That idea didn’t sit well with me at all.
So, do I take the job or not?
That was the question I’d been asking myself since before I came here. It was a dream come true for me, but suddenly, that dream wasn’t looking as beautiful as I thought it would be. What would happen if I got the GM position? I wouldn’t be allowed to be in a relationship with one of the players, but I was going to have Howard’s baby. Would they make him quit? Or would I have to?
Or, if we explained everything, would they make an exception?
I let out a sigh, looking up in relief to see the house was close. The weight of the bags was a little heavy and my arms were growing tired. With how slow I was walking, I wouldn’t be surprised if the walk back took twice as long as it should have. I had to maneuver the bags in my arms so I could open the door without spilling anything.
“I’m back, Grandma,” I called, walking inside.
“Let me help you with the groceries.”
“There’s no need.”
In spite of my protests, she stood up and came to take one of the bags from me. We moved them to the kitchen, and she helped put them away. She sent me looks every time I took out one of my snacks and set them aside, but she didn’t say anything. Of course, I’d gotten some for her, too. I knew she loved chocolate, and I’d gotten some bars for her.
We moved back to the living room with some ice cream, chocolate and fruits. We each had a bowl, and we used the ingredients to make some desert.
Grandma sighed. “We’re spoiling lunch with this, you know,” she admonished. “But it’s been a while since I indulged, so I guess we can have lunch a little later.”
“Sorry, Grandma.”
“You’re a grown up now, so I can’t tell you what to eat and what not to eat. Once in a while is fine. But I do have to ask, Zoe, are you actually going to tell me what the matter is, or do I have to guess it?”
I froze, then sighed as I spooned some ice cream and chocolate. “Why do you think anything is wrong? Maybe I just wanted to visit you?”
“It’s fine that you want to visit me. You can consider this your home, too, so come as many times as you’d like, but anyone who knows you well can tell that you’re moping. Did something happen? Is it your dad?”
“No, it’s not Dad...” I paused to think it over. “Actually, it might have a little bit to do with him, but it’s mostly just me, because I have a problem and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“What problem is that?”
I chewed on my lip, and looked at her from beneath my lashes. “Grandma... I’m pregnant.”
Surprise crossed her face. I wasn’t sure exactly what I expected her to show, but it surprised me when she smiled.
“Baby, that’s a good thing. Don’t tell me that’s the problem? Or is it the father? Does he not want the baby?”
“No. I mean, I don’t know, I haven’t even told him yet. The situation is just... complicated.”
“Then explain it to me,” she insisted. “Maybe it’s something I can help you with.”
I took in a shaky breath. There wasn’t anything wrong with telling her. She’d have to find out eventually, too, because this wasn’t something I planned to keep to myself. Besides, talking to her was a lot easier than Dad or Howard right now.
“So, have you heard that Dad is dating someone?”
She shook her head. “No. You know your dad and I don’t exactly talk, Zoe. When did this happen?”
“I couldn’t tell you when, but he told me about it a few weeks ago, then told me a few days ago that he got married to her. They ran off to Vegas over the weekend, had a quick ceremony, and came back with the legal papers.”
“Well, that’s a surprise. I didn’t know your dad had it in him. He must really like this woman.”
I nodded. “He does, I can tell. She moved in with us, too, so I get to see her at home every day now.”
The house wasn’t quite as empty as it usually was, with the addition of just one person, but it didn’t make me feel as good as I would have thought to have the extra presence at home. Maybe because she wasn’t my mom, and because she was Howard’s.
“So where does the problem come in? Do you not like her? Does she treat you terribly?”
“Nothing like that,” I murmured, fidgeting as I spooned some more ice cream into my mouth to stall for time. Unless I wanted to stuff it all down my throat, though, I wasn’t saving much time. “It’s just that... she’s the mother to my baby’s father, so it’s awkward living with the both of them.”
I didn’t look at her when I said it, I couldn’t. What would Grandma think of me? I’d worried about that, which was why I didn’t say anything the first day I got here. Would she tell me it was wrong?
“I swear, I didn’t even know they were together when Howard and I started seeing each other,” I said quickly. Technically, I was fibbing a bit, since what we started out as could better be termed as fuck buddies, except we weren’t friends. Maybe a one night stand that lasted more than one night. “Neither of them know that we’re together, either.”
“Is that all?”
My head snapped up in surprise at her casual tone. “G-grandma?”
She smiled. “Really, Zoe, is that the only problem? While it will come off as strange to some people, if this is someone you care for, it shouldn’t matter. You’re not blood related, and you didn’t grow up together in the same house, so you aren’t doing anything wrong.”
I gaped at her for the longest moments. Her words, simple as they were, had eased the strongest vice tightened around my chest. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It was how I thought, too, but because I didn’t want to hurt my dad, I couldn’t help but worry. Hearing someone else say it took a lot off my shoulders.
“If that’s the only problem, then it’s not a problem at all. Go ahead and tell your parents, both of you, instead of waiting for them to find out about it later. If you’re keeping quiet for their sake, you’re sacrificing your own happiness, and that isn’t fair to yourself, Zoe.”
