“I’m sorry, Mart.”
“What the hell are you sorry for? You haven’t done anything wrong.” He sounds genuinely perplexed by my apology.
“Well, the reason he is in a foul mood is because of me. I’m just sorry that he is taking it out on everyone else.”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare apologise for his behaviour. He only has himself to blame, baby girl.” I know that Martin is trying to make me feel better, but I don’t like the thought of him getting shit at work. “Listen, I know that you need your space and I totally understand that, but can I just say something that has been on my mind since yesterday?”
“Sure.” I know that I am not going to want to hear this by the tone of his voice, but I feel that I should listen to him. He has been good to me, and I don’t want to make him feel like his advice or opinion doesn’t matter to me.
“I know that what he did to you was totally out of order. I understand that you are hurt and feel betrayed by his actions. I would be mega pissed if my partner did that to me, so please don’t think that I am sticking up for him.” Martin stops talking and I can practically hear his thoughts through the phone.
“I keep running over what happened between you guys in my head, and I just can’t believe that Jake would have done anything with that woman. He isn’t the type to cheat, Stace. He shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions about those leaflets, but I just keep thinking what I would have done in his shoes. I mean, if it had been me that had found those leaflets, I think I would have jumped to the same conclusion as he did. I know that might make me a shitty person for saying that but hurt and anger can make you do stupid things.” I let out the breath that I have been holding at hearing Martin’s opinion. The line stays silent as I process his words.
Have I blown this out of proportion?
Should I give Jake the benefit of the doubt?
“Stace?” Martins voice interrupts the questions swirling around my head.
“Yeah.”
“I thought that you had put the phone down for a minute.” Martin sounds a little wary.
“No, I’m still here.”
“I’m sorry, baby girl, I know that you probably didn’t want to hear what I just said, but I just thought that maybe it might help you decide what to do.”
“It’s certainly given me something to think about.” I’m not pissed off with Martin for voicing his opinion. He’s just trying to help, but I know that whatever I decide to do, he will support me. As will Lydia.
“Do you feel like you might return to the real world soon?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Listen, Mart, I’m going to go and grab a drink and then have an early night.”
“Okay, baby girl. Make sure that you don’t stay away too long.”
“I won’t.” I smile as we say our goodbyes and hang up the phone.
I scroll to the pictures on my phone, looking at the ones of Jake and I together. We look so happy in each and every one.
Am I really prepared to throw away what we have?
Can I get past the hurt that he has caused me?
Can I repair my broken heart?
I sit there and replay my conversation with Martin over and over in my head, willing myself to look at it from Jake’s point of view. I can sort of see what Martin was saying. I understand that as a human being, we can sometimes overreact and judge things without knowing the facts. I get that. I think what I am struggling with is that fact that Jake allowed another woman to touch him. I don’t know if I can get over that.
A message pings on my phone and I see that it is from Jake. I take a deep breath and open the message to see that it is a link to a song. I click on it and let the music start to play.
The words are clearly relevant to how Jake feels. When the words are sung, it penetrates straight to my heart, and by the time the song finishes, I am a mess. The tears that I thought I had cried enough of have re-emerged. I make my way over to the bed and torture myself by listening to the song on repeat, the thought of getting a drink disappearing from my head. It’s like I need to punish myself in some way by listening to the lyrics.
I am the reason that Jake is struggling, and I hate the thought of it.
I eventually drift off to sleep, the music playing in my subconscious, making my dreams just as painful as my reality.
Chapter Eighteen
Stacey
I am up and dressed in time for breakfast this morning. I figured that after two days of eating nothing, I really could do with some food inside me. I make my way down to the dining room just before nine o’clock to be greeted by Melody as soon as I enter the dining room.
“Morning, dear,” she says to me in her usual cheerful manner. “Come and take a seat.” She guides me to a small table by the window and I thank her as I sit down. “You’re the first person to show up for breakfast this morning.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh. They must all be having a lie-in. Well, what can I get for you, dear? Full English? You could do with some meat on those bones of yours.” I take no offence to her comment. I don’t think it is in her nature to be malicious in any way what so ever.
“A full English sounds great. Thanks, Melody.”
“Excellent.” Melody potters through a door to the back of the dining room, which I presume is the kitchen. I spot a table with drinks on it near the back of the room. I walk over to it and pour myself a glass of orange juice as well as a cup of coffee. I take the drinks back to my table and sit down, enjoying the aroma of the coffee beans.
As I take my first sip, I see Doctor Bradley walk into the dining room. He looks very smart in black suit trousers and a crisp, white, long sleeved shirt.
“Good morning,” he says as he acknowledges me.
“Morning.” He gives me a megawatt smile and then makes his way over to the table with the drinks on. Melody returns to the room, carrying my breakfast.
“There we are, dear. Enjoy,” she says as she puts the plate in front of me. My eyes boggle at the amount of food on the plate. The breakfast is huge. I quickly mask my shock at all of the food and proceed to thank Melody. She gives me a smile and then turns to Doctor Bradley. “Good morning, Doctor. What can I get for you this morning?” she asks him.
