“Never better,” Erik said.
“Shower?” Seth offered, holding out a hand.
Erik nodded, unable to say more.
Under the warm water, they kissed again. They used their hands to soap each other. Neither of them spoke much. Erik had no idea what to say so he contented himself with learning each slope and plane of Seth’s body.
After, as if by mutual agreement, they returned to the bed. It was a mess though, so they pulled back the covers on the other one and crawled in there. Seth pillowed his head on Erik’s chest, and Erik resumed the questions he’d asked Seth earlier. “So, in ten years, you’re still traveling, you’ve written and released your book, what else?”
Seth let out a soft, huffing laugh. “I don’t know. Hopefully, I’ve found someone to come home to at some point in there.”
“Would you want to stay in New York?”
Seth shrugged. “I’m indifferent, I guess. I’d want to stay in a city, but otherwise, it isn’t something I’m very stuck on.”
“Any kids?”
“Meh.”
Erik chuckled at the indifferent sound. “Not a high priority then?”
“No. I like kids. My nieces and nephews are great. But it would mean I’d need to be home a lot more, and I’m not sure I have enough of a desire for them to make that sacrifice.”
“I think it’s good you know that.”
“Well, I’m hardly likely to accidentally knock someone up.”
Erik snickered. “I suppose not.”
“What about you?”
“Well, I already accidentally knocked someone up once.”
It was Seth’s turn to laugh. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Jo definitely wasn’t planned. Loved and wanted but not planned.”
“It sounds like you made the best of it.”
“Did I? I’m starting to wonder. Maybe it would have been better if my ex and I hadn’t tried to stay together for Joanna’s sake.”
“Water under the bridge now, isn’t it?”
“True.”
“Anyway, I meant would you want another kid?”
“Oh. No, I don’t think so. I loved being Jo’s dad, but I don’t feel like I need to repeat the experience.” He grew quiet for a moment. “I think maybe it’s time I focus on figuring out what makes me happy.”
“I think that sounds like a good plan.” Seth skimmed his palm down Erik’s torso. “What else? You asked me all these questions. Now it’s your turn.”
“I’m pretty happy at my job,” he said. “I like what I do and, much as he drives me crazy sometimes, Bertram and I work well together.”
“Glad to hear you’re happy with your work boyfriend.”
Erick chuckled. “Yeah. I’m not ready to find someone to replace him yet. Though he is getting closer to retirement age.”
“What about your dating life?”
“Oh.” Erik sighed. “I don’t know. You’ve certainly opened me up to a whole new world of possibilities. I guess I’ll just ... date and see what happens. Dating as a bisexual man in his forties will be weird, I’m sure, but ...”
“You could see yourself in a relationship with a man then?”
“Yeah.” Erik wasn’t even surprised. These past few days with Seth had felt too natural, too good to dismiss. He wanted this. But he didn’t think it was Seth being a man that had made it so good. The fact that Robin was a woman wasn’t why his marriage had failed either. They’d just never been suited to each other. Whether a future relationship happened with a woman or a man mattered less to him than finding a person he felt as comfortable with as Seth.
The ache in his chest deepened, and he pressed a kiss to Seth’s damp curls. It was just too bad his time with Seth had to come to an end.
Chapter Ten
When the alarm went off in the morning, Erik felt like he was swimming through molasses. Part of it was exhaustion. He and Seth had been up half the night. They’d spent it kissing, talking, and bringing each other to orgasm. They’d eventually passed out in the wee hours, but that wasn’t the only reason Erik felt like a zombie as they showered together, packed, and left the room.
Erik even felt a sense of reluctance as he’d checked out and left the hotel. He and Seth walked hand-in-hand to the car that would take them to the airport.
Seth seemed subdued too, and neither of them spoke much on the ride. Erik couldn’t get over the fact that Seth seemed to hold on just as tightly as Erik did.
They breezed through security, then found a small coffee shop midway between their gates. Erik picked at the scone and barely touched the mocha he’d ordered.
