by Maira Dawn
He was afraid. An emotion Ian had little experience with. Because if Sunny didn't agree, he could not fathom what his life would be like after this conversation. From the first moment Ian had seen Sonora, it had been moving toward this. He put a hand on his shaky stomach. There was nothing to do now but open his mouth and speak.
"As you know, we are all humans, so in most ways, we are alike." Ian cleared his tightened throat. “Some fundamental differences you have noticed, we are a bit larger, more muscular, faster, breathe less, and as you now know, we live longer. Being down here so long, we have adapted.
"Some differences we understand, some we are not sure why they've happened. There are a few other minor ones but one major one. That is what I need to speak to you about." Ian's gaze strayed from Sunny’s wide, sky-blue eyes to the window before coming back to her. How to explain it? She wasn't raised with this. It would seem ludicrous. Humans switched bed partners, let alone mates, as if the bedroom were a dance floor.
"Sunny, my people have a tremendous capacity for empathy. Much more than the average human ability. This leads to more harmony, more unity. We think less of our own needs because we understand on a deeper level how other people feel. It is a good thing. It helps us keep peaceful relations between all the clans.
"That empathy is exponentially greater when we meet the person we are intended to spend our life with. Our, as you would say, husband or wife. We somehow know this is the person who is ideal for us from the moment we see them." Ian blew out a short, hard breath. "It is hard to explain."
Sunny sat forward in her seat, her hands now folded in her lap, a little smile lighting her face. "I understand. Love at first sight, like in the storybooks. Some people, humans, say that has happened to them."
Ian frowned as he searched for words that would explain it more accurately. "Maybe, but so, so much greater. Our emotions and thoughts become so entwined with theirs, we can sense their emotions."
Sunny frowned as she tried to understand. "Like esp?"
"No, it is not a mental thing. It is emotional. If one is sad, the other feels the emotion along with them. If the other is happy, the same. Do you understand?"
"I think so." Sunny glowed. "That is beautiful."
Ian nodded. His stomach muscles tightened, and he gripped the arm of the chair until it protested as he hauled in a breath to say his next words. "And when we are side by side with our Intended, our Jata Ara, as they fight for their life we sense that too." Ian leaned forward and took Sonora's hands, searching her face. "Just as I felt you when you willed yourself to hold your breath, as I sensed your pain as your lungs burned for air, and as I discerned the light of life leave you."
Ian stopped and waited, his body straining tighter and tighter as he anticipated her next words.
"You mean…" Sonora's smile was replaced by confusion. "You mean, you and me?" She pointed to him and herself.
Awareness flickered on Sunny’s lovely face, the wonder of it, the beauty of it. Finally, the reality of it.
She would live here. Never go back to her own family, her own life, to what she loved in the world above.
Emotions tumbled across Sunny’s face until it stopped on the one Ian had hoped, prayed he would not see. There was something for him, but it was not enough.
Ian was unable to tear his eyes from her. His beauty, his Jata Ara. A tiny line creased Sunny’s forehead, and her sadness welled. She glanced out the window to the sea, brought her gaze inside to travel though his home and eventually settled her lovely eyes on him. Tears falling, she refused it all.
And his heart broke.
Endara
Chapter Thirty
Tears fell as Sonora watched Ian slowly close his eyes and drop his head. This is what he had wanted all this time? For her to make a home here with him? Her insides shook with the realization she had known this all along. But how could she leave her life on land, her family? An icy fear overtook her.
When Ian raised his head, determination covered it. His voice was rough with emotion. "Have you sensed nothing?"
Maybe. When Ian explained the deep connection between two lovers, it had resonated on some level with her. But what good would admitting that do?
"No," Sonora said bluntly. Ian’s normally tan face paled so light it frightened her, and she quickly said. "You're attractive, so attractive. You've saved my life not once, but two times, and you’re kind to me. Attentive even. If you were from my home, I would jump at the chance to go out with you. But this…" Sonora waved her hand in a circle. "this is a lot. Do you really mean for me to stay here? Leave everything in my life behind? I just can't do that."