“Whatever she’s having,” he says as he nods to my plate.
“Fabulous. Take a seat and I’ll be back in a jiff.” She once again leaves through the door at the back of the room. Doctor Bradley chooses to sit at the table opposite me.
I pick up a piece of toast and take a bite. My stomach growls in response. I can feel Doctor Bradley’s eyes on me as I chew my piece of toast. I look up at him and he quickly looks away, obviously trying to hide the fact that he was watching me. I decide that I don’t particularly want him gawping at me eating my breakfast, so I make a snap decision.
“Would you like to join me?” I ask, gesturing to the vacant chair opposite me. If he sits with me, then maybe he will feel the need to stop staring.
“And there was me thinking that you would never ask.” He gets up, chuckling to himself, and brings his drink with him. Melody returns to the dining room with his breakfast and places it on the table as he sits down.
“This is just what I need to start the day,” he says, eyeing the food appreciatively. Melody chuckles and I can see her eyes darting from Doctor Bradley and over to me. I squirm slightly in my seat. I can practically see the excitement in her eyes that we are sitting together.
“You two would make a cute couple,” she says before she notices another guest walk into the dining room. She chuckles again as she walks away, and I decide to ignore her comment. I have no interest in Doctor Bradley in that way.
“So,” I start to say, not wanting Doctor Bradley to think too much about Melody’s comment. “Busy day at the surgery, doc?” I ask him as I place a piece of bacon in my mouth.
“Actually, I’m only in the surgery this morning. I have the afternoon off, and I intend to visit my brother and try to talk to him.”
“Oh. Well, good luck. Not that you will need it. I am sure that he will be able to see that you have changed, whoever he may be,” I say, trying to be positive.
“Thanks. I think that I might need more than luck though.” I can see on his face that he is worried about how this meeting with his brother might go.
“Hey, you will be fine. Family is important. I’m sure that the two of you will work out your differences.” I give him a reassuring smile and he returns it, his face relaxing.
“I hope so.” He takes a bite of his sausage and swallows before speaking again. “Have you got any plans today?”
“I thought that I would do some writing.”
“Writing?” Doctor Bradley asks. It is at this point that I realise that he won’t have a clue that I love to write. I wasn’t exactly very forthcoming with information the other night.
“It’s my dream to become a published author. So, whilst I am here having a time out, it seems like a perfect opportunity to get some writing done.”
“Wow. That’s awesome. What kind of stuff do you write?” he asks, seeming genuinely interested.
“Well, my first novel is a crime novel, but I didn’t bring my laptop with me, so I can’t do anymore to that at the moment. I did start working on a new novel yesterday, which is about romance and heartbreak.” I don’t tell him that it is due to my current love life that I have decided to put pen to paper. I wouldn’t want anyone to read it and compare it to the life that Jake and I shared up until a couple of days ago.
“Well that’s informative,” Brad says sarcastically but playfully.
“Hey,” I say as I smack his arm gently. “If I tell you anymore details then you won’t buy the book when I’m rich and famous,” I tease back. It feels good to have some friendly banter.
“Well, I would expect a free copy, of course.” He laughs, and I laugh along with him. I put my knife and fork down and finish drinking my coffee. I feel bad that I have left half a plateful of food, but I couldn’t eat another bite. I am absolutely stuffed.
Doctor Bradley mops his plate up with his last piece of toast and then sits back, his eyes moving to my plate.
“Weak effort, Stacey,” he says, shaking his head at me. “What’s wrong with this bacon?” he asks as he points to a couple of rashers left on my plate.
“I’m too full to eat anymore.” Doctor Bradley takes this as a cue to take a rasher off of my plate and eat it. My mouth falls open. “Did you really just take food off of my plate?” I ask, astonished.
“I did.”
“But you’re a doctor.”
“So?”
“And you hardly know me. How do you know that I haven’t got some sort of illness or something?” Surely as a doctor, he must be a little more cautious about germs.
“I’m not worried about eating anything that you have touched. Besides, I would like to think that we have some sort of friendship going on here, and friends eat each other’s bacon.” His eyes twinkle as his gaze moves to my lips. I feel a little awkward at him looking at me in this way. I fidget in my seat and put my coffee cup down on the table, just for something to do.
“Anyway, I best be going. Patients to see and brothers to visit,” he says as he stands up, thankfully leaving me no room to comment on his words about us forming a friendship.
“I hope it goes well for you.”
“Me too. Fancy grabbing a drink later? It will either be in celebration, or I will be trying to drown my sorrows.”
“Sure.” I smile at him as he leaves the dining room, wondering if I have made the right decision to join him for a drink later.
Jake
“Is this really the best that you can come up with?” I shout at Martin. He sits on the other side of my desk looking petrified.
“I’m… I’m sorry, sir, but I think that it is a great idea for the Waters Industries summer ball.” His voice is timid, which is hardly surprising seeing as I am acting like a complete and utter asshole towards him. I know that he doesn’t deserve to face my wrath, having done nothing wrong, but I can’t help it. I am fucking miserable and I am making that known to everyone around me.