“Not as good as mine?” Seth asked teasingly, tapping Erik’s cup. But despite his tone, a heavy mood seemed to hang over him too. He had only taken a few bites of his breakfast sandwich.
“You spoiled me,” Erik said. But he meant more than the drink.
“You just like me for the bourbon.”
“Nah.” Erik captured Seth’s hand in his, growing serious. “It’s more than that.”
Seth offered him a weak smile. “I’m glad.”
“I mean it. This was ... these couple of days with you changed my life more than you can imagine.”
“In good ways, I hope.” Seth’s gaze seemed to hold a conflicted mix of sadness and happiness. It was exactly how Erik felt.
“Yeah, it was good.” He reached up and touched Seth’s cheek. “So much more than I ever imagined.”
“More than you imagined when I disrupted your binge drinking at the bar or when I tried to get in a cab with you?” Seth teased. “Or was it when you accused me of following you to the hotel and breaking into your room?”
Erik groaned. “Thanks for reminding me of my worst behavior.”
“It’s okay.” Seth squeezed his hand. “You more than made up for it since.”
“Did I?” Erik swallowed past the lump in his throat. “It feels like you did so much more for me than I did for you.”
“Your honesty and trust in me in the past few days was humbling,” Seth said. “I’ll never forget that.”
They both grew silent. What more was there to say? They’d come together unexpectedly and found something great in the midst of a snowstorm. But their time was up.
Seth glanced at his phone a little while later. “I guess I should go find my gate.” He sounded a little reluctant. “They’ll be boarding soon.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Erik stood and gathered their trash, his heart heavy. They wheeled their luggage in front of the coffee shop, and Erik paused and just stared at Seth for a moment. He wanted to remember the way Seth looked with his messy dark hair and soft brown eyes and sweet smile.
“Well, I’m this way,” Seth said, indicating the direction behind him. “Gate six.”
“And I’m this way. Gate twenty-five,” Erik said, pointing in the other. “I guess this is goodbye then.”
“I guess so.”
Erik lunged forward and kissed Seth hard. He closed his eyes and tried to memorize every last little nuance of the way Seth tasted. Erik wanted to burn the feel of their bodies pressed together into his brain so he would never forget it. Seth let out a little noise as he pulled back. “That’s a hell of a goodbye,” Seth said, sounding breathless.
“Didn’t want you to forget me,” Erik joked, but it sounded a little too forced.
“I won’t.” Seth cupped his face in his hand and rubbed his thumb across Erik’s cheek. “I definitely won’t forget you, Erik.”
I don’t want to let you go, Erik thought. Thank you. I’m going to miss you. A thousand thoughts swirled through Erik’s brain, but he couldn’t seem to speak any of them aloud. “Goodbye,” is all he managed.
“Bye, Erik.” Seth gave him a fleeting smile before he turned and strode away. Erik stood staring after him until he was swallowed by the crowds, but he never turned around once. When someone bumped into Erik, he finally, reluctantly, turned and walked toward his gate.
If he’d fe
lt like he was swimming in molasses before, now his feet were leaden. He had a hard time putting one in front of the other. It felt wrong to be walking away from Seth. It felt wrong to leave behind the best thing he’d ever experienced. The best person he’d ever met.
It suddenly hit him with all the force of the snowball Seth had thrown at him yesterday, and he stopped in his tracks.
Why was he leaving Seth behind? Why hadn’t he said yes when Seth had invited him to spend the next few days with his family? Why hadn’t he insisted he get Seth’s number so Seth could take him to the dim sum place the next time he was in New York? Why hadn’t he invited Seth to spend a couple of weeks in Tahiti with him? Why was he letting Seth slip away?
The things he and Seth both wanted weren’t so far apart. He knew Seth liked him, cared for him. They both traveled a lot, but New York to Philly wasn’t impossible. A few days wasn’t much to base a relationship on, but it was a start. It was worth asking Seth if he wanted to try to make it work.
