Her arms went around his neck, and she pulled him closer, matching his intensity with her kiss. Suddenly, he forgot about silly kisses to make her smile, and it became only about the deep, intense kisses that were a culmination of ten years of missing her—
"Ryder!" Lissa's amused voice broke through the kiss, and Ryder swore, suddenly remembering they were in the middle of the lunch crowd at the Wildflower Café.
"Shit. Sorry." He pulled back, grinning when he saw it take a moment for Zoey's eyes to flutter open and awareness to return. Yeah, the kiss had affected her too, even if she'd done it just for show.
She met his gaze for a second, her face full of emotions that he couldn't read.
"Damn, all right. I guess you and Ryder have a thing." Keegan held up his hands in defeat. "Lucky man, Ryder."
Ryder grinned. "You have no idea."
Zoey's cheeks turned red, and she stepped back. She pointed at Ryder. "You need to stop bothering me on my shift," she muttered, her voice thick with emotions. "Go away."
His smile faded at the edge of tension in her voice. She'd been unsettled by the kiss, and he knew she hadn't been expecting it. Shit. Had he pushed it too far? She was like a skittish fawn, and he knew he needed to be very careful with her. "Canoeing on Monday, then?" He kept his voice light.
Zoey hesitated, and his tension rose. He couldn't lose her again. He had to handle this correctly. "ZoeyBear," he said softly. "I need to make you smile again."
She looked at him, her gaze searching his, so lost that his heart turned over for her. Yeah, Dane could say what he wanted, but Ryder knew that she needed what only he could give her, and he wasn't going to give up so easily.
"Ask her later," Lissa said, sliding her arm through Zoey's. "We have hungry people, and you men are in the way. Either help or vacate, gentlemen."
"I gotta jet." Keegan tipped his hat to them. "I'll report on the bakery, Lissa."
"I'm not doing a commercial bakery!" She rolled her eyes at Zoey as she led her back toward the kitchen. "Seriously, with men, right?"
As the women walked away, Zoey looked back over her shoulder at Ryder, her brows furrowed in confusion.
He nodded at her and tossed her his most smart-ass grin.
For a split second, he thought she wasn't going to respond, but then she shook her head in exasperation and sighed, her lips curving with amusement as she turned away.
The smile. She'd given him that smile that was meant for him only, the one she used to give him when she was pretending to be annoyed by him, but was actually highly entertained.
Yeah, that's right. He'd gotten that smile from her.
He grinned and set his hat on his head, whistling as he strode toward the door. Her barriers were coming down, and he was going to be there to catch her when they did.
He was on his way.
Chapter Sixteen
Zoey stood in the doorway of the bar and watched Lissa laughing with two women she didn't know. They were in hysterics, laughing so hard that they were nearly in tears. Clearly best friends with shared stories. And all three of them had wedding rings on.
Yeah, she wasn't so sure about this.
Ever since her divorce, she felt awkward around women who were married, like there was something wrong with her, like there was a big sign over her that proclaimed her such a loser that the man who knew her best had decided she wasn't worth keeping around.
So, did she want to skip over there and plop herself down in the middle of three women who are not only married, but also clearly besties? She wasn't really feeling it. Lissa hadn't seen her yet. She could simply turn and leave…except she didn't want to.
A part of her was so incredibly desperate to feel better, to connect with someone, to start to heal the hole in her soul that she'd lived with for so long. Making female friends sounded like exactly what she wanted…if she weren't so freaking uncomfortable doing it. But where else could she start to put her feet down? She didn't want to date, and she really didn't want to think about that unbelievable kiss with Ryder anymore.
Ryder's kiss.
She hadn't been able to stop obsessing over it the rest of the day, after he'd flipped her that sassy smirk and sauntered out the door. The kiss… God. That kiss. It had been incredible. Amazing. So beautiful that it was painful, because it had opened up the parts of her heart that had far too many cracks in it to handle any kind of infusion of old feelings for him.
Going home would put her in close proximity with Ryder…so maybe girls were the answer.
