by Bloom, Anna
“Are we showing ink or not?”
I grin. “Showing ink, not showing baby bumps.”
“Excellent.”
By the time the old-fashioned bell tings at half-six, I am almost ready, although I am missing a fiancé; he’s been stuck at work. I shove my gold hoops into my ears and take one last look at myself in the mirror.
I almost look like I could belong to them—the Faircloughs—almost, excluding the ink. The ink is all Hitchin.
Saskia picked me up a beautiful Ted Baker dress with an almost Grecian feel to it. Halter-necked and gathered in a tie under my chest, it has plenty of room in the pleated skirts to hide whatever the future may bring. With a last look in the mirror, I run my hand down my tummy, the smooth pale pink material sliding under my touch. I could almost believe there is the slightest curve, but I know there isn’t. Babycentre UK assures me that it won’t be there for at least another seven to ten weeks. That’s good. It means I’ve got that long to get everything in order.
I won’t let Eli be the only one who fights, and I won’t have another woman sit across from me at my own kitchen table and tell me what I need to do.
I send Eli a quick message as I run down the stairs: Eta?
Flinging the front door open, I smile widely at Abi and Adam as little Charlotte throws herself into my arms. “Aunty Faith.”
“Hello, beautiful.” I kiss the top of her head, inhaling her scent. Her dark curls tickle the tip of my nose. “I’ve missed you.”
“You don’t come play.”
“I know. I can play here though. Want to see what I’ve got you?”
Charlotte's face lights up and warmth floods my chest cavity. “Pwesents?”
“Maybe.” I grin. “Have you been a good girl for mummy and daddy?”
“Awlways.”
I chuckle and squeeze her tight before Adam takes her from my arms. “Charlotte, you are too big for Aunty Faith to hold.” I scrunch my face into a frown but let him take her from me. Charlotte giggles and it sounds amazing echoing in the vast hallway. Roger, who’s a year and a bit younger than Charlotte is asleep in his buggy.
“Do you guys want to put him straight in the cot? I got a travel cot for him.”
Adam steps up and kisses me on the cheek. He smells familiar, fond memories of sunny evenings and cigarettes. “You look beautiful, Faith.”
“Oh, why thank you.”
Abi, "Humphs,” as she walks over the threshold, manoeuvring the buggy with skills that all too easily explain why she’s never learnt to drive. “You didn’t tell me it was a dressy thing.”
I grin. “On purpose. Come on, let’s get Roger down; I’ve got a treat for you all.”
Adam picks up the sleeping three-year-old from the buggy without waking him, and it looks like a useful trick to learn. I wave that they should all follow me up the wide staircase. Charlotte runs and holds my hands, but I put my finger to my lips, so she doesn’t chatter too loud and wake up her brother before Abi and Adam get a chance to enjoy themselves.
“Your room.” I push open the door furthest from Eli and mine's bedroom and wave them in. Miss Beesley did a good job in the short time I gave her. The bedlinen matches the dark green curtains and there’s an array of toiletries on the dresser, with clean towels folded on top of an Ottoman chest. In front of the window there’s a travel cot with a mobile attached. Not that Roger needs a cot mobile, but it was too damn cute for me not to buy.
“Where am I sleeping?” Charlotte pouts and it’s damn adorable.
“Shh.” I motion to where Adam is sliding Roger into his cot. “Come with me.”
I push on the next door and open it wide letting Charlotte go through. Her screech says it all. A giant princess bed sits against one wall, and against the other is a huge wooden play castle in pink and purples.
It’s amazing what you can buy and get delivered when you have a credit card without a limit at your disposal.
“Is this for me?” Her eyes are as large as saucers.
“Are there are any other princesses around?”
She shakes her head, her curls bouncing. It’s impossible not to laugh as she launches herself onto the bed. “I’m a princess!”
Adam comes in and stops in surprise. “Faith, this is too much. She’ll expect it at home, too.”
