by abbé Prévost
V
Infected with that leprosy of lust, Which taints the hoariest years of vicious men Making them ransack to the very last The dregs of pleasure for their vanished joys. BYRON.
"On sitting down to reflect upon this strange turn of fate, I foundmyself so perplexed, and consequently so incapable of arriving at anyrational conclusion, that I allowed Lescaut to put repeated questionsto me without in the slightest degree attending to their purport. Itwas then that honour and virtue made me feel the most poignant remorse,and that I recalled with bitterness Amiens, my father's house, St.Sulpice, and every spot where I had ever lived in happy innocence. Bywhat a terrific interval was I now separated from that blessed state!I beheld it no longer but as a dim shadow in the distance, stillattracting my regrets and desires, but without the power of rousing meto exertion. 'By what fatality,' said I, 'have I become thus degraded?Love is not a guilty passion! why then has it been to me the source ofprofligacy and distress? Who prevented me from leading a virtuous andtranquil life with Manon? Why did I not marry her before I obtainedany concession from her love? Would not my father, who had thetenderest regard for me, have given his consent, if I had taken thefair and candid course of soliciting him? Yes, my father would himselfhave cherished her as one far too good to be his son's wife! I shouldhave been happy in the love of Manon, in the affection of my father, inthe esteem of the world, with a moderate portion of the good things oflife, and above all with the consciousness of virtue. Disastrouschange! Into what an infamous character is it here proposed that Ishould sink? To share---- But can I hesitate, if Manon herselfsuggests it, and if I am to lose her except upon such conditions?'Lescaut,' said I, putting my hands to my eyes as if to shut out such ahorrifying vision, 'if your intention was to render me a service, Igive you thanks. You might perhaps have struck out a more reputablecourse, but it is so settled, is it not? Let us then only think ofprofiting by your labour, and fulfilling your engagements.'
"Lescaut, who had been considerably embarrassed, not only by my fury,but by the long silence which followed it, was too happy to see me nowtake a course so different from what he had anticipated. He had not aparticle of courage, of which indeed I have, in the sequel of my story,abundant proof. 'Yes, yes,' he quickly answered, 'it is good service Ihave rendered you, and you will find that we shall derive infinitelymore advantage from it than you now expect.' We consulted then as tothe best mode of preventing the suspicions which G---- M---- mightentertain of our relationship, when he found me older and of ripermanhood than he probably imagined. The only plan we could hit upon wasto assume in his presence an innocent and provincial air, and topersuade him that it was my intention to enter the Church, and thatwith that view I was obliged to go every day to the college. We alsodetermined that I should appear as awkward as I possibly could thefirst time I was admitted to the honour of an introduction.
"He returned to town three or four days after, and at once conductedManon to the house which his steward had in the meantime prepared. Sheimmediately apprised Lescaut of her return, and he having informed me,we went together to her new abode. The old lover had already gone out.
"In spite of the submission with which I had resigned myself to herwishes, I could not, at our meeting, repress the compunctious visitingsof my conscience. I appeared before her grieved and dejected. The joyI felt at seeing her once more could not altogether dispel my sorrowfor her infidelity: she, on the contrary, appeared transported with thepleasure of seeing me. She accused me of coldness. I could not helpmuttering the words perfidious and unfaithful, though they wereprofusely mixed with sighs.
"At first she laughed at me for my simplicity; but when she found thatI continued to look at her with an unchanging expression of melancholy,and that I could not bring myself to enter with alacrity into a sceneso repugnant to all my feelings, she went alone into her boudoir. Ivery soon followed her, and then I found her in a flood of tears. Iasked the cause of her sorrow. 'You can easily understand it,' saidshe; 'how can you wish me to live, if my presence can no longer haveany other effect than to give you an air of sadness and chagrin? Notone kiss have you given me during the long hour you have been in thehouse, while you have received my caresses with the dignifiedindifference of a Grand Turk, receiving the forced homage of theSultanas of his harem.'