Lissa had been nice, right? Maybe the others would be, too. Did she just walk up there, and say "hey" and start high-fiving everyone—
"Zoey?" A woman standing behind her said her name. "Are you Zoey? Lissa said you were coming."
She spun around to see a woman with dark curly hair, dark eyes, and a warm smile. For a moment she hesitated, trying to figure out why she looked familiar…until she recognized her from the photos Dane had sent her. This woman was her sister-in-law, whose wedding she hadn't even managed to be at. Crap. Jaimi must think she was such a bitch. "Are you Jaimi?"
"I am." Jaimi was beaming at her. "I'm so glad we finally get to meet! I've heard so much about you."
"Really?" Zoey wanted to be anywhere but there. "I'm so sorry I haven't been over to meet you and the kids yet. I just—" She faded to silence. What excuse did she have? She'd been in town long enough. "I'm sorry. I'm just super pathetic, I guess." The apologies started pouring out. "I'm so sorry I missed your wedding. It wasn't about you. I just…I didn't have the capacity at the time. I should have been there, and then I just, I don't know, you and the kids have this nice family, and I don't fit, but I'm really happy for you and Dane and—"
"Zoey." Jaimi held up her palm to stop her, and Zoey faded into silence.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again. "I'm so sorry. I'm just—"
"You're human," Jaimi said gently. "As are all of us."
"But—"
Jaimi held up her arms. "Bring it in, sis. It's all good."
Tears filled Zoey's eyes. "But—"
Jaimi didn't let her finish. She just reached out, grabbed Zoey by the shoulders, and pulled her into a hug.
Zoey crumbled immediately at the kindness, and the tears spilled out as she hugged the woman she'd been so afraid to meet for so long. She held on, unable to stop the tears as Jaimi held her tightly in a hug that was real, not just for show or politeness.
She felt like she clung to Jaimi for an eternity before either of them finally began to let go. Zoey stepped back, wiping her wrist across her teary cheeks. "I really am sorry," she said.
Jaimi shook her head. "No apologies needed, Zoey. I know you've been through some tough stuff." She gestured at the table of women, who were all watching them now. "Every single one of us has. At some point, you hit rock bottom, and then you start to climb back up." She smiled gently. "This is a good place to start the climb. Lots of support, including a bunch of badass women who have been dying to meet you for years." She tucked her arm through Zoey's. "Come meet the gang."
Zoey took a deep breath and managed a tremulous smile. "I'd like that."
"So would all of us." Jaimi patted Zoey's hand as she led the way through the bar. "You're the first woman to tame these Stocktons. You're a legend around here."
"Me?" Zoey blinked. "A legend? What do you mean?"
Jaimi raised her brows as they reached the table. "The Stocktons are all about brotherhood. They didn't believe in women, or kids, or families. Just each other, and Dane, because he has that male thing going as well, for which I'm super grateful, of course." She winked, and the other women all laughed as they reached the table. "Except for you, Zoey. You were the female that penetrated their inner circle, who showed them that it was possible for a woman to be a decent human being."
"Totally." A woman with curly dark blond hair and brown eyes chimed in. "Without you, I doubt Chase would have been able to see past my oh-so-scary breasts and realize that there was a cha
nce I could save his soul." She held out her hand. "I'm Mira, Chase's wife."
Zoey shook her hand as she slid onto a bar stool next to Lissa. "Nice to meet you. Chase is a good man."
"He is indeed," Mira agreed.
"Thank God for him," another woman said. She was tall and curvy, with long auburn hair and dark brown eyes that were so warm. "Steen never would have been willing to cross that line with me if Chase hadn't already fallen in love with Mira." She grinned. "I'm Erin, Steen's wife. It's so great to finally meet you." She hopped off her stool, jogged around the table, and swept Zoey up in another genuine hug.
"Nice to meet you." Zoey felt herself relaxing as she hugged Erin back. They were all so nice and welcoming.