“No. It’s not good enough. Go away and think of something else.” I wave him away with a flick of my hand. Martin doesn’t need telling twice, and he quickly gathers up the paperwork that he brought in with him and leaves my office. I hang my head and feel ashamed of myself. I am not the type of person to belittle my employees like that. I hate what I have turned into in the last few days, but I can’t seem to control the emotions flowing through my body.
I shouldn’t even be at work.
My head is not here.
My head, and my heart, are with Stacey.
I hate myself for what I have done to her. I hate that I have hurt her. And I hate that I didn’t have enough faith in her to just ask her about the fucking leaflets in the first place.
I sigh and pick up my mobile phone. I haven’t tried to contact her since yesterday.
I wonder if she read my message?
I wonder if she listened to the song that conveys how my heart feels right now?
I’m trying to give her the space that she needs, but it is so fucking hard. I just wish that she would speak to me.
I scroll to her name in my phonebook and am about to try and call her, when my office door flies open. I look up, in the hope that it might be her, only to be disappointed that it is Brad.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I say out loud. “Can this day get any worse?”
“Oh, thanks, bro. That’s quite a welcome that you have going on there.” Brad strides in, shutting the office door behind him. He makes his way to the chair that Martin vacated minutes ago.
“What’s bit you in the ass today?” he asks, looking far too fucking happy for my liking.
“I’ve just had a shit day so far.” I keep my answer short and sweet. I don’t want him to know anything about how I have lost the one person that means more to me than anything else.
“More like a shit week,” Brad remarks. I eye him suspiciously. How the fuck would he know?
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask cautiously.
“Well, I have some info for you, but you have to promise to listen to me before you react.” I think about this for a few minutes. He has to be bluffing. There is no way that he could know what has been going on with my life. I decide to entertain him by playing along with whatever he thinks he might know.
“Go on, what is it?” I tap my fingers on my desk as I wait for him to speak.
“When I was here the other day, you got a phone call from some woman. Her name’s Stacey, yes?” I instantly feel my hackles rise at his words, and I grit my teeth together to refrain from reacting to him. I need to see where he is going with this.
I nod to confirm that the woman phoning me was indeed Stacey. For all I know, he just saw her name on my phone when she tried to call me. “I had the pleasure of meeting her the other day when she came to the surgery with her friend. Anyway, last night, I saw her again. I recognised her and asked her if I could join her for a drink.”
“What?” I shout at him, my brain picturing all kinds of scenarios and each one fills me with rage. His words are like a punch to my gut.
“Calm down, I haven’t finished talking yet.”
“I swear, if you have touched her, I won’t be able to control my actions.” My voice is filled with hate. I am hanging onto any rational thoughts by a mere thread.
“Jake, for fuck’s sake, man, chill out.” He sighs in exasperation. “Just to be clear, I haven’t done anything but talk to her, so there really isn’t any need for you to go all caveman on my ass.” He holds my gaze, and I get the feeling that he is telling me the truth.
“Continue.” It’s the only word that I can form right now.
“As I was saying, I asked to join her for a drink because she looked like she needed cheering up. She is staying at the same place as me. I asked her why she was there, and all she sai
d was that she needed a time out. I then saw her at breakfast this morning––”
“At breakfast?”
“Yes, Jake, at breakfast. She was eating her breakfast in the dining room, and when I walked in, she asked if I would like to join her.” I feel as if each one of his words is like a stab to my heart.
He gets to have breakfast with her? It should be me, not him.
“Excuse me for interrupting, but where exactly are you going with this? I mean, if you are just here to wind me up, then you are doing a fucking cracking job of it.”
“I’m not here to wind you up, Jake. I’m here to fucking help you. God knows, I owe you a favour or two.” Help me? He wants to fucking help me? I snort in response. “She has no idea that I am your brother.”
“Well, I figured that much. If she knew that you were, then I am positive that she wouldn’t have spoken to you at all. Not after what I have done…” I let my voice fade off, already knowing that I have told him too much.
“I’m sure that whatever you have done, it isn’t as bad as some of the shit that I have done.” He chuckles at his words, obviously thinking that now is the perfect time to try and crack a joke. I give him a stern look and his laughter quickly dies.
“Look, I kind of appreciate what you are trying to do here, but I don’t think that she will ever be able to forgive what I did.” I don’t look at him as I speak. Shame consumes me once again.
“Shit, what the hell did you do?” Brad asks, his eyebrows shooting up in question.
“I would rather not talk about it.”
“Okay, fair enough. I just want you to know though that I am here if you ever need to talk.” I can see that he is trying to make an effort, but I don’t know if Brad and I can ever salvage our relationship. It has been hanging by a thread for years.
“Listen, I am meeting her later for a drink. Do you want me to call you after I have seen her?” he asks. I hate the thought of him having a drink with her. I hate the thought of him talking to her. I hate the thought of him being anywhere near her, but what other choice do I have? If I tell him to fuck off, then I will remain as clueless as I have for the last couple of days.
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