by Nalini Singh
Tarah was a submissive not much stronger than Grace. Her mate, Abel, by contrast, was a very strong dominant, a soldier who held a senior position in the pack. One of their daughters was a lieutenant, the other a submissive close to Grace in the hierarchy. If anyone would understand the forces tearing Grace apart, it was Tarah.
Not giving herself time to change her mind, she looked up Tarah's number in the internal pack directory and input the call, realizing too late that it was past ten at night.
Abel was the one who answered. "Almost threw me," he said after a short pause, "but I never forget one of Tarah's kids. How are you, Grace darling?"
The gentleness of the question told her he'd sensed her distress. "Good." She met the deep gray of his eyes for the barest second. "I know it's late. I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to Tarah and didn't think about the time."
"She's up. Hold on."
Tarah took a seat in front of the comm a second later, her eyes the same vivid hue Grace remembered from childhood, her voice brimming with joyful welcome. "It's so good to see you, Grace."
They chitchatted for a few minutes before Tarah turned those perceptive eyes off-screen. "Darling, give us a few minutes, will you? Girl talk."
Abel snorted. "If I know you, it'll be more like an hour." Coming into view, he tipped up Tarah's head to claim a kiss, then glanced at Grace. "You make sure you drop by if you're ever in the area."
"Now," Tarah said once her mate was gone, her face holding a kindness that was innate, "what's the matter?"
Grace forced herself to describe what had happened, found herself on the brink of tears again by the end. "How can I be with him if I can't trust my wolf not to regress to instinctive behavior? As if I don't know him, don't have faith in him?" His lover's trust was integral to a dominant's sense of self. Steal that from Cooper and she might as well stab him in the heart.
Tarah's expression was sympathetic. "It'll take work, I won't lie about that. But it is doable, and when it works....Abel is my rock and my heartbeat."
The haunting depth of love in that statement made Grace yearn. "Is there anything you can tell me that might help?"
"Compromise is the magic word, just as it is in most relationships." A wry smile crept over her face. "Though I should warn you, a dominant's idea of compromise is sometimes very 'flexible.'"
Grace's laugh was a watery sound. "I can imagine." Taking a shaky breath to settle herself, she said, "What worries me most is the level of control he has to keep over himself. It's constant. Does--" She halted, suddenly conscious of how intimate a question she was about to ask.
Tarah tapped the comm screen as if tapping the nose of a recalcitrant pup. "Ask what you need to--and to answer that last question, Abel doesn't hold back. He doesn't need to, because my wolf knows he never expects submission from me, even when I'm at my most defenseless." A penetrating gaze. "You can't rush the development of that trust, because it's not a conscious choice. It comes from the animal within--for the wolf, learning to judge a predator is a survival mechanism."
Tarah's words made too much sense. "Thank you for being so honest."
"You're welcome, sweetheart." Her long-ago teacher gave her a mischievous smile. "Tease him, Grace, play with him, give him the chase he needs, and take the time you need. There's something to be said for anticipation."
Later, considering everything Tarah had said, Grace stripped and shifted. It was agony and it was ecstasy, the shift separating her into a million particles of light and color before coalescing into the wolf that was her other half. She shook herself to settle her new skin, then hopped onto the bed and allowed the animal to rise to the surface of her mind, felt it sigh at the freedom, sigh, too, at the lingering scent of dark amber and wild earth.
Ours.
Yes, agreed the human part of her, he's ours.
*
COOPER decided he must hate himself as he walked into his bedroom at just past one a.m., after attempting to wear himself out in the gym. He knew Grace couldn't help her reaction--and that had been fine until the dreams. He'd had the strength to be patient, had actually been having an intoxicating kind of fun coaxing her to him kiss by kiss. Now, however, he had a hell of a time maintaining his hold on his more primitive emotions.
Showering under a cold spray in an effort to control his rebellious body, he shook himself off wolf fashion afterward and pulled on some sweatpants. Then he slumped on his back in bed. Sleep, of course, was a vain hope with his cock in a vise, and it wasn't as if he'd wake well rested.