"Chase has pretty much talked all our men into realizing that they can handle being in a relationship with a fantastic woman," Lissa said. "Travis barely made it over the hump, but he did." She held up her hand to show her wedding ring and a truly massive diamond. "After getting dumped when I was seventeen and pregnant, I honestly believed I'd never get married, but he got me to trust again."
"Me, too," Erin said. "After my divorce, I was so done."
Zoey looked over at Erin. "You're divorced?"
"Yep." Erin rolled her eyes. "Getting divorced sucks, doesn't it? You feel like you'll never be whole again."
Zoey inched forward on her seat. "You felt like that, too?"
"Every day." Erin smiled. "It's really hard, even if the guy you're married to winds up being not worth your energy, it's still hard not to give it to him."
"Yes." Zoey looked over at Jaimi. "And you? You were a single mom as well before Dane, right?"
"I was, and I was happy being single, just like Lissa and Erin were." Jaimi shrugged. "When you've worked hard enough to get your life back on track, standing on your own two feet, it's scary as hell to think about giving away that power to someone else."
"But with the right guy," Lissa added, "it's not giving away your power. It's adding to your own."
The other women all nodded their agreement, and Zoey felt a stab of envy. The women she was sitting with were all clearly strong, badass women. They'd had their lives under control before they'd met their husbands, giving them the ability to be equals. She wasn't there yet. She looked over at Lissa. "How did you pick yourself up after you left home?"
Lissa shrugged. "I started small, waitressing at the Wildflower Café, actually. The owner eventually sold it to me for a bargain, and I've been doing it ever since. Financially, I don't need to work anymore since Travis earns so much money, but I do it for me." She grinned. "It makes my soul happy, so what other reason do you need?"
Well, damn. Zoey loved that so much. Something that made her soul happy? She didn't even know what that was…but she didn't have to think twice to know that it wasn't being a lawyer.
Erin nodded. "Agreed. We all need something that's ours."
"I agree," Mira said. "It's not so much a job as a sense of self. Like you know what matters to your soul, and you have that compass to keep you focused, and you make sure you honor and respect that, whatever it is."
"Exactly," Erin said. "It's the only way to make the relationship balanced when you're in one with such a strong man."
"And all the Stocktons are strong," Lissa laughed. "God, they can be such pains in the ass."
"Dane too," Jaimi said. "He's the same as the rest of them."
"Well, of course. He's one of them, with a different last name," Erin said.
Zoey couldn't help but get caught up in the infectious warmth as the women began to trade stories about their husbands. They clearly loved them, but they also were able to see how they weren't perfect. Their affection was so obvious, and she could practically hear the starry-eyed sighs of romance as they talked about the men they loved.
I want that.
The thought startled her. She didn't want that, did she? She wanted to be solo and independent, never giving away her power again, once she found it, that thing that made her soul sing. These women who were so amazing had found a way to marry strong men, without losing their own sense of self and integrity. She hadn't even realized that was possible, but now that she did…she wanted it. The "it" she wanted was to find that thing that made her soul dance, and then to take that sense of self into a romantic relationship that was as beautiful as the ones these women had.
She wanted it with every fiber of her soul. To be loved that much. To love herself that much. But it was clear that all these women had gone into their relationships with something that she didn't have, and that was a sense of their own power.
She needed to find that for herself. But how? She didn't even know where to start. But at least right now, for the first time in a long time, she had an idea of what she wanted, and that felt good. It gave her hope, like a light shining at the end of a tunnel that used to be only blackness.
"Oh…look who just walked in." Lissa looked past Zoey, a wide grin on her face. "How totally random that they picked this bar to hang out in tonight. I wonder how that happened."
Zoey and the other women looked toward the door, and Zoey's stomach jumped when she saw Ryder walk in with Keegan and Brody. All three men were wearing cowboy hats and jeans, but she barely noticed the two Harts. All her attention was on Ryder. His hips were lean and fit, and his shoulders were wide and muscular beneath his loosely buttoned shirt. His cowboy boots were worn and perfect, and he'd trimmed his whiskers just enough to look sharp, but not enough that anyone could call him clean-shaven. He looked pure cowboy tonight, raw heat, and dangerous Stockton bad boy.