I winced. “Well, actually, Howard was supposed to be part of the team, but Dad kicked him out. Dad doesn’t like him, but he just recently got drafted. Well, actually, I met Howard when I went to draft him for our team. But Dad doesn’t like him because Howard was kicked off his last team for making some mistakes. He got caught up with drugs, but he’s been clean and sober for over a year now. Dad finally relented and allowed him on the team, but with the stipulation that he not see me. And then, I was called by the team’s owner and he offered me the position of General Manager, which is something I’ve wanted for so long, but Dad wouldn’t take me seriously, only now if I take the job, then I’m not allowed to have relations with anyone on the team.”
With my relief, I found myself blurting everything out, and when I stopped, I had to take in a breath. Grandma looked amused as she looked at me with her eyebrows raised. I blushed, dialing back on the excitement as I had some more ice cream.
“I can see it is a bit of a problem,” she said. “But not enough for you to give up everything, Zoe. Something will work out. I’ll support you no matter what, okay? Ben is a damn bully. He bullied your mom and kept her shackled all her life, you shouldn’t let him determine what happens in your future.”
“He did that?” I said, surprised.
Dad and Grandma didn’t exactly get along. Of course, that was the reason we never came to visit Grandma anymore after Mom was too sick to make the trip all the way out here, and I’d have to come by myself if I wanted to. I always wondered why, but could this be the reason?
“Yes, he did,” she said solemnly. “Your mom didn’t want to be a housewife, Zoe. She wanted to do something with her life, but your dad insisted on her staying home and taking care of you. She wanted a career, but he wouldn’t let her have it, said it was fine as long as he could provide her with everything. You shouldn’t let him do that to you, too, just like he did with your mom. Whatever you want to do, go ahead an
d do it.”
All this was news to me, but it wasn’t anything I could change now, anyway.
“There’s still the problem with the team’s policy, though. I don’t want to give Howard up, but the job...”
“If this position with the team is a problem, try talking to the owner again and explain things. If it doesn’t work out, then look for another position with another team. Not everything is going to be so black and white, Zoe. You’re thinking too hard. Just go with the decision you’re likely to regret the least for now.”
Was it really that easy? When Grandma said it, everything sounded so simple that I had to wonder what had me so stressed out I had to run away from home. Overwhelmed with emotion, I set my bowl down and reached my arms out to hug her.
“I love you, Grandma,” I whispered, a little chocked up, holding her tightly for a minute. “I want to keep the baby, no matter what, and I don’t want to raise him alone.”
She nodded in satisfaction. “That’s good. Now, the first thing you need to do, is tell the baby’s father. Tell him everything you told me, so you can make decisions together. Okay?”
I nodded, wiping at the tears that wanted to spill from my eyes. “I will, Grandma.”
Of course, I would tell Howard, I never had any intention of keeping it from him, but I wasn’t ready. Not yet.
Chapter Fifteen
Howard
Nearly two weeks. It had been two weeks since Zoe seemed to have disappeared, and I was starting to get really worried. Even when she shut me out when she wasn’t in the best mood, it was only for a few days, and she wouldn’t completely ignore me. The longest we went without even texting was when she first found out I had to avoid her, but back then, I still got to see her. This time, I wasn’t getting through to her.
Could something have happened to her?
I thought about asking Ben, but I was reluctant. He didn’t seem worried when I saw him yesterday that Zoe had failed to show up again. The first few times, he’d at least asked after her. Did he know where she was? Was I the only one she wasn’t talking to?
Fuck, did I do something wrong without realizing? Or... was she pulling away because I told her I loved her?
I knew I should have talked to her properly first!
If she was running scared because I said I loved her, then what did that mean? She’d said she felt the same way, but that couldn’t be true, could it? Was her disappearance her real answer? If only she would answer my texts or my calls and explain things, then I wouldn’t have to be this anxious.
My phone vibrated, and even though I knew it couldn’t be her, I scrambled off my bed and picked it up where I’d left it on my nightstand. Of course, it was just Grady asking if I’d be late to practice. I sat down in disappointment and sent him a quick text back, telling him I wasn’t well enough to come in. he didn’t ask any questions, just texted back saying I should feel better and get my ass to practice tomorrow. That got me to smile a little.
I hadn’t been pulling my best at practice. Ever since that disastrous first time I’d played while distracted, I had improved a bit, but not enough. After the near fight in the locker rooms, Grady had talked everyone down, and I was lucky no one held a grudge against me. He’d told me to do whatever I had to, as long as it didn’t take too long, to get my head screwed on straight before the practice match Ben planned to set with another local team in another couple weeks.
“Where do I start looking,” I murmured to myself.
She hadn’t been home. Since Mom had moved in with them, I’d asked and she’d told me that Zoe hadn’t been home the whole time. No way was I going to talk to Ben. What about her friends?
I groaned, rubbing my forehead. Her friends would be a problem, because I only knew of a few of them, and she’d only introduced me to one in passing. She was a short red head called Kayla. I didn’t have her number, I didn’t know where she worked, as for where she lived...