Christ, what was he going to do when he and Grace did become lovers?
No way would he ever leave her alone afterward, but he couldn't fall asleep, didn't want her to hear him screaming like a child. "And how long do you think you can function without sleep, genius?"
Growling, he got up and decided to make someone else miserable, too, the comm his weapon of choice.
"Whoever you are," came the voice rough with the gravel of deep sleep, "I will hunt you down, tear out your spleen, and eat it fried with mushrooms."
"Creative," he said to Riaz.
His fellow lieutenant's sleep-mussed hair appeared on the screen, followed by the rest of his face, as if he was levering up on his elbow in bed. "Coop? Is this an emergency?"
"Yes. My cock's about to break in half."
"If it was anyone but you..." Disappearing off-screen, Riaz returned with damp strands of hair around his face, eyes of dark gold no longer hazy with sleep. "Right, tell me what's up."
So Cooper did. He wasn't a big talker, especially when it came to something this important, but he and Riaz had been friends since childhood, knew each other inside out. The other man would understand what this meant.
"You're really gone for her," Riaz murmured when he paused. "Is she your mate?"
"Yeah." The mating dance hadn't begun, but that was a minor detail as far as Cooper was concerned--soon as her wolf was ready, it would. "Only, she doesn't know it yet."
"Uh-huh."
"I think I want to punch you." A good drag-down fight was what he needed, but in this mood, he'd slaughter anyone but another one of the lieutenants, or the alpha. "You don't know how lucky you are to be sitting pretty halfway across the state."
Riaz's grin was without remorse. "You'd laugh, too, if it was me gaga over a woman."
Cooper rubbed a hand over his cropped hair, wondered absently if he should just shave everything off like a few of the other guys. Then again, some of their women hadn't exactly been impressed by the look. So maybe he should check with Grace first. And if that made him pussy-whipped, he didn't give a shit. He wanted her to care about what he did with his body, wanted her to consider him her damn business.
"I need help, Riaz," he said to the man with whom he'd first strategized about how to attract female attention--they'd been gawky teens at the time. "How do I court her?"
"Didn't you say you were with her tonight?"
"Yes." He hadn't mentioned any specific details, just that he was frustrated in the aftermath.
"Well, it's been less than a week--if your submissive's allowing you close enough that you've got blue balls, I'd say you're already doing things right. We both know you're a bit much for even some of the dominant females."
Cooper winced because Riaz was right. He was demanding, in bed and out. Even when he tried to tone it down, it only lasted so long. "Grace can handle me." She had to--because he'd been waiting for her for a lifetime. "Though maybe I should try a more subtle approach, at least for a while."
"I gotta ask, Coop. You sure about this?" His friend's eyes were night-glow in the dark of his bedroom. "Your Grace, she hasn't got any claws, not in comparison to you."
Cooper bristled. "It feels righter than anything else in my life; she's tougher than everyone thinks. She's already challenged me once. I know she'll go toe-to-toe with me once her wolf accepts I'll never use my dominance against her."
"In that case, balls to the wall, man." Riaz yawned. "No guts, no glory."
/> "Why are you spouting aphorisms at me?"
"Because it's two-fucking-thirty in the morning and I need to be up for a six a.m. shift."
"Wimp."
Riaz gave him the finger. "Get some sleep and chase your wolf tomorrow." Another yawn. "And Coop? Forget about subtle. That's not your style."
*
AT nine the next morning, Grace stared at the extravagant bunch of flowers that had been delivered to her office a few minutes ago, direct from the greenhouse attached to the den. Overflowing with color and texture and scent, though she saw he hadn't forgotten her favorite daisies, it was a blatant public declaration of intent.
Then there was the card. According to the grinning juvenile who'd delivered the flowers, Cooper had inserted it into the bouquet himself, promising a horrible death to anyone other than Grace who dared open it.
Like I said. Lots and lots of foreplay. xx Coop.
