They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Erik shivered and wrapped his hands around the still-warm mug. “Is it just me or does it seem cold in here?”
“Yeah, it does. I’ll crank up the heat a little. See if that helps.” Seth stood.
“Thanks.” Erik held up his half-empty mug. “In the meantime, we’ve got our drinks.”
“We do.” Seth’s eyes lit up as he glanced over at Erik. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”
“Thanks for sharing with me.”
After Seth fiddled with the heater controls, he sorted through the items on the bed, packing them away neatly into the canvas messenger bag. Erik was amazed by how much fit inside it, but Erik supposed Seth had to be quite organized and efficient if he traveled that much. Maybe he’d been a little harsh on the guy earlier.
After Seth was done, he settled on his bed again. Erik occupied himself with checking emails on his laptop while Seth scrolled through the offerings on the TV for a few minutes.
“Oh, I love holiday romances like this,” Seth said with a happy little sigh as he tossed the remote on the bed besides him.
Erik glanced up at the screen. A dark-haired woman was walking down a small-town sidewalk hand-in-hand with a bearded guy in a flannel shirt and work jacket as snow fell around them. “Can’t say I’ve ever watched one.”
“Oh, they’re all basically the same. A woman living in the big city is engaged to a jerkish CEO but when she comes back to her hometown, she falls in love with a flannel-wearing guy after he shows her the true meaning of Christmas. There’s always a lot of snow, a Christmas tree lot, a mall Santa, and a dog.” There was a bit of a dreamy note in his voice.
“No wonder I’ve never watched any of them.”
“They’re ridiculous but so much fun.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“You could watch it now, you know?”
“I could, but I’m working.” He wasn’t really. Since tomorrow was Christmas, there wasn’t a whole lot happening at the office.
“Do you ever do anything just for fun?”
“I enjoy working out.”
Seth shook his head. “That doesn’t count.”
“Why not?”
“It’s still good for you. I’m talking something purely indulgent and fun.”
Erik considered the idea. “No. I’m more practical than that, I suppose.”
“But are you happy?”
He froze. “What business is that of yours?”
Seth held up his hands. “None. I just ...”
“Well don’t. My life is my business,” he snapped, his earlier relaxed mood gone. He sat up and turned out the light between the beds.
“I’m sorry.” Seth’s voice was very soft, and Erik had to strain to hear him over the Christmas music playing on the screen. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
Erik nodded tersely. But he found himself glancing up at the screen more often than necessary. From what he could tell, the movie was every bit as awful as it had initially sounded. But he found his gaze drawn to Seth’s face. He was stretched out on his stomach, his head situated at the end of the bed, and his face was so animated, so immersed in the scenes as he watched the movie. Every time a character laughed, he did too, and the joy or sadness of every scene was reflected on his face. He seemed to feel things so intensely. Erik wondered what that was like. It seemed ... uncomfortable to connect so deeply to something you had no stake in at all.
Seth glanced over at him. “What?” he asked, sounding almost shy. “Am I being too loud?”
“No.” Erik scrambled for an explanation for why he’d been staring so intently. “This is terrible. How can you stand watching this drivel?”
Seth sat up. “What did you call it?”
“Drivel. As in nonsense. Something useless and boring.”
“I know what the word means.” Seth rolled his eyes. “I just don’t understand why you’d say something like that. This is an amazing story. It’s so heartwarming.” His tone was earnest.
“Heartwarming?” Erik scoffed. “A synonym for drivel. Then again, most holiday things are. It’s why I was planning to avoid the whole damn thing. I was supposed to be in Tahiti right now.”
“Wait, so you hate the holidays?”
Erik shrugged. “They’re a waste of time, energy, and money. People build up their expectations so high that they’re inevitably disappointed when the experience doesn’t live up to it.”
“Well, that’s ... depressing.”
“Hence wanting to skip the entire thing,” he said. “I’d just as soon go straight from November to January.”