"'Hearken to me, Manon,' said I, embracing her; 'I cannot conceal fromyou that my heart is bitterly afflicted. I do not now allude to theuneasiness your sudden flight caused me, nor to the unkindness ofquitting me without a word of consolation, after having passed thenight away from me. The pleasure of seeing you again would more thancompensate for all; but do you imagine that I can reflect without sighsand tears upon the degrading and unhappy life which you now wish me tolead in this house? Say nothing of my birth, or of my feelings ofhonour; love like mine derives no aid from arguments of that feeblenature; but do you imagine that I can without emotion see my love sobadly recompensed, or rather so cruelly treated, by an ungrateful andunfeeling mistress?'
"She interrupted me. 'Stop, chevalier,' said she, 'it is useless totorture me with reproaches, which, coming from you, always pierce myheart. I see what annoys you. I had hoped that you would have agreedto the project which I had devised for mending our shattered fortunes,and it was from a feeling of delicacy to you that I began the executionof it without your assistance; but I give it up since it does not meetyour approbation.' She added that she would now merely request alittle patient forbearance during the remainder of the day; that shehad already received five hundred crowns from the old gentleman, andthat he had promised to bring her that evening a magnificent pearlnecklace with other jewels, and, in advance, half of the yearly pensionhe had engaged to allow her. 'Leave me only time enough,' said she tome, to get possession of these presents; I promise you that he willhave little to boast of from his connection with me, for in the countryI repulsed all his advances, putting him off till our return to town.It is true that he has kissed my hand a thousand times over, and it isbut just that he should pay for even this amusement: I am sure that,considering his riches as well as his age, five or six thousand francsis not an unreasonable price!'
"Her determination was of more value in my eyes than twenty thousandcrowns. I could feel that I was not yet bereft of every sentiment ofhonour, by the satisfaction I experienced at escaping thus from infamy.But I was born for brief joys, and miseries of long duration. Fatenever rescued me from one precipice, but to lead me to another. When Ihad expressed my delight to Manon at this change in her intentions, Itold her she had better inform Lescaut of it, in order that we mighttake our measures in concert. At first he murmured, but the money inhand induced him to enter into our views. It was then determined thatwe should all meet at G---- M----'s supper table, and that, for tworeasons: first, for the amusement of passing me off as a schoolboy, andbrother to Manon; and secondly, to prevent the old profligate fromtaking any liberties with his mistress, on the strength of his liberalpayments in advance. Lescaut and I were to retire, when he went to theroom where he expected to pass the night; and Manon, instead offollowing him, promised to come out, and join us. Lescaut undertook tohave a coach waiting at the door.
"The supper hour having arrived, M. G---- M---- made his appearance.Already Lescaut was with his sister in the supper room. The moment thelover entered, he presented his fair one with a complete set of pearls,necklaces, ear-rings, and bracelets, which must have cost at least athousand crowns. He then placed on the table before her, in louisd'or, two thousand four hundred francs, the half of her year'sallowance. He seasoned his present with many pretty speeches in thetrue style of the old court. Manon could not refuse him a few kisses:it was sealing her right to the money which he had just handed to her.I was at the door, and waiting for Lescaut's signal to enter the room.
"He approached to take me by the hand, while Manon was securing themoney and jewels, and leading me towards M. G---- M----, he desired meto make my bow. I made two or three most pr
ofound ones. 'Pray excusehim, sir,' said Lescaut, 'he is a mere child. He has not yet acquiredmuch of the ton of Paris; but no doubt with a little trouble we shallimprove him. You will often have the honour of seeing that gentleman,here,' said he, turning towards me: 'take advantage of it, andendeavour to imitate so good a model.'
"The old libertine appeared to be pleased with me. He patted me on thecheek, saying that I was a fine boy, but that I should be on my guardin Paris, where young men were easily debauched. Lescaut assured himthat I was naturally of so grave a character that I thought of nothingbut becoming a clergyman, and that, even as a child, my favouriteamusement was building little chapels. 'I fancy a likeness to Manon,'said the old gentleman, putting his hand under my chin. I answeredhim, with the most simple air-- 'Sir, the fact is, that we are veryclosely connected, and I love my sister as another portion of myself.''Do you hear that,' said he to Lescaut; 'he is indeed a clever boy! Itis a pity he should not see something of the world.' 'Oh, sir,' Ireplied, 'I have seen a great deal of it at home, attending church, andI believe I might find in Paris some greater fools than myself.''Listen,' said he; 'it is positively wonderful in a boy from thecountry.'