"You feel something for me. I know you do. Stay a few days and see what happens. Perhaps your attachment will deepen. It might work slower for you."
Was Ian able to sense her emotions as well as he'd explained even though she didn't sense his? "Stay and get closer? That would just make it harder to leave. This has all been like some... like some fairytale to me. None of this, from the time I entered the water yesterday to now, seems real. It's as if I am in some kind of dream." Sonora pleaded with Ian. "Please understand, I just can't do this."
Ian stood and leaned against the side of the window as was his habit, his voice gruff. "Do you think I wanted to fall for a human? It is the worst nightmare of an Atlantian! I could not predict this rejection, yet all I saw were problems. You will never feel the same empathy I do, your lifespan is so short, and all the small daily differences. Did you know I adjusted the oxygen output for your comfort?"
Sonora shook her head, tears pooling as Ian continued, his words gathering intensity. "Look what the humans do to us! I would constantly need to explain having a human as a wife. No, I did not seek this out. I fought against it until I could not fight it any longer."
Sonora didn't know whether she should be angry or apologetic for not measuring up to Atlantian standards. "Not my family,” she said. “My family has not hurt anyone!"
Ian turned and sank to his knees in front of her, gathering up her hands. "Of course, they don't. I did not mean… this all seems a bit of insanity. I cannot believe after waiting so long to find you this is happening." He laid his head on her knees.
Sonora nodded. What did it matter what Ian said, anyway? He was upset, angry. No one liked to be refused. As long as Ian saw this would not work. Sonora squeezed his hand. "It will be hard at first, but I'm sure we'll both be fine in a little while. And soon you'll find a nice Atlantian girl and settle down."
Ian uttered a hard chuckle. "No, this ridiculousness is my life. There will be no Atlantian girl, only you."
Heat rushed to Sonora’s cheeks. "Well, that is very flattering--"
"I am not complementing you. I am telling you the facts."
Sonora's eyes narrowed as she gave a slight shake of her head. "What do you mean?"
“There is only one." Ian caressed Sonora's hands as he explained. "One Intended, Jata Ara. I have searched for mine for years, throughout all the kingdoms of the sea. Until my family and I despaired of me ever finding a wife." He gave a sad laugh. "I am quite late for finding a wife, now I know why. The second I saw you, I knew."
"Are you saying that in the whole world, I'm the only person who you can be... Intended with?"
"Yes."
Sonora gasped. Her eyes widened as she stared into Ian's anguished grey ones. "No, it can't be true," she whispered, bowing her head.
Ian brushed back Sonora's hair then dried her cheeks with his thumb. "It is." He dipped his head to reconnect their eyes. "You are my life. Edinara. My heart. Stay with me. Tell me your dreams, and I will do my best to make them come true.”
She couldn’t stop from glancing out the ocean window.
He followed her gaze and continued. “I will show you all the mysteries of this ocean you love so much, show you more than you ever imagined. With me come all the answers, I will not hold back a single one."
"How is that fair to you? How can I stay knowing you care for me
as you do, and I don't know how I feel at all? Perhaps I would never sense the connection."
"It will be enough. I will make it enough. I am the one that fell for a human."
"Ian--"
He smiled and put a finger to the side of her mouth. "I love the sound of my name on your lips."
Sonora swallowed a sob. “Oh, Ian.”
"Shh, my heart. It is okay." Ian leaned his head against hers. "I already know. I knew the instant you decided.”
Our Son
Chapter Thirty-one
Jorah and Aleena held each other as they stood next to the floor to ceiling window in their bedchamber. Their sad eyes trailed Ian and Sonora as they left the city, their faces mirroring their son's emotions.
Aleena wiped at the tears coursing down her cheeks. "I had thought when Aunt Coral gave her approval, the worse was over."