“Oh, man, you should see my family’s holiday celebration. It’s amazing. We have so many great traditions.”
Erik considered the idea. “We didn’t really have any,” he admitted. Sure, there had been parties they’d always gone to. And he and Robin had always opened gifts with Joanna on Christmas morning, but beyond that, they’d never done a whole lot as a family around the holidays.
“Have you ever hunted for the Christmas pickle?” Seth asked.
“The what?” That sounded ... vaguely inappropriate.
“Christmas pickle.” Seth crossed his legs and faced him. “It’s a German tradition. It’s common in Pennsylvania too. Ours is a glass pickle ornament. Someone hides it on the tree for the rest of the family to find. The first person who spots it is supposed to enjoy good luck in the new year. In some families, that person also gets to be the first one to open a present on Christmas morning.” He grinned at Erik. “It’s usually me.”
Erik found himself smiling back. Seth’s good mood and excitement over the holidays was hard to ignore. At the moment, Erik almost envied him.
“When I was a kid, we’d drive around looking at holiday lights too. Oh, and we cut down a live tree every year to decorate. And bake dozens and dozens of cookies.” Seth’s smile drooped and his tone turned wistful. “I usually miss all that now that I’m an adult, but I thought this year I’d at least make it home in time for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.”
“I’m sorry you’ll miss it,” Erik said. Oddly enough, he meant it. Anyone who loved the holidays that much should spend it with family.
“Thanks. Me too.” Seth gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry you won’t make it to Tahiti.”
“Oh, I have every intention of making it to Tahiti still,” Erik said. “The minute my work is done, I’m on a plane, and I’m not coming home until after the new year.”
“No special someone to spend New Year’s Eve with?”
Erik let out a little snort. “No. And I’m looking forward to skipping the same tedious party I’ve been forced to go to for the past ten years.”
“Well, that’s good. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone before then.”
“In the next week? Highly doubtful.”
“Ahh, have a little faith.”
“Look, I’ve had one shitty marriage. Why would I go looking for another?”
“Does it have to be shitty?”
“In my experience, they all are.”
“That’s also depressing.”
“You haven’t mentioned coming home to a Mr. Cobb. Clearly, you aren’t doing a whole lot better than me in the romance department.”
Seth flinched. “Fair enough. But it doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope. I’d like to find my guy someday.”
“That wouldn’t make you feel tied down and stifled?”
“No,” Seth said quietly. “I mean, it depends on the person of course. I’ve dated some guys who did make me feel that way, but they were the kind who didn’t want to travel. Didn’t even want to leave their couch really. They were content to stay in every night and watch TV. Don’t get me wrong. That’s nice too sometimes, but for fuck’s sake, we lived in New York. There are a thousand things to do. I didn’t have to be out doing something every minute of every day, but it didn’t seem like too much to ask to want to go ou
t occasionally, you know?”
Erik nodded. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done any of the things Philly had to offer unless it was for his job, but he remembered a time when he had enjoyed them. “Did your, uh, previous partners have a hard time with you traveling so much?”
“Yeah, that’s been the sticking point in most relationships,” Seth said with a sigh. “I don’t blame them, I guess. It can’t be easy to have your partner disappear half the month, but I always came home to them. It just ... wasn’t enough.”
Erik considered the idea. Could he imagine being involved with a woman who was gone half the time? Truthfully, if they spent time together when they were both home, it would have been more interaction than he’d had with Robin. They’d lived in the same house but spent very little quality time together. Over the years, they’d become more like two ships passing in the night than a couple. He hadn’t begrudged her the charity work she’d done—it was important too—and she’d been a good mother to Joanna, but she’d always put Erik last. And, he supposed he’d put her last too. Work and Joanna had come first. Though he’d tried. He’d begged Robin to go to couple’s counseling. She’d rebuffed him every time.
“Someone there half the time would be a whole lot more than I’ve ever had,” Erik said aloud. “The last fifteen years of my marriage were sexless.”
