I left. There was nothing else that needed to be said. All that shit that she talked, and guess what? She was still going home tonight and would cry to the nigga, asking him why he didn’t tell her about the miscarriage that I had. I knew the way bitches thought. Hell, she even said that she wouldn’t show me her flaws in person, so that only let me know that I had her shaken with this information, but she wouldn’t dare show that to me. I guess that part was left for her husband.
I had no plans to come down here and make their lives a living hell. I said what I had to say. I got my closure, so I was going to move on with my life like I’d been doing for the past few years. Granted, Jabari and I worked right next door to each other now, so of course we would see each other in passing, but that was it. I would still hurt from the situation, but I had to continue taking one day at a time.
Jashae Johnson
“Hello, this is Ms. Johnson. Can you hold for one second?” I asked, never even giving the caller a chance to say yes or no before I put the call on hold.
It could have been anyone calling my work phone, and because I didn’t check the number to see who was calling, I had no clue who was on the other line. Most family and friends called my personal phone, so I was sure that it wasn’t any of them.
I was in the middle of finishing a very important Excel document that I had to have submitted before it was time for me to clock out, which was in the next five minutes or so. This baby had been kicking my ass these days, and ever since I found out, I felt like I hadn’t been my best at work. I just happened to be one of those women who didn’t get so lucky to not have to go through the morning sickness phase. The toilet, the garbage can, and plastic bags had all become my best friend these past few weeks.
My first prenatal appointment was yesterday morning, where Miami and I found out that I was a little bit over six weeks pregnant. We heard the heartbeat, and I cried like a little ass baby. I was happy, but on the other hand, the pregnancy had me emotional, so it made me think of Vonte and how eighteen years ago, I was listening to his heartbeat. It killed me that my son wasn’t around to get to be a big brother to both Maya and the baby that I was carrying.
Speaking of Maya, I was granted temporary custody of her almost a week ago. In her case, I was granted custody almost immediately after we filed the suit since it was technically an emergency situation. Her father was serving a life sentence, and her mom had made it clear that she didn’t want anything to do with her and had signed away all of her rights to her. I was glad that the judge had taken into consideration Maya’s situation and how if I didn’t take her in, she really didn’t have any other place to go because the people who were her blood didn’t want her.
One of the requirements that I had was to sign her up for school almost immediately, and that’s what I spent the majority of my day doing yesterday. Since today was Friday, she would start first thing Monday morning. Every day, I felt like I was asking God, why me? I didn’t mind Maya, but why did HE choose me to be the one to do it? Every day that I saw Maya, it was just a constant reminder of the way that I was deceived by Trip during our time together, and it also reminded me of how I allowed this man to make me out to be a damn fool.
Maya was innocent in this whole ordeal, so the feelings that I had for her hateful ass daddy would have never been taken out on her. Besides, I was at a point in my life, where I was my happiest. I was pregnant again by a man who I loved so hard. If things could be a little better for me, it would be for Mahogany and me to get back on good terms.
That day after the verbal fight between the two of us, Miami had talked on the phone with Jabari that night, and I found out from Miami that Mahogany and Jabari had gotten married that day, which explained the white that the two of them had on. I cried like a baby because I didn’t even get to talk to my own best friend about that. It made so much sense now that Mahogany was my blood sister because we shared so many traits. The biggest one being our stubbornness.
As much as I missed her, I couldn’t call. She was high off her emotions, and she had every right to be because she was deceived and lied to by both parents. In all of my thirty years of being on this Earth, my relationship with my father had never been this distant. I probably saw him one time last week, and I never go too long without seeing him. I couldn’t trust him right now. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t say anything, especially after he knew about all of this for this long.
When Mahogany and I were younger, whatever he did for me, he would do for her too. He took us both shopping, often times paid for both of us to get our hair done when she was over my house for the weekend, and everything else that a father does. All this time, I just thought that he was doing it as a way to be nice to my friend, when all he was doing was what he was supposed to do since she was his damn daughter! Isn’t that crazy?
How can you sit and watch your daughter be around you for all these years and not say shit? I expected some low down, dirty shit like this from Trip, not my own damn daddy! He was messing around on my mama with her own best friend. A best friend that she was living with at the time. It’s so crazy because my mom never got the chance to find out.
Right after it happened, I drove straight to my grandma’s house. I looked her right in her eyes and questioned her if she knew about this, and she didn’t. Hell, in the beginning, she thought that I was lying. I could just tell that she was oblivious to all of this. She ended up having to call my daddy and boyyyyy did she lay his ass out! He deserved it, though, and didn’t need to get any pity. The only one who deserved pity was Mahogany because she was the one hurt in this.
My daddy wasn’t the only person to blame in this situation, though. Hell, Mahogany’s mother was just as fuckin’ wrong and just as dirty. What made it so bad on her part, minus the fact that she was having dealings with a man who was in a relationship with her best friend was the part where she lied and deceived Mahogany for so many years. I’ve been around Mahogany since we were five, so I knew about the stories that were told to her as a little girl about her father being in the military, and then years later, her mom flipping the script and saying that she just simply didn’t know who he was.
