by E. M. Leya
"Is there a way I can help?"
"Just be patient with me. I'm trying to work through it. The mating is what overwhelms me. I can't wrap my head around the instant love thing. I know what I feel for you, but my mind says it can't be possible. I never believed in love at first sight, but this is like love at first smell. I shouldn't feel this way about you without knowing you better."
I sat down beside him. "How do you feel about me?" I didn't mean to take the conversation this serious tonight, but since he brought it up, I had nothing to lose.
"I like you. The way I want you with me all of the time is scary. I've never needed anyone with me. I learned how to be alone. Now, I'm always looking to see where you are, wishing I was with you. I hate nights. I lie in bed, thinking about you being upstairs and want to come to you. I dream of us together when I sleep. It's as if you're all my mind is filled with." Mark turned to me. "Josh says that will ease once we do the ceremony because I'll be able to feel your emotions and sense you close all of the time, but again, that's a wolf thing and my human mind argues with the possibility of it all."
I took his hand in mine. "It's new for me as well. I've never felt any of this. It might be a wolf thing, and I might accept it better than you, but it's still new. I do the same thing at night. I can't tell you how many times I've climbed out of bed and come downstairs to stand in your doorway, trying to talk myself into just coming into your room and settling beside you. Today, when we napped, it was the best sleep I've had in weeks. Being close to you calms me. It's the only time my mind is silent. When you went off with Josh to talk, I wanted to follow, break down the door just so I could be near you. And the jealousy I felt when you talked to anyone was so extreme, I had to keep my wolf under control because he wanted to kill anyone who even shook your hand."
Mark nibbled on his lip for a moment before finally saying, "maybe we could try sleeping together from now on? Not just sex, but sharing a bed all of the time?"
"I'd love that." I lifted his hand to my lips, kissing his palm. "We can even shift some nights and let our wolves sleep beside each other. Do you still want to have sex?"
Mark's face heated. "Yes, if you do."
I laughed. "I'd be inside you twenty-four hours a day if we could."
"I don't know if I want that much sex, but some would be good." Mark grinned.
"Then how about tonight, you sleep with me, then tomorrow, I'll help you move your things from your room to mine. As I said, in time, we can get our own place if you want, but until then, just sharing a room is enough."
Mark shook his head. "I'm okay staying here with Justice if you want. You'll be on tour a lot, and I like having someone else around. If Justice doesn't mind us here."
"I don't think he does, but we'll talk to him. I'm hoping you'll go on tour with me when I leave."
"Maybe." Mark looked nervous again.
"It will be easier on both of us if we aren't a thousand miles apart."
"We'll think about it more when the time comes."
The problem was, the time was coming quickly. The band had things to do, and I couldn't keep putting them off. I wasn't going to push Mark tonight, but soon, he'd have to decide. "The band will be here next week to work on songs and make plans for the next leg of the tour. I'm excited for them to meet you."
"Have you finished writing songs?"
"I have four to show the guys, and Mitch has written two more he wants to share with us. Once we are together, the songwriting happens fast. Since the studio here isn't done yet, we'll have to fly into California to use the studio there once we're ready. Then we're back on tour in a few weeks too. I wish I could delay everything and just focus on us right now, but I've got to think about the band. It's not fair to keep them waiting just because I met my mate. I want you with me through all of this, but I can't put it off while you get comfortable with it all."
"I know, and I wouldn't expect you to." Mark sighed. "I'm so overwhelmed."
"You've been through a lot in the last month or so. Let's head up to bed. Tomorrow, we can talk more about ways that might make this easier on you." I doubted anything could make it easier. Maybe the mating ceremony would ease some of his tension, but until he was ready, I couldn't push that.
"You're sure you're okay sharing a bed?"
"Every day for the rest of my life." I smiled as I stood. "It's where you belong."
Mark got up and stepped into my arms. "I'm sorry I'm not stronger."