Seth frowned. “That makes me sad for you.”
Erik laughed, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. He didn’t know why he’d brought up his sex life. He took a sip of his now-cool drink. “I don’t need you to pity me.”
Seth rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. “It’s not pity, Erik. I just can’t imagine how lonely that was. Everyone needs physical affection. They’ve proven it scientifically.”
“I got a massage once a week.” He tried to make a joke, but it fell a little flat.
Seth raised an eyebrow. “The kind with a happy ending?”
A surprised laugh escaped Erik’s mouth. “No. A therapeutic one.”
“If you were in a sexless marriage for a decade and a half, a happy ending would be therapeutic.”
“Well, maybe. But, no, the massage was entirely above board. Towel over my hips and a very discreet masseur.”
Seth waggled his eyebrows. “A very discreet masseur still totally works with the scenario in my head.”
“Are you fantasizing about me getting a handjob from a masseur?”
“Yes.” There wasn’t a hint of shame on Seth’s face. “I’m not gonna lie. It’s a pretty hot mental image.”
Erik huffed out a laugh. “Well, even if I wanted to get a handjob from a virtual stranger, I’d hardly choose a man to do it.”
“Really? You’ve gone fifteen years without a release that doesn’t involve your own hand. If you were given an opportunity to let someone else do it for you, you wouldn’t even consider the idea of it being from a man?” Seth sounded skeptical. “In your shoes, I’d lay back, close my eyes, and enjoy the rub and tug no matter who it came from.”
Erik shifted. This conversation was having an odd effect on him. He could feel a little tingle in his balls as he imagined the imaginary handjob, though the whole topic made him massively uncomfortable. “Even if in your scenario it was a woman giving it to you?”
“Hell, yes. I get antsy when I go a few months without sex. I’d never last fifteen years. Woman, man, space alien of indeterminate gender, I don’t care.”
“Huh.”
“So, did you jerk off every day?”
“Why are we even discussing this?” Erik asked.
“Sorry. I don’t mean to pry. I’m just curious.” Seth didn’t sound sorry though. There was undisguised curiosity in his gaze, and his face was animated. He was enjoying this.
“Yeah, I jerked off every day. It ... did the trick.”
Seth made a face. “I have this mental image of you all alone in this big, glass-walled shower, stroking off and feeling sorry for yourself. Depressing as fuck.”
Erik blinked at him. “That is disturbingly accurate actually,” he said, his tone dry. “So, you’ve admitted to fantasizing about me. Should I be concerned that rather than soften the blow of sharing a room, you’re actually trying to get me liquored up to take advantage of me?” He held up his mug.
Seth recoiled, looking genuinely hurt. “No. I’d never do something like that.”
A flash of guilt hit him. “I was kidding. Poor joke, but I assure you I didn’t mean it.”
Seth’s expression lightened a little. “Good.”
They both fell silent for a minute before Seth gave him an appraising look. “Unless you wanted me to get you liquored up and take advantage of you.”
Erik huffed. “I didn’t say that.”
“But are you thinking about it?”
For a moment, Erik pictured Seth crawling onto the bed beside him and pressing their lips together before he unbuttoned Erik’s shirt and worked his way down ... And damn if Erik couldn’t feel his body responding to that. Jesus, why am I reacting this way? he wondered. He’d been hit on by men before. Usually, a guy trying to pick him up at a hotel or airport bar. Though occasionally, a colleague or someone he met through work subtly indicating his interest. Erik had never once felt a single stirring of interest on his own part in any of them. But this talk with Seth made his body react. It had been too long since he'd had sex if he was getting turned on by another man. Especially a chatty stranger who seemed a little too good at getting Erik to spill all of his secrets.
“No,” Erik lied. “Of course, I’m not thinking about it.”
“Mmm.” The skepticism was clear in Seth’s voice. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
“One bed over?” The minute the words left Erik’s mouth, he regretted them. They sounded too familiar. Too intimate.
