by E. M. Leya
I'd handled the weeks of recording and interviews okay. I was exhausted. The band kept to a busy schedule, hardly having any time to sit back and relax, but it hadn't been too bad. We'd managed to hook up with some other wolves in the area to go hunt and that had helped relax me.
Nothing could have prepared me for the insanity of the first concert. It was crazy. The band seemed to be needed everywhere at once, Will trying to make sure that everyone made every interview, showed up for soundcheck, and a million other things I was struggling to understand.
The first few shows were in smaller venues and not arenas, but the place was still packed with people. I didn't want to think about how crazy things would be once they performed in a full-sized arena.
I stood to the side of the stage, watching as Tavish talked to one of the crew about something. He kept pointing to the stage, then shaking his head. The woman, who I'd met a couple of times, seemed to be arguing with him. I watched closely, trying to keep my wolf calm. He was fully alert, watching everything. He hated anyone around Tavish, and that was something I'd had to struggle with since we'd come to town. It seemed everyone wanted to be near my boyfriend. Tavish was good about including me when he could, but moments like now, he had to focus on his job, and that meant all I could do was sit and watch, trying to keep my wolf from tearing out the throat of anyone who looked at him.
"You okay?" Jackson gripped my shoulder.
I glanced up, surprised to see him. "Yeah, fine. Why?"
"You were growling softly," Jackson whispered.
"I was?" I frowned. How had I not even noticed that?
"You going to be able to keep it together?" Jackson glanced over at Tavish as if he was looking to see there was something going on I would react to.
"Yeah, I'm not sure what I was upset about." I ran my fingers through my hair. "I must be tired."
"You've got your wolf under control?" Jackson asked as he leaned closer to my ear as he spoke.
I nodded, though I wasn't sure I ever had full control over my wolf. He hated everything about Tavish's job and was always right at the front of my mind, watching intently, as if waiting for something to happen so he could react. "We're good."
"Maybe you should wait in the dressing room?"
I shook my head. "It's worse when I can't see him."
Jackson sighed. "When are you going to give in and complete the mating?"
The question caused me to tense. "When I'm ready." I glared at Jackson. I was so tired of everyone pushing me to mate Tavish. When I was ready, I might do it, but until then, they all just needed to back off. This wasn't something they could force me to do. "It's not really your business, is it?" I hated being rude to Jackson. I liked the guy. He'd become a good friend since we'd met, but it pissed me off when everyone got into the middle of things and tried to tell me what would be good for me.
"When you're in public growling and I can sense your wolf close, we have issues. I shouldn't be able to do more than smell your wolf, but even I can feel his energy. You're struggling to hold him back." Jackson glared. "Get hold of him or go back to Montana until you do."
I bit back a reply. While Jackson was right, it pissed me off that he had even noticed enough to say something. I was struggling, but I'd be okay. My wolf just didn't like anyone else close to Tavish. Angry, I moved away from Jackson, going closer to the stage.
As if he could sense me, which he probably could, Tavish glanced over and smiled, then looking behind me, he frowned. He quickly said something to the girl he'd been talking to and headed down the stage stairs. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I reached for his hand, hating how much even just simply touching him seemed to calm me.
"Your boyfriend seems to think it's okay to stand in the shadows and growl loud enough for anyone to hear." Jackson was suddenly beside us.
"I'm fine!" I snapped.
Tavish raised a brow. "You sure about that?" He ran a hand down my arm. "Let's go somewhere private." He glanced at Jackson. "He'll be fine. I'll make sure of it."
I glared. How dare he think he could control me. He'd make sure of it? Who did he think he was? This was exactly why I wasn't going through with the mating. I didn't want anyone telling me what to do or how to act. Sure, I probably shouldn't be growling in public, but I'd be damned if I was going to let Tavish tell me how to act. "I said I'm okay." I tugged my hand from his.
Tavish sighed as he turned to face me. "What's going on? Why were you growling?"
I shrugged. "I hadn't even realized I'd done it."
Worry creased Tavish's forehead. "That's not good. You need to be aware of everything you're doing in public. If something happens, I can't stop them from punishing you. It's not just pack law, but wolf law."
"I'm not a pack member anyway." I'd refused to join Kurt's pack before we left. I'd promised him I'd join at some point, but I hadn't been ready before we'd left Montana. Again, I hadn't wanted to give Kurt more control than he had over me. He'd already used his power on me and that had been enough to scare the shit out of me.
"But you are a wolf and wolf laws cover all of us. You don't want to break wolf law. You'd be killed, and I can't stand the thought of you dying. It would kill me too." Tavish reached for my hand again. "Come with me. Grab a few minutes with me before I have to meet with the band for the preshow meeting."
I let him lead me through the narrow hallways until we came to the dressing room. He pushed the door open and pulled me past Mitch and some girl who were sitting on a couch. Tavish didn't pause until we were in the back of the room, away from everyone. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Jackson is making more of this than it needs to be. I'm fine. I didn't realize I was growling, but it wasn't because I was upset. I have no reason why I growled."
"You saw me with Trisha. Did that bother you?"
"No, I know Trisha is just part of the pyrotechnic team. You talk to her all of the time."
