by J. C. Allen
Simon had to stay safe. I couldn’t put him and his family in danger, the club. While I was sure they could hold their own, they shouldn’t have to, not at my perusal. They didn’t make any trouble in the town, and they were respected and without any major incidents have ever happened.
My father would bring that dangerous side out in them, though. Simon would beg them in the name of the brotherhood to protect me, and they would do it in a heartbeat. My father would make them tear each other apart from the outside in. It was all too predictable—because I had seen it happen before.
He encountered a rival gang once. I was in junior high and was old enough to eavesdrop. It had been all about territory at that point, so he proved that he was the boss. He started attacking their underground meeting room with small robberies by having someone infiltrate them. They thought it was someone on the inside.
When it was set on fire, they turned on each other so fast, none was the wiser. It finished them, and they weren’t the only ones to be subjected to my father’s wrath.
I couldn’t let my father do that to the MC. They would be done for, and I would be to blame. I couldn’t live with myself if Simon or his family were hurt.
I had to take care of myself, especially if it means letting him go.
And so, when Simon left, while there was definite sadness in my heart, there was also a feeling of relief that it was all over. Relief might have been a strong word; maybe gratitude was better. Gratitude that now, Simon would be safe. Michael would be safe. I would be safe. Everyone who was entangled in my web of messiness would be a little bit safer.
For now, anyways.
Despite my gratitude and feelings the day Simon left, I still spent the next few weeks preparing for anything my father might throw my way. I woke up the next day in something of a panic attack that I no longer had my best security in Simon and that I was wide open for an attack from my uncle or my father. It didn’t go away until several days later, and I resolved right then and there to better protect myself.
Between work shifts and time with Michael, I installed security systems around the house that would actually work to protect me.
One last minute decision came to me in the middle of the night, but I had to wait until the next day when Michael was at day care to take care of it. I wanted to leave Grace out of it, but I knew that she could handle herself and that Michael loved being around her. I didn’t want to change his life any more than I have to, especially since he was already asking for Simon. I just don’t know what to tell him.
The truth wouldn’t have been fair to Simon, because he couldn’t be around him right now. I didn’t want that to be mistaken for him being absent. Lies have only gotten me so far.
I settled on telling him that he had other houses to work on, and he’ll be back when he can. I just hope it didn’t give him too much hope. After all, it sort of did imply that he would come back eventually.
Then, as further protection, I found myself in a gun store.
“Hello Miss, how can I help you?” a cheery, older man said, greetsingme with a smile.
“I’m looking for a gun. Something simple.”
I used my best, most assured voice before he asked questions I didn’t know the answer to. I didn’t want to have to deal with it right now.
“These are our glocks. Automatics. Have you ever used one?”
I looked over the silver and black pieces as I nodded. I had, but not for reasons that were particularly comforting to me. My uncle had taught me, but I think it was to scare me at the time.
Either way, I knew how to use a wide array, even a sniper. But I could never buy one of those, if for no other reason that there would literally never be a reason to have one. My uncle and father, on the other hand…
“Can I see this one?”
I pointed to a smaller, black automatic hand weapon. It could fit anywhere—in my pocket, in my purse, in my belt…
He handed it to me, and I looked it over with caution. Holding the gun, I imagined shooting both my uncle and my father. My uncle was not difficult—he was family by blood only. If my father had lied and said he was just a club member, I would have whole-heartedly believed it and never questioned if he was my uncle or not.
My father was a little different. As much as I hated him for how he acted and how he would treat Simon… I still had real, genuine memories with him. It wasn’t all bad, it wasn’t all darkness, and it wasn’t all evil.
But still. I didn’t ever want to think about being unsafe again. Nor did I want to think of Michael being groomed into some kind of crime lord, like my father.
I took a deep breath and turned the gun over in my hand, finally finding a steady breath. Yes, buying this gun was a risk, especially since Michael was old enough to get to the gun but not old enough to know how to safely handle it. Even though he would understand my strict instructions, there was still the motherly fear that he would do something incredibly stupid with it during horseplay. All it took was one chance, one mistake…
But the same logic applied to my uncle and my father. All it took was one chance or one mistake on my part to let them back into our lives, where they could wreck havoc on everything I loved. All it took was one moment where I slipped, and if I didn’t have a gun, shit was going to go down in the worst way possible.
I had to get the gun. No matter what risks it carried for Michael, I had to get the gun.
“I’ll take this one.”
“Ros, you have to come. I thought we were living our lives normally.”
“You can. I can’t.”
I stared at Grace in my passageway. Michael was lacing up his sneakers out of earshot. It was the summer town fair that everyone attended, and Grace and Michael were making efforts to head out—but not before Grace found out about all of the precautions I had taken and my desire to stay away.
“Shut up. We both can. It’s been weeks and you haven’t heard anything else.”
“But only because I sent Simon away.”