“Or you can just join me in the shower sometime. I bet I can make you forget all about those lonely morning handjobs.” Seth grinned.
Erik blinked as the image popped into his head. He could almost feel a large hand stroking his cock until he shot all over the shower walls. But that was absurd, right? Erik was straight. He’d never felt attraction to a man before. Clearly, this was just an odd fluke. The close proximity and conversation were confusing him. He’d been pent up so long he was desperate. Or something.
Or maybe it was the alcohol. It had to be that. Right?
They lapsed into silence, and Erik swallowed the last mouthful of his drink. “This was good. Thank you,” he said. He set the empty mug on the nightstand. Erik lay back again, no longer tired but feeling surprisingly relaxed and mellow. Despite the odd conversation.
“Sure. No problem.” Seth smiled at him, but it looked a little forced. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable with what I said before. I was just kidding around, you know?”
“No. No, it’s fine,” he lied.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Seth retrieved both their mugs, rinsed them in the bathroom sink, then returned to his spot on the bed. They were silent a few minutes as they both focused on the movie. The couple was kissing under a sprig of mistletoe. Who even hung that anymore?
“All joking aside, I guess we’ll have to hope that Christmas romance pans out for you after all,” Seth said a few minutes later.
“Guess so,” Erik said absently as he stared at the TV screen. He glanced at Seth. “For you too.”
“Thanks. Maybe that should have been my birthday wish last week.”
“You had a birthday last week?”
Seth nodded. “On the nineteenth. I spent it in Dresden. I was there to write a piece about the Striezelmarkt—the Christmas market—that’s been going on for over 600 years.”
“I’ve heard of those,” Erik said. “They’re all over Germany, right?”
“Yes. This is supposed to be one of the best though. There’s a carousel and the world’s biggest nutcracker. Plus, hundreds of booths fil
led with handmade crafts, pottery, candles, toys, wooden ornaments, and food. It’s incredible. Twinkling lights everywhere and the whole atmosphere feels festive.” By the end, Seth’s serious expression had melted away and was replaced by his now-familiar happy smile. He glowed when he talked about travel.
“It does sound incredible,” Erik agreed. “I can think of worse places to spend my birthday.”
“Oh, me too,” Seth agreed. “And I met a nice strapping German man by the name of Hans to celebrate it with. My German isn’t great, and his English was a bit broken, but we managed.” Seth gave him a little wink.
“I can’t say spending my birthday with Hans would be my choice,” Erik said drily. “But good for you.”
Seth shivered. “Is it just me or is it getting colder in here again?”
“It does seem like it.” Erik stood, then walked over to fiddle with the heater controls. “I’ll try cranking it up a little more.”
“I wonder if there are any extra blankets in the room?” Seth said as he walked past. He opened the closet doors. “Hmm. Nothing in here. Maybe in the dresser?”
“I didn’t notice anything when I put my clothes in there but check the bottom two drawers—I didn’t look in them. If you don’t find any blankets, I’ll have a talk with someone at the desk in the morning,” Erik said. He doubted a maintenance person was on hand twenty-four hours, especially in this weather.
“Or we could share body heat,” Seth said with a grin as he returned to his spot on the bed.
“Are you sure you didn’t get me liquored up so you could take advantage of me?” Erik asked, but he kept his voice light and teasing.
Seth shot him a dirty look. “No. Of course not. But the offer stands if you need it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Erik grabbed his toiletry kit and a pair of pajamas out of the dresser. “I’m going to shower. Alone. And get ready for bed unless you need the bathroom before I head in there.”
“Nah, I’m good.”
Erik fled to the bathroom as if Seth’s offer to help him out was hot on his heels.
The shower had warmed Erik up considerably, but several hours later, he lay in the dark hotel room, shivering. The controls on the heater didn’t seem to do anything. They’d cranked the temperature up all the way with no luck.
Snowstorms and Second Chances Page 4