I snort. “Maybe she’ll want to come stay with me more, give you guys a break.” I’ve never suggested this before. As much as I love her, I’ve never been brave enough to offer.
“She’ll love it.”
“Great, so will I.”
Adam’s brown eyes meet mine. “I’m glad to see you happy, Faith.” He squeezes my arm affectionately.
His words sink in. I am starting to get there. Slowly fighting my way through.
“Thanks. Now if you don’t mind, can you stay here and play princess while I spend ten minutes with your wife?”
He nods and I slip back into their room. Abi is on the bed. “What’s up?” I plonk myself down next to her.
“Nothing.”
“Talk, sister.”
“Guess I’m just jealous. All those years we were together, you, me, and Dan, and then Adam when he came along. Now I feel like you’re leaving me behind.”
I grab her hand. “You’re the one who said Brighton was no longer my home.” Those were the words she said the night Eli ran from me covered in bruises. The night I decided to go to the police and put the past behind me once and for all. I nudge her with my shoulder. “You will always be my home, Abi. You are my best friend and nothing: no house, no credit card, nothing, will ever change that. It’s why I have a question for you?”
“I am not moving furniture for you again. Sorry, but you’re on your own with that one.”
I chuckle and then reach into the drawer of the side cabinet next to the bed, pulling out a small black box. “You know, I haven’t been able to create anything since what happened last in Brighton. Everything is blocked, and I know the only way I can get it back is to push my way forward. But I can only go forward if the people I need are with me. Eli, you, maybe Dan one day when he forgives me.” I slide the box into her hand. “It’s why I want to ask you to be my chief bridesmaid and why I know I can’t do it without you.”
She opens the box and finds the diamond star on its slender chain nestling on black velvet.
“Faith! Are you crazy?”
“Completely. But I need you to keep guiding me on. You’ve never let me down yet and I know you won’t ever.”
A tear slips down her face.
“I have no idea what this wedding is going to be and let’s be real if it’s anything to do with the Faircloughs it’s going to be awful, but I know with you on my side I’ll have all the things I need. And Charlotte obviously. My two girls.”
Abi almost catches me in a death hug, and I chuckle as she sobs into my neck.
“I thought I was losing you.”
“Are you mad? Right, stop snivelling, let’s get you ready.”
“I only brought my pjs and clean knickers.”
Laughing, I get up and grab her hand, pulling her after me. “I know you too well.” I walk for the wardrobe and open the double doors. Picking out the black dress, I hand it over. With a skater skirt and a deep V neckline, I know it’s going to look amazing on her.
“I can’t wear that, I’ve only got my frumpy M&S knickers on.”
“Did you know that in the street along from here there’s a boutique specialising in French lingerie?”
She flashes me a scowl. “No. I was humping boxes and furniture remember?”
Laughing, I grab the box out of the bottom of the wardrobe and push it into her arms. “Here. Now stop sulking and get changed. The others will be here soon.”
I leave her to it and go back downstairs finding Eli in the dining room opening a bottle of red.
“Are you being a fairy godmother?”
“I didn’t know you were home.”
“I didn’t want to disturb you. Plus,
I’m as stealthy as a ninja.”
I slide my arms around him and squeeze him as tight as I possibly can. “Do you want your present now or later?”
“Well if it’s a blow job, I think later.” He kisses the top of my head, his lips curving in a smile. Fuck, I love this man.
“Open the wine, Elijah.”
“Yes, Miss.”
I give him another squeeze. This can happen. I can make my past and my present create something so spectacular the future will be wonderful for us all. I just know I can.
Eighteen
“Wow.”
I collapse on the mattress next to Eli and snuggle into his side. My skin tingles with sweat and my heart thumps an erratic rhythm.
“Wow, indeed. Please tell me that’s good for the baby and we can do it every night.” His lips skim my forehead, his breath slightly uneven.
“I am sure that’s good for the baby.”