"The whole conversation during supper was of the same kind. Manon, withher usual gaiety, was several times on the point of spoiling the jokeby her bursts of laughter. I contrived, while eating, to recount hisown identical history, and to paint even the fate that awaited him.Lescaut and Manon were in an agony of fear during my recital,especially while I was drawing his portrait to the life: but his ownvanity prevented him from recognising it, and I did it so well that hewas the first to pronounce it extremely laughable. You will allow thatI had reason for dwelling on this ridiculous scene.
"At length it was time to retire. He hinted at the impatience of love.Lescaut and I took our departure. G---- M---- went to his room, andManon, making some excuse for her absence, came to join us at the gate.The coach, that was waiting for us a few doors off, drove up towardsus, and we were out of the street in an instant.
"Although I must confess that this proceeding appeared to me littleshort of actual robbery, it was not the most dishonest one with which Ithought I had to reproach myself. I had more scruples about the moneywhich I had won at play. However, we derived as little advantage fromone as from the other; and Heaven sometimes ordains that the lightestfault shall meet the severest punishment.
"M. G---- M---- was not long in finding out that he had been duped. Iam not sure whether he took any steps that night to discover us, but hehad influence enough to ensure an effectual pursuit, and we weresufficiently imprudent to rely upon the extent of Paris and thedistance between our residence and his. Not only did he discover ourabode and our circumstances, but also who I was--the life that I hadled in Paris--Manon's former connection with B----,--the manner inwhich she had deceived him: in a word, all the scandalous facts of ourhistory. He therefore resolved to have us apprehended, and treatedless as criminals than as vagabonds. An officer came abruptly onemorning into our bedroom, with half a dozen archers of the guard. Theyfirst took possession of our money, or I should rather say, ofG----M----'s. They made us quickly get up, and conducted us to thedoor, where we found two coaches, into one of which they forced poorManon, without any explanation, and I was taken in the other to St.Lazare.
"One must have experienced this kind of reverse, to understand thedespair that is caused by it. The police were savage enough to deny methe consolation of embracing Manon, or of bidding her farewell. Iremained for a long time ignorant of her fate. It was perhapsfortunate for me that I was kept in a state of ignorance, for had Iknown what she suffered, I should have lost my senses, probably my life.
"My unhappy mistress was dragged then from my presence, and taken to aplace the very name of which fills me with horror to remember. This tobe the lot of a creature the most perfect, who must have shared themost splendid throne on earth, if other men had only seen and felt as Idid! She was not treated harshly there, but was shut up in a narrowprison, and obliged, in solitary confinement, to perform a certainquantity of work each day, as a necessary condition for obtaining themost unpalatable food. I did not learn this till a long time after,when I had myself endured some months of rough and cruel treatment.
"My guards not having told me where it was that they had been orderedto conduct me, it was only on my arrival at St. Lazare that I learnedmy destination. I would have preferred death, at that moment, to thestate into which I believed myself about to be thrown. I had theutmost terror of this place. My misery was increased by the guards onmy entrance, examining once more my pockets, to ascertain whether I hadabout me any arms or weapons of defence.
"The governor appeared. He had been informed of my apprehension. Hesaluted me with great mildness. 'Do not, my good sir,' said I to him,'allow me to be treated with indignity. I would suffer a hundred deathsrather than quietly submit to degrading treatment.' 'No, no,' hereplied, 'you will act quietly and prudently, and we shall be mutuallycontent with each other.' He begged of me to ascend to one of thehighest rooms; I followed him without a murmur. The archersaccompanied us to the door, and the governor, entering the room, made asign for them to depart. 'I am your prisoner, I suppose?' said I;'well, what do you intend to do with me?' He said, he was delighted tosee me adopt so reasonable a tone; that it would be his duty toendeavour to inspire me with a taste for virtue and religion, and mineto profit by his exhortations and advice: that lightly as I might bedisposed to rate his attentions to me, I should find nothing butenjoyment in my solitude. 'Ah, enjoyment, indeed!' replied I; 'you donot know, my good sir, the only thing on earth that could afford meenjoyment.' 'I know it,' said he, 'but I trust your inclinations willchange.' His answer showed that he had heard of my adventures, andperhaps of my name. I begged to know if such were the fact. He toldme candidly that they had informed him of every particular.