I mean, I just didn’t understand how neither of them said anything. They had years to do this shit. I knew my heart, and I knew how much that I would allow people to do to me, so I can’t even say that I would have been so forgiving, but it wasn’t my place to speak on what Mahogany was going to do in this situation.
After quickly finishing up the document, I finally clicked back over on the phone, hoping that this wasn’t going to be a long conversation because it was time for me to go.
“Hello, are you still there?” I asked into the phone.
“Ima always be here, shorty,” his deep voice boomed into the phone, making my damn stomach turn.
There was a time when I could cum just off hearing his voice alone, and now I hated to hear him speak. It had been months since I heard his voice, and I didn’t even miss it. I sucked my teeth when I saw that it was him calling and wasting my damn time. I looked down at the number on my work phone, and it was a number that I didn’t even recognize, which meant that his ass was back to downloading apps and getting numbers to call me from. God, he was so fuckin’ desperate!
Where the fuck was all this energy when we were together? There were times when I would be mad at him, and as a woman, I would want him to chase me, but he wouldn’t. Whenever we were beefing, he would use all of his phone time for his son, pretending real well that I didn’t even exist.
“Why the fuck are you calling my phone, Trip?” was all I asked.
I shouldn’t have even given it my time, but this was a conversation that was long overdue. I was left with no choice but to change my personal cell phone number a few weeks ago because he was still calling, and I was hiding it from Miami. Look what happened the last time the two of them exchanged words! I ended up getting my house broken into and my ass beat. Yes, it was wrong that I wasn’t telling Miami that Tr
ip was back to calling, but damn, something had to give.
Miami thought that I changed my number because somehow my number had gotten hacked into a database of potential customers and that companies were calling me damn near every day, trying to sell me something. I mean, he didn’t question me about it, so I guess he believed me. I felt bad for lying, especially because I knew that Miami would never lie to me, but to avoid any more shit, I felt like I had to keep this lie.
“You know why I’m calling your fuckin’ phone! Stop playing stupid! This how you do a nigga, Shae? What happened to always being there for me? You leaving me alone in this situation to rot! You think Vonte would—”
“Whoa! Leave him the fuck out of this! Don’t you fuckin’ dare use my son to get some sympathy from me! Vonte would want me to be do whatever the fuck made me happy. You treat people like shit, Trip, and you expect people to have your ass on some fuckin’ high pedestal. When I told you that I would always be there for you, at the time, I did mean it. I really thought that I would ride this shit out with you, but I’m glad that I finally came to my senses. All I am is the baby mama, and the child that we used to share is no longer in the picture, so we don’t have a damn thing to discuss,” I let him know.
“Where my daughter at?” he asked.
I got so mad by that question, that I laughed. I had to laugh to keep from acting an ass. I was about to lay this nigga out real bad, but I didn’t want to do it at my job, so I quickly stood up from my desk with the phone to my ear, preparing to hang it up, only for me to *67 his number back on my personal cell phone when I got to the car, so I could tell him how I really felt.
“Give me two minutes. I just need two fuckin’ minutes, so I can tell you about yourself. I’ll call you back!” With that, I hung up.
I damn near ran out of the building, trying to get back to my car. I had to say something back to Trip. I just had to. This nigga had a lot of fuckin’ nerve. As soon as I made it inside the car, I put my seat belt on and I *67 his number back on the Bluetooth of my car.
“Yo,” he answered, knowing that it was me.
I got right back to the conversation as if I’d never hung up in the first place.
“Are you questioning me about the same child that you had your mama drop off at my fuckin’ job? I know that was your doing because your mama doesn’t have a fuckin’ clue where I even work. Your balls are big. Not only do you go and have a baby on me, but then you’re so fuckin’ confident in yourself, that you just know that I’ll step up and raise her. I want you to hear me, Trip, and please hear me good. I’m not raising Maya out of the goodness of my heart, I’m not doing it because I still have love for you, none of that! Point, blank period, that is Vonte’s little sister and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit! If she ever asks about you, I’ll give her the God honest truth, but know one thing, I’m not bringing her down there to that fuckin’ prison to see you, and if she begs me to, I’ll have Miami bring—”
“Fuck out of here. That nigga ain’t coming here with my daughter!” he cut me off.
“Nigga, your daughter is living in his home! That nigga that you’re referring to is making sure that your daughter has a roof over her head, clothes on her back, shoes on her feet, and she doesn’t want for shit. All these things that your sorry ass baby mama could give a fuck about. Miami is picking up where you lack, so you should be getting down on your fuckin’ knees and thanking him!” I yelled.
He had said so little but was able to piss me clean the fuck off. He’d always been that person in my life to hit a different type of nerve that would have me acting very irrational.
“Bitch, I’ll slap you in your fuckin’ mouth! Telling me to get on my knees to that nigga. He better get on his knees and suck my fuckin’ dick! Fuck out of here!” he said, making me release an annoyed laughed, with his ignorant ass.