"You're perfect. I love you the way you are." I held him tightly to my chest and kissed his temple. "We'll get through this."
"I hope so." Mark pulled back.
"I'll get the lights and meet you in my room."
Mark nodded.
I watched him head upstairs, wishing I could take away his nervousness and confusion. I was sure once he was comfortable and accepting of our mating that things would be perfect. It was just a matter of getting him there. He'd come a long way over the last few days, and that gave me hope that things were getting better. I had to take it one day at a time, and that was so hard when I wanted everything now.
With the lights off and doors locked, I headed upstairs. Mark was already in his boxers, sitting on the edge of the bed when I walked in.
"I wasn't sure what side you slept on." Mark looked uncomfortable.
"It doesn't matter to me." The sight of all that skin had my full attention. I wanted to taste every last inch of it. "Just being able to hold you all night is enough. I don't care where we sleep or how." I stripped off my shirt, kicked off my shoes, then unbuttoned my pants. I loved the way he watched me as I pushed them down my legs and stepped out. I went commando so everything I had was on view to him the moment I straightened. I was hard, longing for his body against mine.
"You're not shy." Mark gave a small grin as he stared.
"Most wolves aren't. We shift too often to worry about our nakedness. When we hunt in groups, everyone is naked at some point." I stroked my cock. "Though we usually aren't hard. This is because of you."
He licked his lips, but the scent of his nervousness filled the room. "I've never…" He shook his head. "I mean, I haven't done anything other than when I was so needy. I've never done this while I can think straight."
I laughed. "The whole point of sex is not to think straight. If you're able to think straight during sex, you're doing it wrong. I get what you're saying though." I stepped closer. "Is there anything you'd like to do?"
Mark hesitated, then glanced up to meet my gaze. "Can I just touch you?"
I moved to stand directly in front of him. "I'd love to have you touch me."
"You'll tell me if I'm doing it wrong?"
"If your hands are on me, you're not doing anything wrong."
He lifted his hands and put them on my hips, then slid his hands down the outside of my legs.
I fought for control. I wanted him so badly it hurt. My cock was at full attention, only inches from his face. If he leaned forward, he could lick the glistening head with his tongue. I braced myself as his hands moved up my inner thighs, then as one fist wrapped around my cock.
"You're bigger than me."
"Not by much." I'd stared at his cock too many times when I'd been with him before.
"Do you only like it one way?" He stroked me slowly. Too slowly.
"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure if he was asking about him touching me or about sex in general.
"Sex. Are you always going to be taking me or can I…?" He blushed and dropped his gaze from mine.
"You want to fuck me?" I reached out and lifted his chin, forcing him to look at me.
"I'd like to try it."
"Then you can. I have no limits, especially with you. In the past, with others, with fans who meant nothing to me, I wouldn't let them fuck me. But I've dated men in the past who I let do that. I like it. If you want to take me that way, I'd love you to. Never be scared to ask me for what you want. There is nothing we can't do or try together." I was curious. "Have you alw
ays liked men?"
Mark nodded, his fist still pumping my cock. "I was scared to admit it, but yeah, I've always been curious. I tried to date a girl at school when I was fifteen, we kissed once, but it was strange. I found myself checking out guys in the locker room more than I did the girls in the halls. I jacked off with a friend I'd made in Casper, but he was scared and we never did more. I liked watching him though." He leaned in and tasted my precum with the tip of his tongue.
I groaned, bracing my feet even more as my knees shook.
"Do you want to fuck me tonight?" I asked him, needing to stop this teasing before I came hard in his hand.
"Can I?"
I nodded as I stepped back. "Get up on the bed. Before we get to the sex, I want to enjoy each other first. When I took you before, it was all rushed. Tonight, I want to touch you, kiss you, explore your body with my mouth and hands."
"I'll come too quickly." Mark moved up the bed so he was lying back on the pillows.
"The good thing about being wolves is we usually can recover quickly and go again. The knotting is the only thing that takes time."