"This blow was the severest of any I had yet experienced. I literallyshed a torrent of tears, in all the bitterness of unmixed despair; Icould not reconcile myself to the humiliation which would make me aproverb to all my acquaintances, and the disgrace of my family. Ipassed a week in the most profound dejection, without being capable ofgaining any information, or of occupying myself with anything but myown degradation. The remembrance even of Manon added nothing to mygrief; it only occurred to me as a circumstance that had preceded mynew sorrow; and the sense of shame and confusion was at present theall-absorbing passion.
"There are few persons who have experienced the force of these specialworkings of the mind. The generality of men are only sensible of fiveor six passions, in the limited round of which they pass their lives,and within which all their agitations are confined. Remove them fromthe influence of love and hate, pleasure and pain, hope and fear, andthey have no further feeling. But persons of a finer cast can beaffected in a thousand different ways; it would almost seem that theyhad more than five senses, and that they are accessible to ideas andsensations which far exceed the ordinary faculties of human nature;and, conscious that they possess a capacity which raises them above thecommon herd, there is nothing of which they are more jealous. Hencesprings their impatience under contempt and ridicule; and hence it isthat a sense of debasement is perhaps the most violent of all theiremotions.
"I had this melancholy advantage at St. Lazare. My grief appeared tothe governor so excessive, that, dreading the consequences, he thoughthe was bound to treat me with more mildness and indulgence. He visitedme two or three times a day; he often made me take a turn with him inthe garden, and showed his interest for me in his exhortations and goodadvice. I listened always attentively; and warmly expressed my senseof his kindness, from which he derived hopes of my ultimate conversion.
"'You appear to me,' said he one day, 'of a disposition so mild andtractable, that I cannot comprehend the excesses into which you havefallen. Two things astonish me: one is, how, with your good qualities,you could have ever abandoned yourself to vice; and the other, whichama
zes me still more, is, how you can receive with such perfect tempermy advice and instructions, after having lived so long in a course ofdebauchery. If it be sincere repentance, you present a singularexample of the benign mercy of Heaven; if it proceed from the naturalgoodness of your disposition, then you certainly have that within youwhich warrants the hope that a protracted residence in this place willnot be required to bring you back to a regular and respectable life.'
"I was delighted to find that he had such an opinion of me. I resolvedto strengthen it by a continuance of good conduct, convinced that itwas the surest means of abridging the term of my confinement. I beggedof him to furnish me with books. He was agreeably surprised to findthat when he requested me to say what I should prefer, I mentioned onlysome religious and instructive works. I pretended to devote myselfassiduously to study, and I thus gave him convincing proof of the moralreformation he was so anxious to bring about. It was nothing, however,but rank hypocrisy--I blush to confess it. Instead of studying, whenalone I did nothing but curse my destiny. I lavished the bitterestexecrations on my prison, and the tyrants who detained me there. If Iceased for a moment from these lamentations, it was only to relapseinto the tormenting remembrance of my fatal and unhappy love. Manon'sabsence--the mystery in which her fate was veiled--the dread of neveragain beholding her; these formed the subject of my melancholythoughts. I fancied her in the arms of G---- M----. Far fromimagining that he could have been brute enough to subject her to thesame treatment to which I was condemned, I felt persuaded that he hadonly procured my removal, in order that he might possess her inundisturbed enjoyment.
"Oh! how miserable were the days and nights I thus passed! They seemedto be of endless duration. My only hope of escape now, was inhypocrisy; I scrutinised the countenance, and carefully marked everyobservation that fell from the governor, in order to ascertain what hereally thought of me; and looking on him as the sole arbiter of myfuture fate, I made it my study to win, if possible, his favour. Isoon had the satisfaction to find that I was firmly established in hisgood graces, and no longer doubted his disposition to befriend me.
"I, one day, ventured to ask him whether my liberation depended on him.He replied that it was not altogether in his hands, but that he had nodoubt that on his representation M. G---- M----, at whose instance thelieutenant-general of police had ordered me to be confined, wouldconsent to my being set at liberty. 'May I flatter myself,' rejoinedI, in the mildest tone, 'that he will consider two months, which I havenow spent in this prison, as a sufficient atonement?' He offered tospeak to him, if I wished it. I implored him without delay to do methat favour.