Blushing, even as relief coursed through her that he hadn't been scared off last night, she tucked the scandalous card into her pocket just as the comm panel chimed an incoming call.
"Indigo," she said, acknowledging the lieutenant with a split-second of eye contact. "Chief's with the healer--he twisted his ankle this morning. Said to tell you he'll get in touch later today."
"No problem," Indigo said in a distracted tone. "Those are some gorgeous flowers on your desk."
"Yes. From Cooper," Grace admitted, knowing the gossip would reach the Sierra Nevada den by the end of the day anyway.
She'd underestimated the speed of the pack grapevine.
"I figured." An open grin. "So...why do you look mortified?" Her tone cooled. "You don't share his interest?"
"Of course I do." Until her entire body ached for his touch. "God, what red-blooded woman would turn away from a man like Cooper?"
Indigo laughed. "Sorry about that," she said a little sheepishly. "I know it's none of my business, but he's my friend. I'd hate for him to be hurt." A pause before she added, "I can see he's made a good choice--you're smart, sexy...and without a doubt want to jump his bones."
Grace groaned at the sly tease. "Everyone is going to be watching us now."
She was right. And that was before Cooper stole her away for lunch since he had to be on night shift on a perimeter section and wouldn't see her for dinner. "Did you like the flowers?" he asked, bracing his arm above her head on the tree trunk on which she leaned.
He looked so pleased with himself that she felt a surge of wild affection. "Yes." And because there was no pain in his eyes today, she didn't bring up the worry that continued to simmer in her at whatever it was that was hurting him. Instead, she petted him with her words, her hands. "I'll miss you tonight."
"Tomorrow, you're all mine." The rough promise melted her bones.
Of course, her family wasn't so excited about the news of her relationship with Cooper. The only way Grace kept them from coming down to meddle in the situation was to threaten to never return home for a visit again. When she finally got off the comm with them, she fell into bed, her wolf exhausted by the aggression.
Chapter 9
TORMENTED BY EROTIC dreams in which she indulged in the most delicious of sins with Cooper, Grace came into her office the next day to find it filled with balloons and her workmates hanging around with huge grins on their faces.
The part of her that had been forced into rebellion in an effort to fight her family's overprotectiveness thought she should be annoyed at the way Cooper was accelerating things, but she looked beyond that, to the core of who she was and knew she was charmed. This male, her wolf said, knew how to make his woman feel good.
The truth was, she didn't need the reins of their courtship, wouldn't be comfortable with them. And while it occasionally made her blush, she could deal with the pack's good-natured and gentle teasing. Of course, Cooper had to keep ratcheting it up a notch--boxes of fine chocolates delivered to her home and office, an honest-to-God gorilla love-gram that had her entire crew in hysterics...and gifts far more private.
Like the exotic perfume he insisted on dabbing on her wrists himself after making her a home-cooked dinner, and the midnight blue silk sheets she found on her bed one day when she went home midmorning to pick up something she'd forgotten. Her breath caught, her fingers unable to resist touching the exquisite fabric, her mind supplying her with vivid images of what Cooper would look like sprawled on those sheets, all darkly bronzed skin and heavy muscle.
Her fingers curled into her palms, a needy whimper escaping her lips. Because in one area, Cooper wasn't pushing, the skin privileges they shared limited to long, lazy kisses that had addicted both sides of her nature. She knew it was on purpose, that he was seducing her one small, luscious bite at a time, taking care not to set off her wolf's survival instincts as he had that night in her bedroom, but she ached, sexual frustration a slow burning ember in her gut.
Until when Cooper tracked her down that afternoon, she said, "You're driving me insane."
He went motionless where he'd taken a seat in the access corridor beside her crouching form. "Want me to stop?"
No! "I..." And because he mattered, because she never wanted him to think he couldn't be who he was with her, she found the courage to say, "I like it when you're bad."