He was pure man, carrying a lifetime of shadows on his broad shoulders.
He scanned the bar, until his gaze fell on her.
Then he smiled, that same sassy smirk that made her belly jump, a smile without any shadows at all. The smile that was for her, and only for her.
Ryder. Heat rushed through her, and she felt her cheeks turn red. She still had no defenses against him. As a teenager, she'd fallen in love with the older, dangerous cowboy who had been her protector and defender since she could remember. Today, he was still an older, dangerous cowboy who came to her rescue…and her old feelings were quick to roar back to life.
Only now, there was a heat burning inside her that she'd been too young and innocent to understand before.
Not now. Right now, she knew exactly what she wanted from that man, and it wasn't the platonic friendship she'd thought.
Ryder said something to the Harts, and all three men headed toward their table. Her heart started to pound as he neared them. He wasn't going to try to kiss her again, was he? That had been just for show for Keegan, right? A one-time thing. Because they both knew there was nothing romantic happening between them.
"Good evening, ladies," he said as he neared the table. As her tablemates chimed in with a chorus of greetings for him and the Harts, he turned toward her. "Zoey." His voice was low and deep, enveloping her in a warmth that felt both safe and exciting at the same time.
She swallowed. "Hi."
He walked over to her and slid his hand behind her neck, a gentle, seductive caress that made her catch her breath.
"Don't kiss me," she whispered, totally lying.
"I have to." Then he bent his head and brushed his lips across hers. The kiss was different than the seduction in the café. This kiss was tender and sweet, making her sigh with longing. It was the kiss of a man who cared about the woman he was kissing, who thought that she was the sunshine to his darkness, the kiss of a man who would give her anything, and take nothing from her.
Or at least, that's what it felt like, what she wanted it to be, what she wanted to be kissed like.
He paused the kiss, and she opened her eyes. He smiled. "Save a dance for me later?"
"A dance? There's no band."
"There will be in a little while." He rubbed his thumb over her jaw. "One dance, ZoeyBear. Promise?"
She swallowed. "Fine, but only if you'll go away and stop interrupting girls' ni
ght."
He grinned. "You got it, babe." He kissed her again, this one long and deep, awakening every bit of woman inside her.
Her body was still humming after he ended the kiss, greeted the other women, and then settled himself with the Harts on the other side of the bar…directly in Zoey's line of vision.
"Damn, girl." Erin let out a low whistle. "Lissa wasn't lying when she said there was heat between the two of you."
Zoey cleared her throat, her cheeks burning. "We're just friends."
"That was not 'just friends.'" Mira propped her chin up on her hands, grinning at Zoey. "I remember my first hot kiss with Chase. I knew he was going to be trouble, the kind of trouble that would last a lifetime." She raised her brows. "Seems like that was the same kind of kiss."
"Totally." Lissa looked delighted. "Ryder is such a great guy. It's so rare to get a smile from him. It makes me so happy to see the way he looks at you."
Something fluttered inside Zoey, something that felt way too much like what it had used to feel like every time she thought of Ryder. "Listen, we've been best friends for almost twenty years. That's seriously all it is."
Jaimi cocked her head. "Why do you say that? Because to us, that kiss had nothing platonic about it. So, I'm curious why you think it meant nothing?"
What? She had to explain it? "I was just protesting so I didn't have to actually explain the depth of the baggage between us."
The women all burst out laughing, and Zoey felt some of her embarrassment fade. She even found herself giggling when the women started listing everything about the kiss that wasn't platonic, including the length, intensity, the way he'd cupped the back of her neck, and how they'd leaned in to each other. It was hilarious, and at the same time…it made her think.
Finally, she leaned forward, looking around at the women. "Do you guys really think he meant for that to be more than a platonic kiss, or a kiss just to get Keegan to back off? I mean…we have so much heartbreak between us, and we've just barely begun to rebuild our friendship. It's so fragile. I just can't imagine he would want to reopen that part of our relationship, to risk losing everything, like we did before."
A Real Cowboy Always Trusts His Heart Page 11