"The knotting is to ensure pregnancy, right?"
"Mostly. With two men, it's not possible to get pregnant, but I love the knotting just the same. It's like the bonus after orgasm. I can feel the thickness grow inside me after and it holds me to that person. Because of the knotting, we're forced to relax together after sex. There can't be a quickie."
"You fucked human men, right?"
"I did. When that happens, I either have to suffer the pain of pulling free, which hurts both of us or I have to hold them there until the knot eases and I can pull out. I usually just act like I want to stay inside them and cuddle until it eases. Blowjobs are harder to hide the effects from. I'll usually pull out of their mouth, come, then tuck myself back in quickly. Being with another wolf is much easier. I love the fact that I'll never have to hide that side of me again."
"You won't?"
"No, because you are the only man I'll ever be with until I die." I crawled beside him. "Lose the boxers, okay?"
Mark lifted his hips and slid them off. His cock sprang free, as hard and aroused as my own.
"So perfect." I pulled him closer and kissed him.
It took a moment for him to get used to my kiss, but when he did and started to kiss me back, things heated up quickly. Our hands roamed over each other, and I loved his touch over my skin. He was shy, moving slowly, but I urged him on with soft groans of pleasure when he hit the most sensitive places on my body. I pressed my cock against his leg as my arousal grew and my need for him increased. His kisses made me hungry, his touch made me need.
"I ache." Mark gasped in my ear as he nibbled on my earlobe.
"Then take me." I hadn't had a man inside me in years, but I longed for him to be there.
"How?"
I forced myself to pull back and release him. "Just get behind me. Once you're inside, you'll know what to do."
"Lube?" he asked.
"Wolves don't bother. We like the sting of pain. You won't hurt me. When we do it in wolf form, lube isn't even an option. I have lotion here if we need it, but we shouldn't. A wolf's body adjusts quickly." I moved to the center of the bed on my hands and knees. "I'm all yours."
Mark settled behind me, his hands playing with the cheeks of my ass for a moment, then the head of his cock pressed against my hole.
I held my breath, ready for the jolt of pain that would come when he pushed forward. Any moment, I'd be linked to my mate in the most personal way two people could come together.
"I feel like I'm going to come before I even get inside you." Mark pushed forward.
I opened for him, the sting of pain adding to my desire. "It's okay if you come fast. We have all night. We have the rest of our lives." He wasn't the only one struggling for control. I was also fighting back the need to orgasm. I'd never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. Just the thought of joining together was enough to bring me pleasure.
"Fuck, you're tight."
"It's been a while." I pushed back, wanting him deep inside me, but worried he'd go slow because he feared hurting me.
"Oh!" Mark's grip on my hips tightened. "That's nice."
"More than nice." I glanced over my shoulder at him. "You can start moving whenever you want." Then I thought about something we hadn't talked about. "I need to warn you that when we come, you might partially shift and bite me. That's normal. Don't freak out about it."
"Bite you?"
"Yes, like Justice bit you on the shoulder. It happens during sex with wolves. It's hard to control and takes practice to not partially shift during orgasm. Since we're both wolves, there is no need to hold your wolf back. Let him come forward and bite me when you come. Your wolf will retreat quickly and we can hold each other as humans until the knot deflates."
Mark slowly started to move.
I groaned in pleasure. "You can't hurt me. Take me as soft or as hard as you want." I was sure once he got going, he'd fuck me hard. I hadn't been with a wolf yet who didn't like it rough.
"What if I come before you?" His breath caught as his pace increased.
"I'll come no matter what when you bite me."
"The bite won't bond us?"
"No, like I said before, there are words we have to say. Until I teach you the words, you're safe." I moved beneath him, rocking my body against him as I reached between my legs and started stroking my cock.
No more words were said as we moved together. The only sound that filled the room was our skin slapping together and the occasional grunt of pleasure. It didn't take long before we were fucking hard as he took me with violent thrusts that had me bracing myself on the bed to keep from rocketing forward.
