Cal looks down again, her dark eyes meeting my own. There’s such sadness there, even on a day where we should be celebrating, but I know battle is not something that goes away. I see every creature I’ve ever punished. I’ve no doubt that Cal sees her own punishments.
“What’s funny,” Cal whispers, “is that I didn’t need the prophecy to tell me that I loved you. I’d already been done for by then.” I feel my body seize up at her words, fear coursing through my body. My tail starts to beat double time behind me, and Cal’s eyes zero right to it. “I still don’t expect you to say it back. There’s no expectations between us.”
I don’t answer, keeping my lips shut. The words linger just on the other side of my lips, demanding to be let out, but I refuse. I won’t do that to her. I won’t make her stay when she wants to leave. I should have expected that my mate wouldn’t be the same as Clara or Jupiter, should have known that there would be something that prevents us from being together. Even the prophecy demands Cal leave, as if she’s not a part of my world after her job is done.
Cal slips her hand into mine, her fingers warm. I look down at where our skin meets, squeezing just a tiny bit, wishing I could keep her here with the simple action. Stay, stay, stay, my heart begs, but I don’t give the bastard any air time. This isn’t about me. This is about Cal.
I tug her closer to me, wrapping an arm around her body and lifting, until she straddles my waist. She doesn’t fight it, completely at ease with me picking her up on the slanted roof. Her trust almost does me in, but I slide my mask into place, hiding behind it.
“If you have to leave,” I purr, “then one last fuck is in order, no?”
I expect a smile, maybe a small one. I’m not prepared for the frown that mars her features or the tear that slips over her cheek. My chest aches as I watch the course of the drop, until it drips from her jaw. My hands cradle Cal’s hips in my lap, loose, gentle. I don’t know how to react when another tear falls.
“Cal—”
“Don’t.” Her whispered words are like a slap in the face, but I don’t try again. When she leans down and presses her lips against mine, I don’t respond, afraid I’ll break her. So, the cheeky little goddess bites my lip, hard enough to draw blood.
I growl low in my throat when she pulls away, her glistening eyes meeting mine.
“No expectations,” she reminds me.
The next time she kisses me, I open beneath her and immediately take control. She lets me, and I have the urge to bring her fire back, but perhaps, this isn’t one of those times. Perhaps, I can stroke her fire higher without adding fuel.
I slip one hand around the back of her neck and into her hair, gently guiding her while I taste her. But I’m not made for gentle.
The thought of her leaving Wonderland forever, that I might never see her again, brings my beast out, and I start gripping her harder, and grinding her down onto my hard cock. The wildness creeps in, and my claws peek out when I break the kiss and trail down her neck. She gasps and leans back, giving me better access, exposing her throat. I lick her in reward, trailing my tongue along her pulse, kissing her sun-kissed skin. Need crashes through me, all-consuming. I slip my hand inside her shirt and circle one nipple with my claw.
Cal spreads her hands against my chest, her fingers touching the bandage there. She jerks, as if remembering why it’s there in the first place, but I hold her hand against the beating of my heart when she would have pulled away. And then I’m rolling us, until her back lays flat against the roof, and I cover her with my body, her legs open around my hips. I don’t give her time before I’m shoving her shirt up and pulling the tip of one tiny nipple into my mouth. Her back arches while I pop open her jeans and slide my hand inside to find her arousal. Her wetness coats my fingers, and I pull them free.
Her eyes watch, riveted, as I lick my fingers clean, a hum in my throat.
“You taste like divinity,” I groan, a small smile on my face. She blushes at my words, fire igniting in her expression.
Sitting up, I help her pull her jeans down her legs and toss them away, until she lays before me on the roof of the Hatter’s house, bare save for the shirt and bra bunched up. I pull my shirt over my head and toss it aside, not caring where it lands, before I’m shoving down my pants, freeing my erection. The urgency I suddenly feel takes over, as if Cal will slip right through my fingers.