"She's also a wolf. Maybe your wolf didn't like me so close to another?"
"That makes no sense. I don't freak out when you're around Jackson or Theo and they're wolves. Besides, I've met Trisha. I like her. She's fun to talk to."
Tavish closed the space between us, his eyes flashing, allowing me to see his wolf was close to the surface. "You are the only person, man or woman, that I want. You are the only one I love. There will never be another for me other than you. Do you understand that?" His chest pressed against mine as he held me against the wall with his hard body. "You mean everything to me."
His mouth was so close to mine that I licked my lips, anticipating his kiss. I didn't have to wait long. When his mouth claimed mine, it was with a hard, demanding force that left me instantly breathless as I kissed him back, holding on to his hips, giving myself to him.
At the feel of him against me, the taste of him against my tongue, my whole body eased. My wolf relaxed as I held him, enjoying the closeness and the intimacy that I could only find when near him. I wanted to rub myself over him, cover him in my scent, and make sure that no one else got close to him the rest of the night.
The kiss ended too quickly. I was hard and wanting, wishing I could strip him down and have him right there. "More." I tried to pull him close again.
"I can't. I have to work. Once the show is over, I'm all yours, but I have to meet with the band before we get on stage. If you can handle it, you can sit at the side of the stage and watch, but you have to keep your wolf in check. We can't risk you shifting in public. If you're growling, you're closer than you think. We have to handle this, Mark. Tomorrow, we're going to make this public. We're going ring shopping and then I'll make a formal announcement we're engaged." Tavish cupped my cheek as he leaned close for another kiss. This one was soft and gentle, but still not enough to satisfy what I was craving.
"That's a human custom," I said softly once he broke the kiss.
"It is, but we have humans watching our every move. We need to make them think we're human. Besides, you still think in
human terms most of the time. Maybe getting engaged and getting rings will help ease your mind. Somehow, I need you to understand that I love you and I'm not going anywhere. We're forever. This is forever." He placed his hand over my heart. "The paparazzi have been asking for more information about you, I think it's time we let them and the public know we're going to be married."
The thought both excited and scared me.
"I've got to get to work. I'll be with you as soon as the show is over. I've got a meet and greet, but you can stay with me through that." He placed another kiss on my mouth. "You okay?"
I nodded. "I'm good. Go do what you do best."
Tavish grinned slyly. "I'll do that once we're alone in the hotel room." He gave me a wink before he rushed off.
I leaned against the wall for several minutes, trying to collect my thoughts and emotions. He wanted to act like we were getting married. That would mean the whole world would know he was off the market and belonged to me. That did help ease my mind a bit, but this was human stuff and I wasn't sure just how much that mattered to Tavish. Was it all just for show or did a ring and a human engagement mean something to him?
By the time I walked out front, the dressing room was empty. Without an opening band, things were moving on schedule. I was slowly getting used to how things worked, but I was sure, just as soon as I got a grip on the small venue stuff, we'd move to arenas and start traveling. I was looking forward to the travel, but not the larger arenas. It was hard enough being around the people in the smaller venues.
I made my way down the hall as the lights dimmed. There were only a few thousand people in the crowd tonight, but the mixed smells were almost nauseating. I needed to get used to this. It was only going to get worse. Leaning against a cement pillar at stage left, I watched as the curtain lifted and Tavish did what he did best and entertained the crowd.
He really was great at what he did. I could see what he meant when he said he put on a show, became an actor. The man on stage wasn't the same man I held in my arms every night. He wasn't the same wolf I ran the forest with. On stage, everything seemed rehearsed. He knew what to say, how to move, what look to give. When he was singing, he was more himself, able to lose himself in the music, but the moment the songs ended, he was back to putting on a mask. I liked that. I loved that he didn't let many see the real person he was. My wolf liked that very few got to know him the way I did.
I focused on the music and on Tavish and not on the fans screaming at him in front of the stage. Even though he was mine, my wolf hated the way men and women desired him, and now, as a wolf, I could smell their want. Some were worse than others, but they all bothered me. Tavish was mine. We might not have done the mating ceremony, but he belonged to me. I was sure of that. No human, no wolf, no other shifter would have him. He was mine.
In time, this would get easier and I'd get used to all the fans that came with Tavish's lifestyle. I'd learn to control my jealousy, focus my needs, and be patient enough to understand this was nothing more than a performance. An actor, acting on stage, giving fans what they wanted. At night, in our hotel room, I got the real Tavish. The man only I saw, and the man only I would have.
I could get through this. I didn't have a choice.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Tavish
I was so tired as we walked from the limo to the door of the jewelry store to look at rings. We'd spent the night in wolf form, but hadn't slept much. My wolf sensed Mark's unease, and he'd wanted to make sure he was okay and knew how much we wanted him.
I was excited to make a formal announcement about our engagement. While it was a human thing, and really meant nothing as far as wolves went, it would stake my claim on him and let fans know I was off the market.
He seemed excited about it which made me happy. Even if it was a human custom, to Mark, it was something he was used to, had grown up around. Just the fact he was willing to wear my ring meant he was committed. He might not have gone through the ceremony yet, but he did want to be with me. For now, it would have to be enough.