Besides, while I was skipping practice, it was the middle of the day. She’d be at work right now, so having her number and address wouldn’t be helpful immediately. I had time to look, though.
Wait...
I picked my phone up again and got into Facebook. Zoe had a page she rarely posted on, but she had a friends list. Maybe I could find Kayla if I checked there. It took a few minutes, but I did find her page. She was careful, though, there was nothing posted online that revealed anything about her personal life. I got distracted for a minute when I saw a picture on her page of her and Zoe. When I looked through the photos, I saw several more, including some that should have been from around the time Zoe was in high school.
Focus!
There was no other way to contact her, so I could only send her a private message and hope she’d reply. I dropped my phone back on the nightstand and fell back into bed.
What if she didn’t respond today? What if I had to wait days before she did? I was growing more desperate by the day, and I figured, if there was no other way, then I’d really go to Ben and ask. He was my stepdad now, so he could at least listen to a request of mine, right? He’d told me to stay away from Zoe, but he had to wonder about where she was himself.
I didn’t know how long I lay there, but my stomach started to ache with hunger. I checked my phone, but there was no new notification, and I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I didn’t feel like cooking, so I found some instant noodles and boiled some water. Ten minutes later, I sat at my table eating my lunch. My phone was on the table beside my hand, and when it vibrated, I picked it up. I paused, when I saw it was a notification from Facebook.
Kayla had replied. She must have been on her lunch break. I opened the message quickly, she was asking me what I wanted.
I typed quickly.
“I haven’t heard from Zoe in a while and I’m worried. Do you know where she is?”
I chewed on my noodles as I waited for her to reply back, and she was quick. The answer was simple, too.
“No.”
“Dammit,” I cursed.
“Then, can I meet you? I need to talk to you about something.”
She might not know where Zoe was, but they were close friends. If there was something wrong with Zoe, then Kayla might know. Even if it was just clues to where she was, or getting my message across. Zoe wasn’t responding to me, but she wouldn’t ignore her friend, right? The only other issue was whether or not she would tell me even if she did know anything, and if I could get her to talk.
“Sure. After work, though.”
She sent me her address and let me know to be there by six p.m. it was hours until then, but I figured I could waste the time at home. I did regret missing practice now, though. I felt like I would play well if I was on the field now, because at least, I would get answers instead of just sitting around worrying.
The excitement followed me for the rest of the afternoon, and it felt like time was crawling at a snail’s pace. I wanted it to be time already so I could go. In the end, I decided to try and take a nap, setting my phone for half an hour before six. I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, laying there for a while in frustration.
I must have drifted off, though, because the next thing I knew, my alarm was ringing, and when I opened my eyes, the room was darker. I turned off the alarm, and went to the bathroom to wash my face. Kayla lived a bit far from my place, but I knew the area. I called for a taxi before I left the apartment, waiting outside for the cold air to wake me up.
By the time I arrived at her door, it was exactly six. I knocked, and paced around in impatience.
“Coming!”
I heard her call through the door, and I stood still and waited. Some seconds later, the door opened.
“Kayla?” I said.
She was dressed in a skirt suit, obviously having just come from work, with her red, wavy hair left to fall around her shoulders. I’d only seen her once before and for barely a minute, but even if I hadn’t seen her pictures on Facebook, I was sure I could have recognized her if I
passed her on the street again.
Kayla looked me up and down, then stood aside and gestured inside. “Howard. Please, come in.”
She wasn’t unwelcoming or anything, but for some reason, I got the feeling she didn’t want me there. I wondered what Zoe told her about us, if she’d even said anything at all. After closing the door behind us, she led the way to the living room. It wasn’t a big apartment, a bit smaller than mine.
“Why don’t you sit down?” She said. “I can get you something to drink, if you’d like? Beer, juice, or water...”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Thank you for your hospitality, but I really just wanted to ask you about Zoe.”
She sighed and took the single seat, and I went to sit on the couch.
“I figured that out from your messages earlier. I don’t know why you came to me, though. Like I told you, I have no idea where she is. It’s been more than two weeks since I last spoke to her.”
“Right,” I murmured.
I leaned forward with my elbows braced on my knees, fingers folded together as I rested my chin on top of them. My body wanted to fidget, but I forced myself to look calm. Actually, I was the furthest from calm. I desperately needed Zoe.
“Did she say anything to you?” I asked after collecting my thoughts. “She hasn’t spoken to me and she’s not picking up my calls, answering my texts. I’m just worried about her, if something happened to her, or if there’s something I should know. Does she not plan to come back?”
That would be bad. I didn’t doubt, though, that I would follow her no matter what. I’d been daunted, before, by the thought of starting over if I didn’t have football, but I’d been an idiot for thinking that. So what, if I couldn’t play the game I loved in an official capacity? I was sure there were ways of getting around it. Starting over wouldn’t be easy, but there was nothing impossible about it, I was just afraid. But, I was more afraid of losing Zoe just when I’d come to realize how much she meant to me.
The Running Back's Baby Page 10