I knew just being in the same vicinity as him would create hell on Earth, and forget the club—innocent civilians would get caught in the crossfire at that point.
“How long do you think that will really last?”
I frowned at her, in part because her question was a valid one.
“I meant it. I’m not going to—”
“Of course you’re not. But Simon is… Simon. An outlaw biker, much as he wants to deny it. He doesn’t just let things go, especially not you.”
I hate how much you are right, Grace.
“If he knows what’s good for him, he should.”
She rolled her eyes at me.
“If you see him, we can make a run for it. But isn’t this why you wanted Michael to live here? To experience a good childhood, and to go to fairs like this.”
“Fine,” I said, trying to end the conversation as quickly as I could.
I quickly changed into a respectable yet festive yellow dress, tight at the bodice and loose around my thighs. I finished it off with white flats. As I bent, I could see the edge of my gun locked in its safe. I wished I could get to it faster, if I needed it, but I was worried Michael could get into it, and that brought along a whole host of nightmare scenarios.
“Okay, let’s go,” I said, turning to corner to my son.
“You look pretty Mommy!” Michael shouted.
He jumped up in his gray khakis and simple blue polo. He looked so grown up and more like his father every time I saw him. Time was moving too fast.
“Thank you. You look very handsome too.”
I bent down and kissed his cheek, glad that I decided to come despite the risks. I just couldn’t miss Michael having a day like this. I ruffled his hair and then smoothed it down.
“Thanks! Let’s go!” he shouted at both of us.
We were out the door in seconds, but I kept hoping to myself that I wouldn’t see Simon at all.
9
Simon
I stopped my bike
at the end of the route, alongside my other brothers and guys from the club.
Walker had his kids, and his wife came up to greet him, much like some of the other guys. Jaxson met up with Isabelle, sharing a not so appropriate public kiss, but then again, who was going to try and stop them? Jaxson was the president of the club, a well-known entity in this small town; if that didn’t give him power, then power didn’t exist in this town.
Plus, even without that, Jaxson was just an intimidating and tough motherfucker. It was hard to tell him something that he would’ve gotten bothered by.
I turned away, off into the distance through the crowd and under the summer sun… and then I saw her.
Ella looked like the sun herself, in a yellow dress that bounced off her skin like a sharp ray. She had beautiful, sinuous skin, not quite pale, but not tanned either. It had always complimented her golden hair and green eyes, but like this… it had been too long since I have seen her like this. Way too long.
Back in high school, I would’ve saved up and taken her on dates just to see her dress all pretty. But that memory, unfortunately, just reminded me of how she forced me from her house with the most fearsome expression I had ever seen. It also reminded me of what discovered it was from.
I still had so many questions, though. And I knew I had to make sure I asked them carefully, lest I create a scene with Drago. I hadn’t seen him anywhere nearby, but that was the dangerous thing about a day like this.
I could unfortunately easily see Drago hiding in the crowd, just keeping an eye on his daughter and grandson, checking to see if any boys would come over. If it was someone who didn’t know any better, if he was feeling merciful, he might have given a veiled warning that would have chased the guy off.
Unfortunately, I did know better. And I was a rival biker.
Shit was not in my favor on this one.
“We’ve been here too long without beer.”
Matthew came out of nowhere and shook my shoulder. Perhaps owing to my newfound tendency to apparently get scared easily, I jumped. I was not in the mood for surprises these days, not when it seemed like people wanted to kill me.
“Yeah,” I said, tearing my eyes from Ella.
Watching her with Michael was too hard now that I knew the truth. I should have been with them, protecting them. But I couldn’t make a scene about it here.
“Grace is here.”
That’s… an odd thing to notice.
“Uh huh,” I said, taking a much needed drink of my beer.
“I haven’t seen her since… shit. A long time.”
I paused as the memory came to mind. It was a much welcome distraction—a nice puzzle to have unraveled. It had also been nearly eight years ago, but thankfully, it was not my puzzle to unravel.
“That was you?”
Matthew stared back at me with a blank, dumb expression. He had a tendency to have a look like that, and right now, he seemed to intentionally use it… but not, it seemed, to deny it, but to play the joke out a little more.
“What was me?” he said, though his growing smile gave him away. Eventually, he couldn’t contain himself, laughing.
“Ella once told me about her friend hooking up with one of my brothers at prom and would never tell me who it was,” I said with a smirk. “Guess now I know.”
I had figured that to Matthew, the whole thing was more or less just a silly joke, a page in his personal history. But when I looked at him, I saw he was gazing upon the three of them rather seriously. I wondered just how much she had actually meant to him.
Was she her Rosella? Was that a weird thing to say? Fuck it. I’m just going to sit back and let him figure it out.
Grace was helping Michael with cotton candy as Ella watched and laughed, looking very light-hearted. I was glad to see her happy, smiling, but…
Even I could see the hint of an absence in her smile. Something was missing from her eyes.