"Me too, darling." Jorah's voice was gruff with emotion. He'd tried to hold back the tears, but he was failing.
"We can make her stay, even if Ian won't."
Jorah shook his head, admonishing his wife. "You know as well as I do, that if she is not happy, he will not be."
Unable to watch any further, Aleena tore her gaze from her son's sagging shoulders and buried her head in her husband's chest. "Our poor son! What kind of life will he have now?”
I Wish…
Chapter Thirty-two
Head bowed, Sonora sat on the water bike in front of Ian as they moved through the ocean to her home. Ian drove slowly, his arms encircling her. He'd asked her to sit in front of him, and Sonora hadn't had the heart to deny him this last bittersweet pleasure.
Sonora had spent the night tossing and turning. On more than one occasion, she'd gotten up and gazed out the window at the dark sea, wondering what it would be like to live there. But once the morning broke, Sonora knew the answer. It was the same one she'd given to Ian the night before.
Neither one of them had spoken this morning. When Sonora walked out of her room, Ian quietly handed her something to eat and motioned for her to follow him.
The ride back home seemed both longer and shorter than Sonora remembered. It was definitely less frightening, but much more tortured. Ian was a good man. She knew that now. A really good man. But to give up everything she had ever known, possibly forever, he would need to be better than a really good man. He would need to be the love of her life.
Her feelings did not match his, didn't even come close to what Ian felt. And if she were honest, the intensity of his scared her a little. The pain she saw in his eyes every time she looked at him reminded Sonora he believed she was his whole life.
But this relationship wasn't perfect for Ian, no matter what he thought of her. Sonora recalled his list of grievances from yesterday. His constant need to explain his human wife. She would probably never have the same deep emotion he did. He couldn't even be comfortable in his own home because of her needs.
Sonora glanced at Ian and lowered her head. She hadn't even used his name, something Ian had apparently yearned for her to do. She'd failed him so much already. Her mere existence failed him. And how could she ever be with someone who saw her as less than himself? Less than his people? No matter Ian's feelings, he believed humans were inferior. Sonora's hot tears mixed with the saltwater. She put a hand to her mouth to hold back a sob. No matter what she felt, she couldn't live like that.
When Ian slowed the bike, Sonora looked up at the surface of the water. They were here.
They stood waist-deep in the water, just out of sight of the beach, to say their goodbyes.
"Can I just--" Ian reached for her hand and gently took it into his large one. He lightly traced each of her fingers. No words were exchanged. The only sounds were the calls of the birds, the splash of the ocean waves and their own tortured breathing.
Ian kept his eyes glued to the patterns he traced on her hands. "You take my heart with you. Treat it kindly, perhaps one day, you will bring it back to me."
Sonora laid a hand on his stubbled cheek. "I'm so sorry, Ian. Maybe… Maybe when I'm older."
Ian raised his eyes to hers, and Sonora saw more than sadness. She saw fear and grief. Grief over losing her? Fear of what his life would be like once she left?
Sonora knew this situation wasn't her fault, but guilt weighed heavy on her. She looked at the ocean so she couldn't see the pain clearly written on Ian's face. "I wish you would have never seen me."
Ian's eyes widened, and he crushed Sonora to him. "Do not say that. Never think that. One moment with you is worth all the pain."
Sonora pulled away but weaved her fingers through Ian's. Her tears splashed on their clasped hands. Her voice broke as she spoke, asking the question she already knew the answer to. "What is it you want from me?"
"I want you to feel the way I do. But if you cannot, I want you to go and never tell me where you are. Because if you do, I will not be able to stay away. I fear the instinct is too great for me to control. That I would come for you and drag you back to my home."
Sonora gave the smallest shake of her head. She didn't want to stay hidden from him. Ian put a hand under her chin and raised her head. Her gaze flew to his. Tears flooded his eyes, but his tone was firm. "Do you understand?"