Sighing, I tug him into a tight embrace. “So, do you think the evening was a success?”
I sense his smile. “I think it was wonderful. Although you nearly made Miss Beesley cry when you gave her a glass of champagne and told her to sit down with us.”
“I love her. Seriously, I don’t know what I would do without her and her biscuits.”
“I know. I’m thinking of buying a biscuit factory just so we can keep you in supply.”
I chuckle and kiss his chest. “No need. I have my own factory. Beesley Biscuits.”
“You should copyright that.”
“I might. Now do you want your present?”
“Again? Faith, seriously, you know the fifteen-minute rule.”
I elbow him and then roll over, reaching under the bed where I’ve stashed the small white box. I’m all about the boxes today.
Scrambling up, I straddle his lap and hand it over. He takes it and then sits up with me still across him. I’m not going to lie, I watch his muscles ripple and it does dangerous things to my insides.
“So, I looked at everything Harvey Nics had on offer. I wanted something to show you that I would fight along with you. I know you think I’m still running but I’m trying my hardest not to. Talking isn’t easy for me. When you live for so long in silence, unable to speak because a crippling fear holds you in its grasp, the freedom of speech doesn’t always come easy.”
His eyes are on my face.
“But I couldn’t find anything. No watch, cufflinks, anything really that could show you what I need for you, for us.” I nod at the box. “Open it.”
With his gaze hooded he looks down at the slim box between us and lifts the lid. A smile stretches across his face as he pulls out the tiny white Babygro.
My note flutters out and lands between us.
My Eli.
Everything to fight for and nothing to lose.
With Faith.
And you.
Together we become three.
His eyes are bright, glistening, when he looks back up at me. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you. But I need you to be happy, us to be happy.”
“And you want me to talk.”
He nods and swallows hard. “For the three of us.”
“I will try. I promise.”
His fingers tangle in my hair. “I love you so much, Faith.”
“And I love you, in ways I never believed possible.”
He pulls me back down, throwing the box onto the floor but keeping the tiny Babygro between us. “You know tomorrow we have to go and talk about our wedding plans?”
I nod. “Yes, I’ve had my diary pointed out to me.”
“But we haven’t talked about it ourselves. Not really.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. However we get married, it’s all just the same. I’ll keep the peace on this one thing.”
“Really?” he arches an eyebrow, “you keep the peace?”
“I can try,” I amend.
He pulls me closer, crushing the paper between us, his fingers trailing along my spine. “You must have dreamed of a wedding. All little girls do, don’t they? Peter and I used to laugh when we’d find little Tabitha using a net curtain as a veil and clutching a bunch of daisies.”
“Poor Tabitha, it really wasn’t fair growing up with two horrible, much older brothers.”
“Don’t dodge what I’m trying to say.”
I sigh and press my lips against the warm skin of his chest. Finally, when I know he won’t be able to stand my silence for much longer I speak.
“It probably seems silly but there’s a registry office in Brighton and it reminds me of an Austen novel. The type of place Captain Wentworth would have waited for Anne Elliot, or Mr Darcy would have upset Elizabeth Bennet. It’s Regency splendour. I guess it always spoke to a girl who liked to hide in books and believed in happily ever afters.”
I hide my face as he mulls over my words.
“Then you met me and now it will be less Regency splendour and more Hello magazine.”
I chuckle and it pushes us closer together, warm skin on warm skin. “I can put up with it if it means I get you at the end of it.”
“We should fight for your dreams.”
Lifting up onto my elbows, I meet his gaze. “I think I have enough to fight for at the moment. Let’s pick our battles. And anyway, does it even matter if I get to say, ‘I do,’ to you at the end of it? It doesn’t matter to me.”
He rolls me over and tucks me in tight. “Come, let's sleep, we need as much rest as we can get before tomorrow.”
He doesn’t finish and I’m already drifting away, dreaming of Eli dressed like Mr Wentworth and us sitting in a carriage drawn by horses heading into our happy forever after.