If Seth rejected him, it would hurt. But not more than spending the rest of his life wondering “what if”. If he got on the plane to Philly now, he was sure he’d regret it. He’d be giving up on the best chance for happiness he’d ever stumbled across.
Erik glanced at his watch. Seth’s plane had already begun boarding. “Damn it,” he muttered as he turned and broke into a jog.
“Are there any seats available on this flight?” he asked a little breathlessly a few minutes later as he arrived at Seth’s gate. There were only a few people still waiting in line to board.
“May I please see your ticket, sir?” the woman at the counter said.
“My ticket is for a flight to Philly,” he said breathlessly. “But I need to change it. Are there any for this flight?”
“I still need to see your ticket.” She sounded a little impatient.
He thrust it at her. He knew she needed to make sure he wasn’t a threat, someone who had snuck by security somehow or something, but the need to get to Seth had made him a little single-minded.
“We are about to close the gates for this flight to Pittsburgh,” she said as she took the sheet of paper from him.
“I know. But, please, do what you can,” Erik said as she scanned his ticket. “I’m trying to surprise someone. I ... I realized a little too late that I care about him. I want to tell him I want to keep seeing him. This is my only chance. I don’t care what the new ticket costs. I just need to get on that plane with him before it leaves.”
Her expression softened. “Well, I suppose it is the Christmas season. Let’s see if I can perform a miracle.”
She stared at her computer screen for a moment. He wanted to urge her to go faster, but he knew that would probably slow the process down more. “The only seats I have available are in first-class or Premium/Elite.”
“I don’t care. First-class is fine.”
“All right, sir. May I see your ID?”
His heart was racing in his chest as he handed over his driver’s license. He slapped his credit card down on the counter too, and she gave him a slightly amused smile. “I promise, I’ll get you on that plane.”
“Thank you.” He was pretty sure his heart wasn’t going to stop trying to leap out of his chest until he saw Seth again.
“Do you have any checked luggage?”
“No. Just my carryon and my laptop bag.”
“You’re all set then.” She handed him a printed ticket.
“Thank you!” he said as he strode toward the entrance. Everyone else had gone through already.
“Good luck,” she called after him as he jogged down the gangway. The crew waiting at the door of the plane gave him vaguely annoyed looks, and he murmured an apology as he passed them. He found his seat, stowed his bag, but didn’t immediately sit, instead looking back toward economy class as he scanned for Seth. He couldn’t see him anywhere, but a few people were still in the aisle so maybe they were blocking his view.
“Can you please take your seat, sir?”
Erik glanced over to realize the flight attendant was staring at him. “Sorry,” he muttered. He dropped into the seat, trying not to let his annoyance show. The sooner they were in the air, the sooner he could find Seth.
Erik buckled his seatbelt and stashed his laptop out of the way. He drummed his fingers on his knee as he waited for the flight crew to run through the obligatory safety instructions as if that would hurry them along. Taxiing to the runway seemed to take twice as long as usual. Take-off was uneventful, but it took forever for the seatbelt light to click off. The moment it was, he unbuckled his seatbelt and was on his feet, coat and laptop bag in hand, but he found himself face to face with a flight attendant.
“Is there something I can help you with?” she asked.
He smiled at her as reassuringly as he could manage. He knew he was acting odd, but he was desperate to get back to find Seth. “A—a friend of mine is on this plane. I’d like to speak to him. And if the person sitting next to him is willing, I’d like to switch spots with them if that’s allowed.”
“That would be fine. I’ll need to ask you to return to your assigned seat for landing however.”
“Of course.” She stepped out of his way. “Thank you.”
He walked as quickly as he could, scanning the faces of the passengers. It wasn’t until he was almost three-quarters of the way back that he spotted a familiar tuft of dark, messy hair in a window seat.
“Seth?” he croaked as he stepped forward.
Seth glanced up and did a double take. “Erik?” Seth’s eyes were wide. “What? How ... what are you doing here?”
“I was hoping that offer to come with you to Pittsburgh still stands,” he said softly. “I’d like to be there if you’ll still have me.”