Sonora nodded. Her eyes searched his face, memorizing it before she looked down at their hands. Her small, pale ones in his large, darker ones. She squeezed his once, then pulled and broke their connection.
Turning toward the beach, she took a step. Just one, before turning back and flying into Ian's arms. He gasped. Tightly embracing, she listened to the thump of his heart as her head lay against his bare chest. Ian laid his head upon hers, as Sonora said, "I am glad we met. I only wish..."
"I know." The words rumbled through Ian's chest, and she closed her eyes.
Once again she pulled away, then quickly turned and walked through the waves toward the beach. This time she didn't look back until she reached the shore. But as hard as Sonora searched the waves, she couldn't find Ian.
Home
Chapter Thirty-Three
Shoulders bent, Sonora stood at the water's edge, her feet firmly planted in the light-tan sand. She faced the open ocean, her blonde hair dancing as the wind came off the water. Behind her lay her family's homes, her grandfather's, her parents and her aunt and uncle's, all the porches empty but one. Aunt Claire and Uncle Devon sat on their porch swing enjoying the evening and sneaking a glance or two at their troubled niece.
Sonora wiggled her toes as the warm waves barely swept over them carrying little bits of sand and rocks lightly scraping against her skin. She lifted her foot and swirled a toe through the small eddies the water made on its inward trek. This was as much ocean as she can handle now.
She’d been home two months now. And while she hoped Atlantis would fade away like the dream it seemed to be, it continued its hold on her. And it was not just the city invading her thoughts but also a certain inhabitant.
The day she’d come home, Sonora had walked out of the ocean and into her family's arms, literally. They were all been peering into her car as she crossed the beach. It bothered her that the moment she saw them, she started lying to them. She felt like she hadn't stopped since.
First, there were about a million questions concerning where she had been. She couldn't exactly tell them the truth. Sonora scoffed at herself. Oh yeah, Mom and Dad, a crazy non-breather dragged her to his ocean home against her will. Turns out it's Atlantis, yep that's the one! And he wanted to be her boyfriend or something. Yeah, that would get her a trip to the looney bin.
So Sonora told them a version of the truth. She got hit by a small rogue wave, and a man named Ian saved her. She was disoriented, not enough to go to the hospital, but a bit dizzy, so his family kindly took care of her. And it was too bad, but her family had just missed meeting him.
From the questions her family continued to ask, it was clear they thought something was off. Not to mention the strange stare her Uncle Devon gave her.
Son
ora had moped around the house for days before deciding she might as well add to the lying. With Sierra's help, she was able to get into a couple of Marine Biology classes at the college. Now she needed to keep them a secret from her parents and make excuses for her absences.
Between classes and work, her busy schedule helped keep her mind off the ocean and what was below it. Still, whenever Sonora got a moment to herself, there was only one place her mind went. And now her brooding turned to anger.
She hadn't asked Ian to show her his world or tell her about his feelings. She hadn't wanted that. He forced it on her. If he was a normal person, they would have a relationship. But no, he had to be... Atlantian. It seemed strange for Sonora to even think the word up here.
Admittedly, Ian was an extremely attractive, kind, attentive Atlantian. Who believes humans are below him, including her. How would that work? Not well for her.
Sonora drew back her leg and kicked at the water as hard as she was able. She huffed out a sharp sigh before turning around and heading for the house.
Sonora walked to her aunt and uncle and plopped herself down between them as she had since childhood. With no children of their own, they welcomed every opportunity with their nieces. They both put an arm around her, and Sonora laid her head first against her aunt, then her uncle.
"Oh you poor dear," Aunt Claire said, "Tell us what's upset you. You haven't been the same since you've been back."
Sonora stilled for a moment, worried her agitation revealed too much. Best to let everyone think the water accident traumatized her. She lowered her gaze. "I don't know. I'm a little afraid of the ocean now, I guess. After the wave and all. It's upsetting."