most of everything, but I could still hear him moving around as he used the bathroom and then washed his hands.
And then, as if out of nowhere, my heart patters when his arms slip around my waist and his cock hit my ass.
“Jaxson…” I said, worried about a second round.
“I know,” he said, kissing my neck. “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view though.”
The rest of the first week of passed without incident. I texted Jaxson all day, every day. He told me about his club meetings sometimes, but it was mostly vague. I did my best to understand, but I had to acknowledge that at some point, if I wanted us to be something more, we had to be something more; we couldn’t just say we were… well, whatever we were.
We actually didn’t have sex again, as I had to stay focused on what was going on at school. Eventually, yes, I could settle into a groove and work Jaxson in more, but for this first week, I had to stay focused on being focused. Everything went well.
Until Friday afternoon’s workshop.
At that workshop, we got our first written play back with grades. I wasn’t sure what to expect, other than that I hoped that it would provide the kind of insight that I hadn’t received in undergraduate. Well, I got something I never had then�
�a brutal first comment.
“Did you write this in a day?”
I barely made it through class, but once it was done, I ran to the bathroom and cried. It hurt more than anything I had felt in a while. In a normal spot, I might have called Jaxson to rant, but he had club work, so I called the one other person who was my constant.
“You never call me this time of day, honey, what’s wrong?”
My Mom’s voice flooded, and I immediately relax—somewhat. This wasn’t the first time I had been let down or my writing has been critiqued. But for some reason, it just hit harder—I began to suspect the stress of trying to balance both school and whatever Jaxson and I were was wearing on me. And who knows? Maybe I did deserve that comment.
“I know, I just wanted to talk to you. How are you?”
“Oh I’m good honey, I took a day off to go to the spa. But don’t worry about me. What’s wrong? You know I can hear it in your voice.”
I sighed. What was wrong? Many things.
But what was right? Many things as well. My mom was in good health. I had Jaxson. I was at a really good graduate school. What did I have to bitch about, in the end? One paper that wouldn’t mean anything in the end?
“Nothing.”
“Isabelle, I’m your mother.”
OK, maybe I can fool myself, but I’m not going to fool her. She’s absolutely right, I can’t fool her.
“I know,” I said, fiddling with a frayed string on my jeans. “Well, to be honest, I just got some feedback on my play and… it wasn’t good.”
I sighed. I was just glad in moments like these, Mom was the type of woman to give me all the space I needed to tell everything on my mind. She wasn’t the type to espouse her opinion too early or ignore what I had to say.
“We had to write an original one as assignment this week. And the workshop went okay, but my teacher didn’t like it. Like, at all. His first comment was asking if I had written it in a day.”
I almost rolled my eyes, but it hurt more than that. I knew that all I could do was move forward and improve my work, even with the possibility of him not liking that either. But at least I would have tried.
“Oh honey, you know those artsy people are subjective. He probably said the same thing to someone else. Plus, you always kept talking about how hard the program is, how advanced it is. So this will come with that.”
What could I say? Mom was an expert at balancing a harsh truth with some encouraging words.
“So just work on it and see what happens. Besides, who the hell can write a good play in less than a week? That’s ridiculous.”
Finally, I laughed, finding it easy to smile thanks to my mother. I feel lighter already.
“Just do your best and that’s all you can do and love your work. It will be fine.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Of course. Now, to important stuff—”
I groaned because I already knew what she was going to say. I loved my mother for many reasons, but the conversational topic we were about to hit was not one of them.
“Have you found any hot Minnesota men up there?”
“Um…”
I couldn’t lie to her. She was, after all, still my mother.
But I didn’t know if I could tell her all about Jaxson, about how he was in an MC and could possibly be a criminal of some sort… but not really. Or about how he fucked like a delicious maniac. Mom was cool, but not that cool. And that was just on the criminal part, never mind the sex part.
Jaxson… I wouldn’t be able to hide how crazy I was about him, how much I thought about him, and how much I wanted to be with him. Hell, I couldn’t keep my mind straight on this very phone call!
“Fine, you don’t have to tell me,” Mom finally said, giving me a much needed reprieve. “I will come to visit though, maybe you can make me a Thanksgiving dinner? You know I can’t cook.”
Thank God. Anything but to have to tell her about Jaxson.
“Maybe, if I’m not doing something else with school or something. You know I don’t get real holiday breaks like in undergrad.”
She was understanding of that, but I was still mostly just relieved not to have to talk about Jaxson. Instead, I talked with her about a few other things before I let her get back to her spa day. I felt better than I was when I busted out of the building, that much was for sure.
