“I know that,” she shrugs, but her bottom lip is halfway puffed out in a way I know she’s doing her best to hide her disappointment. “I don’t want to be called Sasquatch anymore.”
“People call you that? Jesus, you’re six.” I hate the way kids are made to grow up so early now. Granted she’s almost seven, but I didn’t think we’d be dealing with this for years to come, and I’m not even a little bit ready for this shit.
She nods, and I can see the first chink in her strong armor. Sighing, I give her an answer that possibly we both can live with. “Look, I’ll think about it. That’s all I can give you.”
The excited squeal and the way she throws herself at me, looping her arms around my neck, tells me I handled this just right.
For now anyway.
I may not get anything else right, but I did this, and I make a mental note to call Courtney. This is one time I expect her mom to show up and be a parent.
I hope like hell she doesn’t disappoint us both.
Four
Emma
This tiny piece of paper is taunting me. It’s been the only thing on my mind for the last three days. The phone number is engrained in my head. When I lay down at night, I can see it, almost like a marquee all lit up and flashing on Broadway. I just can’t seem to get the guts to follow through with a text to him.
Every time I grab the phone and start to put my fingers on the right keys, I think back to high school. How quiet I was and how loud he was. How I always faded into the background, and how he was always the center of attention. Have we both changed over the years? I’m sure, everyone changes, but have we changed enough to have anything in common? Other than us living in the same town and enjoying the same food. That’s the biggest question.
And you won’t know unless you text him, Em. My inner dialogue is even berating me at this point. Glancing around my small apartment, I wonder just what in the hell I have to offer a man like him, with a little daughter.
A nice warm bed. How about an adult conversation? And maybe you can get to know the daughter too. Again with the inner dialogue.
Fuck it. With shaking hands, I input his number into my phone, saving him as a contact, and before I lose my nerve, I send a text.
E: Hey Ashford, it’s me, Emma.
Ashford and Emma seem so formal, but I don’t feel comfortable calling him Ash. Formal is definitely the way to go in this situation. I’m not sure how long I wait, but when the sound of an answering text comes my way, I almost drop the phone.
A: Hey Emma, it’s me, Ashford.
That makes me smile.
A: I was wondering if you’d ever get the guts to text me. Kinda why I left the ball in your court, but I was beginning to think it was never going to happen.
E: Eh, I had other things to do.
There you go, Em, play hard to get. Don’t let him know you’ve sat here for days looking at his number, trying to figure out what the hell you want to do with it. Don’t let him know you’ve been pining.
A: Ouch! I’m pretty sure the sound you heard was my ego taking a header onto the ground.
That makes me laugh.
E: Thought men who looked as good as you do don’t need an ego. Don’t you just go around all day flaunting the extreme luck you had when genes were handed out?
A: I guess I could do that, but I did have to pass all kinds of tests, both physical and educational to become a firefighter. I know we all get a bad wrap, but I can be book smart too. Although I bet you don’t believe that, given how I was to you back in high school.
Now, this is starting to get awkward. I didn’t really want to get to this subject so soon.
E: We don’t have to talk about it. I don’t like talking about it.
A: No, I think we do. I’m not the same idiot kid I was back in high school.
E: And I’m not the same scared girl who will let everybody walk all over her. Time has passed, we’ve both grown up.
A: Thank fuck for that, although sometimes I wish I could go back to being as innocent as Syd is.
There’s a question that I’ve wanted to ask him every time he’s come into the restaurant, but I haven’t. Figuring now’s a good a time as any, I go for broke.
E: What’s it like? Being a dad?
He’s quiet for longer than I anticipated. I watch the three little dots appear and then disappear. Maybe he’s collecting his thoughts, perhaps I’ve shocked him. Fuck. Maybe he’s decided I'm too nosy.
A: Simultaneously the scariest and best thing in the world.
A smile teases across my face. Something told me he would know exactly what to say.
E: I have to go. You probably don’t know this, but I have a job at the library three afternoons a week. I’d better get going, or I’m going to be late.
A: And you work at Bridget’s?
E: The tips for the morning rush is amazing. She lets me pick up as many hours as I need, and it doesn’t give me a lot of time alone. I enjoy it.
I don’t see him typing another message. The missing dots make me a tiny bit sad. We were having such a good conversation.
A: Hey Emma….
E: Yeah?
This wait is even longer.
A: You don’t have to answer, but did you ever wonder what it was like to go out with me back then?
The question is a shock, to say the least. In high school I was nowhere near the kids he was friends with, even though he’d smile at me every time we ran across each other in the hallways. I wasn’t cool enough, and he wasn’t nerdy enough. But I did. I looked at him, wondered what it was like to wear his letterman’s jacket. Wondered what it would be like to be the girl he took out on a date in his car. For old times’ sake, I answer his question.
E: Yeah, I did.
Then I put my phone in my back pocket, telling myself not to check it, to put the crazy notion that he’s flirting with me out of my head, and go about my day.
* * *
Ash
“Guess we could wash it.”