"He told me two days afterwards that G---- M---- was so sensiblyaffected by what he had heard, that he not only was ready to consent tomy liberation, but that he had even expressed a strong desire to becomebetter acquainted with me, and that he himself purposed to pay me avisit in prison. Although his presence could not afford me muchpleasure, I looked upon it as a certain prelude to my liberation.
"He accordingly came to St. Lazare. I met him with an air more graveand certainly less silly than I had exhibited at his house with Manon.He spoke reasonably enough of my former bad conduct. He added, as if toexcuse his own delinquencies, that it was graciously permitted to theweakness of man to indulge in certain pleasures, almost, indeed,prompted by nature, but that dishonesty and such shameful practicesought to be, and always would be, inexorably punished.
"I listened to all he said with an air of submission, which quitecharmed him. I betrayed no symptoms of annoyance even at some jokes inwhich he indulged about my relationship with Manon and Lescaut, andabout the little chapels of which he supposed I must have had time toerect a great many in St. Lazare, as I was so fond of that occupation.But he happened, unluckily both for me and for himself, to add, that hehoped Manon had also employed herself in the same edifying manner atthe Magdalen. Notwithstanding the thrill of horror I felt at the soundof the name, I had still presence of mind enough to beg, in thegentlest manner, that he would explain himself. 'Oh! yes,' he replied,'she has been these last two months at the Magdalen learning to beprudent, and I trust she has improved herself as much there, as youhave done at St. Lazare!'
"If an eternal imprisonment, or death itself, had been presented to myview, I could not have restrained the excitement into which thisafflicting announcement threw me. I flung myself upon him in soviolent a rage that half my strength was exhausted by the effort. Ihad, however, more than enough left to drag him to the ground, andgrasp him by the throat. I should infallibly have strangled him, ifhis fall, and the half-stifled cries which he had still the power toutter, had not attracted the governor and several of the priests to myroom. They rescued him from my fury.
"I was, myself, breathless and almost impotent from rage. 'Oh God!' Icried--'Heavenly justice! Must I survive this infamy?' I tried againto seize the barbarian who had thus roused my indignation--theyprevented me. My despair--my cries--my tears, exceeded all belief: Iraved in so incoherent a manner that all the bystanders, who wereignorant of the cause, looked at each other with as much dread assurprise.
"G---- M---- in the meantime adjusted his wig and cravat, and in hisanger at having been so ill-treated, ordered me to be kept under moresevere restraint than before, and to be punished in the manner usualwith offenders in St. Lazare. 'No, sir!' said the governor, 'it is notwith a person of his birth that we are in the habit of using such meansof coercion; besides, he is habitually so mild and well-conducted, thatI cannot but think you must have given provocation for such excessiveviolence.' This reply disconcerted G---- M---- beyond measure and hewent away, declaring that he knew how to be revenged on the governor,as well as on me, and everyone else who dared to thwart him.
"The Superior, having ordered some of the brotherhood to escort him outof the prison, remained alone with me. He conjured me to tell him atonce what was the cause of the fracas.--'Oh, my good sir!' said I tohim, continuing to cry like a child, 'imagine the most horriblecruelty, figure to yourself the most inhuman of atrocities--that iswhat G---- M---- has had the cowardly baseness to perpetrate: he haspierced my heart. Never shall I recover from this blow! I wouldgladly tell you the whole circumstance,' added I, sobbing with grief;'you are kind-hearted, and cannot fail to pity me.'
"I gave him, as briefly as I could, a history of my long-standing andinsurmountable passion for Manon, of the flourishing condition of ourfortunes previous to the robbery committed by our servants, of theoffers which G---- M---- had made to my mistress, of the understandingthey had come to, and the manner in which it had been defeated. To besure, I represented things to him in as favourable a light for us aspossible. 'Now you can comprehend,' continued I, 'the source of M.G---- M----'s holy zeal for my conversion. He has had influence enoughto have me shut up here, out of mere revenge. That I can pardon; but,my good sir, that is not all. He has taken from me my heart's blood:he has had Manon shamefully incarcerated in the Magdalen; and had theeffrontery to announce it to me this day with his own lips. In theMagdalen, good sir! Oh heavens! my adorable mistress, my beloved Manon,a degraded inmate of the Hospital! How shall I command strength ofmind enough to survive this grief and shame!'