I started up the engine of my car and took off for a much-needed trip to the grocery store. The store itself was a typical local grocery store; it was some place that was a chain in Minnesota but not anything I would have recognized. It was actually quite close to the Kinsmen’s bar, but given that I had requested the day off from Jaxson so I could focus on school, I didn’t think following up on him would have been a great look.
Still, I didn’t feel great being alone right now. It didn’t help matters when I immediately got the bad feeling I was being watched.
“How about I buy those sweets for you, little miss?”
The voice was hard and deep, but not like Jaxson’s. It had a roughness to it that sends hot chills down my spine. I couldn’t see the man from where I was, but with any luck, a simple deflection would do the trick.
“No thank you.”
I gripped my purse tightly. My palms turned into a hot sweaty mess. I moved forward, but I could still hear the man behind me.
“Come on. Or let me buy you dinner—maybe go straight to dessert?”
Then he made his biggest mistake. He put his hand on my shoulder.
I whipped around and looked at a man who very much had malicious intent in mind—this was not someone who was going to take rejection easily.
“I said no thank you.”
The guy, of course, didn’t get it.
“You got a boyfriend or something?”
“Yes, in fact I do.”
Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Not gonna take this shit.
He flashed a crooked smile, his eyes roaming down my body. He, unfortunately, had the kind of build that could manhandle me if he wanted to. I knew I could scream and start a scene, but that brought its own set of problems.
“I can take him, or he doesn’t have to know.”
I scoffed. Of all the things to say, that was perhaps the dumbest, and I wanted the guy to know just how dumb he sounded.
“Jaxson Kinsmen isn’t the kind of guy you take.”
The man’s expression went from creepy and leering to… scared. His blue eyes widened, and he took a step back. It was, honestly, an utter delight to see a man so goddamn disturbing suddenly look so disturbed.
“Shit. I’m sorry, miss—I didn’t know.”
I kept my face in a frown and stared him down. He raised his hands in defense before backing away.
“Look don’t mention this to him, alright? It was a mistake.”
I motioned for him to run off before he did just that. I let out a hard breath, running my hand across my forehead as I calmed my breathing.
That was eventful. Let’s hope it stays at that.
Eventually, having shook off the craziness of the encounter and my earlier trouble with the instructor, I made it home in good time. I changed and plopped in front of the television with my microwaved fried chicken and mashed potatoes, preparing to have an easy night. The last thing I need is some more craziness and drama in my life—I just want a night in which I could pass out on the couch, pass out in my bed, or pass out on the floor, all without consequence.
And then my phone went off—with his specific ring tone. I could never be mad that Jaxson was calling, although admittedly there would be times I would have been happier about it.
“Hello, Jaxson,” I said.
“Hey, baby.”
His voice flooded through the speaker. It was such a beautiful, honeyed mix of deep and rough.
“What are you doing?”
“Dealing with some shit at the club. How was your day?”
I had almost forgot my horrible feedback, but now that Jaxson was mentioning how t
he day was “shit” or at least involving it, well, there wasn’t going to be any getting around me bitching for a bit.
“Um, could have been better.”
I don’t know why I avoided talking to him before. Should’ve just put it out there for us to talk about then.
“Is it better now?”
And this is why. Because he’s a better listener than I give him credit for.
“Yeah, much better,” I said. “Now that I’m talking to you.”
“Hm,” Jaxson said, practically purring into the phone. Good. You can tell me about it later in bed. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me too,” I said.
I had planned on just staying in, doing nothing, and sleeping alone.
Jaxson, as usual, had a way of saying fuck those plans in the sexiest way possible.
“You want to come over?”
“Yeah, it might be late though. We have the guys at the club coming to the bar, we need to have a meeting with everyone. But they’ll probably bring their old ladies and turn it into a night.”
He added that last part in cautiously, his words almost hesitating. We had never had the conversation, not really, of whether or not we are in a relationship and if that makes me his old lady. But I didn’t want to ask him right then and there. That classic and original fear I have always had surfaced—giving myself away only to be sent back. It was possible it might happen with Jaxson, and I was more than afraid of it. Well, at least to the old creep, I’m his old lady.
“That’s okay. I have some work to do on my play so I’ll probably still be up.”
“Well I was thinking you might want to come—” he began.
I was not used to his voice being cautious, but I was definitely not used to—nor expecting—him inviting me to club activities. I was silent for a moment, shocked and over thinking things. Was he… was he asking me to go as his old lady? Or just to go in general?
I kept thinking it over until my head hurts. In the end, I just couldn’t see how he’d invite me to pass on to someone else.
“I do… what time?”
I probably sounded a hell lot more relaxed than I actually was. I was really a hot mess. Fortunately, Jaxson blew out a breath as well, seemingly relieved.
“Around one or so, we’ll probably be wrapped up. I’ll be stuck here though, so if you can come so we can see each other tonight, that would be best.”