“What?” I turn to face my best friend in the firehouse, Gunner, my eyes following his thumb, pointed at the tanker truck sitting in its bay. I’m still glancing down at my phone, wondering what in the hell possessed me to ask Emma if she ever thought about dating me in high school.
Even though I was with Courtney, I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone who didn’t require me to keep up with them all the time.
“Ya know, to make this shift go by a little faster, we could wash it.”
A snort works its way out of my nose. “Yeah and then we can pretend like we’re skating for the Bruins. It’s way too cold. You know that as well as I do.”
“Then let’s do something. I can’t sit around here all day, waiting on a call.”
He plops next to me on the couch, sighing deeply.
“Is that what you think I’m doing?”
Crossing his arms over his chest, he gives me a pointed stare. “You’ve been quiet since you came on-shift. Is something wrong?”
On top of texting Emma for the first time, I had another surprising situation happen. “Syd’s Mom left me a voicemail. She wants to see her.”
“That’s tough,” Gunner winces. “I know the two of you don’t have the best relationship.”
He doesn’t know the half of it.
“Tell me about it, because I know exactly what will happen. I’ll tell Syd, we’ll make plans, and she’ll get her hopes up. We’ll be ready to leave to meet her Mom, and right as we’re about to leave, she’ll call and tell us something came up, and she won’t be there after all. Then it’s up to me to pick up the pieces.”
I know Courtney like the tattoos on the backs of my hands. She’s never surprised me. Not once. I’ve always been able to read her like a book. I knew when she wanted to get married when she was pregnant, and I knew just as quickly when our marriage was over.
“I don’t envy you,” he runs his hand along his whiskered cheek.
“I don’t env
y myself,” I admit. “I want her to have a good relationship with her mom, but it’s hard. She’s getting older, and she’s wondering things. The other day she asked me who’d teach her to shave her legs. I mean how do you answer that shit?”
He whistles as he stretches his feet out, putting them on the coffee table. “I guess it’s the same way I don’t have a dad around. My mom always found a man I could speak with. Usually, my uncle, he was there for me too many times to count, but I mean throughout my life I’ve had a handful of men I could go to. You just figure it out, Ash. Life isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t always come with instructions, and even if it does, sometimes those instructions are written in the wrong language, and you’ve just got to feel it out for yourself. You’re a great dad with a lot of support. You’re gonna figure this out,” he stands up, patting my knee as he ambles towards the kitchen, leaving me on my own.
I nod, knowing he’s right. I can’t doubt myself. When I start to question myself, that’s when I’ll be in trouble. The message though, fuckin’ pissed me off.
“Hey, Ash! I’ve moved here, got a new house, and plan to put some roots down. I was wondering if I could have Sydney. I’ve met someone, and we’re engaged. I’d like to introduce her and him. Don’t worry, you know him! Scott, the best man at our wedding?
Anyway, just let me know. Talk to you later!”
Scott had been my high school best friend. Had I known he always had a thing for Courtney? Not always, but it didn’t take long after we were married to figure it out. The last time I saw him, he had blood running down his face from his nose. I’d broken it when I caught the two of them necking in the pantry of the house I’d just worked my ass off to buy for me and Courtney. She’d gotten that house in the divorce, then turned around and sold it for a profit.
Those two deserve each other. What I don’t want, is for our daughter to get caught in the middle of whatever it is they have going on with each other. One thing I do know is the longer I put her off, the more insistent she’ll be. It’s how she’d gotten what she’d wanted for most of our marriage. It was way too late when I’d finally learned how to say no and put my damn foot down.
Sighing, I dial her number, pinching the bridge of my nose as I wait for her to answer.
“Ash? I take it you got my message.”
No hell, how ya doing from her. She goes right into what she wants. Some things never change.
“I did,” I cut her off. “So you and Scott huh?”
“Don’t act jealous, Ash. It’s not a good look for you.”
Tilting my head back, I rest it along the cushion on the couch. “I’m not jealous. I feel sorry for the poor bastard. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into. The minute you get a wedding ring on your finger, you flip like a coin.”
“I didn’t call to be made fun of, Ash. I want some time with our daughter.”
I bite my tongue. I’d like to tell her what to do with her time, but the courts say I have to be fair, if she wants time, I have to give it to her. Doesn’t seem to matter that she’s not consistent with it.
“I’m sorry, you’re right,” it legit kills me to be this polite to her, but I know I still have years of this to live through. I’m going to be the bigger person here. “Would you like me to drop her off?”
“No, if you’ll bring her to the fire station with you, I can pick her up there, and ease her into meeting Scott. I know it’s going to be a big adjustment for her. Especially since you aren’t dating anyone.”
Mmmm Hmmm. There’s what I was waiting. She’s fishing, and I refuse to give her any ammunition for later.
“Will do, talk to you later Courtney.”
With satisfaction, I end the phone call and contemplate throwing my phone at the nearest wall. If her track record holds true, I won’t even have to worry about Syd’s gonna handle it, because she’ll never know. But something tells me, this time, this time Courtney’s pretending to be mom of the year, and I’m the one who will suffer for it.