“Of course, but —”
“One second.” Erik looked at the woman sitting in the middle seat. “Ma’am, would you be willing to trade seats with me? I’m in first class.”
She raised her eyebrows at him. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Hell, yes, then.” She gathered her belongings as quickly as she could. “Merry Christmas to me,” she said as the man on the aisle let her out. Erik slipped into her spot and settled next to Seth, who looked slightly stunned.
“What the hell is happening?” Seth asked when Erik was situated.
He reached out and took Seth’s hand. “The short version is I was walking toward my gate when I realized that letting you go would be the stupidest decision I could make. I know it’s fast, but the only thing I could think about was the fact that the two and a half days with you were the happiest I’ve been in decades. That has to mean something.”
“It does mean something.” Seth squeezed his hand. “And I had a wonderful time with you too, but ...” He sighed and dropped his voice a whisper. “I’m afraid this is just the flush of really great sex clouding your head. You’ve never been with a man before, and you’ve been absolutely starved for affection. I worry that when reality hits, you’ll realize we hardly know each other. The glow of it all will fade when you’re back to your normal, day-to-day life, and you’ll realize you were just caught up in the moment. It doesn’t diminish what we had, but ...”
Erik sighed. “Believe me, all of those thoughts have crossed my mind too. But I care about you, Seth. I know we don’t know each other well, but I want to get to know you better. I’m not asking for a commitment, just a chance to stay in contact and see if there is something more here than a couple of really hot nights in a hotel room.”
Seth smiled but his gaze was conflicted. “I just don’t want you to promise me something, then realize the reality doesn’t live up to it.”
“We’ll never know if we don’t try. I thought you were always up for a new adventure.”
“I am. I just don’t know that I could stand to get my hopes up, then have my heart broken when it doesn’t work out. We don’t even live in the same city.”
“I know we don’t. Bu
t Philly to New York City really isn’t that far.”
“I travel all the time, Erik. You know how hard that’s been on my relationships in the past.”
“I travel a lot too. And a lot of it is to New York. I’m not saying this is going to be easy. I’m just saying I want to try. You’ve opened up a whole new world to me.”
Seth winced. “That’s what scares me. What if there’s more you want to explore? You only just discovered this side of yourself.”
“I know,” Erik said. At this point, all he could do was lay it all out on the line and hope for the best. “But I know that all I’ve wanted for years is to find someone who understands me. Who cares about me and is willing to fight for a relationship with me. I don’t need you to be there every single minute of every day. I just need to know you’ll try to make it work.” His eyes felt a little damp. “I know we have a long road ahead of us. Just tell me if you’re willing to take the risk with me.”
“Yes,” Seth whispered. He pulled Erik in for a kiss that put every previous one they’d shared to shame. It was filled with heat and sweetness and a promise of something new and wonderful for the future.
When they finally pulled apart, a smattering of applause from their fellow passengers startled Erik, and his cheeks went warm as he realized they’d all heard his speech. Seth laughed softly, and Erik pressed their foreheads together. It didn’t matter to him how many people overheard. Erik had risked it all and won.
“I guess that Christmas romance panned out for you after all,” Seth whispered.
“Guess so.” Erik smiled. “For you too.”
“It sure did.”
They spent the remainder of the flight holding hands and talking quietly before Erik had to return to his seat.
There were no direct flights from Buffalo to Pittsburgh, unfortunately, but the layover in Detroit was just long enough for them to grab a bite to eat. This time, Erik helped himself to Seth’s sweet potato fries.
“Is this something I’ll have to get used to on a regular basis?” Seth asked with a laugh.
“I hope so.”
Seth squeezed his knee. “Me too.”
When Erik suggested he upgrade Seth’s seat to first class so they could sit together on the flight to Pittsburgh, Seth told him it was unnecessary. But he didn’t protest after Erik told him he didn’t want to spend any more time apart than they had to.
Snowstorms and Second Chances Page 13