He reached out to run his hand over her thigh and the embers glowed a deep, hot red. "You have no idea how much I enjoy corrupting you." A squeeze. "It's going to make me crazy to think of you lying on those sheets, your skin creamy, your curves bitable. I'll have to stroke myself to sleep, and damn, it'll be a pale substitute."
His sexuality was so raw, so honest, far more earthy than her own...but she was starting to believe she might just be able to handle it. It aroused her to lush readiness when he talked that way--and he knew it. "I did," she murmured, deciding to torment him in turn.
"What?"
Putting down the tool she'd been using, she went to her knees, placed one hand on his shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Stroke myself." She'd been a mess of need by the time he'd walked her home the previous night.
His growl echoed over the stone walls. "Witch."
She laughed, the sound soft, husky. He made her feel strong and wild and brave, her wolf daring to rub up against his own. She wanted, needed to take care of him in turn--it continued to frustrate her that he'd gone stubborn on her when it came to whatever it was that was putting increasing marks of strain on his face.
"Just tired from the late shifts. Don't worry about it."
She knew it was far more than that, but even a hint of confrontation on the issue made him shut down, and there was a point beyond which her wolf simply refused to push. It worried her on the innermost level, because their relationship could not survive if he wouldn't share his problems--it would savage her to see him hurting without being able to do anything about it, make her feel useless rather than a partner.
Grace had no intention of permitting that to happen, and if confronting him about it wasn't going to work, then she'd pet, adore, and persuade the truth from him. Submissives could be as relentlessly stubborn as any dominant--and this one was falling too hard for her man not to do everything in her power to rid the shadows that haunted him. "Vivienne told me there's a fair not far from us," she said. "Will you go with me?"
His eyes were ringed with a fine circle of yellow when he answered, and she knew the wolf was looking out at her. "If you promise to go necking with me afterward."
The idea of necking with Cooper made the embers turn molten. Which was how she ended up walking hand in hand with him through the happy chaos of the fair that had set up about a half hour's drive from the edge of den territory. He bought her cotton candy, and reminded of a childhood incident, she found herself telling him about her family, both the present and the past.
"I still miss my mama and papa," she admitted. "I feel disloyal to Milena and James for it, but I think they understand."
"Of course they do." He hugged her to his side. "Just because your parents
are gone doesn't mean you'll ever forget the way they loved you and how you loved them back." Fingers playing with her hair.
"I didn't understand for a long time that they were never coming back. When I did...I cried all night, until I made myself sick." She reached up to link her hand with the one he had on her shoulder. "You understand." He'd lost his parents, too, though not in the violence that had taken her own.
"Yes." A rough agreement before he stole the last of her cotton candy and teased her into a smile, then led her to the dazzlingly lit up spokes of the old-fashioned Ferris wheel. "Having fun?" he asked as they slid into the gently swinging bench seat.
"Yes." She snuggled into the heat of him after he pulled down the safety bar and their seat moved forward a spot. "Are you?"
"Yes, but I'm really waiting for the necking." His fingers brushed over the delicate fabric of the fitted sunshine yellow cardigan she wore buttoned up over a white tank. "You're cold."
"A little. I should've brought a jacket."
He held her closer as they slowly reached the top of the wheel, the view dazzling. Leaning down, he nuzzled a kiss above her ear. "Or we could make out right here, warm ourselves up."
His caresses felt good. Possessive. Regardless of all else, Grace loved that about Cooper, loved that she didn't have to wonder where she fit in his life. When he bit down on her lower lip, she bit back. His chest rumbled against her breasts. "Do that again."
The low-voiced request made her blush--and tip her face up for another kiss. He gave her that, more, before running his lips over her jaw and down her throat. Grace was so used to his kisses that she forgot he'd never gone for her neck before. It shocked her when fear overwhelmed her in a brutal wave, her wolf telling her not to move, not to incite the predator who had his teeth so close to her carotid, her jugular.
He heard the rapid stutter of her heart, sensed her incipient panic, because he raised his head at once. "I'm not demanding submission." It was an irritated growl. "When and if I ever do, it'll be because we're playing a bedroom game. Got it?"