"The good Father, seeing me in such affliction, endeavoured to consoleme. He told me that he had never understood my history, as I just nowrelated it; he had of course known that I led a dissolute life, but hehad imagined that M. G---- M----'s interest about me was the result ofhis esteem and friendship for my family; that it was in this sense hehad explained the matter to him; that what I had now told him shouldassuredly produce a change in my treatment, and that he had no doubtbut the accurate detail which he should immediately transmit to thelieutenant-general of police would bring about my liberation.
"He then enquired why I had never thought of informing my family ofwhat had taken place, since they had not been instrumental to myincarceration. I satisfactorily answered this by stating myunwillingness to cause my father pain, or to bring upon myself
thehumiliation of such an exposure. In the end, he promised to godirectly to the lieutenant-general of police if it were only, said he,to be beforehand with M. G---- M----, who went off in such a rage, andwho had sufficient influence to make himself formidable.
"I looked for the good Father's return with all the suspense of a manexpecting sentence of death. It was torture to me to think of Manon atthe Magdalen. Besides the infamy of such a prison, I knew not how shemight be treated there; and the recollection of some particulars I hadformerly heard of this horrible place, incessantly renewed my misery.Cost what it might, I was so bent upon relieving her by some means orother, that I should assuredly have set fire to St. Lazare, if no othermode of escape had presented itself.
"I considered what chances would remain to me if the lieutenant-generalstill kept me in confinement. I taxed my ingenuity: I scanned everyimaginable gleam of hope--I could discover nothing that gave me anyprospect of escape, and I feared that I should experience only morerigid confinement, if I made an unsuccessful attempt. I thought ofsome friends from whom I might hope for aid, but then, how was I tomake them aware of my situation? At length I fancied that I had hitupon a plan so ingenious, as to offer a fair probability of success. Ipostponed the details of its arrangement until after the Superior'sreturn, in case of his having failed in the object of his visit.
"He soon arrived: I did not observe upon his countenance any of thosemarks of joy that indicate good news. 'I have spoken,' said he, 'tothe lieutenant-general of police, but I was too late, M. G---- M----went straight to him after quitting us, and so prejudiced him againstyou, that he was on the point of sending me fresh instructions tosubject you to closer confinement.
"'However, when I let him know the truth of your story, he reconsideredthe matter, and, smiling at the incontinence of old G---- M----, hesaid it would be necessary to keep you here for six months longer, inorder to pacify him; the less to be lamented,' he added, 'because yourmorals would be sure to benefit by your residence here. He desiredthat I would show you every kindness and attention, and I need notassure you that you shall have no reason to complain of your treatment.'
"This speech of the Superior's was long enough to afford me time toform a prudent resolution. I saw that by betraying too strong animpatience for my liberty, I should probably be upsetting all myprojects. I acknowledged to him, that, as it was necessary to me toremain, it was an infinite comfort to know that I possessed a place inhis esteem. I then requested, and with unaffected sincerity, a favour,which could be of no consequence to others, and which would contributemuch to my peace of mind; it was to inform a friend of mine, a devoutclergyman, who lived at St. Sulpice, that I was at St. Lazare, and topermit me occasionally to receive his visits.
"This was of course my friend Tiberge; not that I could hope from himthe assistance necessary for effecting my liberty; but I wished to makehim the unconscious instrument of my designs. In a word, this was myproject: I wished to write to Lescaut, and to charge him and our commonfriends with the task of my deliverance. The first difficulty was tohave my letter conveyed to him: this should be Tiberge's office.However, as he knew him to be Manon's brother, I doubted whether hewould take charge of this commission. My plan was to enclose my letterto Lescaut in another to some respectable man of my acquaintance,begging of him to transmit the first to its address without delay; andas it was necessary that I should have personal communication withLescaut, in order to arrange our proceedings, I told him to call on meat St. Lazare, and assume the name of my eldest brother, as if he hadcome to Paris expressly to see me. I postponed till our meeting allmention of the safest and most expeditious course I intended to suggestfor our future conduct. The governor informed Tiberge of my wish tosee him. This ever-faithful friend had not so entirely lost sight ofme as to be ignorant of my present abode, and it is probable that, inhis heart, he did not regret the circumstance, from an idea that itmight furnish the means of my moral regeneration. He lost no time inpaying me the desired visit."