“You’ve obviously been in jail too long and switched sides. I give my nigga too much free pussy and head for him to ever have to drop to his knees and do that. You wish that you could slap me in my mouth! You won’t even get the luxury of seeing my pretty ass. Even if you did have the luxury of seeing me and you did slap me, my nigga would kill your ass,” I let him know in all seriousness.
“You think real highly of that nigga. You probably been wanting to suck his dick!” he said, and I could hear the hurt and the anger all in his voice.
“Sure did! I used to get mad that I didn’t meet him before I met you! Miami had always been that nigga, and you know it. That’s why you hated his ass so bad,” I let him know.
I was so angry that it was causing me to speak how I really felt.
“You just like the rest of these other Miami bitches, which is nothing but a slut ass bitch, you just clean yours up a little better. In the beginning, I never questioned if you was fuckin’ another nigga because I just knew you didn’t have the balls to do that shit to me, now I don’t know shit. You jumped too fast into this shit with Miami. I swear I don’t believe that you just started fuckin’ him. I swear Ima get somebody to fuckin’ kill you deceitful motha fuckas. How the fuck you to this shit to me, Shae?” he asked, damn near on the verge of tears.
“Trip, you can think whatever the fuck you want about me. Your opinion of me isn’t wanted, neither do I fuckin’ care. I’ve moved on, I have a baby on the way—”
“Bitch, you pregnant by him?” he cut me off and asked.
“I’m going to let you go now because you obviously lost your fuckin’ mind and have me confused with your other bird brain ass baby mama. Of course, I’m pregnant by him! Why the fuck wouldn’t I be? Miami is a good man, so I’ll have as many fuckin’ kids as he wants me to have. I have Maya, she’s safe, and she’s protected. If your mama ever decides to pick up her fuckin’ phone, I can update her on anything dealing with Maya and have her tell you. Other than that, there is absolutely nothing for the two of us to converse about. It’s over, Trip. Whatever the fuck it was that me and you had going on ended the moment I lost my son, and I saw your true colors. Goodbye,” I said and ended the phone call on his ass.
I knew Trip, and I knew that he didn’t call back because he was hurt. More than likely hurt by finding out that I was pregnant. I didn’t care about what Trip felt because after all these years, he could give two fucks about my damn feelings. For the thirty minutes or so that it took me to get home from work, I drove with the radio off and just in my thoughts. I had no much shit on my mind. So many changes were happening in my life.
In just a matter of weeks, I went from becoming somewhat of a new mom to a little girl, then transitioning into pregnancy all over again, and expecting a baby boy or a baby girl in some months. In order for me to be able to probably live my life, be content and at peace, I was going to have to get rid of Trip, and that was on a mental level because I allowed that man to rent up so much space in my head. I could never forget his presence alone because when I think about my son, somehow, I’ll always think about Trip, but it was time that I just let it go and realize that whatever we shared is no more.
I’ll probably always love Trip because he had been in my life since I was a damn child, and we shared something that I loved more than anything, and that was Vonte .
When I finally pulled up to the house, I was shocked that all of Miami’s cars were in the driveway. Most days, I would make it home before him during the week because he would coach boxing classes at the rec center. Happy that my man was home, I quickly got out of the car, wearing a big smile on my face. I had my purse in one hand, and I was carrying the blazer that I’d taken off in another. I used my key to let myself in the house, and the first thing that I noticed was that the house was pitch dark. So fuckin’ dark that I could hardly see shit.
I ended up using the flashlight to my phone, just so I could see.
“Toddrick, why the hell do you have it so damn dark in here? Baby, where are you?” I called out, but he didn’t answer.
“Miami! Where are you?” I asked again, walking further into
the house.
“I’m in the den,” I heard his deep voice boom.
I walked in the direction of the den, still holding onto the phone with the light in my hand.
“Why you sitting in here in the dark? And why—”
“Go in the kitchen or something, shorty. I’m smoking. Open a window too. I wasn’t looking at the time. I should have smoked this shit on the porch,” he spoke, and his voice held no type of life to it.
I knew something was wrong for his ass to be smoking inside the damn house.
“Then put it out. I want to talk to you. What’s wrong with you?” I asked, flicking the light on in the den because he was in all black clothing, so it felt like I was talking to a damn ghost.
The moment I saw him, I noticed his red eyes, his red nose, making it obvious that it wasn’t the weed that had turned him red. Something bad had to have happened for Miami to have been crying. This man never fuckin’ cried. I mean, never. He shared a couple of tears with me when Vonte died, but that was the most emotional that I’d ever seen him.
“What’s wr—”
“Shae, open the window, shorty. I don’t need you taking in these fuckin’ toxins while you pregnant. I’ll meet you in the kitchen, damn!” he spoke, quickly standing up from the couch.
As many questions as I wanted to ask, I went over to the windows and started opening them. Next, I went inside the kitchen, dropping the items that were in my hands on top of the island. I stood with my back pressed against the counter, crossing my arms and waiting for him to come in and tell me something. He finally came and went over to the refrigerator then grabbed a bottle of water. I watched as he guzzled it down. Even when he finished it, he still hadn’t said anything.
Down With the King of the South 3 Page 15