We don’t waste time once I’m free of clothing. I position myself at her entrance before gently sliding inside, slowly, torturously. We both groan as I sit fully inside, and I place my forehead against hers, holding her thighs tightly in my hands.
“Do you know what you taste like?” she whispers, her hands threading around my neck, one into my hair to caress my ears. I barely shake my head before pumping the smallest amount inside of her, drawing a little gasp from her lips. “You taste like wild honeysuckle,” she groans.
I slam my mask back into place and slam into her hard, punishing, trying to dispel her words from my mind, but she only meets my eyes, the clever goddess. She knows what’s she doing and doesn’t back down.
“Sometimes, you smell like woodsmoke, like a blazing bonfire in the summer.” My mask slips a little, and I slam inside her hard, bringing a cry to her lips, but she presses on. “Sometimes, your eyes glow in the way that makes me think of fireflies.” Her voice is huskier, breathier, as I pump inside her, a snarl on my lips as she pushes forward. “Sometimes, I imagine you on the back of my motorcycle,” her eyes twinkle at that, even as I set a punishing pace and her words get a little lost. “I think you would look good riding bitch.”
I press my lips against hers in an attempt to stop her words, to push aside the emotions threatening to spill out of me, but it only serves to heighten them as she kisses me back without abandon, as she lifts her hips to meet every thrust.
So, I slam inside her harder, until we both groan with the pain and pleasure, until her small hand wraps around my throat and squeezes, her back arched up in offering. I take it, and slip down to wrap my lips around her breast, nipping, dragging a single claw around the shaking flesh.
“You can’t hide from it,” she breathes. “You’ll always smell like wild honeysuckle and woodsmoke. You’ll always taste like home.”
I can’t handle it. I can’t let her see the mask slip away, so I react the only way I know how. I jerk out and roll her, trusting my instincts to keep us on the shingles when I yank her hips up to mine and slam back inside her, her chest pressed hard against the roof. I piston inside of her, the sound of our skin slapping mingling with the sounds of the forest. She’s so beautiful, laid out beneath me, that I can’t help but grab a fistful of her hair and gently tug her until she’s on her knees, her back plastered to my chest.
“If I can’t hide from it,” I growl, feral words, “then I’ll make sure you never lose the memories.”
It’s unfair, and wrong on so many levels, but I want Cal to remember me, even if we part and never see each other again. I want her to feel me, to long for me, to love me harder.
“Yes,” she breathes, pushing against me even with the brutal pace I’ve set.
I slip my hand around and wrap her neck with my fingers, an anchor, as I jerk her head to the side, and kiss where her neck and shoulder meet. Her breath stutters, and I can feel her body winding tight, preparing to crash.
I have the urge to mark her, to make sure she always wears my badge of claim, even if I can’t actually claim her. It’s an asshole move, one I didn’t think I was capable of, but as I feel her body shatter around mine, her cries ringing out, I clamp my teeth hard on her sensitive muscle. She jerks in my arms, her pussy milking me until I find my own release, roaring against her skin where my teeth break through, where blood wells in my mouth.
We’re both breathing hard when I gently lay her against the shingles. I don’t think about it when I lay down beside her and pull her against my chest. I don’t think about her words as we watch the stars dance across the sky. I don’t think about t
he mark on her shoulder, red and angry, my own rage manifested.
Instead, I close my eyes, and slide my mask into place, but it’s already too late.
The mask is gone, broken into a million pieces.
I love you, Calypso, I think, but I don’t dare say it out loud. But I have to let you go.
Chapter 54
It’s a little odd that there’s no tea party, but it’s also a relief. Attie and I plan to leave the next day, after we’ve had time to say our goodbyes. We don’t know how long it’s been since we left our world. White explained it could have been days, or months, or even years since we left. I’m hoping it’s only been days after imagining the fear that Rob must be feeling at our disappearance. He’s been good to us; it wouldn’t be right for him to think something had happened to us when we’re alive and well.