I loved it. Needed it.
I wasn't surprised when Mark cried out, then a moment later, his teeth were sinking into my shoulder. The pain of his bite went right to my cock, and I exploded, my own wolf howling in pleasure as my mate's cum filled me.
I worried he'd panic, but Mark seemed okay to ride things out. As he pulled his teeth from my shoulder, he howled too, then his body fell forward against my back, the sweaty skin sticky against mine.
"I love you." I reached an arm back to caress his side.
"You're okay?" His breath came in hard rushes of air against my skin.
"Perfect." I wanted to turn and wrap my arms around him, but his knot had filled me, and there was no way for us to pull apart.
"You're bleeding."
"My shoulder?" I was faintly aware of a trickle of blood running down my arm.
"Yes."
"It's okay. You can lick over it if you want and it will help it heal, but if you don't want to, just give it time. I'll heal quickly."
Mark moved, then his tongue slid over the wound on my shoulder.
I groaned, finding pleasure in the gentle way he licked the blood from my skin. "That feels amazing."
"It doesn't hurt?"
"Not at all. It's sensitive, but not painful."
"Am I too heavy?" He tried to lift his weight off my back, but the knot kept him from going far.
"No, but we can roll so we are on our sides if you want."
"That would be more comfortable." He slowly moved to the right and I went with him.
Once we were both able to rest our heads on the pillow, I sighed contently. "I could get very used to this."
"Me too." Mark kissed the edge of the wound on my shoulder. "You're okay? Sex was okay?"
"It was perfect." I meant that. It might not have been the wildest or the longest sex I'd had, but just the fact it was with my mate made it special. I wanted more, but was sure that for tonight, we were done. That was okay. I was happy just to have Mark in my bed, his arms around me, his scent on my skin. Mark's soft sigh made me smile. Knowing my mate was content was all I needed. He had one arm over my hip, his hand resting on my lower stomach. I reached down, covering his hand with my own. "I'm glad you're here with me."
"Always." H
is voice was sleepy.
"Always," I agreed.
As Mark relaxed behind me, I thought about how great it was going to be having this in my life. I wanted him in my bed every night, in my arms when I woke every morning. Confident that Mark had fallen asleep behind me, I closed my own eyes. I wasn't going to move. This was where we both belonged.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Mark
I sat down on the bench beside Tavish, close enough that our legs were pressed against each other. "It's such a beautiful day."
"It is, but it won't be much longer before the snow comes." Tavish rested his hand on my thigh.
We'd spent the morning shopping, then stopped for lunch before taking a relaxing walk through the city park. I was still trying to get used to the smells around me. It was so strange to think that all these smells had always been there, but until becoming a wolf, I'd never noticed them. It was as if a whole new world was opening up to me.
Some were harder to deal with. The ducks in the large pond smelled like food, and my wolf wanted to come forward and chase them all. I was slowly learning how to communicate with my wolf, promising him that we could go hunt rabbits soon, but reminding him that we couldn't shift in a place as public as the park. It was still hard though, and there were times I worried my wolf would ignore me and try and force his way out. Somehow, Tavish seemed to sense those moments and would reach for my hand or whisper words of reassurance to me that it would be okay.
We'd gone and gotten my license several days before, but I hadn't had the chance to drive too much. I'd practiced along the long dirt road that led back to Justice and Tavish's home, but other than that, I let Tavish drive. In time, I'd find the courage to go out on my own. I'd been shocked at how easy it was to get my license. With another wolf working at the Driver's License Division, I hadn't had to worry about the proper paperwork. Somehow, just as Tavish had promised, pack took care of pack.
I tensed as I smelled something strange, but strong enough to pull my wolf to full attention.
"Easy." Tavish smiled at me. "It's a bear shifter." He nodded to a woman who was tossing a baseball to a young boy. "There are a lot of bears in this area. They are friends of the pack and nothing to worry about. You'll get used to their scent."