“Yep. I guess I’m not that good at hiding things,” Matthew said. “By the way, what’s Jaxson doing with the sheriff?”
It sounded like a surprise to Matthew, if only because Jaxson wasn’t the most social person in the world, and our father had never been able to establish such a tight bond. But perhaps it was for that very reason the sheriff more readily appreciated him. I didn’t know anything about the sheriff, but the word in the club was that he was a bit of an introvert who just wanted to do his job.
He wasn’t above breaking the letter of the law for the spirit of it, and he wasn’t above putting justice about the legalities of an issue, but it was pretty obvious that had someone like Zeke tried to court him, we’d have the police breathing down our necks for everything.
“Talking.”
A brief silence filled the air as Matthew looked around. Then, pointing back in the direction of Ella, he nudged me, nearly knocking the beer out of my hand.
“I thought y’all were back together.”
That was the last thing I needed—a reminder from my brother that everyone thought we were back together, except we weren’t. We weren’t because, once again, Rosella had walked out on me.
And, here, today, once again, I was trying to find a way to let her back into my life.
“No, we just…”
He laughed and didn’t exactly beat around the bush. In fact, I’d say he dived straight into it.
“Fucked? Yeah, we all heard about that night in the club.”
Christ, gossip spreads quickly in these parts, huh?
“Are they nannies or some shit?” he said, after we’d finished our beers.
I prompted him to walk away from them so I didn’t get caught staring. Then I actually processed what he said and wanted to laugh.
“No—”
“Oh shit, what if Grace came back to tell me I have a kid? That’d be the day.”
I did actually laugh at that despite all the dark shit going on in my head right now. Maybe the dark humor was exactly what I needed.
We stopped near where Zeke and Mom were talking to a few other people from the club. I figured she would have told everyone, but thankfully, that didn’t seem to be the case at the moment. I turned to Matthew and tossed the empty jug in the trash. Since we were on the topic, I figured I might as well put it all out there.
“That’s Ella’s son, Michael. And he’s mine.”
“Jesus…” Matthew said, trailing off.
“That’s the same thing I said.”
I walked off before he could ask me anything else about it. I had reached the limit of my ability to discuss the issue today. It also reminded me that, because of the return of the crime lords, I may not have much time with her.
Or any time at all.
If her father is in fact in the crowd… or if her uncle is around, and one of them is going to do something anyways…
Do you really just want to spend your last few days looking at her from afar? Do you want your lasting memory of her to be her telling you to leave and stammering out some weak excuses?
It couldn’t end like this. We couldn’t end with her being afraid to love me, with sending me away, with me not knowing Michael. I had to speak with her now.
No matter what may happen.
And I know something may happen. But I’m ready for it. I’m prepared for it.
If nothing else, I have the entire club behind me.
I forced my way through the crowd until I found her talking to Grace as Michael played with the other kids. It was kind of nice to see that he didn’t have the introverted gene I seemed to have. It wasn’t an especially great gene to have when it came to club activities.
“Hey.”
The tendons in her neck froze before she turned to face me. But no matter what happened, I was going to get my points in. She could slap me, tell me to get the hell away, scream at the top of her lungs—but I was going to say what I needed to say.
“Simon—”
“Come with me,” I said quietly but firmly, trying not to stir a scene up.
Her expression of shock only lasted so long before her wide green eyes stopped flickering with uncertainty. Her eyes then darted to Grace. The look she gave was one of “I’ll be OK” although Grace didn’t seem OK with it. Too bad. I have to know.
She stood up on shaky legs. I watched her go over to Michael, who looked over at me. I forced a friendly smile, but I couldn’t make out his expression from where I stood. Knowing him, though it’s probably happy.
But knowing her, she may be warning him about something stupid.
I can’t say I blame either one.
“It has to be fast,” Ella said as she got near me.
I placed my hand at the small of her back and led her towards my bike. “Fast” was a relative term.
“I’ll take as long as I need to get you to tell me the truth.”
I felt her gasp and look up at me, but I couldn’t let myself get distracted. I had to have her and have our conversations—having her with me, feeling her, was just too much to pass up. No matter how much risk it put me at, I had to take advantage.
“I can’t—”
She spotted my bike. She didn’t look too thrilled at the sight—and now that I knew why, I could understand it a little better.
Not that that was going to stop me, though.
I frowned at her look while telling her she didn’t have much choice. To be honest, in the moment, when I had started talking to her, I had only meant to pull her to a nearby corner so I could talk to her in silence.
But as soon as her eyes fell on that bike, I knew it was too perfect of an idea. Not only would it get her somewhere quiet where we could chat—really—but it would also put her in a positive mindset. I knew she loved riding bikes, and for her to ride my bike, with her hands around me…
I’d be stupid not to do it if what I wanted was her back.
She slowly got on the bike after I had hopped on, and let me tell you, it was an experience.