Hatter and Clara are having a celebration, almost like an engagement party. For once, the tea room is filled with the living, creatures and people sitting at the table and clinking tea cups. It’s all a big festive affair, one that makes me smile to be a part of.
Attie is having the time of his life dancing with a group of antelope-looking women. They’d pulled him up from his chair ten minutes ago, and still the kid hasn’t made an excuse to leave their circle. I smile at the sight, glad to see him making memories, because that could be all we have when we go home.
Cheshire is leaning against the wall, pretending as if he isn’t watching me. Every so often, his eyes flick over, and I catch them, before they dance away. He’s been odd since our moment on the roof the night before, as if he’s afraid of what I’d said. I don’t regret them, but it would have been nice to have him close for the little time we have left. I would have liked that.
“Hi. Calypso, right?”
I turn my head and frown at the woman taking the seat next to me. She has cat ears on her head just like Cheshire’s, her stripes bright green rather than blue. She’s wearing a shimmering dress, and when she moves, I can see through her. It’s as if she’s a ghost. I nod my head at her, confused. I recognize her from my vision, both as a child, and dead in Cheshire’s arms.
“I’m Danica.” A small smile spreads on her lips, and I see the resemblance immediately. She is certainly Cheshire’s sister.
“How are you here?”
She points to the Hatter where he sits with Clara draped across his lap. He’s currently feeding Clara bits of muffin, sensually sliding the pieces between her lips.
“The Hatter used his powers so that those of us who wanted to come celebrate, could. I didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to see my brother or the woman who captured his heart.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m that woman.” I glance over at Cheshire again, his eyes fixed on us. He doesn’t glance away this time. “I have to leave Wonderland.”
Danica studies me for a moment, taking in every detail. She lifts her hand as if she might grab my own, but her fingers pass right through. She sighs but smiles, before glancing over at Cheshire, too.
“Love is an odd thing,” she comments. “So full of hope. So full of wonder. There are many ways to love, and Wonderland is nothing if not a supporter of such things.”
“What do you mean?”
Her brilliant-green eyes glow when she meets mine, a wide smile on her face.
“You know what I mean, Calypso, goddess of Wonderland.” She glances up at the ceiling, where another painting depicts the creatures of this world. Again, no one seems to notice it, no one besides the Sons and me. “Have you ever wondered why you can see the paintings?”
“Yes.” I stare up at the depiction of Cheshire, Danica right beside him. They look happy, as if it was done before Alice returned.
Danica hums, a glint in her eyes. “It’s because they were painted by a Cheshire Cat, when he thought he was free.” She smiles. “Silly cat thinks he lost that freedom.”
Danica winks at me. Then she stands from her seat and walks over to Cheshire.
I watch, fascinated, as she opens her arms, and they hug, some magic making it possible when she couldn’t touch me. Cheshire holds her so tight, I fear he could break her, but she holds him back the same, as they trade words.
It’s a sight everyone in the room pauses to watch, a collective sigh at the genuine love and anguish in the simple touch.
Forever can be three turns of the long hand, I think, or it can be just one second.
We have to make sure we use what time we have wisely.
I find Cheshire on the porch that night, sitting on the banister. The forest is alive with the sounds of its creatures, but thankfully, none of them make my ears bleed. He doesn’t turn to look at me, hardly acknowledging my presence at all. The only sign he knows I’m there is a twitch of his ear in my direction.
I don’t wait for him to run, or Fade, or hide behind his mask. I move off the porch and step in front of him, looking up into his eyes.
“Come with us.” I force the words out, knowing what I’m asking but asking anyways. It’s selfish and goes completely against what I would normally do, but it’s worth the risk. I can’t help the hope that threads through my voice. “Come with us to our world.”
“And what? Stay there?” Cheshire asks, already shaking his head. “I have a job here. Wonderland won’t let me leave.”
“Danica told me that Wonderland supports love and hope. I bet she’d let you go if you only had the courage to ask.”
“It’s not possible.” His voice hardens. “I’m a part of Wonderland.”