"Any idea what you want?"
"Can we get matching bands?" Mark asked.
"Anything you want. Are you thinking gold or platinum?"
"I'm not sure. It doesn't have to be fancy."
I grinned. "No, it doesn't, but it's okay if it is. Don't let price worry you. We can afford this."
"You mean you can." Mark entered the store as I opened the door.
"No, I meant we. The moment we met, everything I had became yours as well. We are a couple, we are mates. Everything is combined now."
"That's hardly fair since I brought nothing to the relationship."
"It's still how things are. We can afford whatever you want, so don't hold back if you see something you like." I tightened my grip on his hand as I led him to the counter.
I'd called ahead to alert them I was coming in, wanting to be able to shop without anyone else bothering us. The last thing I wanted was for someone to show up snapping pictures of us choosing our rings. I wanted this moment to be special for Mark. It needed to be just for us.
"Welcome." The man behind a large, glass display case smiled. "I'm told we're looking for engagement bands?"
I smiled at the older gentleman. "We are."
"Congratulations." He gestured to a huge assortment of men's rings. "I'll let you browse, but if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask."
"Thank you." I moved with Mark so we were in front of the display. "Do you want diamonds?"
"No, just bands. No gemstones. I want to keep it simple." Mark leaned over the case, looking at all the options. "So what happens…" He paused, looking at the older man before leaning close and whispering to me. "What happens to the rings when we shift?"
"We take them off before. It's why rings aren't a wolf custom." I nipped at his earlobe as I whispered back to him.
He gave a nod before looking back at the rings. "I think I like the gold ones better than platinum." He pointed to a simple gold band. "Something like that. I don't like all the designs and stuff, but you should have some say too."
I didn't need fancy. I just wanted something enough to make a statement that we were married or at least getting married. "I'm good with simple." I glanced up at the older man. "Can we see this tray?"
"Of course." The gentleman pulled the tray out and set it in front of us.
I sensed he was fighting back a speech to try and lure us toward more expensive rings, but he managed to hold his tongue as I picked up one of the rings. "Anything stand out?"
Mark nodded to the one in my hand. "That one is perfect."
I took his hand and slipped it on his finger, staring into his eyes as I did. Surprisingly, it was a perfect fit for him. "I like placing my ring on your finger." I smiled.
"I like it too." Mark stared at his hand for a long moment, then glanced back at the older man. "Is there another like this one that fits Tavish?"
"Let me size your finger." The man focused on me for a moment, measuring my ring finger before stepping aside and looking down at the rings again. "This one should do it, but it's nothing for us to resize them if we need to. For you, we could have it done this afternoon."
Mark took the ring and slid it over my finger.
Even though we were just shopping and it really didn't mean anything, a rush of emotion hit me as he put the ring on my finger. I swallowed hard, fighting back something I'd never felt stir inside me before.
"Well?" Mark asked. "Does it fit?"
I laughed at his excitement. "Perfectly." I held up my hand to show him.
"I love them."
"Good, because I love you." Ignoring the man watching us, I pulled him close and slowly kissed him, hoping he could feel the promise of so much more behind the kiss. "This is forever," I whispered against his lips.
"Forever." Mark nodded.
As we stared into each other's eyes, I saw his wolf's eyes flash, and it was as if his wolf was giving me the same promise that this w
ould never end. It was a step, but not the one I needed. I wanted that ceremony. I wanted to be linked together as only mates could. To feel his love for me, let him feel mine. I wanted the security that came from that link. Rings were a symbol, but the ceremony was ritual. A supernatural bonding of two souls that no human custom could compare to.
I forced myself to look at the man. "We'll take them. Is it okay if we wear them now?"
"But of course." The man smiled. "Again, I congratulate you both." He took the credit card I handed him.
Minutes later we walked to the limo and got inside. I didn't hesitate to pull Mark onto my lap. "I love you so much. I didn't think such a simple human custom could make me feel so much, but it did. It's one more thing that I will share with you and not with any other wolf. While I know we can't wear the rings all of the time since we shift, I will wear it proudly every second I am able."
Mark grinned. "Me too." He buried his head against my shoulder. "I never thought I'd fall in love, let alone get married to anyone."
Was he saying he loved me? I hadn't heard the words from him yet. I knew. There was enough of a bond between us for me to know, but hearing the words would be nice. I longed to have him say them to me, but I wouldn't force him to. As a wolf, the fact he was my mate meant it was nearly impossible not to love each other. It might take time, take getting to know one another, but the chemistry was there. We were meant to be. The fact that he happily wore the ring told me everything I needed to know. If we were human, he wouldn't fight this so much. He wouldn't deny his feelings. It was the unknown that scared him, not the relationship itself. "I'm the luckiest man to have you as my mate. The future is ours, together, no matter how we seal it." Even as I said the words, I wondered if I could live a life with him and never go through the ceremony. It was instinctual for me to want that bonding, to want us that close. I hoped in time, once he was wolf for a bit longer, it would be instinctual for him as well. "I love you."
He kissed me instead of answering. When he pulled back, he glanced out the window. "Where are we headed?"