Five
Emma
My job at the library isn’t exactly the most exciting, but it’s something I can count on. It’s the money I rely on having every week, every month. Which is something I can’t count on with the waitressing, but waitressing gets me out of my apartment and meeting people. Neither one is what I see myself doing for the rest of my life, but for now, they both serve their purpose. It breaks up the monotony of life and gives me something to look forward to.
Except on days like today when it’s freezing outside, there’s fresh snow on the ground, and everyone is tucked tightly inside their homes. I’m reminded that all I have to my name right now is a car and an apartment. Honestly, I feel like I haven’t lived yet, immediately after high school I moved out of my parent’s home and started working. One of the reasons I was so quiet was because we didn’t see eye-to-eye. They wanted me to go to school and become a doctor or a physicist, but that was their dream and not mine. I still haven’t decided what I’m doing.
One day I’ll decide on what I’m destined to be when I grow up. I’ve always been able to convince myself that I’m not letting my life pass before me.
But the truth is, I turned twenty-six this year. Sometime soon I’m going to have to figure out where I’m going to end up and what my ultimate dreams are.
Sighing, I look out the window in front of the information desk I sit at, and wish for some sunshine. For the past few days, we’ve had snow showers off and on, culminating in almost a foot of new snow on top of what we already had. Most everybody is ready for the weekend when it’s supposed to get a few degrees above freezing and be sunny. Maybe some of this stuff will melt.
My phone chimes from where it sits beside the keyboard. I see a friend request on Facebook. Curious, I open the notification and see a request from Ash. Now this, this brings a smile to my face.
Quickly, I accept the request and then go to his page. Right as my phone refreshes, the chime alerts me someone has come into the library.
“Hi Grady,” I wave to the owner of the local hardware store.
“Hey,” he waves back, stomping the snow from his boots. “Crazy weather we’ve got out there huh?”
Everybody who comes in likes to talk about the weather, or if they haven’t seen the forecast for the day, they talk about how the Patriots are doing. We don’t have a football team, but we’re in the Northeast, so I guess we get to claim them as ours. I’ve never understood why everybody wants to make small talk. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging one another and moving on with our lives.
“Super crazy,” I answer. “You here to pick up a few things for your mom?”
Not long ago his mother suffered a stroke. She can’t talk anymore, but she sure can read, he’s in here a few times a week getting new romance novels for her.
He nods, a sad smile on his face. “Yeah, she already went through that stack I took her a few days ago. Dropped them in the night drop before I went to open the store this morning.”
“You’re in luck,” I reach over onto the portion of my desk hidden behind the counter. “I put some new ones back for her. We got them in today, I figured she’d enjoy them,” my smile is genuine.
“Thanks, Emma, this means a lot to her, and me,” he takes off his toboggan and his gloves, running his fingers through his hair. I can’t help but notice the wedding ring that had sat there for sixteen years is now gone.
“How are…things?”
It’s a delicate question to ask. His wife passed away from cancer early last year, right before his mother had her stroke, leaving him with a teenage daughter. Life hasn’t been easy for Grady.
He shrugs. “About as good as I can expect. Some days are harder than others. Bridget hired Scout to help out,” he mentions his daughter. “I think it will be good for her, give her something to do, give her some spending money of her own,” he sighs. “Our new normal just isn’t all that normal,” he admits.
“I’ll watch out for Scout, and I’ll keep saving
your mom the best romance novels,” I give him a smile.
“Thanks, Emma, as funny as it sounds, those are some of the nicest words anyone has ever said to me.”
We’re quiet as I check out the books for him, sticking them in the bag he carried in with him. Within minutes he’s on his way, and I’m stuck thinking about my own life. What if I only had sixteen years to be with someone after I turned twenty? I’ve already wasted six of them, and that’s when I begin to feel a bit of panic.
Picking my phone back up, I head over to Ash’s page, noticing he’s been tagged in a picture on Midnight Cove Fire Department’s page. I give it a like and post an emoji underneath it, hoping that mine gets buried in all the lewd comments already left. It’s not entirely putting myself out there, but it’s way more than I’ve ever done in the past.
* * *
Ash
I glance at my watch for the fifth time in the past hour.
“Dude,” Gunner turns to face me on the couch. We’re watching some show on TV, waiting for our shift to be over. “What’s so important that you keep checking the time? I’m getting a complex.”
“Mom’s dropping Syd off, she’s spending the weekend with Courtney, and I’m nervous,” I explain. “Syd hasn’t seen Courtney in almost six months, and when I told her, she’d need to see her mom she didn’t respond well. I’m hoping to avoid a scene.”
“Well, how the hell do you expect her to respond? Courtney’s never made her a priority before. She barely knows her mom, and her mom barely knows her. It’s got to be confusing for Syd.”
He’s hit the nail right on the head. “I know, and I can try to water it down as much as possible, but Syd knows – Courtney’s got better things to do than be a mother.”
“So why does she want to play that card now?” Gunner asks suspiciously.
I snort, crossing my arms over my chest. “She’s engaged to Scott.”
Inflame: Midnight Cove #1 Page 3