“But I want you to be a part of me,” I whisper, holding his gaze, holding in the tears threatening to fall. Stay strong, Cal. Don’t let it out now.
His face softens a fraction at my words. “There’s no happiness for me, little goddess.” His words are so soft, I can hardly hear them. “I’m not someone to live happily ever after with. I’m not that person.”
I clench my jaw, those damn tears welling before I’ve even had a chance to push them back. They start to spill over my lashes, and Cheshire’s face collapses completely, but he doesn’t move towards me. The stubborn bastard stays on the banister, as if I’m not falling apart in front of him.
When I try to speak, I have to clear my throat to get the words out. I want to beg, to implore him to come, to choose me, to realize that coming with me is the freedom he’s searching for, but that’s not my place. Cheshire must choose on his own. I can’t make the decision for him.
“If you change your mind,” I whisper, my voice thick. “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow.”
I turn and leave him alone on the porch. I don’t give into my pain until I’m safely behind my bedroom door.
I remind myself that if I have to leave my heart behind in Wonderland, it’s okay.
After all, doesn’t the savior always leave a piece of themselves behind in the story books?
I stare into the forest after Cal leaves, feeling her pain even though she’s safely inside. We have a connection at a level I can’t comprehend, and I’m certain it’ll tear me to shreds when she leaves, when the emptiness takes its place. All this time, I’ve fought against the prophecy. I didn’t realize it would be my death.
Memories drop over me like rain, the emotions of seeing Danica tonight, and Cal asking me to come with her acting as a hammer to the walls in my mind.
“Loving someone is like giving them all of your trust, and handing them your heart, hoping they don’t break it,” Danica says, her legs hanging over the branch she sits on, completely comfortable even at the top of the tree canopy. “It feels like hope and warmth. I have to assume if you lose it, it’ll feel like nothing is ever worth a thing again.”
“Who has you speaking these kinds of things?” I ask, leaping from another branch to take a seat beside her.
A tiny smile curls her lips and she winks at me.
“That’s for me to know, big brother.” I scoff and roll my eyes. Her face gets serious for a moment, and she meets my eyes. “If you find it, hold onto i
t, Chesh. You don’t want to lose it.”
“No one could ever love an asshole like me,” I tease, and she laughs again, that smile springing back to her face.
“Well, you’re right there.” When she looks off into the trees, our powers already calling us forth to some terrible crime, she closes her eyes to feel it. “Maybe,” she whispers. “Just maybe, if you open your heart a little bit, the perfect woman will come in when you least expect it.” A teasing grin. “Unless your mate is a prophecy waiting to happen.”
That had been three weeks before Alice returned, and I forgot ever having the conversation. But now, it haunts me like a record, as I stare at the stars, and wish that I could take Cal among them.
Chapter 55
Attie and I stand at the edge of a shining portal, the colors green and white just like the rabbit hole had been. After Alice’s death, the key to Wonderland was returned to White, whatever that means. So, now he can open a portal wherever he wants and lead us home. I much prefer this way rather than having to go back through the skin table room.
There’s this overwhelming sense of anxiousness; I’m afraid of what’s on the other side of the portal, afraid of what I’m leaving behind. I didn’t expect it to feel like this, as if I don’t know how to handle anything. I’m supposed to be strong. Instead, I’ve never felt so weak, so tired. When we get home, I’m taking a day-long bubble bath, maybe splurging on a spa day for both Attie and me. But there will be something missing, something important.
I frown and look around the crowd, Cheshire conveniently absent. Sadness the likes I’ve never known explodes in my chest. He isn’t even going to come say goodbye. We won’t even get to share a final moment.
Attie squeezes my hand in reassurance, and I focus on the touch. It’s gonna be okay. I have to keep reminding myself that. We’ll survive.
Jupiter comes up to hug me first, enveloping me in an awkward hug. “We’ll come visit as often as possible,” she promises, a smile on her face. “Besides, I really need some tacos. I miss tacos.”
Feral as a Cat (Sons of Wonderland Book 3) Page 24