* * *
There is nothing about this that elicits Regency splendour and quiet restraint.
Jennifer has piles of paper across the conservatory. There are colour cards everywhere and samples of lace; I don’t even know what the lace is for.
“Now, darling, who have you chosen as your dress designer?”
“Um.” I glare at Eli who shifts uncomfortably.
“Good designers are booked up for months, but luckily the family name will sway most in favour of booking us.
It’s 'us' now is it?
“I’ve looked through so many, and I do believe this designer might be the one you like. He’s edgy, but romantic, and I think it will be a good fit.”
Jennifer thrusts a glossy booklet at me and waits expectantly. “Well, I don’t think I should look with Elijah sat right there.” I laugh but it’s more than forced.
“Nonsense, darling, I need to know whether you like him as I have an appointment booked for tomorrow. I’ve asked Saskia to come with us.”
Well she did not mention that to me. That’s rude.
I flick though the pages, and there is no denying the dresses are stunning, beautiful. Some of them I’d go so far as to say are exquisite. However, none of them cater for a rounding belly.
“Can I think about it, please? I’m sure the most important thing today is to choose a date.”
Ah, diaries to the ready. Jennifer grabs hers, and Connie—I’m such a mental Nana—slips open the Filofax she has on her knee.
“What are your thoughts?” Jennifer glances between Eli and me. We look at one another blankly. Are we actually getting a choice in this? I thought all choices were eradicated once I let Eli put a ring on my finger—it was a choice I was willing to pay.
Eli and I both know we have the pregnancy to consider, but I also have something else lying heavy on my heart. I take a deep breath and force myself to speak. “I would rather wait until after the criminal proceedings against… against…” I run out of air and Eli leans over and squeezes my fingers.
“That makes sense, Faith. I think that’s a good choice.” He smiles and his eyes crinkle around the edges a little.
“But we don’t know how long that will be. It would be far more beneficial to the situation if you were shown to be a strong woman in a successful
marriage. Then press coverage of the wedding could very well weigh things in your favour.”
I stare open mouthed at Connie. There isn’t a single cell in her being that isn’t one-hundred-percent total bitch.
“I don’t need press coverage to make my case. What happened to me was wrong. And I am a strong and successful woman regardless of my marital state.”
She doesn’t say a word, just arches one perfect eyebrow.
“Excuse me for a moment.” I stand from the rattan sofa and stride away. I shouldn’t leave Eli, I know that. I promised him I would fight. But fuck that woman; I want to punch her. A dramatic sigh echoes behind me, but I ignore it and find my way back into the house and to Elaine in the kitchen.
“How’s it going?” She motions to a kitchen chair. “Do you need a whisky?”
I shake my head. Yes, I desperately need a whisky, but sadly it’s on the 'don’t consume' list, along with most other forms of food and drink.
“Just a water.”
“Okay. What’s what?” She motions to the shiny booklet in my hand and I push it across the table towards her.
“Ooh, look at these.” She flicks through the pages, one generous hip resting against the solid kitchen table. “This one, this one is perfect for you.”
I glance at the picture. It is stunning and she’s right, in any other situation that is very similar to the dress I would choose.
But I can’t.
Well fuck.
Then I cry.
Stupid bloody hormones.
Feet fall from the other side of the door and Eli bursts into the kitchen. I quickly shut the book, which is stupid considering I‘m never going to wear the stupid dress. “Hi, Elaine.” He leans over and kisses her cheek before turning to me. “Come, we’re going.”
“What? We can’t go, we haven’t decided anything.”
“I don’t care, I won’t have them upset you.”
My shoulders slump briefly but then I straighten my back and wipe my palms across my face. “It’s fine, it’s just the hormones.” The words slip out before I even think about them and Elaine gasps.
“Oh my god!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.” I smile but it’s watery. She rushes over and hugs me tight. “I’m so very pleased for you.”